For Blue Skies
by Steffx621
Summary: They met by chance, yet everything that happened next was by choice:their choice. Maybe somebody should have been there to teach them just how they were supposed to make the right choices instead. LPN
1. Chapter One : For Blue Skies

**Summary****:**They met by chance, yet everything that happened next was by choice:_their_ choice. Maybe somebody should have been there to teach them how they were supposed to make the right choices. LPN

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**For ****Blue ****Skies**

There were no reasons; there was just the way things were.

She couldn't do it. Not today, not six years ago, not ever, yet…he was here.

"_Nathan,"_

It was just his name. An elaborated breath that forcefully voiced his name aloud. She wasn't looking at him, but her words were certainly addressing him.

His name alone was a plea for him to stop. A plea for him to go.

He didn't back off though, just the way he didn't do it six years ago. Just like then, he had come to talk, and as she grew to realize, he wasn't going anywhere until he'd done just that.

This time his hands found quickly the small of her back, and in that very same way he had done before, he pressed her gently to his body. Peyton knew just how if her face hadn't been down, she'd probably have his lips a whole lot more closer to her than she thought she could handle.

However, he was mad, and she couldn't really blame him, but there was still nothing she could do to make him feel otherwise.

She was mad too. Mad at him, mad at everything that was happening; mad at her life, mad at Lucas, mad at just everything.

Making Nathan feel all right certainly just was _not_ among her priorities that evening.

"_You remember what you told me?"_

_He asked and the words felt warm right into her ear. He was so close. More close than he really should be, but she really couldn't pull away from him._

_It wasn't as if she hadn't tried, she had. She had probably said "No" the very moment he walked into her bedroom. She hadn't even had the chance to reach properly her room and get out of her dress before he was already there and moving to the right spot she stood._

_It wouldn't have been too bad had he not come to say the exact things she really didn't want to hear._

_As if it hadn't been enough to run out on the boy she actually thought she could have had something with, now he was here. Nathan was here, and was making everything just so much harder for her._

_Either way, seemingly she couldn't do anything about it. He was close, he was determined and for some reason she just couldn't move away from his grasp on her._

_A breath._

_After a moment, Peyton simply took a breath. A long deep breath that in more ways than one prevented her from slipping onto the floor at that very second._

"_I can't," She said sounding rather pleadingly yet again that night. Her eyes shifted up, and for that one split second her eyes caught his and she saw everything she genuinely didn't want to see._

_She had known the boy for as long as she could remember. Grade school, junior high, high school, she had been dating him for over a year for God's sake!_

_Yet she really hadn't before seen him the way she was seeing him at that moment. He looked sincere, but he also looked sad, he looked broken._

_Maybe that was why she felt for him at that moment. She could relate to him._

"_You told me I never asked," Nathan whispered into her ear one more time. He waited in silence for another moment or two before saying anything else._

_Her eyes slowly closed, and hadn't she been feeling so vulnerable and…exposed, she surely wouldn't have lie down on him._

_But she had, she had leaned in onto his body, and one way or the other, her head found his shoulder._

_She didn't know what she was doing, hell; she didn't even know what she was feeling._

_She just knew she needed him, and in one screw up way, so did him, and Peyton was more than able to tell that much._

"_You told me I never ask, but I want to," Nathan said again, this time however, his voice carrying a whole lot more firmness._

_His right hand lifted up and reached her back. He wanted to hold her tightly for some reason, but he didn't do it. He only stroked her back every so often and rested his chin against her head as he spoke._

"_I want to ask, I want to be everything I hadn't been for you, and I…"_

_It was an awkward pause. It was an awkward way the way his voice faded but he couldn't help himself._

_After all, a lot had happened that night. A part of him had known it was over between Peyton and him, but another, the prideful one couldn't accept it._

_He had screwed up. He had screwed up a lot, and not only with Peyton, but also with Haley and…and even with Lucas too, but…even though it was hard, he was trying to set himself into how that really didn't matter to him at that moment._

_He wanted to be there for her in a way he really hadn't been before and even though hard, he was trying, and surprisingly he was succeeding._

"_You kissed him," He stated, and at those latest words, Peyton's body tensed and Nathan couldn't be one to miss it. Taking a breath he pulled away from her slightly, and locked eyes with her. "I saw the way you kissed him, and I know what it meant, but Peyton, I…"_

There was a distant sound that prevented them from carry on with the conversation. It was a distant yet _so_ familiar sound she really didn't want to hear in that moment.

Her eyes fell shut the moment that single, innocent little word escaped his lips.

"_Daddy"_

It was uncertainty what that voice was carrying, and even though she hated the sinking feeling it caused on her, she felt it nonetheless.

Peyton listened carefully his small footsteps walking into the living room even though none of them had actually told him that it was okay to come inside.

He did so anyway, and she hated herself for it. She hated every time it was _him_ who had to pay the consequences of everything she had done…of everything she hadn't done, of…simply everything.

"Get back to your room, Michael, get…" Her words came out harsh and strong, yet she couldn't help herself. Her eyes closed the same moment her sentence trailed off, but after just a few seconds, and yet another long breath, she opened them again, and fixed them down on the boy's. "Go back to your room," She said stonily, and this time around, she was sure her words had sunk in on him.

The boy looked down, and one of his feet started twirling on the floor before he looked up at Nathan.

None of them said anything for a moment, but just looked into each other's eyes until Nathan gave him a nod.

"Go back to your room Mikey, it's okay," He said, yet even for Nathan it was hard to believe just how calm his voice had come out. Inside he was feeling completely out of sorts, he wanted to yell and maybe even crash his fist onto something, or someone, that really didn't matter, he just wanted to do it.

But with Mike that was different. He couldn't sound harsh to him. After all, he had enough with his mom, right?

Took the boy less than a couple of minutes to march his way up the stairs again. Both he and Peyton stood in silence as he did so and for another few minutes after he was already back into his room.

"Despite whatever he says, you are not his father, so just…" Shaking a little bit her head, Peyton let her sentence faded into the air for a moment.

Nathan wanted to say something back, anything in all honesty, but the words for some reason just wouldn't form.

"Just go Nathan, please," Peyton said with a sigh she wasn't even sure why it had come out.

Was it shame? Guilt? Maybe both, maybe none, she really couldn't tell.

She just knew she wanted him gone.

"I can't deal with this right now," She said softly one more time, but this time anyway, her words somehow set Nathan off.

The words hadn't even finish coming out of her mouth when he was already looking away from her, and throwing his hands up in the air.

"What?" Peyton called feeling insulted just by his actions, and his seeming inability to find his words.

"It is always the same with you," Nathan called, and for the first time that night, his voice was carrying all the emotions he was actually feeling. His voice was loud and harsh, and angry, and resentful for more reasons than one. "You can't deal with this right _now_, then _when_?" He asked strongly moving so that his face was only mere inches away from hers.

Peyton didn't say anything back, but simply stared into his eyes before swallowing hard.

"When?" Nathan said again upon her silence. He didn't move away one inch though. "When do you think you are gonna be ready to deal with this?" He asked fairly sarcastically, and not even attempting to sound otherwise. "When he's old enough to actually realize everything that happens around him? When not only mine and yours and…god, even Lucas' life are ruined but also _his_ and…and all because of you," He said, and among his words his face contorted as if in disgust.

This time it was Nathan's head the one that began shaking, he pulled away completely from Peyton, and simply let his words sink in, in her, but also in himself for a couple of minutes.

"This isn't right," He stated, and there was really nothing Peyton could say to argue that statement.

He was right.

None of it was right, and what he had said before was also accurate, it was all because of her.

She took a shaky breath before sitting herself on the couch just a few steps forward. Nathan didn't look over at her, but stayed at the other side of the room looking down at the floor.

Peyton couldn't know just where his head was at, yet she could swear it was maybe in the day it had all begun.

"_I can't let it go, I can't let you go," Nathan stated, and the way he stressed the 'You' wasn't lost on him the very way it wasn't lost on Peyton either._

_Maybe it was just that what made her pull away from him._

_Her head started shaking, and she just couldn't help it. And if she was one to be really honest with herself, not only her head was shaking, her whole body was._

_She didn't even understand just why that was happening, only it was._

"_You don't mean that," Peyton said and in all honesty, those were the only four words she could voice aloud without her voice cracking._

"_You can't say that," Nathan called strongly tucking his hand in the crook of her elbow so she couldn't move away from him._

_He pulled her back, and forcefully, made their eyes meet. "I do mean it, we…" He trailed off for a moment shaking his head, and at the same time shrugging one time his shoulder before looking back at her. "Things with us aren't easy, but you…I care for you, you…you're important to me, so I…I want a chance to show you that, I…I told you already, things are going to be different," He promised one more time before he pulled her into his arms for a hug._

_If he was being honest, that was a foreign feeling. He hadn't really hugged her enough in the past. He had been her boyfriend yet he hadn't been a man she could actually count on with in her life._

_He had been selfish. He had always cared more about his feelings, his problems rather than anything bad she could have also been going trough._

_He hadn't lie when he reminded her about what she had told him._

_She had said to him that night outside the gym how he had never asked. That was the truth, never before that night he had actually stopped to think about her, and about how she was more than just another cheerleader he happened to be dating at the moment._

_That had changed that night though. Peyton's words, her broken look, along with even Haley's never-ending words had made him see things differently._

_She **her** differently._

"_One last time, one…one more chance," Nathan said in a small voice. His chin was resting against her head, and his eyes slowly closed just the same way hers did. "Just one," He pleaded and for a few minutes only silence reigned among them._

_The moment his head tilted down, hers lifted up from his chest even though she was sure that was the very last thing she should have done. Her eyes opened for a split second before their lips meet and she was kissing him in that way she was sure she hadn't kissed him before._

_He was gentle, and caring, and his hand was in the small of her back the whole time as he moved them backwards toward the bed. He was atop her, yet all the weight was on him. Her eyes stayed closed, but even so a lone tear fell from her eyes._

_He kissed her away._

_He had never before done that._

_Maybe she should have stopped it. Maybe she should have pulled away from him the moment he slowly slipped down the strap of her black dress._

_Maybe she shouldn't have kissed him back._

_Maybe she shouldn't have…liked it._

_All those were really just maybes. She hadn't done any of them, and instead, had done the polar opposite unknown of the consequences yet to come. _

_Maybe she still had feelings for him, or maybe…more than likely, she just knew Nathan could give her just that that Lucas couldn't._

_He was giving her his heart, yet she couldn't take it._

_Not because she didn't want it, though she wasn't sure if she did want it, but mainly because it was scary._

_What if he wanted hers in return?_

_Nathan was different. She knew him. Or at the very least she thought she did. She knew what he did, and what this all meant._

_Or so she was trying to set herself into that._

_Nothing._

_That was what he inside her had to mean._

_It couldn't, and wouldn't mean more because otherwise it would be complicated, and scary, and everything she hadn't been able to do with Lucas._

"_Open your eyes," He pleaded softly the moment both their breathings slowed down._

_Peyton's head shook a couple of times. She still could feel his hot breath against her skin, but she just couldn't look at him in the eye._

_She couldn't._

_If she hadn't been sure before, now she did. She felt guilty._

"_Please," Nathan said once again, before propping on his elbow beside her. His eyes were fixed on her, and even though this hadn't been exactly what he had in mind when he first came, he couldn't be sorry about it._

_He couldn't._

"_I wanna change, I want to, for you, but…I need you to let me,"_

_It was a soft, simple, gentle request. Her eyes filled with tears immediately at it anyway._

She hadn't lied; she couldn't do this right now.

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…

**AN****:**Test-run chapter of a story that whirled around my mind all weekend long and just would not leave me alone. This one would probably not be up for a few more weeks, but I just wanted to know if anyone is interested in it or not.

A proper actual new story is going to be up in just a few days time {_I__still__need__to__re-read__the__1__st__chapter__a__few__more__times__before__actually__posting__it_} but I still wanted to post this one just so it would leave me alone, and I could maybe get a little feedback before actually start writing it.

**A little few things just so we're clear :**

+ It _is_ an LP story.

+ Flashbacks were in Italics, and the story started up the night of episode 107.

_ + Slightly_ AU. I mean, Nathan could might as well go asking for second chances to Peyton instead of Haley in 108.

+ Present time was in normal lettering, yet, as of right now, the story from chapter two and so on would be tell from 107 timeline – aka season _one_ timeline.

+ I think we could get a few "Present Time" chapters thrown in the way just so you know how things are "unfolding". What do you think about that?

+ The way this first chapter was written {Past and Present time all merge up} is the way Far Away's sequel is being written too, so if you have any comments about that, I'll appreciate it. Was it too confusing?

+ And I guess that's it, got any suggestions, comments, questions, etc?

Thanks so much for reading, and remember, **test-run****chapter**, not sure at all if I'll continue! ;)


	2. Chapter Two : Worst Nightmare

**Author's Note : **I'm a little bit all over the place these days -hence _this_ update to _this_ story tonight. But actually, I've been writing quite a bit and having a lot of ideas lately which is awesome! **:)**

Just so you know, this story has been writing itself quite steadily for the past few months. I'm nowhere near done with it- more-or-less I'm at around **_Ch15_**, and yet there is still a lot of this story to be written. Why am I posting this chapter? To give you all a better idea as to where the story is _really_ going to go. I think things in this chapter are still a tad too confusing and you're probably going to be a little lost at the end (_and throughout it_) but I do have a point with this, and everything has a reason to be.

This chapter takes place in the past and in the present too but it's a complete different past and present than the ones from the last chapter. Present here is in normal lettering (_Lucas&Peyton parts_); and the past is in _Italics_ (_Brooke&Peyton moment_). The girls' conversation takes place the morning after epi107 (_meaning too, my 108-alternative-morning, which is also the morning after Nathan was with Peyton in chapter1_) and Lucas&Peyton's parts are around 36-48 hours after Brooke&Peyton talked.

Dude, I swear that probably doesn't make any sense whatsoever now, so just go on and read, and please ask any questions if you are confused. I'm not sure when I'll update this story again, but still wanted to put this chapter up...Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Two : ****Worst Nightmare**

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"Why'd you come? Why do you keep showing? W–_Why?_"

It was a small short breath what Lucas took at hearing her words. Maybe seeing, _feeling_ Peyton Sawyer struggling so much should feel different, maybe in some twisted way Lucas should feel comfort, maybe relief, maybe even pleasure at seeing her struggling to simply form her words.

After all, everything the girl had done to him –_time and time again_– was making him miserable. Plainly and genuinely miserable.

One thing is being turned down by a girl; he'd deal with that, he had dealt with that already actually, of course he had, but Peyton was different.

She was not just _any_ other girl.

Lucas had always known that, so maybe, just maybe that was why seeing her as vulnerable as he was seeing her at that moment didn't bring pleasure or satisfaction to him, but in reality the polar opposite.

"I care for you," He explained in the dark of her room. Maybe he should have just stay quiet and leave the bedroom without responding her question. Who knew after all what was the _"right"_ answer she was expecting from him, but despite the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him how maybe it was better to just go away and leave her, he stayed, and said…well, in fact he simply told her the truth.

At least a little bit of it.

He cared for her, Lucas certainly cared for that girl, but he also felt a whole lot more for her.

Then again, if anything the last couple of days had taught him; that was how she didn't feel the same way for him.

Or maybe…well, Lucas knew he was being naïve, of course he was, but _maybe_ she really just wasn't ready for it all yet.

Either way, Lucas would lose anyway. He was letting himself care for a girl who didn't –_or couldn't_– care for him back.

There was no way he'd win this one.

"I…" Peyton tried, but a sigh and a few too many tears flooding her eyes prevented from saying what she wanted to say.

Even though, not even she could be sure just what she was about to tell him.

At that moment none of it made sense. The last forty-eight hours felt nothing short of a blur in her mind and yet Lucas was here. _Lucas_ from all people in the world. He had been here from the very moment she opened her eyes and didn't show any intention to leave until he'd make sure she was okay.

She wasn't okay though. Of that teeny-tiny fact she could be completely sure of in that instant anyway.

She was _not_ okay.

None of it was okay, and she couldn't even remember _"Why?"_

So that, that was exactly what she needed from Lucas right now. She needed a reason. "Why?" Peyton asked again, but this time around not only her voice broke, she did too.

The instant that thick stream of tears started falling to her cheeks and her whole body began shaking, Lucas didn't think twice in climbing onto the bed right next to her.

He wrapped his arms strongly around her body, and wordlessly guided her head to his shoulder. She didn't fight back, even though she wanted to, although she felt she _needed_ to. But she couldn't. So for a few seconds, maybe even minutes, she simply let him cradle her into his arms, and stroke her…touch her.

Now that was something she actually remembered, and the very second reality hit her, Peyton was standing on a rush at the other side of the room with both her hands on her face.

She was still crying, loud sobs were escaping her lips, and her body continued to shake, the difference however, was that now she was by herself and no one was on her side keeping her body from trembling.

But she…she just couldn't be around him. Honestly, she could _not_.

"G-Go away Lucas," She cried shaking her head and with no intentions to look at his eyes, or at any part of him really.

Her words however didn't do much. Lucas stood up from the bed almost as soon as she did so, but instead of rounding the bed and reaching her, he stood still, and just watched her break down because of something he couldn't understand for the life of him.

His eyes were narrowed with concern, and in all honesty, all Lucas wanted to do was hold her back into his arms and ask her just what the hell had happened last night.

One day. One whole day she had been missing. Not a call, not a text or something that would have let anyone know just where she was or…with whom she was.

Twenty-one whole hours passed by already since Lucas got a call. A call from a full of fear Brooke who was just asking him if he _"by chance"_ knew where that best friend she'd thought was having fun was.

He hadn't answer. Not with his words anyway, and not at first either. He had only shaken his head a few times as he continued listening to the very little Brooke did know.

She had began crying not two whole minutes after Lucas' phone had began ringing and yet, Lucas' heart had began racing long before.

More than likely from the very moment that that blonde's name had been mentioned.

"Peyton–" Lucas tried, but she was far faster than he was.

"Go! Get out! I…God," She said before her hands fell from her face, and instead she hugged her body in a sign of vulnerability and weakness Lucas hadn't thought possible in Peyton Sawyer. "I can't, please,"

Okay, any other moment, that plea would have certainly be enough for Lucas.

Tears were still falling from her eyes, and the way she so protectively was hugging herself simply didn't let Lucas oblige.

He couldn't.

He couldn't leave her like that.

Even if she didn't know it yet, she needed him. Peyton needed him and there was just no way in hell he was leaving her when she was obviously hurting so much.

It was strange, and he couldn't really explain it, but for some reason, that pain she was feeling, that pain she was letting out in sobs felt a hell of a lot as if it was his own.

"_I'm pretty sure I was a bitch last night,"_

_There was no answer for a few seconds. Maybe Brooke must have taken the hint and acknowledge how that was Peyton's way to tell her her statement was indeed accurate._

_However, the moment Brooke painfully plopped herself onto Peyton's bed growling more likely than not because of the amount of "light" shining in the room, the blonde knew she would have to be a little bit more explicit with her clearly hangover best friend – __Alleged__ best friend for the time being anyhow._

_Peyton still didn't use her words at first, just a scoff._

_A pretty sarcastic scoff at that._

"_You think?"_

_Now it was Brooke's turn not to use her words. She growled yet again, and rather blindly threw a pillow from Peyton's bed in Peyton's__direction. "Shut up!" She whined dramatically causing Peyton to roll her eyes from her spot by her desk._

"_I just wanted to have fun!" Brooke added in the very same overly dramatic tone she'd prior used._

_Peyton sighed heavily and instinctively began shaking her head. "If that's your story," She settled letting out another sigh without apparent reason._

_Silence fell between them for a few seconds, before Brooke –with her eyebrows rose, and wearing one those very peculiar faces– sat up on the bed, looking far too pointedly at Peyton. "What's up with you?" She asked trying not to sound annoyed, and even though she wasn't exactly annoyed at Peyton, she was at how hard her head was pounding._

_Shaking a bit her own head, Peyton tried to dismiss her comment – with no success naturally. Brooke just kept staring at her as pointedly as ever. Peyton sighed again, this time a tad more inwardly, but it was still a sigh nonetheless. "Long night," She explained simply, and looking up the ceiling for a second as she shifted so that she wasn't any more in a position that allowed her to face Brooke properly._

_She felt shame._

_That was actually what was up. She was ashamed somehow of herself; of what she hadn't done, and of what she'd done too._

_Brooke stayed quiet for a moment taking a deep breath of her own, and somehow trying to make sense herself of how long of a night she had actually have._

–_Or better yet, remembered to have–_

"_You wanna fill me in on the details," Brooke tried with a smile. She couldn't help it, if one thing she had learned through the years; that was seeing the "happy" side of things, so that was what she was doing._

_Or at the very least, trying to do._

"_The dirty ones…maybe?" She added making herself sound cheery –as usual– and offered Peyton a full-dimpled smile she knew the blonde couldn't not smile back at._

_Or at least that was what she'd thought._

"_Peyton!" Brooke called after a moment when Peyton did no intention to reply, or even to make any eye contact with her. "You okay?" She asked again, and this time around, her voice was even carrying concern._

_Certainly her question wasn't a silly question thrown in the air, but one she needed Peyton to respond. And with the truth, naturally._

_The day Peyton Sawyer appeared to be so merged into herself and her thoughts, was the precise day Brooke simply knew something more than just the "usual" crap was up with her best friend._

_At last, but not before a good moment, Peyton turned around her head so that she was meeting Brooke's eyes. "All okay," She replied stonily before with no more words, standing up from her chair, and getting into the closet. They were quiet for another short moment before Peyton caught sight of Brooke again. "Are you going to tell me why'd you come?" She asked with her eyebrows rose, but surprisingly, not at all sounding annoyed. She even smiled softly after she was done asking her question._

_Brooke's own eyebrows knitted but after a few seconds of "musing over" Peyton's words, and Peyton herself, she sighed and simply shrugged her shoulders sitting up properly on the bed again. "Girls night out tonight?" She asked, and by the way her voice was so, so hesitant, it was obvious not even she was sure a "Girls night" after the night they both had last night was the best idea she could have come out with._

_Yet, she was still insisting upon it with the sheepish smile she offered Peyton when the blonde looked at her as if she were nothing short of crazy._

"_Girls night?" Peyton echoed after a moment, and if Brooke could say so herself, she could swear Peyton was pretty close to smile. She was trying hard not to do so, and Brooke could tell that much._

_After all she was her best friend, right?_

"_Meaning?" Peyton added the moment Brooke simply kept staring back at her with the very same –silly– smile._

"_Meaning we have fun," Brooke explained plainly and without aiming for it, sounding also quite smugly._

_In any case, Peyton's all-so-well formed scowl, was more than self-explanatory and so Brooke decided to elaborate a little bit more. "Duke. Tonight. You and me. College boys. Boo– Umm, no booze for me. But yeah a little fun for you and…well, for me too." She explained fairly thoughtfully, and somewhat serious. "Girls night," She finished her statement chirping before rising from the bed, and reaching Peyton by her open closet._

_Brooke wrapped her arm all too playfully around Peyton's shoulders before leaning on her, and glancing over her clothes and just what she was putting away into one drawler. "Huh," She huffed loudly before taking the large tee-shirt from Peyton's hands and swirling it around in the air playfully._

_Peyton growled –naturally– and rolled her eyes fairly annoyed –naturally– but in any case, Brooke simply began chuckling and teasing Peyton with words the blonde simply couldn't make sense of at that moment._

_She looked away from Brooke, and simply wait until she said what she so obviously was about to say. _

"_Now I get just how long your night was,"_

"You wanna know what? You gotta stop pretending everything is okay when it is not, y–you, that's what you do Peyton, and…You don't have to do that with me, you don't,"

His voice was firm, yet he wasn't yelling, Lucas was just telling her as convincingly as he could, the words he probably had wanted to tell her for as long as he had known her.

"I promise," Lucas stated sincerely looking quite strongly into Peyton's big –_glistered_– green eyes. Both his arms were on her sides but he wasn't hurting her. At least that was what Lucas thought. He was holding her still while his mind and heart was poured out for her to listen. "You can trus–"

The last part of his statement couldn't be finish, since before he could, Peyton harshly pushed away from him, and moved yet again away from him when not his touch, not his hands were on her.

"Peyton," Lucas called in attempt to reach to her…if not physically, at least emotionally at some level.

Her breathing was far too sharp and elaborated, and yet, in between her tears and sobs, she made herself look up at his eyes. "No," She stated stonily without being sure what exactly she was denying at that moment. She shook her head in rapid jerks a few times with her eyes closed before taking a deep breath, and for the first time in what felt a lifetime for Lucas, she stopped crying. "I told you to go," She repeated staring steadily into Lucas' eyes in that way she hadn't done that evening.

Lucas could see a thousand things in her eyes, yet, _hurt_ was the one thing he couldn't mistake even if he wanted. And he sure as hell didn't want to see that, but…he couldn't help it.

He couldn't ignore it. That pain was there and was big. Of that much he was sure.

"I'm not going," Lucas said shaking his own head now. Peyton's eyes widened at his words, but not even she was keeping him from staying. "You're not all right, and I can't leave you like this, I can't," He promised moving one more time to the corner of the room she stood. He didn't reach his hands to touch her this time, but for a moment or two, simply stared back into her eyes.

Peyton took a few too many shaky breaths, but she didn't shift her eyes from his either.

In all honesty, she wanted to hit him. Slap him at the very least. She did, she couldn't be sure why though, but she did.

He wasn't the one to blame. She knew that much, but all in all, he was genuinely the only one who was here. Maybe that should comfort her; at least someone was with her, right?

But it didn't. It made her angry for more reasons than one. They barely knew each other. Sure, innocent flirting every now and then happened, but Lucas still shouldn't be the one that night with her. Her Dad sure, maybe even Brooke, she was her "best friend" after all, hell…even Nathan had more business being there than Lucas, but…

None of them where there, Lucas was, and he just wasn't who she needed.

"And I won't go," Lucas stated after a moment taking a deep breath of his own. "I won't leave you," He promised, and before he –_or Peyton for that matter either_– could acknowledge the _"Why"_ of her actions, she had already lunged forward in his direction, allowing him to cradle her into his arms in that very same way she _did _need.

So maybe…maybe at some level Lucas was actually the one who should be with her right now.

Maybe he wouldn't judge.

Ten, perhaps twenty minutes passed by with Peyton simply tangled in his arms. Her cheek was resting upon his heart as though she was actually trying to hear the rapid beat of his heart.

She wasn't crying anymore and that had actually surprised Lucas –for the better though. He couldn't honestly wish for her to cry, but for those minutes all he could hear from her was her sharp breathing, and the soft gasp she'd let out the moment her body unconsciously heaved roughly against Lucas'

Maybe Lucas eyes should have stay up, looking blankly but not at Peyton anyhow, but…a simple glimpse out of the corner of his eye of that lone tear falling to her cheek, made his whole resolve fade.

He honestly just _couldn't_ help himself any longer and _had_ to ask the question that had been literally eating him inside for over twenty-four hours already.

He did it slowly though. Gently he broke apart from her and heaving a small sigh, Peyton hesitantly shifted her eyes up so that their eyes were properly meeting.

"What happened last night?" He asked as soothingly as he could, fighting back the urge to wipe away that sad tear off of her flushed cheek.

The question made Peyton close her eyes for a small moment before she opened them again, and fearfully fixed them back up on Lucas'. "I don't kno–" She tried to explain, but her voice cracking prevented her from telling Lucas what he already feared.

He didn't know what else to do at that moment. His right hand lifted up and cupped gently the side of her cheek even though he wasn't sure at all if that was the right or the wrong thing to do.

She didn't move away, but simply let her eyes fell shut once again leaning a little bit into his touch.

"I don't know," Peyton admitted brokenly the second a few more tears started falling from her eyes. "I don't,"

* * *

**AN : **Oh, so what do you think? Maybe now you know where the story is heading? Yes? No? Are you more or less confused now? Just so you know, the first chapters of the story are kind of very LP "heavy" but eventually, little by little, we will get to the other characters too {Nate!}

Thank you for reading, and let me know what you think**! :)**

**Side-Note :** This one is for the ones who read my other stories too. First off, **"Always On Your Side" :** Update to that story _should_ be up soon; I'm not sure when, but I promise I'll make that happen as soon as possible. For your information, Epilogue is done&done {I actually kinda liked how it ended. The last line. You'd see. It doesn't happen so often, but I liked it lol} But yet, I got so, _so_ carried away writing it, that it "happened" to be over 20.000words, and well...even for me that's too long to post in just one chapter, so...I'm still trying to decide how I'm gonna cut it...2? 3parts maybe? I'm still trying to figure that out, but once I do, I think I'll post all parts daily so that the wait isn't too long. What do you say about that? hehehe! **=)**

AND...**"I Can't Fix Us Two"**: We're actually good with that story! Update of that one should be up shortly too, this weekend I was just kind of feeling _this_ story instead LOL {Listening way too much to MatthewRyan & "ForBlueSkies" in repeat is the blame!}

I hope you have all enjoyed it anyway, and well...Thanks again so much for reading {This story and ALL the other stuff I'd written. You guys are awesome!}


	3. Chapter Three : Leap of Faith

**Author's Note : **So here we go, is still anyone interested in this one? Is kinda angsty and in the sad-ish side of stories, but I'm still enjoying writing it a lot. So, if you are in need of some angsy-LP, here we are :) Now —_finally_— I'll start updating this story frequently since I got more than enough buffer chapters. Hope you enjoy.

**Chapter Three : Leap of Faith**

* * *

"What do you remember?" Lucas asked softly, and let his sentence linger in the air for a moment.

It was hard for him; finding the right voice to use with her right now. He tried to keep it soft, _gentle_. In reality he was afraid that a different tone would break her…

Would break her even more than she already was.

The better part of him already knew the truth; that same part of him also knew she knew it. She knew what happened, and that was why she was so terrified.

Terrified to face it. Terrified to let that truth be her truth.

Lucas hadn't "_known_" Peyton for that long. Sure, they have been on the same school since grade school, maybe even before, but Peyton Sawyer had always been for him the girl he simply _couldn't_ have.

Even if he'd dreamed with her, watched her, thought of her constantly, she was still never at his reach.

She was one of the pretty girls. She had always been with the popular kids at school, even though she hardly ever looked anything like them.

He had always felt connected to her somehow. To what she was _"probably" _feeling and thinking at whatever moment he happened to be there to _see_ her.

That was the thing, really. Lucas had always _seen_ her. Just that. See her more than she probably would have like it, and more than he probably should have, but he still had.

That was why now everything was so different. He was mad. Actually, that was downplaying his emotions. He was mad out of his mind at whomever had done this to Peyton, but…but he still couldn't bombard her with questions knowing just how vulnerable she felt at that moment. So even though it was being harder than anything Lucas had ever done before, he was playing it cool. He was staying as calm and gentle as he possibly could. He was letting her, in her own terms and time, tell him what she did remember of everything that had happened.

A part of Lucas however was maybe still hoping she wouldn't. That the night before stayed a blur in her mind, and never, never ever, became clear in her mind again.

He wanted that for her. He actually did. He was wishing for her to be able to forget and pretend nothing had happened, although he knew it did happen, and it…it simply wasn't fair.

Maybe when he asked her what she remembered, he was actually hoping to get a _"nothing_" in return–That would certainly made things…not simpler, but perhaps, easier to bear. If she didn't remember what happened, then maybe, just maybe she would be able to move on from this all faster than if she did remember.

Lucas could hope so anyway.

The way Peyton's head slowly began shaking told him otherwise anyway. Maybe a part of him was regretting asking her that question. Maybe his words had made her mind go back to the exact place he now was sure he didn't want her to be.

"It's okay," Lucas said soothingly without even knowing why. His voice was obviously carrying desperation, or better yet, it was impotence. He had no hell of an idea what was the right thing for him to do.

Should he take her to the hospital? The police?

He didn't know. In spite of everything, in spite of whatever that happened to her, she seemed _"okay"_

Sure, there were dry tears all over her face, and her eyes couldn't for the life of her be more puffy and red, but she was still standing tall. She wasn't letting the world beat her down, and that was also what Lucas could see.

That was something Lucas praised, and couldn't help but admire.

"But it's not," Peyton replied lifting her head so that their eyes were meeting. She looked at him, and bit slightly on her bottom lip before swallowing hard, and taking a breath. "I can't pretend that it is okay when it's not, right?" She asked, and if Lucas hadn't been so shocked at her sudden change of attitude, he'd probably say something in return before she stood up from the bed the two of them were, and simply looked back at him from her bathroom door. "I…" She tried to say, but paused heaving a small sigh. Her eyes fell close for a few seconds as she somehow tried –_and tried with everything she got inside_– to pull herself together…if only for the time being.

The moment she opened her eyes again, Lucas had stood up from the bed as well, and was standing warily right next to her nightstand. She didn't have the slightest clue at why she did it, but she still smiled softly the moment her eyes met his again. "I remember you," She told him in a small voice before her smile faded away completely. She began biting down on her bottom lip again, before she started losing herself in thoughts of whatever else she remembered.

"I…I was with Brooke, you know…" She said softly after a moment taking Lucas a little aback at the fact that she was actually addressing him as she spoke. "I was with her, and then…then I was in a dorm room, and…then I was with you," She said unable to stop her voice from cracking, but never still shifting her eyes from Lucas' "How did you find me?" She asked even though the mere words felt strange in her tongue.

For over an hour, maybe even two, all she wanted to do was push Lucas away. Make him go away so that she could make sense of whatever that was she was feeling, but now…now somehow that had changed, and she wasn't exactly sure why.

Maybe it was because she didn't want to be alone -She didn't.

Maybe it was because he simply hadn't gone away every time that she asked him to -He hadn't.

Maybe it was because she could actually see in his eyes that he cared. That he hadn't lied when he said the words earlier that evening.

Maybe it was because of none of those things, but…maybe it was indeed because of them.

All of them.

"I don't know," Lucas said, at last finding the words to reply her question. Certainly not the ones she needed, or maybe even wanted, but just the few he could actually say. "I…I guess I just did…I found you." He added, not wanting at all to tell her just how it had been for him to find her…laying –_unconscious_– on the cold staircase of a school she certainly shouldn't have been there by herself.

He had been alone when he found her. Brooke had been somewhere else also looking out for her; "luckily" perhaps, she hadn't been on Campus.

Lucas had had the _"luck"_ maybe of finding Peyton first. In a way, he'd saved Brooke from seeing that cruel picture of Peyton, Lucas hadn't been able to wipe off of his mind for the nine hours he had been by Peyton's bedside.

He had wanted to take her to the emergency room right away. Of course he had, but ultimately he had decided against it. She'd been fairly groggy yet _"awake"_ for a few seconds before leaving campus. Apparently a sedative had been slip into her drink and Lucas…he just never thought of exactly _'What'_ had happened before she had been _"ditched"_ onto those stairs, or…

Or maybe he just hadn't let himself think the worst, which ultimately had painfully turn out to be the truth, but he simply hadn't been able to deal with that then. He maybe hadn't had the stomach, and even now, he wasn't sure at all if he was strong enough to deal with it all.

Back at campus he really just hadn't been sure of anything at that moment. She was dressed. Yes, her skirt and tee were everything _but_ well put-together, but she was still dressed, and well…maybe Lucas had made a mistake bringing her home right away, but at the moment that had felt as the right thing to do. He wanted to take her home and take care of her. Get her into her bed, and wait –_and hope_– for her to wake up okay.

That had been naïve, but if Lucas was one to say so, no one could really hold that against him.

At least not someone that has ever cared for someone as much as he now was sure he cared for Peyton Sawyer.

"I think you need to go to someone…talk to someone," Lucas inquired, though he was genuinely fearing those few words would break whatever trust Peyton had put on him over the last minutes.

Maybe he hadn't done what was right before, but he wanted to do so now, even, if that meant Peyton hating him for it. She seemed much calm now. She was still standing by her bathroom's doorway, but she somehow didn't seem as broken as she had been before. She was scared. That Lucas still could see, but at some level she was also somewhat peaceful.

Her face was not contorted, and her eyes were soft as she stared at him. Even, as Lucas told her she needed to go to someone. She didn't say a word back at first, but just looked at him with those soulful green eyes of hers. She stared at him, and after what felt like a lifetime for Lucas, she shrugged her shoulders.

"Who?" Peyton uttered at last, and was in that moment when Lucas saw shining through her all that vulnerability she so well was trying to hide. "My Dad?" She asked looking at Lucas rather pointedly before her head began shaking. "Maybe even Brooke, or…the police, right? Why not? As if–"

"They'd believe you," Lucas interrupted trying as hell to stay calm. He didn't understand why she was so incredulous into relying into the people in her life. Why couldn't she call her Dad, or her best friend? It was clearly she needed someone. Then again, she was stonily refusing to open up to them, and that was something Lucas was reading through her clearly.

"I–I can't," Peyton stressed before her voice was caught up in her throat, and she sighed heavily, closing quite tightly her eyes. "I can't deal with them right now," She confessed brokenly the very second her eyes found Lucas' again. "I can't,"

"You can't deal with this alone either," Lucas encountered; not sure how much good he was doing with his words, but anyhow trusting his intentions were good.

He really was hoping that to be enough.

Peyton thought for a moment. For a good few minutes she let herself lose in thoughts before her shoulder simply shrugged again. "You are here,"

The words couldn't come out of her mouth louder than a whisper, yet that moment, for some reason than he couldn't actually explain, changed everything for Lucas.

He somehow felt…connected with her, and in spite of everything that was happening, he sighed relieved at that; she'd been right, he was here, and he would be for as long as she'd have him.

That was undoubtedly a promise.

One he would keep even if at keeping so his life would cost.

* * *

"I've always like it here," It was a feeble statement that came along with a small –_shaky_– sigh. She wasn't smiling yet her features weren't hard either… none of that, she was just looking blankly over at a picture that was only natural people liked, but then again, it was Peyton who was talking, and even though Lucas didn't need reassurance on that one, he still felt more sure about that fact that very second; Peyton Sawyer was certainly not just one of the others.

She wasn't the regular girl, let alone just _"people" _who loved the pier in the earlier hours of the day.

She was more than that, so it really was only natural her statement wasn't as plain and simple as it came out.

"The pier?" Lucas tried keeping his voice as soft as possible for some reason.

Peyton sighed again, but her eyes didn't shift for a second from the horizon, and the strikingly beautiful sun that was just beginning to rise in the distance. "No," She replied simply, matching Lucas' soft voice. "All of it," She uttered turning around only enough so that she was seeing into his eyes. It felt strange, but she still managed a small smile when their eyes met. She felt comfort with the simple fact of seeing right into his soul every single time she look at his eyes and at the way he would always look back at her.

It was comforting, and soothing, but at the same time painful and hurtful because it made her realize just how many things had changed, and just how different things would be now if only she hadn't acted the way she did.

If only she hadn't been so scared.

"It's beautiful," She added quietly after a moment. Her soft voice drawing Lucas' attention away from her still tear stained cheeks. "Everything is _so _still at this time of the day, it…it is as if it really wasn't anyone else, you know? Just…" She let her sentence fade, looking away from his all too powerful stare on her. She wrapped her arms around her body pulling her jacket tightly, and moving up and down her hands against her sides upon the cold breeze. She was quiet for another moment, Lucas was too, but that really was not a surprise for Peyton for some reason.

The moment she felt she'd gained enough control over her emotions again, she looked over right into Lucas' eyes again. "It feels as if it's just you and the universe sometimes," She stated quite earnestly, feeling one more time the sting of hot tears in her eyes. "It doesn't matter how crappy that universe is," She added, and a watery chuckle came along with her words.

Lucas squinted his eyes, and swallowed hard, but not for a second, could think in match that chuckle.

Silence fell between them one more time as Peyton began walking again. Soon after they were feeling the wet sand beneath their bare feet, and the water hitting them both every so often.

Peyton sat first on the sand, and Lucas took at least a minute to follow. He was having a hard time –_the hardest time at that_– at staying calm and at ease as she was. Inside he was feeling worse than he could remember feeling ever before. He was angry. He was mad at everything that had happened to Peyton, and especially at whomever who had done that to her. There was a voice in the back of his mind that didn't stop telling him how right now –_instead of being sitting by the beach_– he should be in that college dorm. He should be looking out for that…"_person_" –if Lucas could even call that guy that way– so that he could make him accountable of everything he'd done, everything he'd shattered, but instead of doing so, he was just doing…_nothing_.

Well, that was clearly a lie, and as much as Lucas was trying to convince himself he wasn't doing exactly what he needed to do –_be right next to Peyton, if only for the quiet solace_– that didn't mean he inwardly wasn't killing that guy though.

"I'm sorry, Luke," Peyton said, drawing Lucas out of his thoughts. Her voice was soft and gentle, and even though she was addressing him, she stayed looking further into the distance. She took a small breath, before tucking tightly her knees to her chest. She rested her chin atop her knees, and then sideways glanced over Lucas.

It was actually beginning to annoy him; she'd spoke, and he would simply struggle to find just the right words to say back at her.

This time around however, he didn't find words to say at all. A _"For what?"_ was maybe on the tip of his tongue, but he simply couldn't form it. Instead, all he could do was shift his eyes up a little so that he was looking right at her.

Somehow maybe that stare was enough anyway, since without Lucas uttering a word, Peyton did feel as though she needed to elaborate just _'Why'_

"I pushed you away," She began explaining, but paused shaking her head for a moment. "Not today, but…" She tilted her head slightly, shrugging at the same time her shoulders. Now it was she who couldn't say just what she needed. It was hard. Admitting your mistakes, admitting just how wrong you'd been wasn't easy, yet right now, for Peyton it all felt tenfold worse.

He was making it easier though.

Not that she could explain _'How'_, but Lucas was.

"But always," She added at last after swallowing hard the lump that by that time had formed in her throat. "I guess I just got scared," She stressed uneasily even though her eyes hadn't shifted from his for one second. "You said all those things about me and…you and I–I got scared, and I think that was a mistake,"

It was a quite admission, yet it meant everything for Lucas.

He still was hating that after everything she'd gone through; somehow she'd ended up apologizing with him for something he honestly couldn't hold her accountable for.

Sure, he'd been _"mad"_ at her right after she left him in that room at his _"father's"_ house, but not anymore.

Maybe it was twisted, but he understood. He simply did.

Perhaps that was also why –_at last_– he managed to do something in return at her words; he nodded his head. It was slowly, and it was all he thought he could do. He certainly wasn't going to tell her that it was okay, because in fact, the two of them had been right, him earlier last night, and Peyton earlier that morning; _none of it was okay_.

"I'm sorry, too," Lucas uttered without really thinking his words before. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and he couldn't blame her. There were all sorts of things he was saying I'm sorry for, but maybe she needed him to be more specific.

"…For pushing you, for…trying so hard, I guess," He said with a shrug of his shoulders, before the ocean's breeze made her shiver slightly.

Peyton didn't seem to be bothered about the breeze or the strong wind that blow against her skin and hair every so often though. Instead, she kept her eyes on Lucas' for another moment before looking to her front to the clear ocean. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now," She admitted, and for the first time in almost three hours, Lucas felt how close to cracking her voice was.

She could smile at him, she could have asked him to go to the dock with her, she could try to show as strong as she wanted, but that didn't change what had happened.

That didn't change how broken inside she was feeling. How dirty and unworthy she felt at that very moment.

For some reason, Lucas wasn't one to miss on that.

"I'm here," Lucas promised unable to tell her exactly what she was supposed to do now. Honestly, he didn't know either.

At his words, Peyton let her eyes fell lightly close, before she began nodding her own head. "You're here," She echoed softly before leaning to his side.

Lucas didn't object when her head found his shoulder. Had he been taken aback? A little bit. But he genuinely didn't mind. He instead stroked gently her arm and looked down at her closed eyes knowing exactly that was the right place to be.

Knowing exactly that was the _right_ thing to do. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else…just being there.

* * *

**AN : **So? What do you say? It'll start to move forward now :)


	4. Chapter Four : Secrets and Lies

**Author's Note : **How about an update before the weekend? :) Here it goes anyway. I liked writing this one since it's not just Lucas and Peyton, but of course you know me, I'm a sucker for those two, so soon enough we'll get chapters back with tons of LP too. Hope you like this one. And if it's still confusing, let me know. :) Thanks for reading.

**Chapter Four : Secrets and Lies**

* * *

"Geez, finally!"

Certainly, if the one _'praising'_ him hadn't been his best friend, Lucas more than likely would have snap on her. He was feeling as bitter as he hadn't felt before.

Not ever.

He had made a mistake —big, _big_ one. She had trusted in him. Peyton had put every little piece of trust she had in herself on _him_, and he had betrayed that —sort of speak.

He had done what was in his heart, yes, but he shouldn't have taken advantage of her.

Honestly, what was so different now between himself and that college guy? If Lucas were actually one to respond that question – with the truth, he'd say very little.

"Back off, Haley," He replied at last, walking past Haley, and down the hall to his room.

Haley's jaw dropped, but she certainly wasn't one to do as she'd been told. She followed him into his bedroom, _even_ when he tried to shut the door before she'd entered.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked harshly when Lucas started tossing things onto his bed without any obvious reason. "Lucas!" She called one more time when Lucas did everything _but_ acknowledge her.

The moment she raised her voice, Lucas made himself stop his hasty task, and instead took a deep breath. "I–You should go Hales, I…I need to be alone right now," He said now a lot calmer, and turning around enough so that his eyes and Haley's were meeting. "Please,"

The moment that plea came out of his lips, Haley began worrying, and her features instantly softened. "Luke what happened?" She asked seriously, still not backing off, but seriously, he was her best friend, and if she didn't ask, who will?

Shaking his head, Lucas tried vainly to shrug off her comment. "Nothing, I just need to be alone," He said calmly, though inside he was nothing like it.

"I swear Keith and your mom are putting an APB on you right now," Haley uttered, this time around, her voice rising slightly again. She couldn't help herself, she needed him to open up, and genuinely, _fast_. His mom should be home soon, and if he didn't speak now with her, he'd have to do so with his mom, and that was certainly tenfold worse – Haley was sure of that much. "We looked for you everywhere, and why didn't you answer your phone?" She kept asking when all Lucas did was widen his eyes at her words. "Luke…"

"I…" Lucas began, but the last few hours kicking right back into his mind prevented him from saying another word. "I really can't, Hales," He stressed looking seriously at Haley before he walked to the door of his bedroom, and opened it slowly. "I can't" He insisted when his darkened eyes met his best friend's again.

In all honesty, the less she wanted to do was leave, but then again, Haley really hadn't before seen him that way. He didn't look like the Lucas she knew, and truthfully, it killed her inside not knowing why. "Promise me you'll call when you're ready to talk," She said softly, and not even attempting to hide the concern her voice was carrying. Her eyes were narrowed, and there was only silence between the two of them until the second Lucas' head started moving steadily up and down. "Okay," She said simply accepting that wordless motion as an enough answer.

Haley stepped outside of the house not before she hugged him lightly, and dropped a small kiss to his cheek. "I'm glad you're okay anyway," She whispered right before she walked down the few steps of his room and all down the length of the pathway disappearing from Lucas' range of view only a couple of minutes later.

He sighed, and stayed by his doorway for a few more minutes until his mind began racing again. He closed the door behind him, and feeling completely out of sorts, he let his weary body fell flat onto his bed. His breathing was a little sharp, and he couldn't shut off his mind even if his life depended on it.

There had been a dull ache in his heart as he watched Peyton sleep earlier. She had been sleeping soundly, and probably completely oblivious about everything that was in _his_ mind. Unlike his own breaths right now, for a change, when Lucas was watching at her as she slept, hers had been calm, slow quiet breaths that he now couldn't take off of his head.

The front door shutting hard made Lucas rose from his bed on a rush. He wasn't nervous, well he was, but he knew who it was and he also knew how she really _had_ to understand.

There were hard heels clicks before his mom and uncle entered hastily his bedroom – without even knocking. Then there was a loud _"Lucas __Eugene Scott" _in the shrillest tone of voice, and then a few too many words coming out of his mom's mouth, but that Lucas simply didn't make sense of.

His eyes were down, and even though his mom was just mere inches away from him, he was barely acknowledging her.

"_Explain"_

That was the last word than fell of Karen's lips before she expectantly stare up at Lucas.

He didn't say anything for a few moments until a –_subtle_– tap on the floor made him look at his mom's eyes. "I can't," He uttered simply, seeing clearly just how much his mom's jaw dropped open.

She began venting about responsibilities, about common decency and even basketball. But he couldn't care. Lucas hadn't exactly promise Peyton he wasn't going to say anything, but everything that happened wasn't in any way his truth to tell.

Of course he knew his mom could help, but he couldn't betray Peyton's trust —_again_. He simply couldn't.

After a few minutes, and with yet another door loudly shutting, Karen and Keith left the room without any of their questions solved, yet with a lot to ponder about that son –_nephew_– of them.

Lucas wasn't one to leave the house apparently, but for a change, this one was one of the times when the things his mom said really didn't matter to him.

Honestly, there was a whole lot more that was at stake, and for obvious reasons, common decency was clearly not a priority for Lucas.

Not now.

* * *

"Easy," Brooke hissed actually stifling a laugh at just how high Peyton jumped when she acknowledged the brunette's presence in her bedroom. "It's just me," She tried softly moving so that she was closer to her apparently, very nervous best friend.

"Yeah…" Peyton drawled out trying hard to brush off already whatever Brooke came here to say.

In fact, she hadn't really seen Brooke since the moment they parted ways three nights ago at that party, even though she was trying to, even though Peyton knew it was wrong and she really shouldn't, she couldn't help but harden the moment her eyes fixed onto Brooke's face, and that silly smile she was wearing.

Maybe she was happy because…actually, Peyton had no hell of an idea just why Brooke could be happy, but whatever the case was, Peyton was resenting her for it.

"Why'd you come?" Peyton asked; her question coming out a lot more harshly than she would have like it. Not because Brooke's presence was actually upsetting her, but because she had showed up, she had to have a reason, right?

Brooke's eyes narrowed, and there was a little hurt in her features, and Peyton didn't miss that. "Luke called," She informed anyway, concern already carrying along with her voice. "But that's not the point; I came because I was worried about you, wher–"

Before the words had completely come out from Brooke's mouth, Peyton was already scoffing incredulously.

The blonde looked away slightly shaking her head, and stood from her bed so that she really didn't have to look at Brooke directly at least.

"Hey!" Brooke cried standing up from the bed as well. "What's wrong with you?" She asked back sounding just as harshly as Peyton had prior sound.

"Nothing," Peyton replied not missing a beat and rather pointedly. Even though she thought she couldn't bear it, she was looking right into Brooke's eyes as the words escaped her lips. "Nothing, so I guess you can leave now. Apparently that's what you're so…God—" Biting her lips strongly Peyton stop herself from saying anything more.

Was it so wrong how suddenly she was blaming it all on Brooke? Yes. But the fact that she did feel guilty didn't mean that she could help it.

"Apparently I'm _what_?" Brooke retorted getting angry herself. It was not as if she wasn't used to Peyton's sudden tortured artist moments, but this was different.

"Nothing," Peyton bit out back. Her eyes were narrowed, and she was sure that if Brooke didn't step out of her room soon, everything she had bottled up inside her for the last twelve hours or so, would ended up paying on her. "Just go," She said shaking her head before locking herself into her bathroom.

Maybe it was pride or more so the fact that in less than five minutes Peyton had managed to push all her buttons, but Brooke anyhow left the house without asking a single other question.

When she got to that house, she did mean right; Lucas had said Peyton "_shouldn't_" be alone right now, but apparently, that was exactly what she wanted.

…And maybe even _needed_.

* * *

Peyton was aware she was being far too naïve when she heard the clicking of her front door. She was hoping it were Lucas, for some bizarre reason, she was hoping it was him and no one else, yet the sound of the footsteps up the stairs were all too familiar, and it weren't precisely Lucas'.

She sighed, she sighed heavily, but still shifted onto her side when her bedroom door slightly opened, and Nathan's head peeked through.

He smiled when their eyes locked, and if Peyton was to be honest with herself, that smile comforted her to the point that she felt as though she needed to smile back. Which she did, and before he asked if he could come inside –_she actually knew he'd ask_ _this time_– she moved so that she was in a sitting position and properly looking at him.

"I thought you were sleeping," Nathan noted quietly, and even a little awkwardly as he sat himself at the edge of Peyton's bed. He smiled sheepishly looking up at her and at the way one of her eyebrows rose. It was the middle of the day after all, why would she be sleeping? "There was no music," Nathan explained before his head ducked unconsciously and silence fell between them.

It hadn't been lost on him, but she hadn't _said_ a single word since he walked in and that was kind of why he was choosing to stay quiet too.

Peyton's eyes were focused on everything and anything that simply didn't make her look into Nathan's eyes once again, and without her wanting to do so, she couldn't help but fidget with her hands over her lap.

She was nervous, and that wasn't lost on Nathan either.

A whole lot had happened since the last time they saw each other –_so to say_–and Peyton just wasn't sure how much he knew. Seemingly not much, since he'd barely spoken a word, but he was still smiling and acting sweet, and well…he hadn't precisely asked her how she was, now had he?

At last, Peyton decided to broke the silence herself; she heaved a shaky sigh before turning her head so that her eyes were meeting with his. Certainly, she wasn't asking him why he had come, she'd worn off that question already that day, so no, not at all, but she still had to tell him something of that sort. "I've never minded being alone,"

Okay, so maybe not something of _that_ sort, but she did have a point anyhow.

Even if Nathan wasn't quite seeing it right now. "Okay…" He said cautiously, even though a silly smirk was surely playing on his face.

Peyton didn't blame him but instead acknowledged she needed to elaborate. "I'm okay with being alone, but I–I can't bear feeling _lonely_," She admitted, not just for Nathan but also for herself. "Not now," She added, and one more time, slowly tears began filling her eyes.

Those weren't lost on Nathan either.

"Hey," He called softly, moving on the bed so that he was closer to her. "You're okay," He said the words reassuringly, and it hadn't been just him who was surprised when the words came out of his mouth that way, Peyton had too.

He didn't do reassuring, he didn't do supportive, he didn't do sweet; that just _wasn't_ who he was.

Peyton shook her head and it were only mere seconds before she put her guard back up. "Don't," She warned firmly slapping his hand away when it came to rest on her thigh. Her features darkened, and she drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them against herself.

Her head continued to shake, and Nathan took a shaky breath narrowing his eyes. "Don't what, Peyton?" Nathan asked strongly. It was the not understanding that was getting the best of him.

"Just don't," Peyton said warily. Hesitantly, she looked up from her knees and met his eyes. "Just don't, please,"

Nathan's eyes softened, and he backed off a little bit. Not completely, not too much, just enough he hoped. He kept his eyes on hers, and breathed a few unsteady breaths at the sight of this Peyton before him. She wasn't the girl he knew, and it had taken from him an actual moment to realize that. The vulnerability in her was obvious, thick in her voice, and he had no idea _'Why?'_

"Do you want me to go?" Nathan asked fairly uncertain. His eyes were down fixed firmly –_yet nervously_– on the comforter of her bed. He wasn't even sure why he was nervous, he only knew he was.

She wasn't like that.

His head almost jerked up when her head slightly began shaking. He hadn't seen that one coming. Nathan had been positive she was going to make him leave; after all, that was what she did when she was struggling over something. She wouldn't tell him, but shut him out. In a way she was doing that same thing this time around, but…it was different.

She was different, all of it was different.

"Okay," He said shakily, somehow still trying to wrap his mind around whatever that was that was happening. "Okay, I'd stay then," He promised, and though uneasily, Peyton met his eyes nodding her head slowly.

There was only silence after that.

* * *

Nathan didn't touch her, he just watched her; he watched her and listened to the every sound she didn't want to make, but that she did nonetheless. He had stayed calm, quiet and Peyton had however felt his eyes boring into her.

That hadn't been a bad thing, anyway.

Not one of the million questions he had for her form to come out, and for a reason she couldn't understand, she appreciated that more than if he had hugged her or told her more reassuring words or whatever.

Nathan had stayed quiet and had not left, he'd done as she'd requested and that somehow felt okay for her.

Peyton still felt the sting of her tears in her eyes, and that was something she hated. She felt helpless…weak, and that wasn't who she was. Or at the very least, who she wanted to be.

Even _needed _to be, perhaps.

The last time he had seen her, she'd been in that very bed, he had been lying beside her, she'd looked at him with those same vulnerable eyes, but that time around, Nathan hadn't seen that cloud of sorrow and darkness he saw right now. They'd been together –really together even if deep inside Nathan _knew_ Peyton regretted it and indeed was trying her best not to show that to him.

It had been a little past four o'clock in the morning when he brushed a kiss to her cheek and told her he had to head home. She hadn't object, but merely nodded her head knowingly offering him a shy smile -Nathan could barely match it; he did it really more out of mere instinct.

He had called her later that day, she hadn't answered – he was somewhat used to that, really, so he didn't push harder. Maybe half an hour later she sent him a text…she was going to be with Brooke for the weekend.

He hadn't pushed after that either.

He called her Sunday evening with no response which he once again, didn't take personal.

He didn't push into talking with her until she hadn't showed up at school today, but then again, neither had Brooke, so he'd hold on on calling her, and instead waited until he could reach her at home.

Not once he'd thought he would find her like that, and the worst of it all was that he couldn't exactly describe how she was…she just seemed lost, zoned out; actually _scared_ really.

He didn't know why, and as of that moment, he was genuinely scared himself to ask her anything.

That sudden darkness in her eyes scared him; that was actually the truth.

Nathan noticed her trembling ever so slightly and that was when his gaze changed from frightened to concern one more time. He took in a shaky breath bracing himself to speak –to ask– but this time, she was faster than he was.

For his dismay.

"I think I was raped,"

Her voice came out as something no more than a hoarse whisper, yet that was the first time she acknowledged it all aloud to herself, and to a boy whose jaw clenched and features hardened as soon as the words were out.

He swallowed hard, but didn't back off at all this time. His hand reached out to grasp hers, and unlike the last time he tried said thing, she didn't shove him away.

He was not leaving her this time.


	5. Chapter Five : Now You Know

**Author's Note : **lol Yep, lots of drama and it's only Chapter 5 so beware. Thank you soo much for reading! Next chapter should be up soon.

**Chapter Five : Now You Know**

* * *

It was already dark and her eyes were growing heavy by the time the clicking of her front door startled her one more time that day. Probably she should have locked the doors after they left, but somehow that had been the very last thing she was thinking earlier that evening. In fact, not a couple of hours ago she was yelling at the two of them to leave claiming something she didn't entirely buy but that felt as though that was what she _had_ to say nonetheless.

Now it was almost eight o'clock and in her mind, not Lucas, not Nathan could really be back at her doorsteps. It couldn't be them.

She dreaded it was Brooke for reasons she couldn't explain –or didn't _want _to explain, really, but she still didn't want to face her again.

She couldn't handle her again and that was mainly the reason why she tightly closed her eyes before her bedroom door opened slowly.

She was curled up on the bed; her knees draw as close to her chest as she could, and she was hugging them tightly. Her back was to the door when Haley walked through it a tad too hesitantly.

Honestly, she was upset and she just wanted answers, but when Peyton turned onto her back and faced her after a few seconds, Haley was taken aback at the sight of her eyes red-rimmed. It was obvious she had been crying –_too_– and Haley wasn't sure what she should do with that knowledge. She hesitated one more moment before uttering a single word. She stepped forward a couple of steps, and looked over at Peyton who in truth seemed as though she was everywhere but there at that moment. "I knew it had something to do with you," She stated in a low whisper warily looking into the blonde's eyes. She didn't come here to judge…though maybe that was what she was doing, but ultimately, she just wanted to help. Not herself, not even Peyton, but Lucas, really.

Taking a breath, she shook her head slightly sitting at the edge of Peyton's bed. At the dip to the bed, Peyton rubbed with her hand sleep off her eyes, and sat up moving slowly to the other side of the bed. She drew her knees up again, and her chin found the top of them. She looked over at Haley softly, but did not say a word.

It really wasn't because she didn't want to; she just didn't know what exactly she should say back at her statement.

It had been kind of the truth though; if Lucas –_and Nathan_– had gotten into trouble it was mainly because of her.

So she simply stared at Haley, but really, what else she could do?

"I came to yell at you," Haley blurted out quietly, yet sincerely, and rather hesitantly. Honestly, she just kind of needed to break that awkward silence that had settled between her and Peyton. "Lucas was a mess, and I was the one who had to fix up his face," She said rather uneasily, cursing herself inwardly at all the nonsense she was rambling. It was the truth, but she was positive this wasn't the time for that. "He was in a very bad shape, and he just wouldn't say anything and…then he kicked me out," She said shrugging her shoulders. Her eyes were narrowed but she'd shifted them from Peyton's somewhere along her rambling. "Again," She added after a moment upon Peyton's silence. "–He kicked me out _again_."

It was actually a little unsettling, she was just staring, and Haley had no idea what to do about that, so she…well, she thought she could keep talking but she wasn't sure what else to say.

Well, that of course, she wasn't sure of what else to say that was appropriate.

"You've been crying,"

_There_, not at all what she was supposed to say, not what was right, not at all what Peyton needed to hear at that.

Just not what she should've said; simply the _wrong_ thing.

"I don't know why and I probably shouldn't care," Haley continued in despite of herself and Peyton, too. She narrowed her eyes, but soon after she took a small breath, she kept going. "Not so long ago I loved to hate your guts," She admitted, and at last, Peyton showed signs she was there. Her big green eyes widened at her words and Haley actually felt bad when she felt relieved at that but she really did. It was something as opposed to nothing, right? "I told you —Lucas…he cares for you, he always has, and it just isn't fair for him you playing games with whatever is that that he feels for you," She said firmly, yet trying as hell not to sound harshly; or at the very least, not too much.

Peyton took a shaky breath of her own looking up from her knees, and into Haley's eyes for the first time that evening. "Did Lucas tell you what happened between us?"

The question was a low, husky whisper, yet Haley rapidly dismissed how broken it sounded and shrugged her shoulders feeling only a little uneasy. "Vaguely," She said simply, shaking a little bit her head. "He just said you weren't ready for a relationship," Haley's eyes lowered almost as soon as the words finished coming out of her mouth and so did Peyton's for some reason.

It wasn't an uncomfortable silence the one that fell between them for a moment. It was just silence, and for those minutes, only their breathing was heard. That was okay with the two of them.

"You always seemed kinda…bitchy to me," Haley said shaking her head, and squeezing her eyes shut playfully as the remark just…slipped out. She looked up at Peyton's eyes, and saw a small smile on her lips. It was soft, and actually kind of forced, but it was still a smile, and just because of that Haley matched it.

It wasn't as if she hadn't meant her comment, she rather did, she always saw in Peyton the girl who stuck her nose up at Lucas almost every day ever since Junior High but somewhere along the way that had also changed.

Perhaps it had been in the last few days, the last couple of weeks maybe, sometime; the point alone however was only one; _she _had changed.

Haley could see that clearly in that uneasy smile masking all the too many tears that were filling her eyes at that moment. "I always thought Luke deserved better, maybe, but…"

"But what?" Peyton asked shaking her head slightly when Haley's voice faded. That was a line of thought she hadn't seen coming, but wasn't minding too much either now.

"I don't know," Haley said fairly uneasily. She was looking into Peyton's eyes, but she was actually fighting to look down for some reason. She swallowed hard and kept shaking her head. "I just don't think any of this is fair to him,"

_Lucas' features hardened and his jaw clenched as he entered the room. He never really gave himself the chance to picture scenarios as to 'How' she was going to be this time; the second time he was walking into her bedroom that day actually. He had been maybe a little afraid about it; afraid he'd break her even more than she already was. Afraid that when he saw Peyton again he was going to be faced with her walls rose up again. Afraid that she was going to shut him out as she so well knew how. Afraid that he wasn't going to be able to reach her._

_Afraid that simply because of his mistake he'd missed out his chance to save her._

_The reality had been far too different, but in a way, it had been same as painful as he had unconsciously brace himself to._

_Nathan's hand let go of Peyton's almost immediately as his eyes met with the blond Scott's. He rose up from the bed, and before Lucas could have a good look of Peyton on the bed, Nathan was harshly addressing him. "What the hell are you doing here?" His eyes were narrowed angrily, and his voice was firm and loud. His pose was threatening and his hands were balled up at his sides. He wanted to punch Lucas. The reasons weren't exactly clear –he hadn't done anything to Nathan other than appear at Peyton's doorstep, but at that very instant, that surely seemed to be enough._

_Nathan had stayed calm before which had been harder than he thought it would be, but he still had done it. Nathan had stayed calm for Peyton. He had said very little after her words, but he still had asked that single question Peyton didn't respond._

_Or as Nathan guessed, she wasn't able to._

_Just before Lucas walked quietly into the bedroom, he had asked her "Who?" A small, rather plain question that was enough to made her break down then and there before his eyes. She'd let out choked sobs and harshly pulled away from Nathan the moment he tried to reach her and hold her into his arms. She'd sobbed for a good moment before her own hand stretched out and grasped Nathan's._

_He had been surprised at the action, but not for a moment hesitated to hold tight her delicate hand back. He didn't know what to do; he only knew he was angry at pretty much everybody other than Peyton at that moment._

_And then…Lucas happened to appear. No one could actually blame Nathan for wanting to crash his fist against Lucas' cheek, right? Because seriously, what the hell was he doing here, anyway? It wasn't as if Peyton was any of his business. She certainly wasn't._

_At last, shaking his head, Lucas acknowledged Nathan's questions had been directed to him. He looked away from his so-called brother's eyes, and fixed them on the floor for a few seconds. "I–I…"_

"_You should go now," Nathan ordered not nicely at all. He stepped a few steps forward and before Peyton could actually realize it, he was closer to Lucas than she would have wanted._

_Her breaths came out harsh and ragged at that moment as she tried to choke out dry sobs. Her head began shaking slowly when Lucas' face lifted and his angry features hardened even more when his eyes met Nathan's. None of it was okay and now the two of them were making it all even worst. _

"_Get the hell out"_

_It was merely a scream and was enough to not just anger Lucas more, but to startle Peyton. She didn't utter a word, but a low whimper escaped her lips at Nathan's shout._

_They didn't seem to listen though, and Lucas instead of backing off straightened up and pulled away from Nathan shoving him slightly. "I'm not. I–I came to talk to her," He stated firmly, his eyes squinted and the same shallow anger Peyton had seen on Nathan's eyes earlier that day, she was now seeing it on Lucas' eyes. The two men stared into each other's eyes for a good moment before Lucas' eyes fell and after a few seconds he shifted them so that he was facing Peyton for the first time that evening._

_He was ashamed. In all honesty, he didn't feel worthy enough to look into her eyes, and at her broken frame, but he still didn't look away but only softened her eyes when their eyes meet. "I'm sorry," He said looking at her, and talking to no one other than Peyton Sawyer at that moment._

_Nathan didn't think twice before shoving Lucas with his hands when the words came out of his mouth. Why in hell was he sorry about it? "You got nothing to talk about with her, so…Get out!" He ordered angrily one more time._

_Lucas took in a shaky breath looking at Peyton apologetically one last time before shoving Nathan back. "You're nobod–"_

"_Shut the hell up," Nathan interrupted strongly before Lucas could say whatever stupidity he was about to say. His face twisted into a snarl and sheer fury was flashing through his eyes. "Get out of here, and stay the hell away from us, she…" His voice trailed off for a moment. He looked over at Peyton from over his shoulder and shook his head before shoving Lucas towards the door again. "She doesn't need you," He stressed uneasily and rather firmly._

"_Yeah, so she needs you, right?" Lucas encountered just as angrily only seconds before his fist crashed harshly against Nathan's cheek. He didn't even turn to look over at Peyton or at Nathan's eyes firmly, he only did the one thing that he felt as though he had to do. For as long as he knew Peyton –and Nathan for that matter too, all Lucas had seen was him treating her poorly. As if she wasn't worth of his respect, and that, that had been why he wanted to punch him that night._

_She deserved better. She always did. She deserved someone that thought of himself lucky just because she decided to be with him; because Peyton Sawyer was his girlfriend. Lucas never saw that pride on Nathan and that upset him more than he thought it did. That's why he punched him and that's why also he didn't back off when Nathan's own fist was clashing against his already sore cheek._

_None of them could be sure of how many punches were thrown before Nathan had tackled Lucas already and the two of them where wrestling on Peyton's bedroom floor as if she really wasn't there._

_It was a low, aching whisper uttering a "Stop," that caused them both to freeze. Lucas was on the bottom, and at Peyton's broken voice, Nathan rolled over onto the floor and his head snapped over to her. _

_She was standing by the doorway; none of the boys had an idea as to when she got there but she was still there. She was hugging herself, and the two of them could actually see her clearly fighting with herself and with the tears that so badly wanted to fell from her eyes. She didn't let them fall and instead stood stonily by her bedroom door. "I don't need either of you right now…Get the hell out," She said, this time her voice carrying a whole lot more firmly than it had the time before._

_Not Nathan, not Lucas moved from their spot until a few seconds later when –upon their silence and stillness– Peyton shouted out again the very same words she'd said softly before._

_There were some undistinguishable words coming out of both Lucas and Nathan's mouths; more than likely they were arguing the fact that Peyton had kicked them out when she obviously didn't need to be alone, but she still couldn't make sense of their words. She just knew they were talking and that she didn't want to understand just what they were talking about. She wanted them gone. Of that she was actually kind of sure at that moment._

_Nathan stepped outside first and Lucas lingered walking slowly behind him. Peyton's eyes were down on the ground, yet Lucas could see how haunted she was. How much sadness and pain were filing her features. How much she did need them –whomever, really; she did need someone and now she was shutting them both out when in truth, Lucas was sure –now anyway– how Nathan wanted to help her just as much as he wanted to help that curly-haired blonde._

_He couldn't admit that earlier, and he probably couldn't admit it now either to anyone other than himself, but seeing her hurting so much –partly because of him– broke Lucas' heart even more._

_At that moment, her pain wasn't just hers, it was his as well, and maybe, just maybe, it was Nathan's too._

_Perhaps that was something that came along with knowledge. All three of them knew something that would not let them go back to the life they once knew. Maybe things would turn out okay, but…what if they didn't?_

_What if she didn't heal?_

_What if things never got better for her?_

_What if they had just now screwed up their one chance to help her?_

_Same as Lucas, Nathan was also hoping none of those things to be any accurate. Not that openly, and a little resentfully too, Peyton was also hoping that._

_For her it all seemed more difficult though, and if she was one to say so herself, no one could blame her for that._

"_I just want to be alone," She told mostly to just Lucas, but since Nathan was still by the top of the stairs he also managed to listen to her words._

_Her words than had been a lie, and not just the boys knew that, she did know it very well too, but that…that was yet another of the things that was hard to admit at that instant._

_She had never let herself need others. Not in a very long time that was, but now…now being alone scared her more than she'd ever been scared before._

_Or maybe that was not true, but for the time being anyway, it didn't feel as though it was._

_She wasn't better off without them. She wasn't. She knew that the moment she heard the clicking of the front door closing, she would be one more time alone in that empty house with thoughts haunting her and that was something she wasn't sure she could bear._

_She wasn't sure of what she was supposed to do now –though part of her wanted to call them back…any of them. She fought that urge back and simply closed her eyes sobbing the moment she simply couldn't hold it back._

_Why it all had to be so difficult?_

"I don't think it's fair to him either,"

It was a quiet statement, one that Haley would have probably missed hadn't she been so close to Peyton. She didn't miss it though, and heaving a small sigh, she nodded her head and actually smiled a little. "I really don't know you," She stated back. Matching softly Halye's smile, Peyton nodded her head too. "But he's my best friend and I just don't want to see him hurting. I–I guess you can understand that, right?"

Peyton's lips pursed, but she didn't look away from Haley's eyes for one second. She seemed somber too, as if she really wasn't judging anymore. Peyton felt comfort in that, and so she nodded her head slightly at her words. Having her there – saying what was appropriated or not, was certainly better than being alone. "What's the worst thing he's done to you?"

Haley shook her head at the question. It was no secret it took her aback. "What? Lucas?" She asked back confused. Peyton heaved a small sigh, and wordlessly nodded her head. Haley thought for another moment before even more strongly, she continued to shake her head. "Kissing me in the seventh grade – I don't know!" Haley cried mockingly getting up from the bed quite hurriedly. A forced laugh escaped Peyton's lips at her words, and the brunette felt a little relieved at that.

"Why'd you ask?" She asked after a short moment; her eyes narrowed slightly, but she wasn't interrogating her, Haley was really just curious as to where that question came from.

"Brooke," Peyton uttered quietly and once again feeling uneasy. She let her eyes fell close for a few seconds taking in a few shaky breaths. "I don't know how much you are supposed to forgive," She added even more quietly, and in that moment, Haley truthfully had no heck of an idea as to what to say back.

It was that feeling that was killing her; she didn't understand anything that was happening, and why now even Brooke was involved? And in fact, she didn't want to know because she was too nosey –though she sometimes kind of was, but not this time; this time she only wanted to know so that she could help.

Peyton's features at that moment however, told Haley somehow that that curly blonde wasn't quite ready yet to share it all with her. Haley couldn't actually blame her for it either, after all, she'd said the truth earlier; she didn't know Peyton and Peyton didn't know her, there were no reasons why she could trust her, really.

"I just want you to know I'm here, anyway," Haley said a bit uneasily, shrugging one of her shoulders. "I don't know what you are going through, or what the hell happened between you and Luke, but…If you ever need someone I guess you can call…Sometimes things tend to seem more complicated than they really are, so…" She paused, one more time shrugging her shoulders. "Call if you wanna talk or hang out or whatever; carrying the world is easier when you don't do it alone," She hesitated a little before smiling, but at last, she did it before heading to the doorway.

Peyton didn't respond to her words or stopped her as she walked out of her bedroom; she simply bowed her head and matched softly Haley's smile.

It never hurt knowing you are not alone after all.

Maybe a couple more hours passed by; all Peyton honestly did in that time was toss in bed unable to fall asleep even when she knew she was exhausted. She didn't want to think anymore, yet she couldn't shut her mind off either.

It was around ten-forty when she decided she couldn't be in that house anymore. It was in that moment when she admitted to herself at least, that she didn't want to be alone…that she _couldn't_ be alone.

That's why she put on the first clothing items she could find in her closet, and without thinking about it twice, she skipped out of her bedroom door and went to the one place she felt as though she could be right now.

Her hand was balled into a fist for some good few minutes before she dare to knock the door. It was familiar for some reason, but it was always foreign for some others.

She took in a breath, and before she had completely let back out the excess of air, the door rapidly swung opened. He didn't seem surprise –_not so much at least_– and at that moment, Peyton thought coming to him was maybe the right thing to do.

"I need you,"

Perhaps he was whom she did need in fact.

* * *

**AN :** What do you say? :)


	6. Chapter Six : Once a Hero…

**Author's Note : **I'm still in the "I'm sure, I'm not sure" kind of limbo with this chapter, but I anyway decided to just put it out there already. Hope you like it enough. We'll have at least a couple more

**Chapter Six : Once a Hero…**

* * *

Lucas' house was rather quiet when she stepped inside.

Sure, it was the middle of the night, but for Peyton it felt as though that silence was almost unearthly. She felt somewhat restless standing so vulnerable before him, but at the same time, for one of those very bizarre reasons she could never really explain, she was feeling comfort in his eyes.

He wasn't judging her.

She didn't look up at him at first, but instead kept her eyes on the floor and took a few elaborated breaths. It all felt as it was _too_ much, yet, at the same time, she knew she was better here than in any other place.

"Earlier, you…you…" She said in a husky whisper. Her eyes were still on the floor, and when the voice reached Lucas' ears, he couldn't help but shake his head slightly. At the rate they were, he was expecting her to either slap him –he kind of felt he deserved it for how he acted earlier that night– or not say a word. Speaking in such small voice somehow didn't cross his mind.

"Y-You can talk to me," Lucas said quietly gathering all he had in himself, and reaching out his hand so that he could gently lifted Peyton's face.

His finger was soft and tender under her chin; she didn't fight him, but simply took another breath as their eyes slowly met. "This morning, when I was with you," She somehow reminded him. It was an understatement to say that morning –and that whole day and in fact, the whole last couple of days were more than clear in Lucas' mind still. She didn't need to remind him anything, yet she did feel as though she should. "In my bedroom I, —despite everything that's happening, I…I could sleep. You were beside me and I could sleep. Now…" Her voice faded and though her green eyes were loosely fixed in his, her stare was mostly blank.

Lucas saddened, yet, one more time, gathering the nerve to do so; he delicately grabbed her hand and moved them both to the bed. It didn't take long for him to sit on the bed, yet Peyton did take a few more seconds. Their fingers stayed intertwined the whole time, and because of that, Lucas smile inwardly. It might not be something very big, but in the end, it was at least _something_.

"Now I can't, I can't sleep." She whispered one more time as she finally sat down next to Lucas, and her messy curls fell to her face.

Lucas waited yet again. He didn't want to say anything that he shouldn't or that she didn't need to hear, so he was thinking twice before uttering a single word. "Tell me what to do for you…" He told her looking down at her. She had let go of his hand as she sat down, so with that same hand Lucas had been holding hers, he reached up and tucked her curls behind her ear so that he was looking a little better the side of her face. "I'm here for whatever you need. I wanna help you and I promise I will. I need to help you but I also need you to let me help you," He said a little bit stronger this time, and it wasn't lost on Peyton how his tone changed.

She tilted her face to the side and warily met his eyes. She didn't say anything back though, so after swallowing hard, Lucas nodded his head at her, and offered her a soft smile. "I'd do whatever you need me to, you can stay here if you want to or…not. I'm not forcing you to anything, but you still should know that I care for you, because I do, Peyton. If you need me, I'm here. I'll always be."

It took a minute…in fact, a lot more than that for Lucas' words to really sink in into Peyton. Lowering her eyes, she still managed to nod her head, and for some other few minutes she didn't say anything else.

Lucas didn't take that the wrong way but instead also nodded his head as though accepting the fact that perhaps maybe, just maybe, she'd believed in his words. He was focused steadily one more time in the side of her face, still, the moment that low whisper came out of her lips, Lucas was clearly taken aback.

"You said I could stay…"

He shrugged his shoulders. "You can," He told her honestly. Taking him aback however, Peyton let out one of those bitter, kind of sarcastic laughs she did. He widened his eyes slightly at that but did not laugh or shifted away his eyes from hers. He was indeed serious.

"No I can't," Peyton said back just as serious, but also rather solemn. She looked away from his eyes and it was in that moment when she decided it was better to back away.

Softly she closed her eyes when Lucas' hand once again reached hers. She didn't turn her face around but then simply listened to his low voice telling her what she actually needed to hear. _"Stay,"_

For another long moment it was only that word lingering in the air, and Lucas' hand holding onto Peyton's soft hand; he really couldn't let go of her.

At last, she slightly turned her head, and his eyes one more time met with those hesitant eyes of hers. She didn't say anything but her mouth did open to say words that simply didn't come out. Within seconds Lucas was on his feet pulling her into his arms. She didn't argue or fought him, she just melted into his arms, and absently her head burrowed on the crook of his neck. Lucas didn't say a single other word either; he just held her.

He held her and waited.

Waited and hoped he was helping her heal somehow…even if it was with one hug at the time.

* * *

Tuesday morning rolled by faster than either of them would have wanted it; the alarm did set off, somewhere in between his million thoughts, Lucas had listened to it, but he had also made it stop before it had caused any damage to the blonde beside him. It had been a long – a _very _long night. One he probably would never forget, and that was because of that closeness; that closeness he felt with that blonde that only a few weeks ago was nothing more than a stranger…so to say.

A lot had happened; things Lucas couldn't bear himself to remember so early in the morning, but some others that he knew he'd carried with him forever. He hardly had had any sleep; in fact, sleep didn't happen to him that previous night. He didn't and couldn't complain about it though because she was next to him; she was safe and she was with him. That was just about everything he could ask the world for at that moment.

She was still sleeping – barely, but she was, and Lucas hadn't lost sight of her all night long. It was strange, though; he felt as though he had to protect her. As if that was a responsibility he had gotten somehow –_somewhere_– and even though he wasn't sure why, he was certainly honoring it.

She had been sleeping on her side, one of her hands tucked under her flushed cheek, and the other clinging to his hand as if that was his last hope. He hadn't complained about that either; mostly because she'd taken his hand the third time she had woken up and hadn't let go of it since.

She needed him, she really did, and that hadn't been lost on Lucas. Maybe that was part of why he felt committed with Peyton so much right?

In any case, before Lucas could merge himself into that whirlwind of thoughts his mind was at that moment again, his bedroom door swung opened —it was the understatement of the year to say Lucas had frozen at the sight of the new person in his bedroom.

Maybe his mom hadn't made the rule too specific, too clear, too…strict, but certainly, not sleepovers were allowed in her house; not now, not ever, and actually, not when she didn't even know the girl resting on top his son's bed.

The two of them were still with their clothes on, and the bed was practically made despite a small blanket covering a small share of that girl's body. Maybe Karen should feel relief at that, right? Yet, she did not, and her one reaction was her head beginning to shake and her eyes widening in sheer disbelief. "Who's this?" She asked trying with all her mind not to jump to conclusions and to stay calm. Her eyes moved from Peyton's sleeping form to Lucas' eyes expectantly when a couple seconds passed by and his son seemingly still had no words to say.

"S-She's–" Nice, he was stuttering now. Apparently, mama could frighten the boy even at seventeen. "Peyton," He let out rapidly at last, and although his eyes were on his mom's –_questioning, quizzical, mystified–_ eyes, he was struggling with himself the urge to look away, or better yet, to look over at Peyton. God help him if she happened to wake up now with all the riot…though Lucas was well aware the worst hadn't even began…_yet._

Karen held her stare on Lucas for another good moment before her face fell and she turned on her heels shaking her head still rather bewildered. "Outside," She ordered sternly before storming out of the room with no more words, or seconds looks at that so-called son of hers.

There was a brief moment then when Lucas closed his eyes and took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm down that fast beating of his heart. He looked over at Peyton one more time before coming to terms with that decision, that in fact, wasn't a decision of his own at all; he needed to explain Peyton in the house –_in his bedroom, his bed at that_– to his mother.

There was really too very little he could do to stop that from happening now.

He softly, delicately pressed a kiss to Peyton's forehead; he wasn't living her as he did the day before, with that kiss he was somehow just assuring her he'll be back, because truth be told, he will. Sooner rather than later, if it was in his power anyway.

"She's going through a lot, ma," That had been the best explanation Lucas could give to his mother. He said the words aloud a few times, and in his mind at least a thousand more times. How could he explained it to her when in truth, that curly blonde-haired in his bed wasn't ready for it all. That much Lucas had understood the night before, the less he could do now was honor that…it really didn't matter how hard it was. And in fact, he knew very well this all wasn't being hard on just him –_or Peyton, of course_– but also for his mom despite she not understanding a single thing at that moment. But then again, that was exactly the reason; she wasn't sure who that boy in her dining table was. It certainly wasn't his son; not the one she knew anyhow.

"What am I supposed to do with that Lucas?" Karen asked back frustrated after one of those awkward moments of silence. She ran her hand through her hair and really couldn't stop pacing the kitchen back and forth; if that didn't calm her nerves, then certainly nothing would.

Well, of course, that expect from the truth. That would honestly do the job tenfold better if only Lucas trusted in her as she supposedly thought he did.

"She _needs_ to stay," Lucas stressed one more time, and at that, Karen's eyes widened…even more.

"I don't know who she is or what in God's name happened to her and now she's just supposed to _stay_?" One more time, Karen asked incredulously and not at all caring for her voice rising. If the girl in the back woke up, then so be it; right now she couldn't mind some more explanation at all. Lucas face fell at her words after a moment and both their heads began shaking.

Karen took a deep breath, pursing her lips, but at the same time trying to wrap her mind around that whole mess she simply just wanted to understand. "Just talk to me," She almost pleaded; her features softened a lot, and she took a seat right next to Lucas in the dining table. His hands were sheltering his head, and out of mere instinct, Karen reached up one of her own grasping Lucas' cold hands. Was she mad? Absolutely. But she also couldn't turn her back on that girl –_his son seemingly cared so much about_– if she really did need them.

"She's got no one right now," Lucas explained in a raspy whisper. He shifted his eyes up and met his mother's for a second; how could he make her understand? "Her Dad's away and she…she mom, she can't be alone, she really can't,"

Karen listened carefully to her son's words and swallowed hard at that darkness that filled his eyes as he spoke of how much that girl needed him apparently. She had never before seen him like that, well…he had always been overly protective over Haley –though more often than not he'd try to hide it– but this time it was different. The boy speaking back at her didn't feel anymore that much like a boy, he was growing up and Karen couldn't stop herself from sadden giving he was doing it the hard way. "Is she gonna hurt herself?" Karen asked after another beat, questioning Lucas with the first thought that cross her mind as to why she couldn't be alone.

Lucas' eyes widened a little bit at the question; he lifted up his head completely and even opened his mouth to respond. No words came out though. At that moment of hesitation he honestly wished he could tell his mom that wasn't it, but in reality, he didn't know for sure what she would do? "I…No, at least I don't think so," He said quietly right before his head ducked again, and he ran his hand out of frustration through his hair and the back of his neck.

Karen frowned, but didn't say a word for a few more seconds. "I need to know the truth,"

"She's not ready," Lucas encountered almost before Karen had finished saying the words herself. Lucas held his stare on his mom, and for the first time that morning, he had no intention to look elsewhere; she needed to know he was serious.

"You and her…" Karen pretty much whispered holding her eyes firmly at Lucas, too. The moment she trailed off however, Lucas head began shaking.

"Just friends," He told her and even though that wasn't a lie, it wasn't quite completely true either.

There was something between him and Peyton that Lucas couldn't understand to save his life, but it was still something more than _"Just friends" _for sure.

"_I don't want to remember,"_

_It was the hidden vulnerability in her voice that broke his heart one more time that night. It had been 1:42 when she'd awaken the first time. Lucas was almost sure she hadn't really fallen asleep until at least 12am, yet not two whole hours passed by before she was letting out muffles whimpers as she slumbered. He had ached to comfort her as soon as her nightmare had begun, but his naïve side had "opted" to better not touch her and hope she'd fall asleep soon enough again._

_That never happened, of course._

_She stiffened beside him and at the same time her body grew shaky. Lucas eyes were fixed strongly on her small, fragile frame as it slightly shook. Her face wasn't peaceful anymore; her eyes were not soft and closed anymore but tightly squeezed shut instead. The second those small whimpers of sorrow started escaping her lips without she wanting them to, Lucas shifted on the bed and sat up so that he had a better look on her._

_If he were one to be honest, he could say freely how he didn't have a clue in hell as to what to do; should he wake her? Wouldn't she more scare if he did so? _

_A part of him still had some hope that it'd be over as soon as he woke her; as soon as her eyes opened again and she realized she wasn't alone, that she was…safe._

_That wasn't quite the reality, either._

_She jolted on the bed and Lucas gently grabbed her forearms to steady her, and as careful as he could; wake her up from whatever frightening thoughts her dreams were now plagued with._

_She'd began crying and her soft cheeks were filled with tears the instant Lucas slightly shoved her and reality set back in; she looked rather scared and frightened when Lucas managed to see into her eyes. He sat her up on the bed too, yet the tears didn't stop falling and there was a moment she was even gasping for air. He didn't hug her or push her much; he just held his stare into her eyes and mumbled soft little nothings in hope to soothe her._

_At that moment something more than reality also hit Peyton; she looked at Lucas and she saw a scared little boy. He was scared for her and she could see that much through his eyes. That was comforting, but it wasn't comforting enough by any means. Even though everything was still fuzzy in her mind, soul, and heart, she wasn't oblivious in that moment that the real nightmare had just began._

_Lucas wasn't either._

_How she was going to deal with the burden of it all? She had no idea._

_Pretending nothing had happened and that she was okay had been her first "choice". Naively enough she'd thought she could overcome this overnight. She had been wrong, and that she had also seen in Lucas' eyes._

_She was still shaking, yet, Lucas' arms were in a way holding her strong enough without hurting her. His touch was soft, and delicate. She noticed that much when her breathing began to slow down._

_He had said next, "It's just a dream,"_

_Her eyes had widened at his words and she'd shake her head. It was a lot more than just a dream._

_Now it was almost 4 o'clock in the morning, and she'd just woken up the third time. Lucas had been able to soothe her again. Thankfully, for him perhaps, her cries weren't loud enough to wake up his mom. Peyton didn't bawl or cry loud sobs of distress. Her cries were quiet; she for some reason couldn't let the world listen to her sorrow. She made herself quiet and fought back the tears with all the strength in her. Quiet battles with herself weren't something you could call new to Peyton, yet everything this time felt different; it was indeed different. It was worse than anything she had gone through before, and she didn't really know how to get through it._

_That thought alone seemed that night as such impossible thing. Granted, she wasn't alone, she was with Lucas, but things weren't still better. They lie in bed together; side by side and facing each other; Lucas's eyes fixed in her darkened with pain green eyes. _

_They were not touching, one another however. Still, even though there was space between them, Lucas could feel the warmth of her breath against his very own skin. His bed wasn't all that big, after all._

_Her words quietly carried to his ears, but he couldn't respond. In all honesty, Lucas didn't want her to remember anything either, but there wasn't much he could do to stop that from happening anyhow, so why bothering with stupid soothing words that weren't true anyway._

"_I shouldn't be here," Peyton whispered huskily when silence became too much for her. _

"_Yes, you should," Lucas replied without hesitating. His voice carried soft, tender; strong nonetheless. "My mom would understand," He reassured her, yet, as soon as the words came out of his mouth her head began shaking._

"_I can't," She pleaded with a pained expression over her entire features. She bit fiercely her bottom lip struggling to keep at bay all those tears she had no intention to shed. "Not yet, I can't," She added painfully, and Lucas could only nod in understanding._

_If Peyton wasn't ready to face the rest of the world yet, Lucas would honor that. Even if that meant lying to his mother; one way or the other, he'd make her understand._

_Perhaps it was hard to explain, perhaps it wasn't, but he'd do anything to help her…_

_Anything._

"_She still would," Lucas promised Peyton after a moment. Her broken expression changed very little, but he still felt that need to soothe her. His right hand lifted up slowly reaching her face. His forefinger delicately traced the side of her forehead brushing an unruly curl away. "I'll make sure you're all right," One more time her expression didn't change, her blank stare continued looking back at him, but that was still a promise Lucas had to make her._

_Perhaps that was yet another thing he couldn't explain, but as long as his fingers were stroking her soft skin, Lucas could hope he'd be able to honor such promise, too._

"_Now close your eyes…I'll be here,"_


	7. Chapter Seven : One step forward

**Author's Note : **Here it goes again, this is the last chapter trying to set up _something_, from now onwards, it's just the story unfolding I think. Thank you so much for reading.

**Chapter Seven : One step forward...two steps back...**

* * *

It is sometimes amazing –or at least, _impressive_, how fast and how much a new normal simply sneaks up on you before you have had even a said in your former-normal leaving.

For Peyton Sawyer, it had taken a few days short of 2 weeks: eleven days. Eleven days ago had been Friday and early in the evening, she had been getting ready to go to a party; a party she seemingly had no intention, or excitement to go, but a party that was perhaps representing new beginnings for her.

New beginnings she was not exactly thrilled about –_though deep down maybe she was_– they were ultimately, new beginning she was, until certain point, rather curious about. She was a girl and there was a boy; it was an old story that she had listened to at the very least, a thousand times, but this time however, things seemed different –things with this boy, things with Lucas, –_whatever that was_– felt different.

That was exactly what intrigued her about Lucas once upon a time, she couldn't read right through him, but apparently, he on the other hand, could read right through her like no one else, ever before, had done.

That was scary at some level, not in a level she would ever understand completely, but at least, in a level high enough to make her act on those…not feelings per se, but at least act on whatever was that she _"felt"_ for Lucas Scott back then.

Peyton had kissed Lucas that night of the party —because Brooke dared her to do it, but then she had also kissed Nathan —and this had been no dare. Things were messy, things seemed complicated back then, too. She had ran out on Lucas and then she had ran back to Nathan; back to Nathan and to everything that was familiar.

In spite of herself and everything she knew, she went back to Nathan, and she had seek sooth in something she'd thought she had control over. She knew how predictable things with Nathan were; they would fight, they would say things none of them meant –_most of the times_– and eventually they would also make up. It was a miserable way to lead a relationship of course, but at least that was something Peyton knew. She knew Nathan and what he would do; Peyton knew she couldn't exactly count on him, and though it wasn't what she should have done, she had settled with that, and gotten used to be treated as if she really was not worth or something better.

He was different now however; in eleven days, Peyton could even say Nathan had grown up, but at the same time he was still that boy, that boy who every so often pulled up walls she couldn't get through. She didn't take it personal anymore, and had somehow begun to understand him a little bit more in the course of the last eleven days. Sometimes, with some things, with those that really hurt you and with those you struggle the most, it's hard if not impossible, to let people in without feeling as though you are losing power over your own life.

Peyton was beginning –or at the very least, trying to let go of such conviction she had pretty much lead on her life for as long as she could remember. She was trying to smile at her life but also to cry when she needed to. She was trying to reach out to Lucas and to let him in when he asked to be let in.

For some reason, her walls would crumble down every time he would _"ask," _every time he'd _"plead"_ to be let in. Peyton would feel in those moments just how much he cared for her, and that was a new feeling for her.

A new feeling she was learning somehow to cherish, and she couldn't really explain why…she just did and she was beginning to learn to be okay with that, too.

Peyton's new reality hadn't completely set in yet, and it probably never would, but for the last few days she had been part of something completely and utterly new for her; she'd been part of a _family_ —a real one at that.

One that wasn't hers by no means, but that she was anyhow enjoying every bit she could get from it. Things were somewhat awkward for the better part of the time she, Karen, and Lucas happened to spend together, but for some reason it wasn't a _"bad"_ awkward, or one Peyton couldn't quite bear with. As a matter of fact, having Lucas blushing slightly every time a _"comment"_ he thought wasn't _"appropriated"_ would slip out of his mom's mouth was pretty much priceless.

Peyton liked being part of _"them",_ she liked to smile and to pretend –_if only for the time being_– that things were all right. However, every time night set in, she would be reminded –the rough way, how things were still far from okay.

Perhaps, that knowledge had been the reason why she had come to a decision the night before; it hadn't been easy, and she hadn't been sure of just how it would help her, but for the first time in almost two weeks, she had decided not to hide. Not to run away but to instead face her life and whatever reality she was doomed to face.

She wasn't okay, but at least, she was trying to be, and that would certainly not happen if she were alone.

The rough way too, but by that day, she had also learned that very much.

"I need a ride to the café,"

It was a whine, a helpless even stupid whine, and Peyton knew that, so with her jaw dropped and her eyes well set into the brunette's, Peyton shook her head in some rapid jerks. "Don't care," She said stonily, before rolling her eyes and turning around so that she wasn't facing her anymore.

Chuckling a bit, Haley rose from the bed, and hovered over Peyton by Lucas' bookshelf. Peyton didn't even read that much from his books, almost every book he owned Peyton had read it already, so pretending she was searching for one to read would not do it for Haley today. "Come one, you know you wanna come, too."

"You always walk," Peyton insisted rather coldly the moment Haley's arms wrapped around her shoulders, and the brunette was about to sang into her ear another plea that surely was about to come out.

Haley tilted her head so that she was looking into Peyton's eyes, and one more time, she couldn't help but smile. "Come on, you never go out anymore, and Luke says you shou—Ohhhhh," Haley let out goofily when Peyton –_finally_– made eye contact; sadly however, it was only to glare at her before the blonde drew as far away from Haley as she could and moved to the other side of the room by Lucas' desk.

"He said that?" Peyton asked back anyhow, putting up her _"stoic"_ front, and staring firmly into Haley's eyes as she sat down in front of the computer. "He said I _should_?"

Haley on the other hand, didn't hesitate to chuckle at her and to roll her eyes at how predictable that blonde before her could be some times. "He did," She explained simply with a shrug of her shoulders. "But it really is not as if we don't need the help at the Café, _besides_," She called rapidly when Peyton's mouth opened to retort. Very surely, the blonde's mouth closed again only a second later, and Haley beamed at that; it was _her_ turn to speak and she was glad Peyton –_at least–_ knew better as to stay quiet. "You are living here, remember?" She asked looking pointedly at Peyton, and trying with all her might to kill that silly smile on her lips. "You are, and you are not paying anything, so you might as well get up and do something for Karen in return," Shaking her head decisively Haley closed her eyes for a second before sighing and moving yet again close to Peyton. She put both her hands over the blonde's shoulders, and looked down at her helplessly; there wasn't anything Peyton could say to argue her right now; she had to go because she _had_ to go. "Let's go," Haley pretty much ordered smiling mockingly at Peyton when she glared at her getting up from the chair and walking annoyingly in the door's direction.

"Haley…" It was her last chance to plead, so Peyton did it. Only one step away from the door, she turned around looking at Haley with hesitating eyes and said the one word she thought was enough to let know the perky-brunette how she wasn't ready to go out yet.

Shaking her head once more, Haley chuckled but did not cave in at that look. Not in a million years she would. If well it was truth she came all the way to Lucas' house to get Peyton because _Lucas_ asked her to do that much, Haley was pulling her out of her funk because even though Peyton didn't admit it yet, that was anyhow what she did need. She didn't need her mind thinking over and over in _what ifs _and daytime nightmares, she needed to get out and remember just why she was here, and just how alive she was.

"Nuh-uh…shut up and stop whining!"

Six words that simply _had _to be enough for Peyton Sawyer that evening; with a chill despondency she simply yielded herself to Haley and was inevitably led away.

That had been the best advice she had gotten in a while, so she might as well listen to it, right?

* * *

"Haley totally busted you,"

Lucas closed his eyes at her words, but since there had been a smile on her lips as she said the words, the moment his eyes fluttered open again and he saw right into Peyton's emerald ones, he made sure a sheepish smile was on his lips as well. "I figured," He said simply shaking slightly his head. He gave Peyton's eyes one more look before he sat beside her on one of the Café's couches. "I still thought you'd like it," He tried and his voice carried only a little uneasily.

But honestly, nobody could hold that against him, he wasn't sure if that was what he should had said; he _couldn'_t be sure of that at all. If one thing Lucas had learn in the past eleven days; that had be certainly how with Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer he could never –_not ever_– be sure what he should say to her, and more so, what she would say back at him.

_If_, she even said something back at all.

This time around, it seemed as though she was going to tell him something back after all. Her head tilted enough so that her eyes found his and her eyebrows even shoot up at his statement. She stayed in silence for another moment or two before her eyes softened and she shrugged her shoulders looking back down at the sketcher on her lap. "I think you guys _needed_ me," She stressed playfully, and for the first time since he'd reached the café that day, Lucas felt as though it was okay to smile at her.

Even more, when shaking her head Peyton handed him over a couple of Haley's so-called _"drafts"_ of tonight's open-mic's leaflets. Lucas chuckled at Haley's drawing abilities, and though faintly, so did Peyton. "I know," She said in mock understanding searching for Lucas' eyes again. "I do like it though," She said, and in all honesty, that was the one reassurance Lucas needed all along.

"Tonight was Hales idea and I don't know, I just thought you could help us," Lucas pointed out softly after a moment. His eyes slowly shifted from hers down to her lap, and fixed on her very own sketchbook and in what Peyton had done so far of the –_actual_– leaflets for tonight. "Those are amazing by the way," He noted sincerely only to have Peyton shake her head at his words.

Lucas was about to argue her actions before she simply looked up at his eyes pointedly. He sincerely couldn't do anything against that stare; it really held such power over Lucas. "No, they are not," She said so securely, that Lucas almost had to trust her_, almost_…if they weren't indeed amazing then maybe he could have believe those strong words she uttered, but then again, the reality was by far different, her sketches so far were in fact, pretty much awesome.

Lucas then simply held his stare on Peyton's eyes for another moment before he smiled and let out a chuckle tugging the sketchbook out of her hands. "They are," He insisted actually serious somewhat taking Peyton aback.

Sighing in defeated she looked up at him tucking a long blonde curl behind her ears before she shook her head. "I hadn't drawn a single thing in forever," She admitted quietly, and in that moment, Lucas' only option was to soften his features at that hidden vulnerability he could see anyway in her guarded eyes.

He waited a beat to respond but instead took another look at her drawings. "I know," He said back simply and Peyton quite solemnly nodded her head.

She couldn't argue him as she would have some other time; she had been with him in the last eleven days more time that she remembered herself spending with any person other than Brooke Davis once upon a time. They had done a lot together, so it really was only natural he'd notice she hadn't touched her sketchbook before that day.

Even, after Lucas took a trip solely to her home to bring it back to his. That had been a part of her he'd known since the very moment he _"met" _Peyton; it was a big deal for him, as much as it was a big deal for her, that she hadn't been able to draw something…anything.

It hadn't been completely as if she hadn't wanted to, she kind of had, but inside her, that "_something_" that compelled her to draw once…most days it felt as though that _"something_" was gone.

Today that had been different however, so maybe, just maybe, the fact that she was here, with a pencil in her hands and a sketchbook on her lap meant something more than just his mom getting first class advertisement.

"They are amazing," Lucas uttered softly one more time, and this time around, Peyton didn't argue or shake her head, simply took her sketchbook from his hands, and offered Lucas that cute half smile only _she_ could offer.

Lucas then sat back on the sofa, and looked over at the café and his mom and Haley and everybody that was here; it was impressive, but sometimes, the times that he shared with Peyton, if he didn't try, he wouldn't even notice the rest. It was as if the world simply disappeared when he was with her.

That wasn't however, a bad feeling at all.

The polar opposite actually.

By that time, Peyton had already turned away from him, and had begun sketching again. Lucas looked from over her shoulder and smiled when softly she sighed and shook her head playfully. "What?"

"Are you going to stay?" He asked almost into her ear. Peyton listened, but then simply continued drawing for a little while longer before she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Dunno," She said in something just above a whisper before taking in a breath and looking over at Lucas. "I don-"

"I think maybe you should," Lucas encountered just as quietly as she'd been speaking before she could say '_no'_ as he kind of knew she would. "You are part of this, if people actually show up tonight it is going to be because of you," He said quite convincingly, and surprisingly enough, for a few seconds Peyton believed in him.

Taking in yet another shaky breath, Peyton put down her sketchbook and rather hesitantly fixed her eyes up into Lucas' blue ones. "I…" She said trailing off for a second as she shyly tucked another curl behind her ear. "I called my Dad today,"

Lucas eyes widened at her words, and that actually hadn't been a bad thing; he somehow just hadn't thought he would be listening to those words today. Then again, it really was something good she'd called him, after all, it kind of meant Lucas insisting her over and over to do it hadn't been in vain, even though at some point, he had been almost sure his pleas had fell on deaf ears. It was good to know they hadn't, though. "What did he tell you?" He asked back, when at last, he was able enough to make words out of his thoughts.

Peyton heaved a shaky sigh at his question; it didn't exactly come out of nowhere, she somehow saw it coming, but still…it wasn't that easy to talk about that, yet.

After all, her father hadn't really said much, but…then again, in a way he had said just as much as she had needed him to say. In any case, Peyton stayed quiet for another moment. She then looked up at Lucas and shrugged her shoulders. Lucas smiled at that before she had said anything; she always did that very thing and for more reasons than the ones he could explain, he found that rather endearing. "He said he would be home as soon as his boat reached the shore," She informed Lucas, and as she spoke, there was that sad smile on her lips.

"What did _you_ tell him?" Lucas asked one more time, and this time around, instead of smile –_sadly or not_– Peyton chose to purse her lips.

On the one hand, she hadn't said that much either to her dad, but at the same time, just like with her father, she had said just enough. "I didn't tell him what happened if that's what you are asking," Peyton said, not angry per se, but not pleased over the questioning either.

Lucas was a bit taken aback at her words –more so at her tone really, but he anyhow decided not to let that astonishment show, and instead just shook his head. "No," He said sharply one single time before his features inevitably softened for some reason. "That was not what I meant," He corrected pointedly. "I–I guess I'm just glad he's coming back," Lucas acknowledged sincerely and for what felt like the first time in years, Peyton smiled sincerely back at him.

"Yeah…yeah me too," She said softly offering Lucas a nod in agreement.

He had been looking right into her eyes as she responded and though now no words were coming out of her mouth anymore, Lucas was still holding his stare in her eyes, and for some reason, she couldn't, she honestly couldn't, look away from him.

Not for a good moment, that was.

"I…" Peyton merely stuttered, at last finding back her words. She shook her head a few times before looking down at the sketchbook that still rested on her lap. "I should probably finish this," She said fairly feebly still shaking her head and moving at the same time the one and many pencils and sheets of paper before them over the small coffee table.

Lucas felt his lips slightly curling up at the sight of her and for more reasons than one; he didn't even attempt to kill it back. "…I'll let you to it then, but…tonight…" He let his sentence trail off as he got up from the couch, yet his eyes didn't shift away from Peyton's for a second. "You staying?"

She hated, she genuinely hated those hopeful blue eyes that stared back at her when she looked up at him– she never really had a choice in the matter. "I…" Who was she kidding? Seriously? There was nothing to argue those eyes of his.

"Sure"

* * *

Peyton couldn't say the night was going smoothly, not at all, some time she felt as though she was being suffocated by all the people and the repeated and unanswered calls for service that simply couldn't stop coming. One way or another –most certainly not because of her, the open-mic at Karen's Café actually had a great turn out. A lot of people went, and lot of people signed in to sing and as it seemed, a lot of people were having a good time.

That was however, a lot of people, but her. It wasn't as if she didn't enjoy talking to Karen in the back of the Café every time she got a moment to spare, the polar opposite really, Peyton was beginning to love each and every time she happened to talk with the older woman; it certainly matter very little whether she was talking about Brazilian's coffee or about her thoughts on "_kids_" these days. Peyton enjoyed listen to her, and it was as simple as that. Tonight anyhow, that sense of peace she would feel sometimes when she tried hard enough wasn't coming at all tonight. Tonight she felt restless, as if her mind or heart or something inside her knew something was going to happen, and she simply would not like it…

She couldn't explain it, a part of her was beginning to think the crowd of people was getting the best of her and driving her crazy, but what she was feeling had very little to do with the people around her, if at all.

At that moment, she was by one of the tables. One in a faraway corner; that was the one she first had share a real dinner meal with Lucas, his mom, and for some reason, even Haley. As to expect, it had been awkward, but then again, it had been an awkward Peyton had been somewhat _"glad"_ to suck it up.

No one was by her side right now though; she could still see Lucas by the cash-register, and Haley by one of the tables giving out some drinks; she had offered to help –anything to take her mind off of everything she was feeling of course– but Lucas had insisted she was the guest tonight so in the end, without too much of a fight really, she had obliged. She had looked up at his eyes and nodded her head in faint agreement.

Now she was regretting that decision tenfold, she would rather at any time having Haley gushing beside her over anything, rather than being by herself at that moment.

Or at the very least, that was what she thought for as long as it took to her eyes to travel to the Café's door when the little doorbell rang. Her breathing grew fast and somewhat elaborated at the sight. She hadn't seen her in a while; more time than Peyton had ever before not seen the brunette, but having her right now, merely before her eyes, enter the very room Peyton was at, the blonde realized she was anywhere near to be ready to face Brooke Davis quite yet.

In a way, she just didn't want to snap in her as she had the last time they'd seen each other. Peyton had told her she needed time; she hadn't explained why or how long that time was going to be, she had just said she needed sometime between choked out sobs she hadn't been able to keep inside.

Her stomach dropped when Brooke spotted her and for a moment, everything Peyton could do to not faint then and there, was take in a couple shaky breaths squeezing at the same time her eyes shut as if to pretend that certain brunette wasn't really there.

Karen had once told Peyton how best friends could forgive each other everything; throughout the last eleven days and still, Peyton wasn't sure that had been completely accurate.

"Oh no, you are not going anywhere," Brooke's tone was sharp, and in a way, even accusing. The very moment Peyton attempted to get out of the chair she was sitting and out of the Café as well, Brooke had been faster to tuck her own hand in the crook of the blonde's elbow.

Peyton sighed at her words, and one more time, she let her eyes fell shut for a moment. She wasn't lying, not to herself, not to Brooke; she couldn't do this right now. "Brooke, please," She said rather pleadingly, when at last, her eyes fluttered open and Peyton was able enough to see into Brooke's hazel ones for a second before she simply had to look away. "Please,"

"What?" Brooke encountered, and unlike the last time they saw each other, this time around she wasn't even attempting not to sound mad at her. "You're my best friend," She stated for a reason Peyton didn't understand in that moment, and perhaps Brooke hadn't either, she only had known she had to say those words as well.

Peyton looked over at Brooke's eyes one more time with guarded ones of her own. She held her stare in her eyes and took in a breath shaking her head. She yanked her hand away from Brooke's grasp and without trying to explain herself again simply moved her feet as fast as she could through the people in the Café until she finally reached the exit and could breathe again.

It didn't surprise her when Brooke went after her; after all, she was her best friend, that was what best friends did, Peyton shouldn't have been surprised and actually should had felt relieved in having her best friend still having her back, but still, for one reason or another, she couldn't do that even if it were to save her life.

"Peyton, come on," Brooke called one last time; this time around, soft and just like Peyton, somewhat pleadingly. And in fact, Peyton couldn't hold that against her, she really only wanted her friend back.

At Brooke's words, Peyton did stop in her tracks, she didn't want to look back, but she still did so. She didn't know why exactly, but her hands curled into fists, and she squeezed her eyes as tightly as she could before actually facing Brooke again.

"Can you just please _talk_ to me?" Brooke said heaving a sigh she couldn't keep inside. "I…I'm your best friend," She said one more time just because she honestly didn't know how else to make Peyton understand just how wrong this all was.

"You told me to leave you alone, and I…I did it," Brooke began stating the facts. Peyton's eyes were on the brunettes, but even though it was a tad to odd, she really wasn't looking at Brooke. Her stare was blank and she had no heck of an idea what she was doing there. "I left you alone for _two_ weeks and I don't even know why…I-I hardly see you at school anymore and you are never at home, and I…I just don't know what I did to you that was so ba-"

"You didn't do anything Brooke," Peyton cut Brooke off strongly, and Brooke couldn't help but widen her eyes. That had been the first words Peyton was directly speaking to her in weeks. "I swear you didn't, I'm just…God, I don't know, there is just stuff and you…" She let her eyes fell close one more time as she took a breath. She was feeling awful inside but at the same time, for one bizarre reason, at least she felt some kind of peace at saying the words. Peyton tried to do it, she didn't think about it, but deep inside she very well knew that the one person she had _"chose"_ to blame for the things that happened in her life had been _Brooke_. She wasn't the one to blame of course, it hadn't been her fault, yet for one reason or another, Peyton couldn't help herself.

Not even now that she was talking to her. Sure, she was acknowledging what was true; Brooke hadn't done anything, but that action was still far, far away from the blonde forgiving Brooke for something she honestly didn't do.

Brooke's eyes softened when Peyton opened her own, and what the brunette managed to see in her eyes was not that twinkle she used to see when Peyton was happy, that wasn't it at all; Brooke saw darkness and regret and pain, and…all of that hidden behind her tears. "What kind of stuff?" Brooke asked one more time; her voice carrying softly, as if she was honestly afraid to break Peyton.

Peyton's head started shaking more out of instinct than anything else, yet before she could voice how she couldn't tell Brooke anything yet, her cell buzzed in her pocket and she got the out she had been needing.

Or at the very least, that was what she hoped.

The moment Peyton's green eyes traveled down to her pocket, so did Brooke's and in one last attempt to have Peyton open up to her, the brunette placed her hand over Peyton's before she could answer the call. There were no words spoken, but just a silent stare before Peyton moved her hand away and took her phone out. She then simply shook her head looking sadly and somewhat apologetically in Brooke's direction.

"It's my dad, I need to get it," She said last, and she said soft, and before Brooke had properly acknowledge it; Peyton was already gone and she was left alone in the middle of the pathway.

Things were in fact, far too wrong. If only she knew just how to_ fix_ it.

* * *

**AN : **Oh boy, I know you are not going to like me, but…I dunno, please tell you what you think! It's all messy now and I can't promise it'll get better, but still…I hope you've like it!** ;) ~~ **There's a glimpse to the future next ch also :)


	8. Chapter Eight :  Remember me?

**Author's Note : **A lil glimpse from the future here —for those of you who asked about Mikey. Finals are just around the corner, so sorry about not posting sooner. Hope you enjoy this chapter anyway ((All things considered) Thanks a lot for reading!

**Chapter Eight : Remember me?**

* * *

Peyton couldn't remember much about the first time she had been in this place. Even though some days it felt as though it had happened yesterday, in fact the first time she went through something like this had been a long time ago. She remembered it hurt though; that she could actually remember clearly. Hurt was the one feeling she was sure about even now…even ten years later.

Then again, about that first day, she could also clearly remember her Dad…her Dad's big hand holding tightly onto hers. Peyton remembered how he didn't let her go; not for one second and not even when he realized he had been hurting her a little. She had been standing by his side the whole time; the few days in the hospital as well as the days that followed after.

Larry Sawyer had always been a stoic man; little he showed the world about what he was feeling. Perhaps, Peyton had learned that after him. That fear to let the world know you are hurting. She still had been able to see right through him ever since her mom died. He was sad all the time, flickers of pain always clouding his eyes, he was mostly quiet and withdrawn from the rest of the world.

The sea became his solace; Peyton was never oblivious about how much leaving her alone killed him too, but if the sea was that something he could use to feel a little less bad, then having him away was something she also learned with the years to be fine with. He dealt with the pain in his life while in the sea, alone with his thoughts and seeking comfort in faraway lands. That same thought that brought comfort to Peyton once, knowing his dad was finding soothe out the sea by himself, was now yet another taunting thought that plagued her mind every day; day or night, that really didn't matter.

He had been alone; she hadn't been with him in his last moments, and that: _regret_, was what was killing Peyton inside that morning.

His father didn't know much people in town; that didn't surprise Peyton too much, yet many souls she didn't know either showed up at the cemetery anyway. Karen had been the one arranging each and every detail concerning her father's last matters on earth. It had been a bad storm; an angry powerful storm that took aback the seamen shortly before reaching the shore.

There was nothing anyone could have done to have a different outcome, the tide was high and the resources were low. A four hour car ride in the rain had been everything it took to have Peyton's hope to have her dad alive vanished.

She saw him and knew it was him straight away; she did not cry though. She simply stared at him and waited; waited obliviously as something inside her died along with her father's human form in the world.

Right now the preacher was speaking; he was going on and on in how a life was so soon taken away from them. Talking about futures that will never be and about those who were left behind.

It stroked her as surreal but there was no one. No one else she could actually call _"family"_

Who knew she would be left orphan before even turning eighteen? She was by no means a kid anymore, she was not, but for some reason it was hard for Peyton in that moment to bear a world in which he wasn't there anymore either. She never grew used to not having her mom, but as hard as that was, Larry was somehow always there in the best way he could.

Now she was left alone to her luck. She'd _needed _Larry; that was why she called him and tried to make him come home sooner than he was supposed to. Who knew that with that call she was the mere and main reason of her own world completely crumbling down?

She had been the one and only to blame this time; of that, Peyton didn't have a doubt that dim morning.

Brooke had had one of her hands firmly planted on Peyton's back for the whole service so far. She had rubbed circles and stroked her hoping against hope that would help Peyton somehow.

Yet since Brooke had been so close to Peyton, she noticed clearly when Peyton somewhat began trembling slightly. In that moment, Brooke took her eyes off of the preacher, and instead looked over at Peyton at her side as she closed her eyes tightly and stumbled back a couple of steps somewhat off balanced. Brooke then brought a second hand up to rest over Peyton's shoulder trying gently to make her still, but Peyton didn't seem to acknowledge her much. Her eyes stayed closed and she breathed in sharply a few times before shaking her head slowly and reaching her fingers up to her forehead. "Hey," Brooke called softly, ignoring for that moment the service that continued to unfold before them, and too, the stares of some that had caught sight of the blonde as well.

Peyton bit her lip strongly drawing a little bit of blood, but after breathing in and out a couple more times, her eyes fluttered open and in that instant, Brooke didn't see anything other than a fresh rush of hurt and pain burning in them. "I…" Peyton tried, but the words were somehow just stuck in her throat. Despite herself, she still looked firmly at Brooke, and shook her head. She could feel once again the sting of the tears in her eyes, but she blinked them back even if that were the last thing she'd do that day; she wasn't and she_ couldn't_ be weak right now. She really just couldn't. "He's my dad," Peyton forced out swallowing hard, at the same time as she reached up her arms wrapping them around herself when she too realized she continued to tremble ever so slightly.

Brooke couldn't form the right words to tell Peyton, so she simply heaved a shaky sigh, fighting back her own tears, and moved closer to Peyton wrapping both her arms tightly around the blonde's fragile frame as the preacher continued speaking before them. "I know," She whispered kissing slightly the top of Peyton's curls. It was surreal and tremendously painful to be there; Peyton's pain was so real, so palpable that it almost made her sick; Brooke could feel it clearly as if it were her very own. None of it was fair; in what kind of world that sort of horrific things could keep happening to Peyton? She was just a girl, and for one girl alone, she had been so far through more awful things Brooke would never ever even wish to her worst enemy.

It had been only three days ago when the brunette learned what happened. She for some reason knew exactly what would come now with Peyton, and that was simply something she couldn't let happen. Brooke had known how Peyton would without a doubt begin to shut herself away from everyone else, much alike the way she had done in the last few weeks with Brooke especially. But everything that happened, everything that happened with her dad changed things dramatically; Brooke couldn't explain how, but she had simply known what she had had to do. So Peyton hadn't talk to her in over two weeks? She still was her first friend and that was exactly what mattered the moment Brooke determinately reached Peyton and didn't let her fall into that damned darkness that curly blonde friend of hers was perhaps even doomed to fall into.

Brooke knew there was just so much she could do to _"save"_ Peyton from herself right now, but as little or as much that could be; she was still going to try as hell to reach through her barriers again. Much alike as she had done years ago when a cold cemetery and a parent taken away so soon had been their reality too, because after all, even when Peyton wouldn't or couldn't admit it, Brooke was still her best friend, and that was exactly what best friends are for.

"_How long has it been?"_

_Peyton rolled her eyes at the question, but kept her eyes up as to not let him see what she'd done. Some days she would dare to think he didn't like her; more often than not, that seemed to be the case, but in reality, she couldn't blame him or hold that against him. After all, as twisted as it was, some days she wasn't sure herself if she liked him either._

"_A long time," She replied pointedly at last; her words carrying a little more harshly than she probably should be speaking to him._

_Mikey's eyes traveled up and locked with hers. It was hard to understand her most of the times; he knew she was upset again now, but he couldn't know why and that was a little upsetting for him too. She was his mama after all; he could be young, but that didn't mean he didn't know how moms should and should not treat their kids. "How long?" He asked her seriously again, and not shifting at all his eyes away from Peyton's._

_She shook her head at his stubbornness and couldn't stop herself when her eyes rolled one more time. He could have got from her her eyes, or her hair, or her nose, birthmark, anything really, but no, from everything she was, Michael had to inherit her stubbornness. "Six years ago," Peyton answered, and looked down at Mikey strongly as if wordlessly warning him to drop the questioning._

"_I'm almost six years old, too," He pointed out despite his mom and sighed when she drew away from him in that way Mikey knew she only did when she was growing even more upset. For now, he dropped it, and let slide everything else he wanted to ask. _

_Peyton sat in the closest bench, and only a few seconds later, Mikey followed after her. He picked his small school bag from the ground, and moved to where she was, sitting himself beside her on the bench._

"_I'm sorry," He whispered softly, coyly looking up to meet Peyton's eyes. He sometimes pushed her buttons just because, but that didn't mean he liked when she was mad at him._

_Peyton let her eyes fell shut for a moment; she inhaled deeply, and shaking her head opened her eyes again, fixing them into her son's. "How are you feeling?" She asked instead of acknowledging his apology. After all her day had been interrupted sine he wasn't feeling very well, and apparently, preschools couldn't take care of little boys when they weren't feeling very well…that honestly, felt absurd and silly, and just stupid in Peyton's mind._

_Why were the teachers there anyway? She paid big fees and the first runny nose the kid happened to have she had to immediately go get him for "safety's sake"? It sounded every time more absurd in her mind. It wasn't as if she was bothered with him, she wasn't, most of the times, but hanging out with him today –precisely today– hadn't been in her plans at all._

_If there was one thing she constantly regretted in her life; that was surely how more often than not, the one that had ended up paying the consequences of her own actions was that child beside her._

_She never meant to do wrong to that boy, but sometimes, almost as a rule, she couldn't help herself._

_And the consequences of those too many times she had snapped on him for no reason whatsoever, was pretty much the reason those boy's eyes were staring rather apprehensively at her in that moment, instead of fast answering the question. She rarely ever asked him questions like that; their talks never past of asking him if he had done what he had to do, and from Mikey's side, what was for breakfast, lunch or dinner, even though, usually, she was only there for the first one. "I'm all right," Mike replied at last. He said the words so seriously even when he was also shrugging his shoulders at the question. _

_Peyton was absolutely sure that a stranger that randomly happened to speak to him would never, not in a million years; guess he wasn't even six years old yet. He was so mature and serious when he was around Peyton. With his dad he'd play, he'd laugh and giggle, with her, he'd be serious, and in truth, Peyton couldn't hold that against him either._

_If that boy had been there lately for a couple of times when she was laughing, that would undeniably be an exaggeration._

_One time Mikey asked Lucas what was his favorite part of his mom; he had answered her laughter, and in the very instant the words came out of Lucas' mouth, Mike had grown somber. That day for the first time, the boy had believed Lucas was lying to him._

"_Are we staying here with Grandpa for-" Mikey tried asking, but when Peyton's palm reached up finding his forehead, he let his sentence trail off and simply looked up into her eyes._

"_You are still warm," She noted, meeting down Mikey's gaze, and at the same time moving her other hand so that she was touching his cheek as well. He was indeed still warm. "You're not feeling all right, are you?" She asked strongly, and Mike literally brushed off her question shrugging his shoulders and drawing away from her._

_He sat back on the bench, and stayed in silence along with Peyton for a while. "Did you ever play with him?"_

_His voice carrying through the cold cemetery's air took Peyton aback for a second, and out of mere instinct she turned her head looking down at him again. "With who?" She asked back, carrying one more time, a lot more strongly and defensive as she should with that little boy._

_Mikey shook his head seemingly annoyed at her question. "Grandpa," He called pointedly, turning his head so that he was staring right into his mom's eyes again. "Did you play with him?"_

_A cold chill ran through Peyton's spine at his words for some reason. She shook her head as well as she closed her eyes, before rather stoically she shrugged her shoulders, too. "I did," She replied plainly._

_Mikey took at breath and nodded his head. "Did he hug you?" He asked one more time, and this time, Peyton's eyes widened at bit at the question. He on the one hand, had never before asked questions like that, and because of that, she have never actually thought in possible answers. _

_She shook her head, and tried to dismiss him, but Mike's questioning eyes were still on her the whole time. "He was my father," She replied fairly annoyed at last, and after holding his stare on Peyton for another while, Mikey nodded his head and sat back on the bench one more time._

_To say Peyton was surprised when he leaned in and rested his tiny head over her arm was clearly the understatement on the year. She immediately stiffened at the contact, and even though she didn't exactly fight the embrace when Mike's little arms wrapped around her, she couldn't –not for the life of her– relax into it either._

"_Maybe I can borrow you one," Mikey noted simply. His nose nuzzled playfully against Peyton's arm when he felt as if he was going to sneeze. He didn't want that, he didn't want to feel sick and begin to sneeze because that clearly annoyed his momma, so he fought it back, and waited a little bit longer for her to reply to his offer._

_In that moment, Peyton thought in a thousand ways how she could answer Mike's words; she could dismiss them, she was an expert in that after all. She could tell him nothing and just stay in silence until he realized she wasn't going to answer him. She could also maybe tell him that she didn't understand what he meant and that they had to go now because it was getting late; at least she wouldn't be lying if she said that._

_In any case, she chose none of those, and instead looked down at his face for a moment. He wasn't looking at her, but instead focused in all the stones before them. Peyton pressed her lips together tightly, hesitating for a moment. She even attempted to form some words, but that first try was in vain. It wasn't until Mikey felt her eyes on him that he looked up and Peyton felt as though she could reply then. "Which one?" She asked him back, and for the first time in what could literally feel a lifetime for Mike, her voice carried soft._

_The boy smiled and squished up his nose playfully at her words. "Luke," He said simply, and Peyton honestly wanted –more so, needed to ask him why, but before she could even voice the question, she saw in Mikey's eyes how he knew that much already. "You always smile more when he is at home than when he isn't,"_

_Peyton's mouth did open slightly to argue, but no words came out. There was nothing to argue, that statement wasn't something new or something untrue to her. _

"_Come on, I should get you home, it's getting chilly," She pointed out, already getting up from the bench. She then looked down at the boy and couldn't help but see the disappointment in his eyes when she was no longer closer to him. "You can stay with me today if you are still feeling crappy," She offered rather offhandedly, and if one could say so, she said the words even oblivious of how much that little statement was enough to have Mike's face lit up in only mere seconds._

_She took his backpack from his lap and began walking in the exit's direction when Mike started getting down from the bench as well. "Mama?" He called making Peyton stop in her tracks. She looked back at him, but didn't pronounce a word. In all honesty, today she had said more than she'd said in months to that boy already. "Aren't you gonna say goodbye?" He asked, looking back himself at his grandpa's grave._

_Peyton followed his eyes to the stone, but didn't say anything for another moment before simply turning around again and carry on walking. "There really is no point, Michael," She called addressing the boy even though her back was to him. Mikey sighed somewhat defeated and followed after her as she kept speaking quietly. "He's been gone for a really long time and he's not coming back. You should know that by now,"_

"I think you cleaned up all right all things considered,"

Peyton turned her head to look at his eyes as he spoke, but then wordlessly bowed it again. For some reason small talk didn't seem as something she could properly do today. The funeral service had finished at least a couple of hours ago. The better part of the people who went to the cemetery were now squished together in Karen's little home. Peyton had stayed inside for a good moment, way more than she probably should have stayed, but she still had done so. A part of her had thought that bear with the crowd was the least she could do for her father, so she sucked it up, and listened up the endless condolences of all the alleged mourning people.

A little past four o'clock in the afternoon, she had stepped outside into the back porch of Karen's house, and just sat down there and for the first time that day, her thoughts were the one thing she could hear in her head.

She had stayed alone for a few minutes, but then he sat beside her. He respected her silence for other moments but then just said those words Peyton didn't find much relevance in.

She'd never really spoken with him before; sure, in the time she lived with Lucas and his mother she would see him at least once a day, in the Café or well in the house in the mornings for breakfast or at nights for dinner. But she never really _talked_ to him precisely. Or the other way around either; he had never really spoken to her to tell her things other than how she liked his pancakes or thrown in comments to make her smile.

He was a good man nonetheless, so perhaps that had to be enough for Peyton at that moment.

"I think he would be prou–"

"You can't possibly know that," Peyton chimed in; she not exactly had wanted to sound too harsh, but at the same time, she'd been unable to control it. All in all, why would she want Keith saying things he honestly couldn't be sure about? Her dad most likely had been mad at her in his last moments. After all, she had made him interrupt his trip only because of her drama. Had she not call him, he'd probably be alive. Hadn't she been so weak, he would probably be alive. It all had been her fault, there was no chance in hell he'd be proud.

Not at all.

"You are right, I can't," Keith replied somberly at last. He held his stare in Peyton's eyes for a moment before he shook his head and his hand reached up and rested over her shoulder. The contact startled her a little, but taking a deep breath herself, she shifted her eyes from his and kept her head down as he spoke one more time.

"But I bet he'd want you not to beat yourself up upon something that certainly was not your fault," He said pointedly, and his words made Peyton purse her lips. Maybe it was the wrong thing to feel, but that fatherly tone he was using with her –_as if he knew things about her when he obviously didn't_– rubbed her up the wrong way. He had no right to say such things.

Before Peyton had the chance to refute his comment, Keith was already getting up from the porch step. He squeezed slightly Peyton's shoulder, and gave his nephew a sideways knowing look as he approached Peyton as well now.

After hesitating for a moment, Lucas took Keith's former place on the porch. It had been very little what he had talk to Peyton in the course of the last few days. For starters, he had simply known she needed her space to sink in just how dramatically her world had change. And also maybe, because he had very little idea of what to do to fix this for her.

"He should mind his own business," Peyton sneered, and Lucas couldn't hold back a small chuckle. At her words, his eyes traveled down at her, and he offered her a sad, full of understanding smile.

"I bet he was just trying to help," Lucas tried his best guess as to why his uncle had decided to talk to Peyton, and was somewhat rewarded when no smartass comment escaped next Peyton's lips, but instead the curly blonde nodded her head.

"Yeah," She said quietly. There had been a small smile on her face too as she talked and Luke replied, but in that moment, it simply faded away.

Lucas one more time didn't know what to say back so he simply nodded his head in quiet understanding. "Yeah,"

"I'm not going to tell you how you should feel," Lucas added after a good moment, and Peyton's head shot up at his words, and her eyes even widened a little as in surprise. "I'm not," Lucas insisted simply. His eyes latched onto hers for a moment before he sighed and his eyes shifted down. That pain in her eyes was so big that even for him; it was too much to bear. "I'm just–"

"There is nothing you can do," Peyton uttered, offhandedly cutting Lucas off. He didn't object the interruption, but simply looked up hesitantly into her eyes. In all honesty, all Lucas wanted do to was lift a little of that burden she was carrying, but though his intentions were good, he couldn't do anything if she didn't let him. So now, right now the best he could do was listen and try to understand at least a little of that whole mess she was going through. "There is nothing you can do this time to fix this, to fix _me,_ you…you simply can't, Luke," She stated in a small voice, and that last term of endearment she used of his name, broke his heart in little pieces and forced him to close his eyes as she continued speaking softly.

"Not this time. A…a hug and an '_It's going to be okay'_ aren't enough right now, but…it's not your fault," She said shaking her own head, and biting her bottom lip slightly when her eyes shifted and she met Lucas'.

"It's not yours either," Lucas tried saying the words softly, and at the same time hoping for Peyton not to continue. She sounded so defeated, so broken, as if there wasn't really any more hope inside her. The thought of that being even possible, broke Lucas' heart a whole lot more. "And I…Peyton, I…" Lucas tried, but at that moment he felt as though the words were simply stuck in his throat.

Peyton looked at him and at his eyes brokenly for another moment before she shook her head and stood up from the steps. She closed her eyes and her breathing grew uneven when Lucas' hand reached out and grabbed her arm.

"You don't have to pretend as if you don't care, as if you are not hurting," Lucas uttered painfully. His eyes stayed down fixed on the floor, yet his grip did tighten around Peyton's weary arm. "Because I know you are, and pretending differently it's not going to take you anywhere,"

His words lingered in the air for a good moment when eerie silence fell between the two of them. Peyton felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes but she didn't let them fell. She breathed in deeply and shook her head moving herself hastily away from Lucas.

"Who told you I wanted to get somewhere?"


	9. Chapter Nine : Guilt has got you again…

**Author's Note : **Long chapter making up for the lack of updates this week. I should go back to regularly updating this story now though! Thanks a lot for taking the time to read. :)

**Chapter Nine : Guilt has got you again…**

* * *

Brooke walked into the room only to find her in bed. That really wasn't so surprising at this point, but even though she knew it was naïve, she had hoped against hope that that evening when she entered Peyton's room, she wasn't going to find her in the very same fashion she had been for the past nine days.

You know when a candle burns off? That was by some means the way Brooke was finding to describe Peyton.

Not twenty-four hours after her father's funeral had been over, she had moved back to her house. That big empty house that held her inside; her and no one else.

There had been a few who were against it; "_you can't be alone"_ was what they'd said, but Peyton had told them otherwise, she _had_ to be alone, that was her life now.

In spite of that, in spite of the one and hundred dark thoughts Brooke knew were whirling around her friend's mind, Brooke still knew she had to try. She had to try to reach Peyton and made her understand all the million things she still had left to live for. How in spite of tragedy and destiny and damned fate, she still had reasons to keep going.

That was why Brooke was here today; just like every other day after school, she cut her day short and came in into Peyton's room. She might not know it yet, she might not want to know it, but still Brooke knew Peyton needed her.

The fragile blonde was curled up in a small ball on the bed. Brooke didn't say anything as she walked closer to the bed, but simply took in a few deep breaths before reaching Peyton –she didn't say a word though. Brooke simply perched herself to Peyton's side, and wrapped her arm tightly around the blonde's weary body. She stayed quiet, and just stayed there; she stayed there and as painful as it was, she stayed in silence as Peyton's tears soaked slowly her face, as well as the pillow she was resting her head on.

There wasn't something Brooke could think of do other than held her; she wanted to fix this all for Peyton, more than anything else really, but she couldn't think in something that'd help her do just that, so she just held her.

Every so often, she would also brush a small kiss to Peyton's forehead as a quiet reminder that she wasn't alone and that Brooke hadn't gone anywhere.

That was simply a wordless promise the brunette had set herself to honor.

Night fell over quickly, when Brooke less acknowledged, the room was fast darkening already, and the sun that once entered through the window slowly disappeared as night set in and another day was doomed to be over.

A good moment and a few breaths was what Brooke needed to keep herself together at that moment. She began whispering softly little nothings into Peyton's ear. At first it weren't even real words, but mumbled sounds of soothe and comfort the brunette was hoping Peyton could make good use of.

Slowly after a beat, she began sitting up on the bed. "How about I fix you something to eat, P?" Brooke tried sounding as happily as she could sound considering the circumstances. She leaned in once again, and rested her chin over Peyton's arm. "I know you have not been eating properly lately, so I…I'm just going to go downstairs for a little while, okay?" One more time, Brooke sighed at the silence, and tried with all her might not to feel too disappointed at it. Now that she was properly seeing Peyton's eyes, besides the tears and endless pain her features carried, she also saw that broken blank stare she wore. Brooke however, refused mightily to get used to that one. Somewhere inside her, the Peyton she knew had to still be there, so in Brooke was to make that Peyton surface again.

The brunette brushed yet another soft kiss to Peyton's forehead before getting up from the bed, and step out of the room. It was taunting, it was painful; it mostly was unfair. The very instant Peyton wasn't there before her eyes anymore, Brooke felt her stomach fold over, and turning inside her; she felt the hot tears forming in her eyes, and that emptiness in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to be strong, hell, she _needed _to be strong for Peyton, but all of it was still hard on her too.

After a few minutes of standing shakily by the stairs, Brooke made her way to the first floor of the house, and rapidly directed herself to the kitchen. Peyton's home wasn't the biggest house, but it wasn't the smallest either. There were a lot of rooms, and family places, and just a lot of space overall. Brooke had never before minded that, after all, she lived in an even bigger place that most of the times was empty too, but it all felt so different now. When she walked down the stairs, out of the corner of her eye, she managed to catch sight of Peyton's mom old art studio past the living room. That space had been locked for as long as Brooke could remember; so today the sight alone of seeing the door opened, caused one of those unearthly cold chills to travel all the way down through her spine.

She was still shaky and rather jumpy when she entered the kitchen, and almost immediately, she put the teapot over the stove hoping the hot liquid would help calm her nerves. She took out of the pantry some bread, and out of the fridge some ham and cheese. The moment she offered to fix Peyton something, she clearly didn't think it through enough. She had no idea what to give her, what would "_stay down_" after whole days of no eating properly.

Shaking her head however, Brooke convinced herself the sandwich ought to do. It was light after all, and honestly, she just didn't know what else to give her –truthfully, she was no chef.

Brooke had been taking out of one cupboard a small plate when she felt steps in the kitchen. To say her heat stopped was clearly the understatement of the year. In that moment she couldn't help but yelp and throw the small plate to the floor letting it smash in many little pieces on the floor. The sound was loud and enough to make Haley gasp and yell too a little.

When both brunettes' eyes met, Brooke felt as though she could breathe again, but still her breathing wasn't coming out right; it was ragged and fast and uneven and she couldn't make it stop.

"The door was op–" Haley tried to explain apologetically, but trailed off when Brooke's face fell and her body began shaking ever so slightly. Haley couldn't help when she grew worried, but on the other hand, she didn't know what to do with that either. Much less when tears started falling down Brooke's cheeks. Haley hesitated for another moment, but then just did as her gut feeling told her; she moved closer to Brooke and held the shaking brunette tightly into her arms. "Shh," She tried soothing without even knowing why. If a couple of months ago someone had told Haley she'd be standing in the middle of Peyton Sawyer's kitchen, consoling –_to say the least_– Brooke Davis in her arms, Haley would have, more than likely, laugh wholeheartedly on their faces.

Not in a million years she would have envision this precise scenario.

"I just wanna help her,"

Haley pursed her lips tightly at Brooke's cries. Other than hold her and whisper "Shush" and soothing sounds every so often; Haley had genuinely no idea what else to do.

She stroked the brunette's back slightly as she cried, and eventually, Haley could actually feel Brooke relaxing a little in her arms and calming down a tad too.

"It isn't supposed to be like this," Brooke stated brokenly in something just above a whisper. Her head was still tucked in the crook of Haley's neck, and she honestly had no intention to move away from there quite yet. It gave her comfort and there was simply no chance in hell Brooke would let go of that voluntarily before she genuinely felt as if she was ready to do it.

"She…she's just a kid; but…first her mom, an–and now Larry, and she's…I wanna help her, but I don't know how," Brooke admitted painfully as she blinked back more hot tears. "I don't know _how_,"

At the statement, Haley found herself with nothing to say back, so she simply nodded her head looking down at Brooke's glistered eyes.

What are you supposed to say in moments like those?

"She's strong, Brooke," Were the three words that Haley could utter. She herself, couldn't be sure as to how strong Peyton was, but she was anyway hoping this was something the blonde upstairs could pull through somehow.

Brooke shook her head at Haley's words though, and drew away; not exactly because she didn't agree in her statement –she wanted to believe what she said actually, but mainly because in that instant, it hit her where she was, and most importantly, with whom she had decided to break down. She didn't know Haley by any means, and the fact that she cared for Peyton and had come all the way to her house that evening, didn't mean she was willing to care for the blonde's best friend as well. "I'm sorry," Brooke said in a raspy whisper, wiping the tears tracks from her face, and taking a few deep breaths as she attempted to busy herself in the kitchen.

Haley heaved a defeated sigh, and closed her eyes for a second before she simply shook her head too deciding to leave this one slide for now. "You should go upstairs and be with her if that's what you want. I'll clean up here and get something ready for her and take it up when I'm done," She said pretty strongly, as she moved closer to the stove and somewhat ushered Brooke away. Haley took the teapot from Brooke's hand, and filled it with water since not even that Brooke had been able to do before she just broke down.

When Brooke didn't move away and just stood there staring blankly at her, Haley sighed again and shifted her eyes so that she was looking right into Brooke's. "I care about her as well, all right? Just go…it– it's okay, just go,"

Brooke's mouth tightened and she felt the words stuck in her throat; it was hard to understand even for herself, she wanted, physically was aching to be upstairs with Peyton, but then again, the alone thought of being with her in that moment made her cringe. It wasn't because she didn't want to be there, it was because it simply hurt too damn much to see her like that.

In spite of her screaming gut, Brooke nodded her head apprehensively and after taking in a deep long breath, headed herself up the stairs. Throughout the years she had known Peyton, Brooke had always found _"funny"_ the fact that in the stairs walls there were no family photos. Even in her family –as dysfunctional as it was, there were always pictures taken and pictures placed around the house. Peyton's house had always been different, there were no pictures, and the one place where the pictures hadn't been removed after Peyton's mom died, had been just hers, Anna's art studio was the one place in that large home that still held memories of some better times that now felt so foreign –even, for Brooke.

The brunette shook her head strongly before walking back into the bedroom; she forced a bright smile to her face, and cleared her throat before calling Peyton's name softly. "Peyt," She said sweetly getting on the bed next to the blonde again. She wrapped one of her arms around Peyton's frame, and tilted her head so that she was seeing down into Peyton's eyes. She wasn't crying anymore, and because of that, Brooke actually felt as though her smile wasn't completely fake. "Hey," She called one more time when hers and Peyton's eyes locked. "Come on, sit up a little," She said drawing away a little from her and motioning with her head to get up as well. "You know who's downstairs?" She asked trying as hell to sound inquiring. Peyton however, hardly even looked as she had listened to a single word Brooke had pronounced. Brooke still, didn't let that front bring her down, because in truth, that was what Peyton was doing. She had pulled up a front, big wall that the brunette was determined to pass through even if that were the last thing she'd do. "Lucas'–actually, Nathan's tutor-girl buddy," She inquired with a raised eyebrow and a smile –fake one again, nonetheless a smile. "She works at a Café so I'm hoping she'd be able to get something done for you since I kinda suck at that,"

Not letting the silence get to her, Brooke kept her smile firmly in place. "Peyton–?" She tried asking but gasped and closed her mouth in a rush when Peyton's voice ranged to her ears before she could continue speaking herself.

In any case, the words that come out from Peyton's lips were by far, something Brooke didn't want to listen and at the same time, three words she knew were truer than anything else.

"It's not fair,"

The brunette's head shook at the broken words, and without saying anything herself, she reached out to Peyton, and held her tightly in her arms. She was shaking again, Brooke could feel that much, yet she still wasn't crying. "I know it's not," She agreed, perhaps, just as brokenly as Peyton sounded. "I know,"

"I just wanted him to come back; I just wanted him to be home. It's not fair." Peyton stressed one more time, before angrily letting out a choked up sob. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to be weak and powerless; she wanted to be in control of her life once again as she hadn't been in a very long time, but then again, the alone thought of that reality felt far ridiculous…even for herself.

Peyton then mightily shook her head and tried to push away from Brooke's hold, but the brunette didn't let go of her. In a way, she was somewhat, _not_ entirely by any means, glad Peyton was at least talking to her at that moment. Her words anyhow, of course caught Brooke a little off-guard, but then again, she really wasn't surprised by them at all.

Without a shadow of a doubt, Brooke knew Peyton had been blaming herself; not just for what just happened to her Dad, but also perhaps, for what happened to her mom all those years ago. After all, Anna had been in her way to pick up Peyton from school when it all happened. And in one twisted, even damaged way, if it hadn't been for Peyton she wouldn't be death that very day. But…Brooke still knew different, Brooke knew all that Peyton was thinking were thoughts driven by remorse and misplaced guilt, and not actual facts at all.

That was why she soothed with soft words and did not judge or reprimanded her for that line of thoughts.

The instant Peyton settled herself in her arms; Brooke took a deep breath and softly called her name looking down at her. "Peyton," She said, and even though she wasn't sure what was different now, this time when she heard her name being called, Peyton did look up at Brooke's eyes. "I need to know the truth," Brooke said firmly, yet not angrily whatsoever. She made sure her voice stayed calm, as well as her features stayed soft.

Peyton held her stare up in Brooke's eyes for a moment before she helplessly shrugged her shoulders. "The truth is going to wreck everything,"

* * *

"I think maybe you should go see her,"

"Did she tell you something?" The question came rather fast, and Haley was taken a little aback at it. After all, though it was the most unusual thing, the two of them had stayed in silence for over an hour now.

Right after Haley was finished in Peyton's house –_so to say_– she came to Lucas' place. She hadn't been sure why, and she surely hadn't been able to explain why either, yet she knew that was the place she should be. In any case, however, as strange as it was, the words simply didn't come to her until she uttered that quiet suggestion she honestly thought was fitting at that moment.

"Nope," Haley replied uncharacteristically serious for her. "I just think you should," She added, and Lucas wasn't oblivious of the way she wanted to avoid giving further explanations as to_ 'Why' _she thought that.

Whatever the case was, Lucas chose silence after her words.

"She's _so_ stubborn," Lucas let out quietly after a moment. He shook his head and busied himself with a car toy over his desk.

A soft laugh escaped Haley's lips at the admission, yet she chose not to reply anything quite yet. She turned to her side on Lucas' bed, and fixed her stare on him by the other side of the room.

"She thinks she can do this on her own, and…hell, I don't doubt for a second she can, she's honestly one of the strongest people I know, but…"

"She's also damn stubborn," Haley filled in for Lucas when his voice faded.

He nodded his head decisively at her words, and ran his hand through his face in quiet frustration. "I just don't know how to make her understand that she doesn't need to be strong this time. How…damn it, how she doesn't have to do this on her own this time, that…that I'm here for her, and that all I want is for her to let me show her that," Lucas stressed uneasily, and the tad of bitterness his voice was carrying wasn't missed by Haley at all.

The brunette's lips formed into a thin line, and one more time, strangely enough, she had no idea what to tell him so silence settled one more time before she simply shook her head frustrated —she _had_ to say something, so perhaps, saying the first thought she could think of was the way to go. "Maybe she just doesn't know _how _to do it. And y-you…Can you actually blame her for that? After everyt–"

"She doesn't know what? Let people in?" Lucas interrupted asking pointedly. His mind was anywhere but in that moment with Haley, yet, he could actually made out words out of something she'd said.

In return however, Haley shrugged her shoulders; she'd meant that, yes, but admitting so openly she cared for Peyton, more-so, admitting she knew her to the point to dare to say her guess as to why the blonde acted the way she had been acting recently wasn't really an easy thing to do. After all, something shy of two months ago, all Peyton Sawyer was for Haley was pretty much a fake…a fraud. It Haley could say so herself, no one could really hold that against her; after all, she was a cheerleader that was all but cheerful, and on top of things, a cheerleader who liked punk music and brooded on and about at every chance Haley had happened to see her…all of that, it just really didn't fit.

In spite of that however, in spite of how things had been a couple of months ago, right now things were the polar opposite from that. Haley hadn't asked for it; she hadn't even been keen of the idea of getting to know Peyton, but despite herself and even her prejudices perhaps, Haley had happened to know a side of Peyton Sawyer not so many people knew. With Haley –and with Lucas, and even with Karen, Peyton had tried, and tried hard to put down her guard, to trust and not to be as defensive as her default self was. That struggle to trust had been something Haley hadn't been able to oblivious of.

Fate happened then though, and Haley would be lying if she said she didn't care about how fast Peyton's walls had begun to build up again since her father passed away. Haley cared, probably more than she should, but she still did and denying it now would only make her a fraud too, so…so that was simply something she wouldn't be. "I think she needs you," Sorrowfully, she uttered the only five words she could to say to Lucas in that moment.

Sighing at the silence she got in response and that in seconds, settled between them, she got up from the bed and placed herself right behind Lucas resting her arms around his neck, and her head against his shoulder. "It's hard to ignore how much she cares for you, too…" There was a soft laugh passing through Lucas' lips at her words, which caused Haley to trail off for a few seconds. "_Even_, when she doesn't want to see that herself, either…"

* * *

Lucas walked into her house to an unearthly silence. He hesitantly did call her name when he reached the bottom of the stairs, but at the same time, did not let himself be disappointed at the silence. Instead –as naïve as it was, he made himself believe she didn't respond not because she didn't want to or couldn't, but because she was sleeping soundly in that way she hadn't in actual months.

Lucas anyway made himself believe that, if only for a while. If only until the instant he reached her upstairs in her room.

In any case, before he could do anything; his eyes unconsciously traveled then to the open door and light on by the end of the hallway. He shifted his eyes up to the second story of the house, but then his feet simply started moving in the opposite direction.

The room was warm, beautiful really, even though in the front desk there was a mess of papers and fabrics and color pencils and all those other things Lucas didn't even have a name for. In the room, there was even a smaller desk by one of the corners; that one was also messy but instead of fancy fabrics and beautiful pieces scattered over, what Lucas saw there were crayons and wrinkled sheets of paper among a couple neat ones with people with big smiles drew on.

Lucas sighed and closed his eyes tightly when out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of that happy child squished playfully in the middle of her mother and her father in that full of dust portrait that sat over the larger desk. Peyton couldn't be more than six-years-old in that photograph, and in all honesty, if it hadn't been for her perfectly tangled ringlets and enormous green eyes, Lucas couldn't have been sure that little girl was Peyton. His uncertainty laid in that little girl's smile; it was bright and big, and…sincere. Lucas saddened greatly at the loss…at the thought of that little girl's smile fading a little bit more with every year that passed, with every new pain and sorrow and that now…only the faint shadow of what once was that smile struggled to survive against hope upstairs.

After only a few minutes, the sight of it all in that room became too much for Lucas to bear alone, so he stepped out; he stepped out into the hallway and took in shaky deep breaths steadying himself. His head was resting against the cold wall, but the instant crashing glass ranged into his ears, his head snapped up and he abruptly opened his eyes. There were no second thoughts, hell, Lucas didn't even think as he ran his way up the stairs, and into the dark that was Peyton's bedroom that evening.

Cursing. Cursing to himself was the one thing Lucas could do when his feet simply didn't move fast enough; he shouldn't have let himself get distracted, he _should_ have gone to Peyton straight away, yet he hadn't, so cursing to himself beneath his breath honestly just felt fitting.

Whatever the case was, he was stopped in his tracks the very instant he reached Peyton in the bathroom. The door wasn't even closed, all her lights were off, yet Lucas could clearly see her rather small frame huddled in that cold corner of her bathroom. It took another moment or two for him to brace himself, but in the end, after just a few seconds, he pulled himself together and walked the remained couple of steps into the bathroom.

There were a few pieces of shattered glass on the floor, but for the time being, he only cared for Peyton and for Peyton only. "Hey," He called as softly and as gently as he possibly could. Considering every inch of himself was filled with concern and preoccupation, the fact that he managed to stay calm was an accomplishment for Lucas in that moment.

Peyton didn't look up at him, but continued to cry silent tears shaking her head. "Luke," She breathed, and the sound alone of her broken voice made Lucas' stomach twist inside him.

Despite the harsh beating of his heart inside his chest, Lucas made himself stay stoic as he knelt down on the floor before her, and gently made her look up at him. She didn't fight his touch when his forefinger reached her chin, and though that fact should have probably make him glad, it did the complete polar effect on him; she was too drained and broken that she couldn't even do as Lucas knew she will. "I'm gonna take you out of here," Lucas told her softly. He motioned her slightly with his head towards the broken glass around them and Peyton didn't object when he slipped his arm under her knees, and effortlessly, lifted her up from the floor. Lucas cradled her protectively to his chest, yet the very second he looked down at her and their eyes met, he knew she wanted to tell him something, however, before any sound could be made, her voice broke among the seams as a new stream of fresh tears fall freely down to her cheeks.

Lucas guided her head down to his chest one more time, and in quiet despair, brushed softly a kiss to her forehead. He reached her bed in only a few seconds, yet, Lucas didn't let go of her for at least, another fifteen minutes as she let out all those dark emotion she had bottled up inside herself in the course of the last few days. He just stayed constant and held her tightly, allowing her to break down then and there.

He guessed at least, that could be better than her feeding herself lies about being all right when she clearly wasn't.

Once she was calm enough and Lucas could feel her relaxing in his arms, he dared looking down into her face and full of pain eyes. "What happened?" He asked, and to say the concern in his voice was palpable was without a doubt, the understatement of the year.

Peyton shook her head and swallowed hard looking up at him; she felt protected – safe in that instant, why? She couldn't explain it really. "I was…I just wanted to make it stop…"

"What's that?" Lucas asked gently when her voice slowly faded.

One more time, Peyton's head shook, and her eyes closed for a second; she didn't look away from him when her eyes opened again though. "All of it," She said the moment her eyes shifted to the bathroom and the shattered medicines' cabinet's door.

Lucas swallowed hard at her words, and taking yet another steadying breath himself, he tucked his finger under her chin making her look at him again. "You are going to be okay," He promised her, and if ever before he had felt painful _need_ to believe in something, that Peyton Sawyer would pull through this was certainly that something.

Peyton held her stare up into his eyes for a moment before she simply looked away and burrowed instead her head in the crook of his neck. "It doesn't feel that way most of the time,"

Not having an answer remotely enough to that statement, Lucas stayed in silence and wordlessly kissed the top of her head one more time. She was covered by sweat and by the little sight of the bathroom he managed to see, she'd been sick and powerlessly taking out her anger towards the world with the first couple of items at her reach.

Perhaps another few minutes passed by before Lucas felt himself keen enough to let her in the bed as he went back to the bathroom for the first aid kit and something to clean up a little her tear-filled face.

Peyton didn't object when he left either; a quiet whimper escaped her lips when Lucas carefully placed her among the cushions atop her bed. He knew it hadn't been precisely because of him, but more so, that whimper was a painful reminder of that dammed pain she carried in her heart and simply couldn't get rid of.

Lucas was kneeling down on the floor when something in the trashcan in the bathroom caught his eye; perhaps he shouldn't have done what he did: jumping to conclusions and judge. But in all honesty, that had been out of his power indeed. He breathed in sharply a few times before he simply took out the small –somewhat pink box out of the trash. Who knew that one day he would actually be going through Peyton Sawyer's trash, right? Honestly though, there wasn't one other single thing Lucas wish he was_ not_ doing in that very instant.

Peyton's eyes were closed when Lucas stepped out of the bathroom, yet they opened the very moment she felt his stare on her. She was looking back into his eyes at first, but it took very little for her eyes to travel down to his hands.

She bit strongly on her bottom lip and felt painfully again the sting of tears in her eyes. Somehow, in that moment, Peyton realized the hard way, how pretending reality is not out there is not quite the same as reality actually not being there.

"A-are you…pregnant?"

* * *

**AN : **There it goes, chapter nine…little by little things have to come together, right? Hope you liked it.


	10. Chapter Ten : It's never over…

**Author's Note : **A tiny little bit of a time jump, but do not panic, rest assured, that the flashbacks come soon enough of course :) Part in this chapter, part in the next one. Thanks a lot for reading.

**Chapter Ten : It's never over…**

* * *

Lucas was beginning to get used to it all; he would walk into her house and all he could listen was silence. Always silence, all the time. Sometimes he would even wonder how different it was to walk into her house or to walk into a cemetery. Some days – most days, he would even think there was no difference whatsoever.

Earlier that evening, she had yelled at him at least; she had told him, almost at the top of her lungs, how he_ needed_ to get out. But…just as always, Lucas knew she didn't mean it.

Not even, when she kept insisting and swearing to herself and the world that she could do it alone.

It had been some rough couple of days, a lot had been at stake, and a lot of decisions have been made. Some of them, where yet to be decided, but at the end of the day, Lucas was only sure of one thing, those couple of days he went through with Peyton, were something he wouldn't wish to anyone…not even, his worst enemy.

For a moment, he stood by the doorway of that room and simply stared at her. He knew she knew he was in the house, but then again, Lucas also knew she wasn't quite ready to acknowledge his presence there quite yet either.

"Almost nine whole years this room stayed closed. M-my Dad…he never could even move a single thing, let alone tear down her room…"

Her words lingered in the air for a moment or two before she sighed and turned around her head only enough to see Lucas' face by the doorway. "I couldn't come inside either. I…I thought I wasn't going to be able to bear with it all…"

"You never give yourself enough credit," Lucas stated softly when her voice faded into the air one more time. "You're a lot stronger than you know," He said gently, and Peyton nodded her head slightly in quiet assent.

She didn't quite believe him, but still…

Lucas exhaled heavily before moving slowly, closer to her. Without uttering a word for a good moment, he crouched down and sat himself right beside her on the floor. Peyton was looking into his eyes the whole time as he did so, but when Lucas crossed that fine line between closeness and…intimacy, between sharing and sharing…_too much_; she couldn't stop herself when her eyes shifted down.

"What changed?" Lucas asked; he made sure to keep his voice soft, but his words where still enough to draw her attention. "Why are we here now?" He asked after his and Peyton's eyes had locked with each other again.

Peyton then held her stare in his eyes for a moment as she tried to think over in just the right thing to say back at him. He had come here, to her house, every day, _every single day_, since all that madness in her life had begun. He had been there when she didn't even know who she was or who she wanted to be. He had been there when she thought she was finding her way back. But then again, he had also been there when everything she thought _"was",_ came crumbling down at her feet with not even an explanation or a "_why_."

In a way, Peyton felt somewhat as if she "_owed_" him somehow; as if the very least she could do in return to everything he'd done and lived with her was being honest every time they talked with each other. "All of it changed," She uttered sincerely at last. "My dad's dead now, my mom has been dead for over nine years now, and…none of it matters anymore…not even everything she did here once or not…it just doesn't…"

One more time, her voice faded slowly, and this time, just like the last time, Lucas was fast to add a few words to hers. "Are you sorry you did it?"

The question didn't surprise Peyton; she knew he'd ask it eventually and at the same time, she hadn't stopped asking herself the same thing. "I don't know," She said quietly before heaving a deep sigh. "But I also know it would have been a mistake to go through with it,"

"I can't handle that kind of stuff in my life," She added after a good moment of silence, yet before Lucas could utter a word.

He looked over at her eyes, and somberly nodded his head. Even though she was holding her stare on his eyes, for some reason Lucas was the one who had to look away after just a few seconds. "She was beautiful," He stated simply when his eyes landed on Peyton's lap and on the old picture she held in her hands.

Peyton looked down at it too for a moment before carefully putting the picture away. The two of them stayed in peaceful silence before Peyton simply felt as though it was time to step outside of that room. She reached up her arm putting the photo back over the desk behind her but then, the moment she tried to get up from the floor, she couldn't stop her body when said stumbled back and she almost fell all over Lucas.

He acted fast –without thinking he got up on his feet and stood behind Peyton grabbing gently her waist with his hands, that way, preventing her from actually falling.

"Got ya," He whispered huskily into her ear the very instant he caught her and saw her eyes rapidly falling shut.

Silence fell between them fast and for a few minutes when Peyton simply gave in with being okay to be in his arms today and helplessly then relaxed into his embrace.

Closing his eyes tightly for a moment too, Lucas shakily heaved a sigh and unconsciously pressed her a little bit closer to his body. He leaned his head down slightly to brush a soft kiss to the side of her head but it was in the second before he could do it that he felt just how very warm she actually was.

One more time that evening, Lucas didn't think when he pulled away from her and turned her small frame with his hands so that she was facing him.

Peyton's eyes snapped open in a beat and she looked far too frightened when Lucas pressed his hand gently to her forehead, and later on, on her cheek too.

"You're burning up," He uttered clearly concerned and at that, Peyton had no idea what to say or do back. "I…How long haven't you been feeling all right?" Lucas asked, and genuinely he wasn't quite thinking, the words were just slipping out of his mouth carrying raw fear and seriousness.

Peyton on the other hand, huffed rather sarcastically at his question and drew away from him so that his hands weren't on her any more.

"Peyton," Lucas merely pleaded but one more time, not to his surprise, her guard was back up and there was no way of reasoning with her.

"How long haven't I been feeling okay?" She asked back incredulously, and it was in that moment when it hit Lucas she really wasn't talking about physical discomfort as he was.

"I didn't–" Lucas tried apologetically, yet, Peyton's head strongly shaking caused him to trail off.

"I know you didn't mean it like that," Peyton said back simply, but then again, her features were still hardened and her eyes were still narrowed somewhat angrily. "But I…I'm okay Lucas, you shouldn't have come again, you should go home, it's late," She all but ordered; weakly and rather feebly she walked past him and stepped out of the room heading up the stairs to her own bedroom.

When Lucas listened the door shutting close, he closed his eyes and somewhat defeated simply let her be for a while. He honestly was no psychologist or anything such, but at the same time, he for some reason knew she needed to feel as though _she _was the one in charge; the one with the power and control to do as she willed with her life.

After all that was exactly what it was; _her_ life.

So Lucas then just stayed downstairs, for at least, an hour or so cleaning up a little the kitchen, but mostly, just giving himself and his mind the chance to just think —think about everything.

The clock in the living room showed seven-eleven when Lucas set his mind at last and decided he had given Peyton enough time already to calm down.

It felt estrange for him, but as soon as he reached the top stairs, he could have sworn he could listen her already. Lucas' feet then started moving faster and inevitably, his heart began pounding rapidly beneath his chest.

He entered the room – to say the least, frantically, and for the second time in less than a week, reached Peyton by the bathroom, she was in a pretty bad shape, and Lucas on the other hand, had his heart still beating fast and hard enough to get out of his chest at any given moment.

"This can't be right, I…I'm taking you to the hospital," Lucas said and even though seemingly he was talking to Peyton, the worrisome whisper that escaped his lips was more-so directed to himself than to anyone else.

Right now, Peyton felt ten times warmer than she was when Lucas first felt her forehead that evening. Her face and whole body overall was covered by sweat, and only God knew how long she'd been throwing up in the bathroom.

The instant Lucas vividly felt her weakening beneath his arms, he only knew one thing; they needed to get out of there.

_He _needed to save her.

_Two days ago…_

"_A-are you…pregnant?"_

_She shook her head at his question, but then again, she really wasn't fooling anyone. With that plain action, she was lying to herself the same way she was lying to Lucas._

"_I…I,"_

"_Peyton," Lucas tried when her words simply didn't form. He stared at her uneasily for a moment before moving closer to the bed. He sat down beside her, and laid the light-pink box at his side. His hand reached her knee, and with a soft whimper Peyton had most certainly not anticipated escaping from her lips, her eyes shifted into his. "Are you?" Lucas asked calmly one more time._

_Peyton closed her eyes, and painfully she let some of her tears fall. "I don't…I don't know," She said brokenly, her voice cracking among the seams. _

_Peyton's head started shaking at the same time as her body ever so slightly did so too, so Lucas then did what he simply had to do. He reached out his arms and cradled her protectively close to his chest. _

"_I thought I wa– I…I bought the test but…but then everything with my dad happened," She confessed as the tears steadily kept falling down to her cheeks. At that, Lucas could honestly just nod his head as though wordlessly encouraging her to go on. "I…"_

_Her attempts to keep going were all in vain though, her body began shaking harder and Lucas felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. Everything and anything he would do to make everything all right for her again. _

"_You don't know, but you have to," He cooed looking down at her when Peyton had calmed some in his arms. "You thought you were pregnant for a reason and you can't just ignore that…You still think you are?" He asked hesitantly, but surprisingly enough, Lucas knew Peyton wasn't exactly shutting him out this time._

_Perhaps, the hard way too, she'd learned that evening she couldn't do it all by herself. Especially not now._

"_I don't know how I got here," She cried hopelessly. Her tears had dried down upon her cheeks, and though she wasn't crying anymore, her voice carried all shades of sadness breaking Lucas' heart to its deepest depths. "It's never going to be over, you know?" She asked Lucas, shifting her eyes up so that his and hers where meeting. "That night is never going to be over. I…I thought things could be all right, but…My Dad died Luke, and now…it never stops. Things – bad things keep happening and I don't know what to do," She confessed sincerely at last._

_Her head stayed resting over his shoulders, and for a good while, as her words completely sink in into the two of them perhaps, Lucas did no intention to move away._

"_This doesn't have to be a bad thing," Lucas uttered rather quietly. He would be the biggest liar if he said he hadn't been scared of saying the words that were coming to his mind. Perhaps what he was saying was the last thing she needed to hear, but what if that wasn't the case? What if listening to the way he saw things could actually help her?_

_Either way, Lucas did take a chance, and in a way, it was rewarded when Peyton didn't move away from his embrace even after he had uttered those words._

"_But it is," Peyton said back anyway. Her eyes fell shut and she shook her head jerkily a few times. "I can't be pregnant, I–I can't do something like that…"_

"_But you can," Lucas chimed in a tad more strongly when Peyton's voiced faded into the unearthly silence of the room. "You can, I mean…if you are then…we'd pull through. You know I'd be here with you through everything, I can't leave you alone even if I could, and I…I really don't want to." He confessed sincerely, and keeping in mind Peyton hadn't gone crazy yet, she could have sworn there was a smile playing in Lucas' lips as he spoke._

_She stared up at him for a while; her eyes narrowed and in truth, she just didn't understand. More precisely, she didn't understand him. Happened she be pregnant – she knew she couldn't be sure who that baby's father was. In spite of that, she in fact could be sure Lucas was not, so then…then why in hell was he from all people, from all men here in this place, when ultimately, he was the latest person who should be tangled in that mess of things that was her life._

"_I can't do this to you," She spoke softly, and barely audible. "You are a good guy, Luke, you are," Peyton said nodding. Was in that moment when her features softened completely, and through her eyes, Lucas saw vulnerability and raw fear. She lifted up herself from his embrace, but didn't move far from Lucas…the space between them was just enough so that they were still touching. "I have no right…I am no one to ruin your life too…I can't drag you into this too. I already did that once, and I…I guess that was a mistake,"_

_Lucas breathed deeply at her words, but one more time, didn't let her push him away. Honestly, if she happened to be pregnant –which they still didn't know for sure– then he'd be there. Whether she liked it or not. That kid could be the result of an awful night– one not only Peyton had tried desperately to forget, Lucas had too, but at the end of the day, that kid…it wasn't his fault whomever monster happened to father him, what mattered, at least to Lucas in that moment, was who mother him._

"_You know it was not a mistake," Lucas replied tenderly at last. His forefinger tucked under her chin, and he gently made her look up into his eyes even when she insisted in looking down. "You know there's no other place I'd rather be than right here with you. All of this scares the crap out of me too, you know?" He asked, and for some reason, Lucas let a soft smile tug at the corners of his lips when Peyton's eyes narrowed with confusion. "If you're pregnant then there is this whole other life; it wouldn't be just you and me, it would be another person we'd have to look after and…"_

"_You talk as if you and I were something," Peyton pointed out bluntly. Her words didn't come out harsh, yet firm anyhow. One more time that evening, she had no clue where the hell was he coming. Lucas cared for her; Peyton knew that well enough for sure, but in reality, he had no responsibility towards her whatsoever, so why was he doing and saying what he was saying was the biggest mystery for Peyton in that instant._

"_We are," Lucas replied simply with a small shrug of his shoulders. "At least for me you are something…you, you're the girl that I love, Peyton," The words came out from Lucas' lips so sincerely that perhaps that fact was what made Peyton panic on her spot._

"_You can't mean that," She said seriously shaking her head, before she got up from the bed. "You can't lo– You can't feel things like that for a person like me–"_

"_A person like you?" Lucas asked back and with the question, he didn't even attempt not to sound confused and a tad surprised at that reaction too. He probably shouldn't have been though; he was talking with Peyton Sawyer after all. "What kind of person do you think you are?" He forced out confused one more time. "You've been through so much in that past couple of months, yet here you are. You're yet again faced with something you certainly did not plan but that I still know you'd make it through," Lucas explained. His voice softening and his shoulders one more time shrugging. Why she even doubt his words, was something completely out of Lucas' understanding._

_In all honesty, the sincerity in his voice was what scared Peyton the most. Why a guy she hadn't be more than a bitch to for the past few months –hell, for as long as they knew each other, could have such blind faith in her?_

"_Let's just take the test, okay?" Lucas said gently again. One of his hands reached out for her to take after he had already taken the pink box with the other._

_Peyton hesitated, hell, of course she did, but in the end, she nodded her head wordlessly. She didn't take his hand per se, but began walking before him in the bathroom's direction._

_The instruction on the back of those boxes always said something like wait from three to five minutes. _

_Three minutes had never before passed by so slowly for either one of them; it was as though time really wasn't moving and the both of them were seemingly stuck between than idiotic line of knowing or not knowing._

"_If you are pregnant…" Lucas spoke softly first, attempting to take her eyes off of the test atop the counter for a few seconds._

_Peyton did listen to him, and for her it felt as though that 'if' in Lucas' sentence had not been a word of soothe and comfort, but in truth, the polar opposite. She couldn't voice her fear though, but simply looked up at his eyes and fixed her stare powerfully on him. _

"_It's your body and ultimately you are the one that's going to decide what's going to happen next but…" Lucas' voice was somber, and Peyton couldn't help but narrow her eyes when he looked down to the floor shaking his head ever so slightly._

_Her eyes shifted away from the counter too, and even though she wasn't sure why, she slid her back against the bathroom wall sitting herself on the cold floor after Lucas had done so already._

"_My mom also didn't plan me, my own father wanted her to abort me," He confessed in a small voice. Lucas' eyes were still everywhere but in Peyton, yet at that Peyton felt as if leaning a little bit closer to him was what she should do._

_As strange as if felt and was, this time she felt as though Lucas was the one that needed the closeness._

"_If you are pregnant then things aren't going to be easy, your life is gonna change, and probably be tougher and harder, but…If you decide not to go through with it I just hope you don't do it for the wrong reasons," His voice was pleading, and Peyton was able to tell that much. Lucas at last shifted his head up and met Peyton's eyes. "That baby doesn't have to be the result of that night, you know? That baby is going to be **you**…it's going to be someone you'd see yourself every day when looking into his eyes. That baby could–"_

"_What about **him**?" Peyton asked back softly, yet firmly cutting him off. "Would I look at **him** every day in the baby's eyes too?"_

_Lucas didn't have to think much about whom she was referring to. "You know I can't answer you that;" Lucas said rather apologetically. His eyes this time however, didn't shift away from Peyton's at any second. "But I can promise you I'd do everything in my power so the two of you are okay. Always. I'll be there and we'll make it through this."_

_It was a solemn promise that made Peyton wince inwardly and her stomach to turn uneasily. "It's not the same, Luke," Peyton said shakily getting up of the floor. She stood right beside the counter where the little test rested, yet she wasn't looking at it. "In spite of whatever your Dad did to your mom after she got pregnant, she loved him and that's why you happened. If I'm p–" Her voice cracked and she cursed beneath her breath letting her eyes fell shut angrily for a moment. "If I'm pregnant damn it, it's going to be because someone raped me. You were born because your mom loved your Dad at some point, I hate whatever of him is still inside, I…" Her front weakened, and one more time the tears start falling. Lucas was on his feet as fast as it took the first tear to fell to her cheek. _

_Her body shook and to steady her all Lucas could do was rest his hands over her shoulders as loud sobs began escaping her throat. Peyton fought his hold and mighty beat his chest with her hands made into tight fists. _

_Lucas held her with tears in his own eyes and didn't let go of her until her angry palm landed strongly against his cheek. The slap startled him yet not a part of him could blame her for being angry. "Get the hell out of here Lucas, you need to get out," Peyton cried pushing away from him only to move closer to the counter one more time._

_Unearthly was the word Lucas would use to describe the moment that came next; she had been crying hysterically, yet the second her eyes landed on the test showing that oh-so very clear positive sign, she was muted all of a sudden._

_It didn't last long though…not even when it felt like an eternity. Soon enough Peyton was turning around, and her darkened eyes fixed firmly into Lucas'. "I can't do it," She stressed brokenly at the edge of tears again. "I won't do it,"_

_And with that, she stepped out of the bathroom, her bedroom and even out of the house in only mere minutes. _

_Lucas struggled with himself, and angry tears inevitably welled completely his eyes, yet he didn't follow after her._

_He had told her after all, that ultimately it was her decision…he might as well think it was the wrong one, because it was, but…he would respect her anyhow._

_That was the very least he could and would do for Peyton Sawyer in that instant._

_Respect her._


	11. Chapter Eleven : Moment of truth

**Author's Note : **Aw how I wish I could post happy, fluffy chapters again hehe Here goes this one, kind of long, but it'll get you through the weekend I hope. Thanks a lot for reading :)

**Chapter Eleven : Moment of truth...**

* * *

"God Brooke I don't know!" Lucas couldn't help but snap on her. He just didn't have the answers to her questions, what else was he supposed to do? Hell, she was worried, so was he, but that didn't give her the right to interrogate him. For the contrary, it somehow put them in the same situation; they both feared what could happen to Peyton. In all honesty, Brooke _should _understand that much and just shut up.

"I walked into her bedroom and she was there; lying on the bathroom floor, burning up with fever, sweating, and throwing up. She wasn't like that when I first got there, and I…Goddamn, I don't know," He pretty much screamed, moving away from Brooke and throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

Brooke swallowed hard but stayed stoic in her place. He was breathing hard, and of course she knew he was worried sick about Peyton, but if he had been there the whole time how come he didn't bring her to the hospital right away. "She's my best friend, Lucas. We practically grew up together and if someth– damn it…" She cursed too when her voice cracked. She angrily shook her head before looking up at Lucas, who slowly yet surely was turning around once more so that the two were facing each other again. "And if something happens to her I– I just don't know what I'd do," Brooke let on, and Lucas couldn't be oblivious at such raw vulnerability her voice carried.

He completely turned around, and without thinking about it, moved closer to Brooke, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, and pulling her closer enough to his chest. Brooke rested her head over his shoulder – perhaps, without thinking what she was doing either, but still knowing she needed someone right there with her in that moment.

A small moment passed by with the small brunette wrapped in his arms before the unmistakable sound of her cries rang into his ears. Lucas knew perfectly where she was coming – they didn't know anything yet, if it was bad, or if on the other hand, it wasn't, yet that sense of not knowing was getting the best of him too. What if something happened to Peyton? What if he lost her?

"Shush, she's going to be okay," Lucas promised softly right into Brooke's ear. He could well be breaking down inwardly, but that however didn't mean he couldn't give Brooke a little bit of that hope he so desperately needed.

Soon after, his mom, his best friend, his…"brother", a whole bunch of people from school including cheerleaders and even some guys of the team, made it all to the hospital and crowded completely the hospital's tiny waiting room.

Lucas couldn't complain about none of them being there, yet it was indeed ironic; not in a million years Peyton could actually acknowledge so many people cared for her. She'd probably laugh bitterly and pretend as though they really didn't care and were there because they had to…because someone _had_ to be there.

After waiting for what felt nothing short of a lifetime, a white-haired doctor finally walked into the waiting room. He didn't call Peyton's name or her relatives though —Perhaps he already knew she barely had any and the ones in that small room were all she got for the time being – whether that was a good thing or not.

Dr. Smith walked in with a chart in his hands, and when he looked up from it with his frowned face, it was no secret he was searching out for a grown person to talk to out of the sea of worried teenagers that filled that room that night.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

Brooke's voice was the first one to ask what everybody else wanted, but for one reason or another couldn't make the words form.

The doctor looked over at Brooke seriously for just a few seconds before shifting his head and addressing Karen instead. "Miss Sawyer's right now in the ICU where she probably is going to stay for a few more hours while we monitor her," He said firmly, and not looking at anyone else in the room other than Karen. His words carried strong, and even a little harsh, and if someone could say so, judgmental too. "I've been doing this for a long time, I had seen more than you can imagine, so I am really not surprised when I get teens coming in here with unattended STDs, _yet_, considering what she has is an infection that is in fact curable _unlike_ others…" He stressed pointedly, at last glancing over at the rest of eyes staring back at him. "This shouldn't have gotten so out of hands. According to her chart she's only seventeen years old, and bearing in mind she's decided to go through with the pregnancy despite her age, this _should_ have been caught and treated earlier."

The statement from the doctor came out harsh and strong, and rather cold, and in only mere seconds, knocked the air out of everyone, letting everybody in that room utterly silent and with no hell of an idea as to what to say. Lucas was the only one that didn't seem much surprised, yet he couldn't utter a single word either.

For the second time that evening, Brooke was the one who broke the silence saying a _oh-so_ quiet echo of the word _"Pregnancy"_

It was not until that instant when Dr. Smith shook his head and his features softened at last.

He looked over at all of them rather apologetically, and once again addressed Karen. "I am very sorry, was any of you aware of her condition?" He asked, his voice now carrying a tad of concern.

At his question however, there was yet again silence falling between them all, until after a small moment, Lucas walked one step forward and said the one thing he thought he could say, "We've just found out,"

There was silence from the doctor even then too; he quietly looked over at that troubled teenager before looking back up at Karen and beginning to explain somewhat Peyton's prognosis. "We're starting Miss Sawyer with antibiotics that shouldn't harm the fetus." He said trying to sound professional one more time; his voice cold and raw. "Yet, future complications and the fetus' future should and would be discussed directly with her and the father of the baby once she wakes up." The doctor gave Lucas one last look before turning around and starting to walk away. He had done what he had to do and now it was just time to step out. That was his job, the one he did every single day, even though, without a miss, some days certainly felt harder than others did.

Then again, it had been also in that very instant when not only Dr. Smith but most of them in that room, _assumed_ Peyton's unborn baby was Lucas' too.

The doctor had walked a few steps in the opposite direction already when Brooke's voice made him stop in his tracks one more time. "How far along is she?"

Maybe he shouldn't have done it, in reality he could indeed get into trouble for sharing patient's information with non-relatives, yet, in spite of what he knew, Dr Smith did turn around, and looked over at Brooke rather somberly for some reason. "Eleven weeks," He said simply before now for real, disappearing from all their sights.

There weren't more words spoken next, but just silence before each one of them took on their different ways.

* * *

The cafeteria had been her first stop but if she was one to be completely honest with herself, she'd known not she, not everybody else was in the mood of eating right now, so she walked out of there. She walked for a while down the hospital's halls and mingled herself into the endless stories of those halls. If well it was true Peyton was upstairs or downstairs, or somewhere really in that huge hospital, in all the other places there were also all these other people who were also worried about a loved one, or on the other hand, perhaps happy because a disease had been just cured or because a baby had just been born.

There were endless stories hidden behind in each and every person in that place, and for some reason, for a little while, those stories, those endless faces, where enough to take Haley's mind off of everything else that was happening.

When she entered the chapel, she lowered her head and stayed still in the entrance for a little while. Perhaps she hadn't known Peyton for that long, but God better helped her be okay – and this time, the brunette didn't quite mean physically.

At last, Haley walked slowly her way down the pews until she was sitting beside him. His head was burrowed into his hands and his elbows rested in his knees; the hell with everything she knew, despite everything she honestly couldn't deny her very own heart was breaking at his pain.

Haley hesitated a second before resting her hand on his shoulder and drawing his attention. "I'm sorry," She said without thinking, and perhaps just in hope not to startle him.

Nathan's head turned over to look at her, and he gave her a small nod with his head before he looked back down.

Haley knew she had to say something, anything that would ease his pain if only a little bit, but she just didn't know how to do that much.

In spite of that, before she could utter any words, Nathan's small whisper caught her attention. "What?" She asked keeping her voice soft, yet leaning over closer to Nathan so that she could listen better to what he was saying.

Nathan shook his head for a moment before lifting up his head, and fixing his eyes into Haley's hazel ones. "He said eleven weeks," He repeated, and his few words were enough to have Haley's mouth opened slightly.

She thought in that second she understood where he was coming, but in truth, she was mistaken too. "You think it could be yours?" She asked even though she wasn't completely thinking either as the words came out of her mouth. "I mean, the baby I mean," She added shaking her head a little. "Do you think the baby's yours? That's why you're worried?" She asked, and genuinely couldn't help but narrow her eyes when Nathan's head began shaking.

"No," Nathan replied firmly and rather securely still shaking his head. "No, that's not it," He added, and Haley one more time felt as lost as she'd ever been with him.

Maybe it was true she hadn't always been able to read right through him in that way she sometimes saw Lucas could actually read Peyton, but at the same time, she also couldn't dismiss how much she had grown to know Nathan in the last few months. He wasn't really as bad as he seemed or at the very least showed; and right now sincerely, all Haley could see in his eyes was insecurity and if she could also say so, raw fear for some reason.

"Then what is it?" She asked him back but Nathan still didn't reply for a few seconds. She shook her head and looked down heaving a sigh. She had chosen to be his friend, nothing more nothing less; she had settled to be that person he could turn to when he needed someone, but sometimes, times like today, the fact that Nathan made that so hard was getting to her.

How could she help him if he didn't let her in?

"We were still something – whatever we were –" Nathan began softly after a moment before trailing off. Haley kept her eyes down yet it was no secret she was acknowledging his words. "Peyton and I, eleven weeks ago we were still together," He managed to say aloud at last. His voice in any case, was far smaller than Haley had ever before heard him speaking.

"So you think there's a chance you can be the father?" She tried speaking softly. Her head shifted to the side, and both their sets of eyes met.

Nathan once again shook his head, but his features weren't as hardened as they were before. "We – no, I mean – we always used protection," He uttered at last, and even though Haley narrowed her eyes confused one more time, she also nod her head.

In all honesty, she still just couldn't understand what was exactly troubling him.

After a beat, Haley anyway shrugged her shoulders and said gently what she had to say. "You know that's never one hundred percent effective," She said rather apologetically.

Her best guess was that Nathan was scared; no one could blame him if he was right? He was hardly seventeen, still in high school and a baby in that picture somehow didn't even fit for Haley.

Whatever the case was, Nathan response to her words wasn't at all what she thought it would be. Haley had pictured him getting defensive again, but for the contrary, at her words, his face fell and she could vividly feel him tensing beside her.

Haley's hand one more time handed gently on his shoulder and back, and Nathan breathed in shakily closing his eyes tightly. "The doctor said eleven weeks," He echoed again, and to say Haley was clueless as to what was in his mind was clearly an understatement. "He said eleven, I…"

Haley stroked his back softly when his voice slowly faded in the air. She didn't think he would say anything else but then, when she less expected it, those few words escaped her lips leaving her even more confused than she already was – of course, if that were even possible.

"It'd be better if it were mine,"

* * *

The doctor had said it aloud, for all of them to hear, that Peyton's baby was only eleven weeks old. Doing the math didn't take a scientist of course; eleven weeks ago, give or take a couple of days, Lucas had gotten a call to his cell phone.

Brooke Davis, Peyton Sawyer's very best friend called him before dawn to talk to him about that said friend. Her voice had been husky and raw, real concern carrying with it as she told him about Peyton – the very same girl that only a night before had left him alone in a bedroom, running away from him when all Lucas wanted was be with her.

Something was wrong though, Peyton hadn't been in her home not was she answering her phone; Brooke was worried since they hadn't seen or spoken with each other since the night before. Lucas didn't need time to think about it twice then, before Brooke was even finish speaking he had been already in his feet and in search of that curly blonde girl that every so often took over his thoughts.

Lucas did find her though; eleven weeks ago in the front stairs of a school many dream to go but that he would always, from that day on, hated he had ever to step a foot inside. And that was just this all mess had begun…with a call and a missing girl eleven weeks ago…

The instant Karen's hand landed over his shoulder, Lucas couldn't help but jump slightly on his spot startled. He looked over at his mom however, and at her soft and warm features, he made himself relax in spite of the circumstances and even in spite of himself.

"It's okay, I just…I wanted to talk," She said softly as she took a seat slowly beside her son. "I think we_ need_ to talk," She added, and it was in that moment when Lucas put two and two together; his mother had been there the whole time as the doctor spoke too.

"Did you go see her?" Lucas asked Karen despite knowing she was the one who could ask the questions in that moment. He asked it anyway, because in the end, this all didn't matter if Peyton wasn't okay.

Karen took in a deep breath and stared firmly into Lucas' eyes before she allowed herself to nod her head for her son's relief. Perhaps she should be mad – actually, she was, but snapping on him right now, considering all that pain and hurt she could so clearly see in his eyes, would clearly not take them anywhere. "She's still asleep, Luke, but she's okay," She told him sincerely, and Lucas couldn't help but let out a breath he hadn't even known he had been holding. "I talked with a nurse in there and again with the doctor, they said she's responding all right to the treatment and that her fever is lowering down. They reassured me she'll be okay even considering…"

Lucas nodded his own head at his mother's words, and after a beat brought his head down as he simply knew what would come next.

"That baby, you Luke…is…you told me – you promised me you were just friends–"

"Her baby is not mine. She and I have never been together," Lucas stated firmly cutting Karen short with a response she hadn't quite seen coming.

"But you…"

"I know what I said and I also know what you all thought but…" Lucas interrupted once again; his head shook and his shoulder shrugged before he could look up into his mother's eyes at last again. "That baby is not mine, but I mom…I…I will be that baby's father if that's what I have to do, if…if that's what Peyton _needs_ me to do," He stressed so sincerely and seriously that Karen's words to reply back to that somewhat stayed stuck in her throat before she could utter any.

Instead, Karen could only shake her head and look over at him rather puzzled before at last the words began forming in her lips. "Lucas I…I don't understand what you're–"

"She doesn't want that baby, she doesn't needs it in her life but she still chose to have it and I'm not leaving her alone through that," Lucas stated, and one more time, Karen felt rather stunned at his seriousness. "_I_ have to be there,"

"What about the actual baby's father? She couldn't have done this on her own?" Karen tried but felt lost when Lucas' head shook and lowered as she spoke. "What?" She asked, and all the softness her voice had carried throughout their talk completely disappeared in that instant. "What Lucas? Goddamn just talk to me," She said actually defeated, and letting her face fell to her hands.

Lucas felt his world crumbling in that moment for some reason and he just didn't know how to make it stop, how _fix_ it all. "I–"

"Don't you dare to say to me you can't, Lucas," Karen warned strongly, making Lucas meet her eyes. "Don't you dare–"

"–She was raped all right! There I said it, are you happy now?" Lucas screamed rather frustrated getting on his feet, and before Karen could say anything in return or even sink in completely his words, he was stomping angrily out of the cafeteria.

He shook his head and tightly closed his eyes as he walked away from everything and everyone; he shouldn't have blurted out that the way he did. If the thought of just telling someone about it all felt as the biggest mistake alone, yelling the information to his mother had only added to his lists of wrongs that day.

In spite of everything that troubled him in that moment, he made himself keep going; he stood tall and focused in what really was important in that moment; or better yet, in who.

The rest should have to wait for some other time; Peyton was by all means, the one person that should matter to him in that moment.

_Then..._

_Haley had called him far too many times; his mom had called him far too many times. Even his Uncle Keith had left a few messages on his cell phone. It wasn't on purpose that Lucas had them worried; that hadn't been his intention at all, but then again, Peyton had left only a little past eight o'clock the night before; now it was almost eleven in the morning and she had yet to show up._

_Lucas was worried; out of his mind if he could put that nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach into words. He wanted her back and he wanted her to be all right, was that really so much to ask?_

_The clock in Peyton's computer had been showing 11:04am when Lucas felt her come in at last. He held his breath for some reason, and didn't turn around from her computer until he was sure it was she who walked into the bedroom and not someone else._

_She always smelled the same; it was that soft, not completely sweet combination of lavender and vanilla. He'd always loved the way she smelled and made his skin chilly with just walking into a room he was also at. Today that feeling washed over Lucas tenfold stronger; maybe he was growing pessimistic, but considering everything she had gone through lately and how much crap the universe had thrown at her in the last few months, for some reason Lucas got to actually feared he'd never seen her again._

_She still was here now and because of that, Lucas allowed himself to breath with relief one more time. A few minutes of silence passed by as she sat at the edge of her bed, and Lucas completely sunk in the fact that she was okay._

_When she spoke softly before him, Lucas felt relief, yet couldn't help but being a little surprised too. _

"_You stayed here all night?" She asked simply, tilting slightly her head so that she was looking in Lucas direction at the other side of her room._

_Lucas however couldn't reply still for a moment; he stayed quiet and in fact took him a while to pull himself together and at last; asking her back what he needed to ask. "Where did you spend the night?" He asked plainly. His voice was quiet though, and at last, as the words left his lips, he turned around his head so he could actually see her with his eyes._

_Their eyes locked, yet Peyton also stayed quiet at his question at first. Lucas didn't read much into it, and simply added sincerely after a few seconds, "I was worried about you; I couldn't leave until I knew you were all right,"_

_For one reason or another, Lucas' few words alone were enough to make the tears come back to her eyes. She wasn't one to cry today anyway, so instead she simply nodded her head as in quiet assent. "I just drove,"_

_At her words, Lucas didn't do much in return either, but simply matched her motion and nodded his head as well._

"_I went to the clinic, you know?" Peyton said softly, yet loud enough to draw his attention back after a beat. "I just ended up there," She added, sounding a tad apologetically, yet not shifting her eyes from Lucas. "They didn't even ask me if I wanted to do it. For some reason they just thought I would," She let him on, shaking her head and smiling bitterly as though finding her visit to that clinic still far too hard to believe._

"_I said I was seventeen and thought I was pregnant; that was all I had to say. They got me into a room, sat me there; took some of my blood and then asked me how I wanted to do it." She said, before heaving a deep sigh._

_When her voice slowly faded, Lucas took the chance to speak himself. "Do what?" He asked simply, yet inside he was terribly fearing the answer she'd give him._

_Peyton stayed quiet for a moment, thinking her response; coming out with just the right way to say what she had to say, but perhaps yes, one that wouldn't make her seem as the villain and bad person in his eyes anymore._

"_Abort it," She uttered plainly at last. The words didn't come out as bitter and cold as she'd though they would, but in truth, there had been very little sentiment whatsoever as she spoke._

_As if none of it really hurt as much as it did._

"_They talked a lot then; how it wouldn't take long, and that I…that after it was over all I was going to feel was a little bit crampy for a few days, but that that will be it." She told Lucas quietly, and for some bizarre reason she was in fact feeling some sort of relief at saying all those words aloud._

_Lucas on the other hand didn't seem so comfortable, and instead, his head was down and inwardly he knew he wanted to get out of there and stop listening._

"_I told them all right," Peyton said firmly, her voice and especially her words made Lucas look up at her again. "I'd told them I would go through it, but…"_

"_But what?" Lucas asked softly one more time when her voice faded into the coldness of that room._

"_But I couldn't do it," Peyton replied not missing a beat, and without knowing how to explain it, her words came out firm in spite of how achingly she felt she wanted to break. "I couldn't do it so I just left."_

_Lucas couldn't explain his next actions either, but Peyton's words were enough to make him let out that breath he hadn't even known he had been holding since the very instant she walked back into the room that morning._

_If he were one to completely be honest with himself, Lucas knew he wanted to tell her that as far as he knew, she had made the right choice. That he was glad she hadn't aborted that little baby inside her womb, but for some reason – one he truly was clueless about, the words – the question that came out of his mouth wasn't exactly what he thought he'd tell her at all. "Why?"_

_It was a simple question, one he really didn't know why he asked, but knew he had to nonetheless._

_Peyton stayed quiet for a little bit longer; holding her stare into his eyes and every so often shaking her head. "I couldn't do it because of you,"_

_Her response came out just as simple and just as plain as Lucas' question carried to her ears only a few seconds prior. _

_One difference however, Peyton's answer indeed sounded far more sincere than anything she had told him that morning._

_They stared firmly into one another's eyes before Peyton looked away shrugging her shoulders only a tad uneasily. "All you said, all told me, all…" Sighing one more time her sentence trailed off. "He's mine too, right?" She asked and Lucas had to swallow hard at that. He still however, did manage to nod his head in return._

_In that moment, Lucas was only trying to do one thing; he was trying – and trying hard to not read too much into what she was saying. He was trying not to let his mind go to all those places her few soft words could take him; instead he didn't utter a word, but got up from his place in her desk, and moved so that he was sitting right beside her on the bed, and both his arms were wrapped around her small frame._

_The words to tell her in that instant simply couldn't form and come out of his lips, so Lucas settled doing the one thing that felt right; he held her and waited._

_Waited and hoped she had in fact made the right decision by keeping that baby. He knew – far too well, that he'd hate himself that not be the case._

* * *

There was a nurse inside her room when Lucas walked in; he didn't knock the door, but really, you don't knock doors in a hospital, do you? He didn't think so anyway; being completely honest, Lucas just wanted to see her. See her and be sure she was in fact okay for once and for all.

In any case, his eyes caught sight of that perky –somewhat blonde haired nurse before catching sight of Peyton. She was young; probably younger than Lucas could think a nurse could be; her scrubs were not plain blue as all the other nurses, nor she was wearing one of those white coats. She was somewhat dressed in each and every color Lucas could think about; his eyes squinted as he looked at her, and his head even tilted a little as he sort of studied her. She was smiling and pretty much fluttering in that room; moving far too fast from side to side and checking things here and there everywhere she stood.

More than likely, if Lucas hadn't been so worried about the second little blonde by the bed, he would have probably smile at such – different nurse.

In any case, before he could think or say or do anything else, his eyes at last caught sight of Peyton, and without he thinking about it, his feet started moving and he reached her by the small hospital bed. Her eyes were still softly closed, yet she did open them when Lucas chirped a quiet "Hey," as he approached her.

"Brooke told me you were awake," He informed her; one more time he didn't even think when he took her hand and brought it up to his face brushing against it a soft kiss.

Peyton slightly nodded her head at his words; her throat was still too sore to actually speak even though, in all honesty, she didn't quite want to do so even if it didn't hurt…not yet anyway.

Lucas couldn't mind about that fact at all though; to be honest; all he cared was that she was _in fact_ awake and looking right back into his eyes.

"You scared us," He added after a moment with a small smile. Peyton kept her stare in his eyes taking a deep breath and barely made the effort to nod her head one more time.

After a beat, Lucas leaned in giving her forehead one of those fond, long kisses he honestly felt as though _had_ to give her to make sure she really wasn't going to fade away and disappear from his eyes in that instant.

Of course Lucas wanted to tell her something more; perhaps even Peyton wanted to tell him something back, but before any of them could, the nurse, who by now was actually pretty darn close to the two of them, let out a chuckle as she moved even closer to Lucas carrying with her a big machine.

Lucas' eyes widened and he drew away from Peyton only to squint at the nurse and at whatever she was about to do with Peyton.

"Love at this age is so adorable," She said giddily shaking her head slightly at the pair of teens.

It felt strange, but for Lucas, who for about four hours or so had only been getting looks of disapproval and criticism concerning everything that was happening with Peyton – including the baby even, it felt by far the oddest thing having this other nurse being so warm and perky around them both.

For Lucas it felt as though she was the only one who didn't care they were only seventeen after all and knew very little about life, yet, had a whole new other life in the way.

"It is okay, you know?" The nurse said addressing Lucas. He had honestly been far too lost in thought and pretty much jumped when she talked to him. In any case, Lucas shook his head slightly as though asking her to elaborate. "Dr. Smith said the two of them looked good, I'm just gonna make sure he was right," She said looking at Lucas before smiling in Peyton's direction and moving closer the ultrasound machine.

Not Peyton, not Lucas could really find the words to say back at her at that moment, so the nurse simply carried on. "According to the Doc this is the first time you and the baby are getting checked so I suppose none of you have listen to the heartbeat yet, am I correct?" She asked, first looking right into Peyton's eyes, and then after a beat, turning her head up to look at Lucas.

By that time, he had already moved to the other side of the bed where he was of course closer to Peyton but at the same time where he could also have a good look on the screen.

In any case, at the nurse's question, there was only silence and two sets of wide eyes staring back at her in response. At that however, the nurse couldn't help but let out another chuckle at both their faces. For all she cared and knew, that pair was only scared and terrified at the idea of the new baby as _every_ other parent-to-be she saw every day seemed like before the very first ultrasound of their unborn baby. "The doctor asked me to check on her or him, so we'd be listening to it now anyway," Her words carried flippantly somewhat, yet it was more than obvious that she cared.

Everything that happened next would stick in Lucas and Peyton's memories as the blurry image of what that moment in their lives should really have been like. There were not elated smiles and tears of joy at the miracle that was –or should be, perhaps in a perfect world, the sound of that little person's heartbeat. Instead, Peyton's eyes closed and her head turned to the opposite direction of the screen, shaking at just how crazy and surreal that moment felt inside herself.

She was genuinely pregnant of a man she didn't even remember his face – sure, that was maybe for the better, but that still didn't change the facts; she was having the baby not of the person she loved and thought she was meant to be with, but of someone completely different. She was having the baby of a man she didn't even know, and to say the least; utterly hated.

Lucas painfully saw the tears in her eyes that so badly wanted to escape, so he did what he had to do even though inside his feelings weren't that far different from Peyton's. He didn't lie, not the slightest bits, when he told his mother he'd be the father of that baby if that was what he had to do for Peyton and for it, but even so, not in a million years, he ever, ever envision this was how his family with the girl of his dreams would begin.

So instead of give his mind the chance to think more absurd thoughts of regret and pain, Lucas climbed up into the bed beside Peyton, and pulled her close to his side as the nurse finished her exam on the baby and told a few too many words not him or Peyton could make any sense out of them.

She left the room after just a few minutes and after telling them once again –a little awkwardly at that– that everything seemed fine with the baby so far.

Lucas then, and for a good while, stayed up on the bed with Peyton as she silently let out tears she really didn't mean. She should be happy right? At the very least some part of her should be.

The reality was painful and far too different though; she didn't feel happy even if in that depended save her life.

Peyton's head was nestled deeply into the crook of Lucas' neck, her silky blonde hair spilling all over his chest, and Lucas was holding her as best he could, and as close to him as he possibly could. Maybe half an hour, perhaps even more passed by, with them simply in silence.

Unmistakable and impenetrable silence.

Peyton was the one who broke it after a while – not with a sound precisely, but yes with a small action; she leaned in a little bit, and nuzzled her nose against Lucas' chest when it itched a tad.

Lucas looked down at her wordlessly, and far too softly, brushed a small kiss to the side of her head. He didn't want to say the words for some reason – perhaps fearing they weren't true at some level, but at the same time, he did want to make her feel as though things were going to be okay again.

"Luke," Peyton said quietly after a moment. It took her another while, but at last, she shifted her head up slowly, and just enough so that hers and Lucas' eyes were meeting. "I'm tired," She confessed simply and the one thing Lucas could do in return was nod his head.

"I know," He said simply, yet unable not to sound apologetically as the words came out of his mouth. "I know you are,"

Peyton's lips twisted a bit uneasily before she sighed and turned her head around so that her head was one more time burrowed in the crook of his neck. "I'm tired of pushing people away,"

One more time at her words however, all Lucas did was nod his head and say to her the most quiet _'I know'_

"I'm tired of pushing _you_ away," Peyton admitted then, rather softly yet loud enough for Lucas to listen. For what felt the hundredth time, in that instant, she began feeling the sting of tears burning in her eyes. "I'm just tired of it all,"

The broken and cracked voice was enough to put tears in Lucas' eyes too. He sighed heavily and could only kiss her head one more time.

What else could he possibly do to make it all alright for her?


	12. Chapter Twelve : Fear No More

**Chapter Twelve : Fear No More**

* * *

It was Friday morning, she had missed two periods already, and since she hadn't been here all week – hell, she hadn't been here for weeks on time already, it honestly didn't make much sense she was here right now.

Nathan in all honesty, couldn't find a single good reason why she was there other than because she was darn stubborn and wanted –perhaps even needed to show him and the rest of the world how she was _fine_.

She wasn't, yet she did surprised Nathan —_and everybody else_— by the way she was showing them otherwise. She certainly was _not _fine, but she sure as hell was doing a good job pretending to be.

As of that morning, Nathan hadn't actually seen Peyton in over ten days —_since she left the hospital— _he had tried calling her, AIM, text messages, but she just hadn't answer. She was just shutting him out completely. As far as Nathan comprehend, Peyton simply did not want to see, or talk, or do anything that concerned addressing him, and all those issues they still had unsolved.

Peyton was here today at school, and Nathan just didn't get it, it was as if all of a sudden she had gotten back to her former life as if seriously, nothing was wrong and nothing had happened in the first place.

"Didn't you want me to get out?" Peyton asked bluntly stopping in her tracks and turning around so that hers and Nathan's eyes were meeting.

His jaw kind of dropped and at that, all she did was raise her eyebrows and wait rather expectantly until he found his words. "Yeah."

Okay, not the elaborated speech Peyton somewhat was expecting from him, but since he was at a loss of words apparently, she would have to be the one doing the talking for a change today. "Then what's your problem?" She asked one more time, deadly serious, and in truth, that was honestly what got Nathan a tad too scared of her attitude and current self overall that morning.

She just didn't seem like Peyton – or actually it did, but not the Peyton he would talk to a couple of months ago, she seemed a lot like that girl he met all those years ago who was always with her guard up and wouldn't let a single soul get past her barriers.

"I'm out, I'm in school, and I'm trying to get over the whole drama," She stated matter of factly as if in all honesty her words were the most accurate and right things she had ever said before. And seriously, wasn't that what they all wanted? For almost a whole month, after her dad died, all she heard from everybody she knew, was how one day she would just wake up, and feel better and ready to move on. Well, that had happened, why in the world was Nathan all surprised now?

"What else do you want from me?" Peyton asked after a beat, her eyes up fixed firmly into his.

"Nothing…" Nathan replied somewhat defeated, shaking his head and simply taking his eyes off of hers. "I just…I want you to be you and I want us to be able to talk it all," He said swallowing hard before Peyton huffed, and if he could say so himself, even chuckled before she kept walking in her locker's direction.

"We are talking, aren't we?" She asked Nathan even though he was still a tad too astonished to follow after her as she walked past him. "You just like to complicate things, I…I'm done with that Nate," She told him seriously with a crooked eyebrow and that daring expression on her face once he met her in her locker. "Life's too short…you said so," She added after a beat shrugging her shoulders just before she busied herself with the books in her locker and what she needed for her next period – actually, _their_ next period. He had Social Studies with her; that ought to be fun now, right? In that instant, Peyton inwardly cursed and shook her head when she felt dizzy enough she thought she might fall.

In any case, Nathan's own big hands landed over her waist, and she was brought back to reality the hard way.

"What? Go ahead just say it, I promise I'm not going to break down and storm out of here," She told him flippantly one more time, and that boldness in her voice wasn't lost by him.

It really was not as if Nathan preferred seeing her broken and sad and miserable because everything that had happened. He really just found it odd how suddenly she seemingly had gotten over everything that happened– and honestly, _still_ was happening, because in fact, this whole mess was far away from over. "You can't ignore it," Nathan told her simply, and even though Peyton was a little lost at his words at first, once his eyes slightly traveled down to her stomach, she couldn't help but smile sarcastically at him.

As if she could actually forget _that_.

"I'm not doing that!" Peyton told him honestly and yet there was also that hint of tease in her voice as she spoke. Her voice was even somewhat pinched and she couldn't help but scrunch her face as she thought over his few words one more time. She wasn't ignoring it at all, she was finally just trying to get _"used"_ to the idea if that even made any sense.

In fact, she wasn't even trying to hide it – not that she ever did or thought she would, but given that scene Nathan was giving her, she might as well point it out, right? The shirt she was wearing wasn't anything big or elaborated; it was a common thin cotton shirt that fitted her rather loosely over her lower abdomen. If somebody wanted to _–and boy, did they!–_ they could just look down at her stomach and see that darn obvious curve that all of a sudden really, had become far too noticeable to ignore even if you didn't want to see it.

"The way I see it…" Peyton began explaining after another moment when she realized Nathan was still finding it hard to form words, and she on the other hand, despite obvious facts, had thought all of this over already. "We have only six more weeks of school before the summer. I'm don't know what I'm gonna do next year, but I'm sure as hell not going to flunk this one only because of a baby." She said rather offhandedly, and to say Nathan was stunned was clearly the understatement of the year. "Summer's going to come and everything's gonna change for me, but…not because of that I'm gonna start grieving since now. So what? Everybody keeps staring at my belly? It's not as if I don't have bigger stuff to worry about other that stupid tittle-tattle behind my back." She stated strongly, and for Nathan's never-ending surprise, she wasn't caring one single bit about her voice rising. And as he managed to realized after a beat, the latter part of her statement wasn't directed to him per se, but to a couple of –_annoying_– girls whispering behind them, more than likely, about the fact that Peyton so openly was talking about her actual future and baby-to-be at that.

"Yeah, there is actually a baby in there," Peyton added rather sarcastically after a beat; Nathan was still looking at her, but she wasn't looking at him at all anymore. She was standing a bit on her tip-toes looking over Nathan's shoulder at the pair of talebearers behind them. Her eyes were narrowed and her features were hard as she said the words and looked pointedly at the two of them. That was precisely what frustrated her right now; the stares, the gossip, and the damn whispers she couldn't care any less about but that still annoyed the hell out of her.

"See," Peyton called smugly when the girl's books were picked up and they scurried down the halfway without saying a single word. Peyton raised her eyebrows in Nathan's direction before shrugging her shoulders. "I can take care of myself, so…just drop it, okay?" She said coldly, even though she did heave a sigh before turning around from him and busied herself one more time with the things inside of her locker.

If it took her three whole minutes to gather her stuff and get lost from his sight.

Of course, a part of him was glad she was back at school and actually facing what was going on, but deep inside, Nathan knew, as well as Peyton did too perhaps, that that little front wouldn't last as long as they all could hope it did.

"_You weren't sleeping, were you?"_

_It was weird, but after crying more tears that she could count, having him there, saying snarky comments he really shouldn't be saying, was kind of enough to make her roll her eyes and actually feel something for a change._

"_Nah, just faking it…" She said drawling out a bit her words before Nathan smirked weakly leaning back on the chair right next to her bed. _

_"I bet you are dying to get out of here,"_

_There, clearly, the understatement of the year. That was honestly, pretty much just why Peyton couldn't help but snort. "You think?" She asked him back trying with all her might to keep on with the casual small talk. Honestly, that was yet another thing she couldn't help. From all people that came to see her, he was the only one who wasn't talking yet about her so-called feelings, and future, and how bad she must be feeling – inside and out, so really, if she didn't take advantage of these moments, who would?_

"_Doctor says you're responding quite well to treatment so I guess you should be out of here, soon…" Nathan said, but for some reason, his words didn't come out as a reassurance to Peyton at all. They actually felt more to Peyton as if he was asking her that, and in truth, she was just as clueless as he was. After all, she really hadn't been too keen into listening to her Doctor at all. He wasn't a bad person, Dr. Smith was actually pretty professional from what she could tell, but he still would judge her. Every time he walked into that room and talked to her about anything; anything about her, or the medicines she was taking and would have to keep taking, or about…the baby. It really didn't matter what he was talking about, he would always look at her as if with pity, so lately, every time he spoke, Peyton would zone out and pretend he really wasn't there._

_So far it wasn't working 'well' enough, yet of course not Lucas, not his mom seemed all too pleased about her attitude, but then again, unlike the Doctor, the two of them still wouldn't judge her, but instead, tried to understand._

_Perhaps it was true how she hadn't made an effort to actually show it or voice it, but she was honestly far too grateful for that pair of mother and son who had spent pretty much every waking moment by her side for the last few days…_

"_You know it could be mine, right?"_

_Nathan really didn't even have to try to be specific enough; of course Peyton knew exactly what he was talking about._

_She clenched her teeth; and it really was not because she was angry. It actually was because he was lying. There was no way in hell that baby could be his and he knew it. That was actually what angered her somewhat. "You know that's not true," She told him sternly before her face turned away from his eyes, and instead, she burrowed her head deeply in the pillow beneath her._

_Nathan waited in silence for a beat before he got up on his feet and his hand gently reached her shoulder. He sat at the edge of the bed and sighed deeply before he leaned in only slightly close to her ear. "Maybe it is," He told her simply, and now it was his turn to tightly close his eyes and clenched his teeth. The words weren't completely out of his mouth before she was already shaking her head. "That baby could be mine, Peyton…" He told her strongly one more time even though the words alone felt heavy and completely not right on his tongue._

_Even now, four days after he'd learned about that baby inside her, Nathan was still finding it all hard to wrap his mind around it._

"_Look Haley says condoms don't always work so…I don't know, there is actually a chanc–"_

"_Don't, don't do this…" Peyton pretty much pleaded him. She turned around to look at him and the tears that were already filling completely her eyes as she did so were enough to make Nathan's breath get caught up in this throat. "He gave me Chlamydia, Nathan. Do you honestly believe he was decent enough not to leave his stuff inside me?" The words were bitter in her mouth and the tears were hot and thick in her eyes. She'd give anything, anything in the whole world not to feel as vulnerable and broken and damaged as she felt right now, but in all honesty, there wasn't a single thing in that world that was worth enough to give her her life back._

_That…that was simply something Peyton knew was true. Not Nathan words…those…those were simply false hope he desperately wanted her to believe for one reason or another._

_That was however, not the truth._

_Not the truth at all_

She woke up a little groggy, she couldn't deny that even if she wanted to, yet the slight pressure she felt against her stomach as she did it, was way more than enough to make her jolt out of one of the most decent sleeps she had had in a few days already. "God, Brooke, what the hell do you think you are doing?" Of course she didn't plan to sound as harsh and cold as she did, but all things considered, Peyton was almost positive no one in their right mind could hold her accountable of such reaction.

Brooke tripped over on the bed in her vain attempt to move away from Peyton as soon as her _–almost_– scream escaped her lips.

Peyton shook her head and rolled her eyes as she sat up on the bed and Brooke –attempted, to do so as well.

"What the hell?" Peyton asked again, and even though she tried – not hard enough obviously, she couldn't help but still sound far too annoyed as the words came out of her mouth.

"I just came to check on you…" Brooke explained rolling her eyes slightly too

"I didn't mean that," Peyton said seriously before she sighed heavily and looked away from Brooke for a few seconds. She honestly didn't mean to be mean to her, she didn't, she just…couldn't help it. "I meant…_What_ in the hell were you doing?" She asked rather confused after a moment. Because as far as she knew, coming to check on you didn't mean exactly _"sleep"_ on your tummy…or at the very least, that was what Peyton _thought_…

"Nothing, I swear," Brooke replied her question with a small shrug of her shoulders. She ran her hand through her hair and after a beat couldn't help the small smile that started playing on her lips. She had been friends with that girl for as long as she could remember – Of course she had envisioned being there with her by the time they were starting a family and having babies and all – And well, granted, of course Brooke thought that wouldn't happen for another few years, but all in all, Peyton was actually pregnant – _now_. There was no way around it so at the end of the day, the brunette was somewhat determined to make the best of it. "I just…You know– there's a baby in there…" She said meekly, motioning Peyton with her head down to her belly. "A real little person inside you, I…" Peyton's eyes did shift down at Brooke's words, and it actually was in that moment when she realized why Brooke came in the first place; she didn't come to check on _her _exactly, but…instead on _him, _that baby in her stomach.

In all honesty, Peyton wasn't sure how she felt about that. It mostly felt odd…as if what was currently happening wasn't really happening to her – if that made any sense at all of course.

"You know how I always teased that skinniness of yours?" The question was playful and rather rhetorical; one Brooke not in a million years even thought Peyton could reply, but she still had to point out the fact. It didn't matter at all the 'bump' she had been resting her head on only seconds ago was _hardly_ a bump per se yet. "I guess we are not gonna have to worry about that anymore…At least not for a while," Brooke said playfully in spite of that gloom in Peyton's features. She would really do anything so Peyton would do something as simple as at least smile right now.

After a beat of silence and of simply staring down at Peyton's somewhat no-so-flat stomach, Brooke couldn't do anything else but soften her features and sigh. "…I really just came cause I wanted to make sure you two were okay, P. Sawyer," Brooke said sincerely and with a warm smile on her face she couldn't help.

Peyton stared back at her for a few seconds before she nodded her head sharply a couple of times. The term of endearment certainly hit something inside her; she couldn't be sure what exactly, but something did move in her at that last part of Brooke's words. "Well I am fine," She replied a moment later, and once more, the stoniness in her voice was hard to hide.

Brooke's lips pursed, she didn't even think of backing off right now. She didn't even mind too much when Peyton got up from the bed and walked all her way into the small bathroom at the other end of her bedroom. Brooke wasn't stupid; not at all to be honest, she was well aware Peyton and she weren't the friends they once were…for one reason or another she still wasn't sure about, but in the end, that was still Peyton whether she admit it or not. That was still her best friend, and for better or for worse, she'd be there. She would simply _be there_ for Peyton and that soon-to-be baby of hers. She just would.

"Are you?" Brooke voice carried quiet after at least a couple of minutes of silence.

Peyton listened to her voice in the bathroom; she still didn't want to listen to that kind of questions. "Yep," She almost chirped; her head peeked out through the bathroom door and in spite of it all, she made herself smile. "Just fine,"

Brooke had been able to read through her from the time they were nine…she knew very well when Peyton Sawyer was really smiling and when she simply wasn't. Today was one of the latter cases and yet she wasn't one to push upon it. Not today. "Back at school, huh?" Brooke asked one more time when Peyton had stepped out of the bathroom completely after combing her messy hair, and stood by the door leaned slightly against the wall.

"Yeah…" Peyton drawled out shaking her head a tad. "But it doesn't matter – that place doesn't chance, people's just as…"

"Annoying…?" Brooke tried her best guess and was actually rewarded when Peyton's smile at that word wasn't fake per se.

"Yeah," Peyton agreed with one strong nod of her head. "Among others," She added sarcastically, and that time around, Brooke let out an actual chuckle at the blonde – and at things that honestly don't change, as clearly, Peyton's snobiness would never do. "For what it's worth I'm catching up anyway and though it sucks at least Haley's helping me with that…" Peyton said casually busing herself with a bunch of papers on her desk. She didn't exactly think her words, she just said them, it was the truth in the end, but it still only took her a couple of seconds after the words were out to realize she probably shouldn't have said that last part.

Brooke was her best friend for a long time, Peyton actually did still think of her as her best friend, and perhaps it was a tad messed up, and hard to believe even to Peyton herself considering just how hard it was being for her to let her guard down around the brunette, but she still was.

That however, didn't change the fact that she'd grown close to Haley as well in the last few months and currently felt far more comfortable in _that_ brunette's presence than in Brooke's.

"It'll all be over in just six weeks anyway…" The comment passed through her lips a bit bitter, yet in truth, she wasn't lying. The hell with Brooke if she made this about her when it honestly was not. "It'd stuck with it,"

"That's good, Peyton…" Brooke replied softly after a moment. Of course it hurt, she wasn't oblivious how in the last three months Peyton had turned to everybody _but_ her for help. And yes, that was an exaggeration but that was anyhow how it felt for Brooke sometimes when she looked at the bigger picture of the past three months. Maybe Peyton just needed time…some time to realize again how it was okay to trust her too. "But I…I should probably go now then…I'll call you later to see how you're going…" Brooke informed Peyton as casually and naturally as she could sound. The Peyton she knew have _got _to be there some place. "Bye," She said softly when she had already gotten up from Peyton's bed, and was brushing a small kiss to her cheek in goodbye.

"You _do_ know that kid is going to be spoiled rotten though, right?" Brooke merely sang; already from the doorway and this time, nothing would prevent her from smiling sincerely in Peyton's direction.

And if Brooke could say so herself, she'd say how Peyton was indeed having a hard time fighting back a smile of her own at her words. "Yeah?" Peyton asked back and Brooke couldn't miss a single beat before she was already strongly nodding her head.

"You can bet," She assured Peyton rapidly, and flashing at her one of those perfect full dimpled smiles. "That kid just won _me_ as his aunt, P. You can trust me on this…" Brooke promised honestly yet her voice was playful and heartfelt at some level too.

Peyton on the other hand, could hardly form a soft smile at her words. She wanted to believe in her though; it wasn't even for her at all, it was for that pint-sized little thing that rested within herself.

"It's all going to be okay, buddy…"

_It wasn't easy at all for Brooke to see her like that; that girl in that bed was far from the strong fierce powerful girl she used to remember now. It hadn't been that long yet for Brooke it felt like an honest lifetime since she could truthfully called Peyton Sawyer her best friend. A lot had happened, of that, Brooke was sure, but at the same time, what she couldn't be sure about, what was killing her inside to say the least, was that she really didn't know what had happened with Peyton in that time._

_Here they were, a few weeks after her father died; she was in a hospital, lying unconscious in that tiny scanty hospital bed. And…she was pregnant. Her best friend was pregnant; eleven weeks she had been pregnant, almost three months and this was the time Brooke was finding out?_

_Brooke couldn't blame Peyton though; she couldn't hold the blonde accountable for anything right now, but it still hurt. It hurt she had let her friendship with Peyton strayed so much that that curly blonde couldn't come to her when she clearly might had needed her most._

_If anything, Brooke felt guilty in that moment. She felt guilty because she didn't try hard enough to get past Peyton's barriers. Because she didn't push hard as she should have do it. She felt guilty because she knew Peyton; because she knew how much she had hurt as it was, and now this, the fact that it was a secret and all, would certainly take a toll on her. _

_It was baby. A whole other person and she was only seventeen. _

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Brooke questioned quietly; her words were actually more-so directed to herself than to that petite blonde on the bed before her. She still braced herself and run her fingers gently over Peyton's forehead smoothing that way a few unruly curls that rested over her face. "You know it doesn't matter you didn't though, right?" Brooke asked one more time after a beat. _

"_I'm sure you had your reasons, but…" This time her voice trailed off for a moment when she simply felt unable not to sigh. It was hard, physically hard to still wrap her mind around the idea. Her best friend was actually going to be a mom…_

"_It is a big deal, you know? And I…I just really don't want you to deal with all of this by yourself, I'm sure this has been hard on you so…just wake up P. so we can fix up this mess, okay?" The question came out quiet and even feeble, yet Brooke couldn't help herself then. Perhaps it was out of place, but she too felt completely out of sorts at the news._

_It wasn't an everyday thing for Brooke to do as she was doing at that moment; rarely were the times she actually had to be in a hospital. For the better part of the time, she would try to avoid them. Much alike the way Peyton always used to do…at least since her mother had died. She didn't like them, she never did, and maybe it was because Brooke was her best friend and sympathized somewhat with her curly-haired blonde best friend, but she couldn't like them either. Not at all. Everything; at every place she looked everything was the same, generic, sad, cold…lifeless. Peyton hated that, and for one reason or the other, so did Brooke._

_In that moment, her hand flew to rest on top of Peyton's and in was also in that same instant when her blonde best friend stirred slightly at the touch. Brooke didn't think twice when she got out from the chair she'd sat for the better part of the afternoon, and instead moved rapidly right next to Peyton. "Hey…" She cooed, unable not to completely smile at the sight of Peyton opening her eyes. "You'd been out for a while…" She told her honestly.. "I'm so glad you are all right," Brooke mused contentedly and at last, her eyes met Peyton's._

_She looked a little too stunned – which Brooke couldn't really her hold accountable for – after all, she had indeed be out for a while so it was okay if she stayed quiet for a little while longer. As long as her eyes were actually open, Brooke had more than enough reasons to smile._

_It was naïve but Brooke really needed to believe things were going to work out even when perhaps they would not…_

_When Peyton tried to say something and couldn't; reality hit back Brooke. She handed Peyton over the plastic cup of cool water and held it for her as she took small sips every so often for a little while. "Better?" Brooke asked with a small nod as Peyton leaned back on the bed and after a beat, nodded her own head as well._

"_What happened?" She asked hoarsely before clearing her still sore throat._

_Brooke's first instinct was that of shrugged her shoulders at Peyton's question. How could she honestly answer that? That very same question Peyton asked was the one that had whirled around her own mind all day long and actually, still was. "Matters you are going to be okay," Brooke answered when not better words to tell Peyton found their way out of her lips._

_Peyton for a long moment simply looked over carefully at Brooke and at everything she said, but most importantly, at everything she didn't say. Her eyes told Peyton everything she needed to know, though. "You do know?" She asked simply and rather softly. _

_In spite of that however, Brooke's breath got caught up in her throat at her question. She didn't want to lie to her. That was the very least she wanted to do right now, yet in a way, she wasn't quite sure she was ready to have this conversation. There was awkwardness between them; something Brooke simply wasn't used to when it was about Peyton Sawyer – her very best friend after all. In the end however, Brooke managed a nod of her head. "We were all outside when the Doctor came out to talk to us about you, and…and well…the baby too…" Brooke let on, yet couldn't ignore how Peyton winced slightly at the few words she said. "You got us all worried," _

_It was after about five, perhaps even ten minutes when Peyton heaved a sigh, and when Brooke's eyes shifted to look at her, she found Peyton's green ones already meeting her hazel ones._

"_You said you were all outside?" Peyton asked still fairly huskily yet determined not to let that constant pain in her throat to get in her way to say as she pleased. Brooke didn't precisely respond; to be honest she had been taken a little aback at that question. "Do you know if Luke's outside?"_

_And in was in that moment when Brooke saw completely past Peyton's pretence and seeming strong front; she was just as scared and terrified as she was back when she was eight years old and her father told her her mother wasn't coming back. This time it hurt Brooke just as it did the last time and yet in some many ways it was so different this time around. No one had died; the polar opposite…literally._

"_He's right outside; I'd call him for you…" Brooke told Peyton sweetly after a moment. She scrunched up her nose and smiled sincerely before peeking Peyton's cheek softly and starting to walk in the door's direction. If Lucas Scott was the boy she needed right now, then Brooke would simply do as told and call him. Eventually the time would come when she and Peyton could go back to being the best friends Brooke knew deep inside they still were…_

_She liked to hope that anyway._

* * *

**AN : **Not a happy chapter per se, but not so depressing either, right? Gosh, I hope so! Hehehe It did come out a little long, but I hope you've liked it. Thanks a lot for reading. :)


	13. Chapter Thirteen : A Lil' bit of love…

**Chapter Thirteen : A Lil' bit of love…**

* * *

There was this little corner in her mother's old studio; one she actually used to love when she was a little girl. She used to hide in there when everything that was outside seemed and felt a little too scary. It was a dark little corner, but it wasn't _completely_ dark though. She wouldn't like that; not when she was five years old, and not now that she was almost seventeen. There were always enough rays of light hitting right on her lap. She liked that back then, and she actually still liked how the little flickers of light would make patterns and odd figures against her body.

Lately that place had grown to be one of her favorites places again. She didn't quite exactly fit under her mother's desk anymore as she used to, but even now she would still like to just sit on the floor, put that old, worn-out sketchbook on her lap, and make silly doodles no one other than herself cared about…

Just like her mom used to do once upon a time…

But perhaps Peyton wasn't completely right; there was still one person that might actually care about that that she drew or not; _Lucas_.

He had become this one person in her life; the one she knew she could _actually_ count on to be there when she needed him. He didn't ask her for anything in return – not that Peyton could actually give him something, but…he still didn't. He was simply selfless when they were together. He would care for her in that way, no man – not even her Dad had look after her before.

Lucas _in fact_ cared.

Not because he _had_ to – as her Dad supposedly used to, but just because he wanted.

In the last few months he had simply be there; saying things, not saying anything at all. Sitting at her side, stroking her back when she needed him too, kissing her cheek when a trail of tears wouldn't stop failing. He had simply _been there_ and she kind of loved him for it.

She wasn't sure what exactly that meant or if she could explain it to someone if asked, but at the same time…she also knew that was something that had to stay with herself. He was the one person in the world that made her feel as if she were special, as if she were worth of something more and better than just pain.

What if she ruined that too?

In any case, today, as silence and peace started settling completely in that room that quiet was taken away by _him_. Peyton could tell it was Lucas by that now _oh-so_ familiar scent she could tell apart from miles away. She smiled at that; but not at Lucas or at something she did or he did, she smiled at the feeling of familiar.

At the feeling of something that she _knew_, something that was now constant, and safe, and would _never_ hurt her. That was the reason why she smiled.

"Hey…" Lucas spoke softly before she could. He took a moment before walking further into the room, but after he'd let down his bag, it were only seconds before he had already sat himself beside Peyton and in that special way only _he_ did, he kissed the side of her face _hello_.

After Lucas pulled back, it took Peyton a few seconds before she tilted her head enough to look at his eyes and at the small smile he was wearing. She honestly couldn't help but find that reassuring. "Hi, how did it go?" She asked him with that teeny-tiny flicker in her eyes.

Frankly, Lucas rarely ever saw something as endearing as that in her.

Plus she was asking that question that in truth, she had been dying to ask him all evening. He was always the one who worried for her and her every little thing; it was about time she did the same, right? Even if it was for something as minor as a school test was as opposed to everything _he_ had done for her.

Important or unimportant however, Lucas nodded his head after she spoke and couldn't help but grin at that small question of hers. "It wasn't too bad. I think I did all right, thank you." Lucas told her honestly, before he shifted down his eyes at the sketchpad over her lap. To be honest, he had been indeed a little too worried about that test he did earlier. Peyton and Haley had helped him study and Peyton even wished him luck before he left after they were done. He was a good student, he always had, but of course it was an understatement to say he hadn't been in his best game lately at school, so the fact that he had been able to do _'all right'_ in this test, wasn't really as unimportant as he was trying to sell it to Peyton. Lucas liked though that she worried. It was a strange feeling actually. Most of the time, _if_ not always, it was him who worried for her at all times. He liked to do that; he did it because that was what his heart wanted, but then…having her saying things as '_How did it go?'_ was actually pretty much enough to have his heart fluttering.

"I like it when you draw," Lucas told her after a moment when the words at last began forming. It wasn't as if he was trying to change the subject – he wasn't – he just actually liked it when she drew stuff. "And that is beautiful," He added smirking slightly as he saw the actually beautiful –tad creepy, but beautiful nonetheless– landscape she was drawing.

Peyton couldn't stop herself from sighing at his words. Her eyes fixed in his before she shook her head. Arguing with him when he was complimenting her rarely ever took her anywhere, so why try anymore, right? "I like it too," She settled agreeing simply making Lucas beam triumphantly. "Mom used to draw all the time for me in here when I was little," Peyton let on and Lucas grew a little too solemn at those few words she uttered.

In that instant, it was his turn to sigh before he simply nodded his head. For some reason he knew everything she wasn't actually telling him. In only a few months' time, _she_ would be the mother and that thought alone terrified her to the core. He somewhat hated it, but he couldn't hold that against her either. "I bet you learned from the best," Lucas told her after a beat with a goofy face Peyton had to smile at.

"How are you?"

And there he was. Of course. And she had actually thought she was going to get away from answering the one question Lucas couldn't ever not ask her when they got together.

Peyton rolled her eyes and couldn't help but decisively, shake her head. Most of the times however it was still unbelievable for her to bear how much he genuinely cared. Because if she were being completely honest with herself, she would know how Lucas wasn't like everybody else that asked her the questions time and time again. For a change he always, _always_ did mean it. "I'm fine," She responded at last with a small shrug of her shoulders.

Okay, so perhaps Peyton wasn't the best liar in the world, but that face Lucas gave her made her feel as though she was a five year old just caught as she tried to steal a cookie she couldn't have. "Okay, not _that _fine," She corrected painfully as she one more time couldn't help herself and had to roll her eyes. She wasn't that much annoyed at Lucas per se though, but just at the fact that she honestly couldn't say she was _fine_. "I actually think I'm gonna throw up anytime now," She confessed sheepishly after a beat. Lucas offered her one of those crooked little smiles before his hand so protectively reached out to rest right on the small of her back.

That was yet another thing Peyton couldn't help but _cherish_ every time he did it. It made her feel safe, cared for and one more time, no one, no one else in world could ever make her feel like that anymore.

She closed her eyes softly, but Lucas couldn't actually see that much. He had his head a little bowed as Peyton leaned in to his side. She may actually want to throw up but he was here and for the time being, she could at least try to forget about the sickness for a while.

Plus, his shoulder was darn comfortable and warm, and it just made her feel all right to be so close to him. And…perhaps the closeness wasn't just physical but something _more_…she liked to believe that anyhow.

"You know that's supposed to–"

"To be normal? Yeah, I get that now," Peyton interrupted him with a chuckle Lucas had been oblivious he needed to hear so much.

He smiled sincerely at her as she pulled back and with her nose a tad scrunched up stared into his eyes playfully. And it was weird, even for her, letting herself be with Lucas, but she was trying, because at the very least, he deserved that.

In the end, and after shaking his head a little, Lucas chuckled softly at her words. In all honesty, that playfulness in her voice and features overwhelmed him greatly in that instant. "I brought you some stuff though…" Lucas told her after a beat and hidden in his voice was that hint of boyish excitement. Peyton kinked an eyebrow and Lucas chuckled getting up from the floor as he went back to the doorway bringing his backpack– and a few other bags Peyton hadn't spot before, along with him as he came back.

"What's all that?" She asked puzzled.

"Stuff, I told you," Lucas said back rather playfully as he sat down right beside Peyton one more time. "Oh, I also got from my mom's some pie for you…I left it down stairs…" He said thoughtfully as he stared at Peyton. She narrowed her eyes, because to be honest, his thoughtfulness in that second caught her a little off guard. "That'll stay down, right?" He asked cracking a small Peyton could not share to save her life.

She didn't even know how in the world he did it; he knew things she couldn't even think in telling him, but then again, apparently, he knew them anyway. She had been craving, literally and physically _craving_ some of his mom's –_rather delicious_– pies for a few days now, but given she didn't feel all that comfortable asking things from him– let alone stupid cravings, she hadn't bring it up.

All in all, that freaking pie _better_ stayed down.

"It will," Peyton said back at last smiling meekly without even knowing why.

"All right," Lucas wasn't even looking at her anymore as he started rummaging through the couple of bags he'd brought along with him. "I didn't spend much, so don't freak out, okay?" He warned her, only half-seriously without even meeting her eyes. Peyton let out a soft chuckle teasingly, but the instant Lucas looked up at that, and stared all too powerfully into her eyes without chuckling, she narrowed her eyes at him just as serious.

"Okay…" She said back cautiously killing back her smile. Not that he looked all that serious or anything, but one way or another, that boy knew her and perhaps have Lucas not warn her to not freak out she would have done so.

In any case, Peyton kept smiling as at last Lucas got out from one of the bags a couple books. He was in fact, a boy of books so in all honesty, Peyton wasn't the slightest bit surprised about that.

"I think we need more, but the lady from the store said we'd be fine starting with these two…" He said and Peyton's features softened even more as she bit on her bottom lip. He had not just brought her _"What to expect when you're expecting"_ crap and that, had he?

"Lucas…"

"No, we need these, I mean it, I know right now you are getting all yucky about food and stuff, but…I don't think that's about it, so you'll take one and I'll take the other and then we'd switch when we are done," Lucas pretty much ordered even though his voice was far from patronizing. He was excited, and for more reasons than just the obvious, that stunned Peyton a bit too much.

It wasn't in a really bad way though. It just did.

"And I also bought teddies…" He said puzzled and rather thoughtfully after only a moment. To say Peyton was way, way too confused at his sudden change of attitude– literally two seconds ago he was utterly excited, now he was almost brooding was an understatement.

"Okay…" Peyton said cautiously one more time as she leaned in slightly to take a peak on the couple of teddy bears in the white bag; the colors they were dressed caught her eye. It weren't blue and pink teddies as she thought they'd be considering everything this was all about was the baby in her tummy, but…then again, one teddy was black and rockish and the other, while actually partly pink, was quite a stylish kind of teddy ballerina with a pink tutu.

"I'm not even sure if you like those…" Lucas told her a tad uneasily. It was actually a bit upsetting he thought. He was _supposed_ to know that kind of stuff of her, right? But he didn't. What if she hated teddy bears and wouldn't want any next to her kid?

"I'm okay with these," Peyton told him anyway, somewhat trying to sound reassuring as she took the ballerina teddy in her hands. "It's cheesy though," She added and it was then when Lucas laughed again and she liked it.

"I can deal with that," Lucas said smiling sincerely before his mind lit up. "And all in all, I suppose these two are more for the baby. I'll think of something less cheesy for you soon," He said lightly and yet not offhandedly at all. In truth, he kind of already had that something for her.

"Oh okay," Peyton said trying to sound nonchalantly as she also couldn't help but roll her eyes as his dorkiness. Lucas didn't even have to try and Peyton was starting to learn that much. He made her smile and chuckle and it wasn't because he spent the whole time telling stupid jokes about stuff no one cared, but simply because he didn't pretend when he was around her. He was whom he was when they were together and to him, at least seemingly, it didn't matter if he was being dorky or not, he only cared she was smiling and content…

Maybe she should try to do the same; be more herself and learn how to let that damn guard down for once and for all…If only just with him…

"What else do you have in there?" Peyton asked after another moment, and Lucas smirked boyishly. He couldn't help that.

"This is also for the baby, I'm sorry, but…I swear to you, the damn store just appeared there out of nowhere after I picked up your pie. You have an idea how many times I'd walked up and down that street? _Too many_!" Lucas answered urgently before she could even smile at his words. "But I've never seen that store before. I gotta take you there sometime…Not everything is cheesy, I just don't know about that stuff," He explained her actually quite seriously even though there was no doubt he was meaning what he was saying.

"Okay so these are clothes…" Lucas began again without missing a beat when everything Peyton had the chance to do was nod her head sheepishly at his words. To be honest, she didn't care about the books and teddies for the baby and stores filled with things she shouldn't even be thinking about yet, but…He was trying and she appreciated that more than she could actually express.

"The girl from the store, she's tiny you should see her, I think her name was Taio or something like that, she was actually pretty nice, Peyt…" Lucas started rambling on as the small pieces of delicate blue and white baby clothes' fabric started coming out of the bags. Everything was _so _tiny; little messages written here and there, even a tiny light-blue hoodie with a basketball ball in the middle caught Peyton's eyes after a beat. Her breath got caught up in her throat and she felt nervous…not that she would tell him, but Lucas was suddenly making it all feel all that more real.

"She told me the baby would need a lot of teeny clothes but that we shouldn't buy that many of one size because apparently those little monsters grow up real fast in the first months. She still talked me into buying this one…" He said as he held up a white, cotton onesie; it was rather beautiful and simple…the edges were embroidered with blue again, but it was mainly just white with a little inscription on the side of one sleeve that read _"First Day of my Life"_

"She said the baby should have something special to wear right after he gets out of you…" Lucas said softly, as their eyes met again after quite some time. "I agreed, and I think this one was nice but we can change it if you don't lik–"

"It's okay, Luke. I like that one," Peyton reassured him one more as she took the teeny-tiny onesie from his hands. "It's actually quite nice," She told him as her eyes bore into the delicate material, and for once, she wasn't lying.

"Glad you liked it," Lucas then said simply and Peyton nodded her head slightly, still with the onesie in her hands.

In that moment it hit her, she didn't even think she needed to ask him why but…everything, or at least, almost everything– sans teddy bears, were mostly blue as for a baby _boy. _Peytonsmiled to herself at that thought, because even though Lucas hadn't said the words aloud per se yet, he just _knew_ Peyton was carrying a boy and although Peyton wasn't as sure as he was, she was sure anyhow that _he_ was sure it'll be a boy and that was kind of enough for her right now.

"This one is pink too…" Lucas noted after a good moment pulling Peyton out of her thoughts. She looked up at him only to have her eyes travel to the small pink dress he was holding in his hands now. That one was a bit bigger than the rest of the clothes, not as simple and yet just as beautiful. It was still on a hanger and as smooth as it could be. "I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like to dress your daughter in pink…not now, not ever…" Lucas pointed out the obvious and Peyton nodded sharply in agreement as she chuckled a little bit too. "But I think she's the one who should decide what she likes or not so I bought this one anyhow…" He stated, and as weird as it was, Peyton agreed with him. Who was she to decide what her child would like or not, right?

"And now, I know this time we are probably not going to use it…" Lucas said smirking a little after a small moment, implying what Peyton already knew. "That little one inside you right now is a boy, I can tell, but…I don't know, I just thought we could keep it somewhere, like…You know, like for the future…when we'd actually need to dress a little girl…"

"You are crazy you know that?" Peyton asked him lightly even though she had listened to _everything_ he had said…one way or another. Before this all happened, she never really gave it much thought as to whether she would want to have kids or not– sometimes she'd think of that as just part of life, right? You have to leave your legacy and well…women do have children every single day, so who was she to be the exception, no? But for some reason, that "role," that whole idea of being someone else's whole world…they are born and all they get– for better or for worse, is _you_ and only you was pretty much terrifying.

That always was a scary thought alone for her– it still was, and yet, she didn't feel alone in that mess right now. That sounded– even _felt_ strange for her, but Lucas was here, and in spite of how terrified she really was, his smile, his confidence, his constant excitement and the fact that he was an optimistic at heart, made her have a little hope in the future.

Even if it was just a little bit, it was still _something_ in the end.

Peyton sighed softly, biting on her bottom lip before he nodded his head a little bit. Apparently, Lucas _did_ know he was crazy in fact.

"Why are you so good to me?" She couldn't help but ask him– out of the blue perhaps, after just a few seconds.

Lucas didn't exactly know how to answer to that question either, so he just shrugged his shoulders a little bit. "You're Peyton Sawyer," He stated in response after a moment of silence that was long enough for him to come out with the most logic answer he could find. And being completely honest, that answer he gave Peyton was much more than just enough.

At least he thought so, and actually, he completely believed it was enough.

Peyton couldn't help but smile at him but at the same time shook her head a bit. He had such faith on her; it was really too much and sometimes it even overwhelmed her a tad.

Lucas rested his eyes on hers for those seconds of silence and kept on his face that soothing…overly calming smile of his. Peyton let a soft smile tug at the corners of her lips before she simply closed her eyes for a few seconds and with her head motioned Lucas to come closer to her. She didn't say a word, yet her hand reached up to cup his cheek. It was a little itchy, he really hadn't shaved in a while, and Peyton was just realizing how long. She still didn't care about that; she kept her eyes lightly closed as she moved closer to him and her lips all too softly pressed against his sore cheek.

The kiss was long…tender…she felt calm and at ease. As if things could actually be okay for her someday…

Lucas gave her that; a sense of peace she couldn't find anywhere else.

Admitting to yourself that you _need_ someone in your life is not easy; much more when all you have learned from the world is that the moment you let yourself care for someone, something – someone – whatever happens that takes it away from you. With Lucas however, Peyton couldn't help it. She had fought him; she had tried with all her might to push him away. She had tried in vain to make herself believe he wasn't everything she deep inside knew he was for a long time, so now…now she was simply coming to terms with it all. That boy in front of her wasn't just any boy she met and was kissing. That boy before her was the first and perhaps the only boy who had ever, in her almost seventeen years of life, showed her love wasn't a bad thing. How needed someone and letting that someone look after you wasn't so bad. That…that there was actually someone in that world– in that rather scary world sometimes, that genuinely wanted her for what she was and nothing more.

When Peyton pulled back a little, her eyes were still closed. She didn't completely separate herself from him; Lucas' own palm was by then cupping her soft cheek as well, and he couldn't take it away from there for the life of him. He needed her close just as much as she needed him close to her too. "What was that for?" Lucas asked quietly after a beat, and Peyton smiled at the smile she heard in his voice. He wasn't complaining, not for a second and not in a million years, yet having her there, so close to him –in every sense, he just thought he could ask and it'd be okay.

Peyton however, stayed silent for a moment…for another one until she breathed in deeply as her eyes fluttered open slowly. Her eyes met his immediately and that stare was more than enough to keep them both held in that moment. "I never did thank you," She told him with stern but at the same time soft enough.

And frankly, she really did owe him a thank you. After all, Lucas was just who kept her sane, kept her together, and kept her from breaking down. 'Thank You' were honestly two short insignificant words compared to how much she owed to that boy before her eyes.

"You don't–"

Lucas tried, but she –_gently_– cut him off when her head began shaking ever so slightly. One more time that evening, she didn't say anything more to him but simply moved closer to him, and this time, she didn't just pressed her lips to his skin, but instead, she softly pressed them to Lucas' very own lips.

It was a kiss. A real one at that.

And that, in all honesty, was _everything_ and more of what she needed in that moment.

_Him_

* * *

**AN : **Taa-daaa…every once in a while it's okay to be cheesy and true-love-believer at heart right? Thanks a lot for reading. I'm already on a break from school, so yep, more free time to write and update now hopefully :)) Next chapter should be up soon, I kinda liked that one so yeah…thanks for reading again.


	14. Chapter Fourteen : Would You…?

**Author's Note : **I forgot to explain this the last time, got a couple msgs about it...Chapter one _Nathan&Peyton_ were together, the night after was the party and Peyton's drama, so...even when the chances are tiny, the way this story played out, Nathan could actually be the father of the baby. Not that you will know for sure anytime soon ((I'm not sure I even know that myself yet)), but I still thought I'd put this out there just in case...

But anyway, thanks a looooot for reading again, I'm kinda liking Lucas right now too, but oh well, let's get on with this chapter to see if you still keep thinking that... :) Thanks so much for reading again.

**Chapter Fourteen :**** Would You…?**

* * *

Lucas was around six or seven years old when he _actually_ grasped the difference between a real father and a very cool uncle who was _always_ there. Growing up his life was fairly simple; he thought he knew everything that was there to be known by a small boy. Sure, he always knew he didn't have a regular family like all the other kids, but he could never complain about not having a father figure in his life. He did have one, and for a very long time, that was always enough.

Until one day when it simply dawned on him that in truth, it was not enough —not exaclty for his standards, but apparently the rest of the world's. And then, well, then things just got complicated.

One day his life was just fine with his Uncle and mom, but then the other, having a cool uncle who for you growing up was the same as having a father just wasn't enough.

Lucas learned from then on the way people sometimes simply liked to judge other's lives —as if they knew anything about it to begin with. He also learned about gossip, and about the incredible fast way a person could form inaccurate opinions without even knowing the facts. As he started growing up, Lucas simply started seeing all those things his mother and his uncle had tried to shield him from…

_Evil._

It was true that life had many great things. Every day Lucas could still at least note ten, or even twenty things that made whichever day worth living, but as the years started passing by he also realized that such things as evil were also true to the world they all lived in.

Like the person who stepped into Peyton's life one night only to make it even more complicated and to…shatter her.

Lucas would rarely refer as her as broken or shattered, but…from time to time, when he saw her when she wasn't seeing him, he would realize how the girl he once used to watch– _because okay yes, he did watch her a lot while they were growing up_– was partly gone, and in a way, never coming back.

For the better part of time, and with most people other than him, Peyton would be cold and indifferent, as if she really didn't care about what they might say, think or do. As if she were her own world and no one in the outside could come through her…ever.

And well…no one _but_ Lucas. He had realized that much and he cherished that much as well. But he couldn't help but wonder how much the rest of the world would miss now that Peyton was more than determined to shut them all out…

"Why can't you just tell her what you feel?" The question slipped out of Lucas' lips without him really thinking about asking it. The car he was working on with his uncle was still in pretty bad shape and Lucas knew the deadline must be met, but…he just wanted to know.

He squinted his eyes and looked up from the car only to find his uncle's questioning look on him. "Mom," Lucas clarified even when he was sure Keith had known exactly what he was talking about from the very instant he first spoke. "Why can't you just tell her what you feel? I'd seen the ring," He added this time, and with a shrug of his shoulders Lucas looked away from Keith when he shoot at him that "_How do you know that?_" look. —He just knew.

"It's complicated…"

"Yeah, right?" Lucas replied huffing as he grabbed the old rag and cleaned his hands shaking his head. "That's your story?" He asked again as his eyes met ones of a very bewildered looking Keith. Lucas couldn't help himself really; for a very long time he had looked up to Keith, he still did, but things were different now. Keith was the guy Lucas always wanted to be like…more so now that he actually understood how things were and how things happened before he was born. He didn't have a Dad per se, but he did have an uncle who stepped up once upon a time and did the right thing for him and his mother as he looked out for the two of them for all those years. But now…Lucas couldn't understand this said uncle of his. Keith had always loved Karen. That was something Lucas had understood earlier on. Perhaps not with all the connotations the word "_Love_" has, but he still did, it was easy, Keith had always loved his mother, and whether she admit it or not, his mother loved him back too.

It was just kind of stupid that seventeen years had gone by and none of them has had the nerve to step up in front of the other and acknowledge everything they clearly felt for one another.

"Come on, Luke…" Keith tried huskily really just trying for him to drop it. Lucas did nothing like it though; he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders one more time.

"No, I mean it," He said back seriously even though his tone wasn't as reprimand as it had been before. In that moment, when Lucas' eyes and Keith's steadily met, the younger boy had to take a breath before actually saying what he was somewhat even aching to say. He was more than just unsure about his decisions– he'd already made them, but that sure as hell didn't mean he wasn't nervous about them.

For one reason or another, Lucas anyhow knew Keith would be the man who would understand. Even if he hadn't had the guts to do as Lucas would do yet. "Peyton's pregnant…you know that…" Lucas told him only a tad offhandedly after a moment.

Keith looked over at him with nothing other than confusion in his eyes. Of course he did know some of the things that were going on with Peyton and Lucas; one of those, that she was pregnant. He'd been after all in the hospital with Karen and Lucas a few weeks back. He also knew that child wasn't Lucas' and at the same time, he also knew everything his nephew had been doing for the curly blonde that as of that moment, reminded him so much of a small brunette once upon a time. "Yes, I know," He replied back before Lucas continued short after he spoke.

"She's having a baby of a man she doesn't remember. Of a man she doesn't know not ever would she want him fathering her child." Lucas began explaining thoughtfully leaving Keith hardly able to nod his head at the seriousness and solemnity in his features. "And yet she's having him, just…just like mom had _me_ once," He told Keith, and it really was in that moment when at last, Keith almost understood where in the world Lucas was coming from.

"You were with my mom through everything she went through with me, and now…now I'm going to be there for Peyton through everything too." He stated seriously. "So lately that has got thinking, I want to be there for her and the baby, but I wouldn't want her baby to think I'm just that person who is there for him but at the same time isn't because there is always the chance that one day I'd get another family of my own and forget about him…" Lucas said and Keith grew somber. He had never known Lucas thought that way, and to be honest, Lucas never acknowledged he had felt like that either. But…it wasn't so strange, he was a little boy once, and that little boy, one way or another, always feared that one day he simply would lose that "_father_" he'd always known once Keith realized it wasn't enough to have a "_nephew_" to be uncle to, but instead realized he wanted better a "_son_" he could actually father as it was supposed to be.

"Then what are you gonna do?" Keith asked when Lucas' words finished sinking in on him, and even though Lucas stayed quiet at the question at first, he was positive he knew the answer to that already.

Of course he did.

"I'm gonna change that."

* * *

"Feels like it happened overnight, huh?"

The question– regardless how soft was made, did wonders startling the crap out of Peyton. She dropped the tee-shirt she had been holding over her tummy for the last few minutes and her hands even flew rapidly to her face for some reason.

And actually, she did know the reason; she was scared, she lived scared all the freaking time and that was unnerving when she realized how idiotic it was to be scared of everything _all the time_. She did a great job hiding it– if she could say so herself, but that didn't mean the fact wasn't true. She couldn't stand the dark anymore– that had actually reached a point when have not Lucas sleeping over with her, the lights in her room would stay on all night long simply because she _couldn't_ turn them off.

She physically couldn't because she was _scared._

Scared of things only God could know, but she still was scared of. _All. The. Time._

And she hated it…even when at this point, she was sure there was nothing more she could do to beat it but simply…get used to it, perhaps?

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Karen said smiling apologetically as she moved closer to Peyton. "I didn't mean to shock you," She added softly when she reached that fragile blonde and her hand reached up to rest over Peyton's shoulder.

She turned her head around to look at Karen, and shook her head slightly as their eyes met. "I…It's okay, I just didn't hear you come in," Peyton told the older woman sincerely as she brought her own hand up to rest upon her racing heart. It made her angrier…not being able to even control her own emotions anymore…

In any case, after swallowing hard and taking in a couple deep breaths, Peyton at last managed to smile back in Karen's direction. It was a little too shameful, being completely honest; Peyton had been all _but_ nice with that woman who had been anything _but_ amazing to her.

"I wanted to check on you," Karen informed simply after a beat and without missing another, Peyton was then fast to add the part that somewhat saddened her really.

"It's been a while," The blonde said sadly because even though she would rarely ever admit it, having a person like Karen worrying for her the way she had done ever since her father died– hell, even before that, was something Peyton wasn't used to anymore, and yet cherished maybe a little too much.

They hadn't seen each other in about two weeks; maybe even a little bit more than that. Since the day Peyton had been released from the hospital and had decided to get back to her old life as much as she could. To her old life as much as she could _without_ trying not to have Lucas in it anymore though…

Karen's son was the boy she never ever thought she needed, but who now was that person in her life she couldn't imagine not having.

So perhaps that was yet another reason why Peyton should be thankful with Karen…for one way or another, giving her Lucas, too.

Even when not in a million years, Peyton would admit that to Karen…or to anyone else, really.

"It has, but you seem okay," Karen told her warmly after a moment. She sat on the edge of Peyton's bed, and with a small smile shifted her eyes down pointing to Peyton's somewhat expanded tummy.

In that instant, when Peyton's eyes also shifted down to that part of her body, she remembered just what Karen had said when she walked into the bedroom in the first place.

Karen kept smiling at Peyton's slightly blushed cheeks, but couldn't help herself when she pushed a little bit more. She from all people knew almost exactly what Peyton was going through right now so in the end, she wanted to believe coming over was a good thing. "And just so you know, you are still _tiny_ to be almost four months along already," Karen said and at that, Peyton looked up at her eyes. "They said every woman is different when she's pregnant, and they're right…trust me, it could be worse," She said with conviction because in all honesty, Karen did know for sure how much worse it could be.

"It feels _so_ weird," Peyton let on quietly after a good moment of hesitation. She looked steadily at Karen's full of understanding eyes for a few other seconds before she moved to sit next to her on the bed. "I swear I few days ago I could even pretend none of this was happening but now…now looking down at my stomach is enough to remind myself how very real it all is…"

Karen sighed heavily at Peyton's words before she nodded her head. Her arm draped around Peyton's shoulder and a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips when Peyton leaned in into her grasp instead of pulling away.

"I'm scared," Peyton said in nothing louder than a whisper, yet Karen listened to her loud and clear. Listened to each and every fear those two little words carried within. She understood so she nodded her head again shortly after Peyton spoke.

"I know you are. It'd be weird if you weren't…" Karen said back reassuringly as she felt her hand stroking gently Peyton's back. "But I know you are going to be okay. You both are, I promise you you're not alone. You are never going to be," She said and the moment her eyes fixed one more time down in Peyton's budge, the blonde followed her eyes and couldn't help but tense.

That was exactly the scariest part.

"How'd you do it? How did you stop being scared? How did you know you were ready to be a mom?" Peyton questioned quietly yet loud enough for Karen to listen. The petite blonde stayed tuck under her arms, and Karen did no intention to move her from there either.

She did stay quiet at Peyton's question for a moment. Okay, so it had been already over seventeen years since she had been in Peyton's shoes, but in all honesty, all that time didn't mean she had the answers to her questions yet.

"I still don't know," Karen replied somberly after a few minutes. She tried to hide the disappointment in her voice, yet there was no way in hell Peyton would be able to miss it. "I wish I did sweetie, but…being a mother…" Trailing off for a moment, Karen took the chance to tuck her forefinger under Peyton's chin just so that she could look better into those blonde's hazel eyes. "It doesn't matter how old are you, having a baby is not something that comes along with a manual…it doesn't matter if you are 17, 20, 30 or whatever. It would always be scary and unknown, and yes…I know this wasn't how you thought you'd be starting a family, but that little baby inside of you Peyton…he's something that will always be a part of you. I can tell you that. He'll be the best part of yourself that you'll be giving to the world. It's not going to be easy; not while he's a baby, not as he gets older either, but you will always know that _you_ brought that little person into the world – _you_ made it. You and no one else…"

Peyton stared up at Karen with her eyes glazy with far too many unshed tears and even though she knew Karen was sincere and honestly believe as she said, it wasn't easy to come to terms with such reality. One when she's everything a whole other person would depend on. She wasn't even seventeen yet and her life was a mess, and even when she tried hard and put up her strongest front, she was still a scared little girl who honestly didn't know what to do.

"But what if I mess it up? And I mean…" Peyton struggled to say as her voice cracked and she pulled back from Karen. She stayed in silence pulling herself together for a moment or two before her glistered eyes stared quite powerfully into Karen's. She wasn't going to cry but she still couldn't help the enormous need to do so. "I already did. I still got Chlamydia; chances are I can make him sick when he's born. The doctor said so. I, I decided to keep it even when I can make him more harm than good. I don't think I'm going to be a good mom to him and yet here we are. I'm _not_ you," Peyton told her rather seriously this time as she swallowed her and put her ideas in order one more time. "I'm a mess…"

"And you think I wasn't back then?"

"It's different." Peyton refuted before Karen was even finished with her question.

"You are right. It _was_ different." Karen wasn't slow to encounter this time. She said her words strongly and even more firmly looked back at Peyton's eyes. "I was alone, didn't know what I should do, didn't have any money…friends…I didn't even have a family–"

"And I do?" Peyton interrupted asking the first thing that crossed her mind as Karen spoke to her. Her words this time didn't come out strong or harsh…they were broken and weak and just…plain defeated.

"You do," Karen assured confidently without missing a beat. If something she did know, and at the same time, _needed_ Peyton to know as well, that was the fact that she _wasn't_ alone. "When I was pregnant with Lucas my family turned their backs on me and him. To be honest all I had back then was Lucas…" She paused, but then added as an afterthought what was missing in that sentence. "And Keith. I didn't have anyone else. You…You got my son, you got _me,_ and…you got for yourself and that baby a good deal of a support system in your friends. Your '_family'_ may not be here, but there is more than just one kind of family, Peyton. You should know that."

Peyton took a moment to sink in her words and even though she felt still uneasy and uncertain, she couldn't not trust Karen. She honestly couldn't so after a beat, she nodded her head and softened her features as one more time her eyes inevitably welled with hot tears.

"How am I gonna do it?" Peyton asked bluntly, when subtlety somehow disappeared from her priorities list. If she was actually going to have that baby and pull through everything she was going through, then at the very least, she should have a plan…something to look forward to and direct herself towards. She couldn't keep going blindly through her life hoping Lucas would rescue her and take her out of her darkness. She needed to stand up for herself and well…Karen had done so once. After all, she was here now. Her son was seventeen years old and was one of the greatest human beings Peyton knew. Karen must have done something right, so…yes; Peyton was asking her because perhaps, if only she was lucky enough, just as Karen did it once upon a time, maybe she could do it now too…she just needed a little direction to be honest.

"First you are going to move back into the house with us," Karen replied quickly. "With Lucas and me," She elaborated just in case Peyton hadn't listened to her clearly.

That wasn't the case though; Peyton took in Karen's words and couldn't stop when her eyes narrowed with shed confusion. Okay yes, she was hoping for a blunt, honest answer, but then again, she really didn't see Karen having her mind all made up so fast. "Wh-what?" Peyton stumbled upon her words as she asked. Now more than ever she felt lost.

"This house is huge for just one person kid." Karen stated matter of factly looking at Peyton's eyes quite pointedly; Karen wanted to help Peyton, so it really was only natural she needed Peyton close to do so, no? "And being pregnant is not easy and…you are going to need some care and we can do that at home," She said seriously before she narrowed a bit her eyes when yet another reason to have Peyton at home entered her mind. "Plus, I would really love to have my son back," She said being completely honest with Peyton. What she had said was the absolute truth; ever since this whole madness had begun, very little of her son Karen got to see anymore. If he wasn't as school, he surely had to be with Peyton, so at the end of the day, the reasons why she wanted Peyton to move back with them weren't entirely selfish…she wanted to help the blonde– maybe just as much as Lucas did, so it felt just right she got both teens with her at home. After all, Peyton couldn't get any more pregnant, now could she?

In the end, Peyton couldn't help but faintly chuckle at Karen's latter statement. It was indeed kind of true if she thought about it; for the last three weeks–hell, a lot more than that to be honest, she had surely seen way more of Lucas than anybody else have.

"We also need to figure out what you are going to do with your life _after_…" Karen stated somewhat somberly only a moment later. Peyton's breath got caught up in her throat again at the mere idea of her future _with_ a baby in it now, yet she made herself nod her head at Karen's words; she most certainly _needed _to figure out what in the world she was going to do now with her life. "Do you want to stay in school? Finish, go to college? Your Dad made sure you got enough for a few years…college…but I'm not sure he was counting then with baby diapers and formula and clothes and all that, Peyton…"

Peyton looked steadily at Karen and one more time nodded her head. She actually understood and for once, she wasn't just _dreading_ her future but actually sinking in everything it was going to be in only a few months' time. "I know that," Peyton replied shortly biting slightly on her bottom lip. "But I don't think I can decide that now. I need to think in the baby too, right?" She asked fairly rhetorically. She already knew the answer, but hey, one could hope, right? "I guess I should get a job, but…I'm still not dropping out,"

And there it was, it was little, perhaps for some it wasn't anything at all, but for Karen it was a start. She didn't know Peyton Sawyer very much, but if something she ought to be, that was a girl with _fire_ inside her. Fire Karen knew her son feared deeply she'd lose, but that now Karen was somewhat seeing she might not. "Okay," Karen replied at last with a strong nod of her head. "We'd figure it out," She added when Peyton began nodding her head along with Karen's.

It wasn't a plan per se, but hell; it was _something_ at least.

"And we also need to talk about what happened to you…" And those words were certainly enough to make Peyton freeze and her eyes to widen just as someone who had just seen the devil in the flesh.

"I won't," Peyton told her back simply and rather coldly. Her features hardened and one more time her eyes became glazy with unshed tears. Those weren't tears of sadness though…even when it saddened Karen herself, she knew those tears in Peyton's eyes were tears of anger…raw anger and bitterness. "I, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I…" Peyton said shakily as she began getting up from the bed. "I'm…"

Karen pursed her lips a tad angrily at herself for pushing Peyton more than she should. It was frustrating at some level too…one step forward; five steps backwards seemed to be the pattern apparently. "It's all right, we don't have to do that now, but just…promise me if you ever need someone to talk to, you'd reach to me…"

Peyton held her stare down in Karen's eyes for some good few seconds before she sighed heavily and nodded sharply her head one time. "All right," She granted painfully because even when right now it felt as she would never ever be ready to talk about _that_, she could never know if she'd feel differently tomorrow…or in a few days, weeks…who knew, right? "I will,"

"All right," Karen echoed as she couldn't help but sigh with relief at the blonde's acceptance. "Shall I help you pack then?"

* * *

"I think I understand why you couldn't do it back then though?"

Keith didn't look up from the engine he was working on at Lucas' words. He understood completely what Lucas was telling him, and at the same time, what Lucas wasn't telling him too. He waited a beat– hell a whole lot more than that, before he put down his tool and after taking a deep break, pulled back from the car so that he was properly meeting his nephew's eyes. "You do?"

Keith wasn't completely done with his question before Lucas was already nodding his head sharply. "Yes," He said back simply. "But I don't think I can understand why you hadn't been able to do it _now_…After all these years. And I mean, back then…well…Mom was in love with Dan I guess, and he's your brother, but…what about now?" By any means Lucas was trying to interrogate his uncle, but then again…he wanted to understand. If his feelings for his mother were always as big as Lucas was almost positive they were, then why he hadn't been able to act on those feelings still?

"Now things aren't still as simple–"

"How come?" Lucas was fairly fast to question Keith again. In all honesty, he was _aching_ to understand. Right now in his life, he was absolutely sure he had feelings– strong, pivotal feelings for _one_ girl. Peyton happened to his life and everything got a thousand times more complicated than it all was before her —before Peyton even knew he existed. Now…she did knoe, now she _needed_ him and Lucas wasn't stupid enough not to know that. If he could say so, Peyton Sawyer needed him now just as much as his mom once upon a time needed Keith in her life if not even more. Lucas knew what he had to do, what he wanted to do, that was maybe why he knew so well what Keith also wanted, but…he just hadn't done anything and Lucas couldn't help but wonder why?

"Your mom is still your mom and I…I'm this," Keith explained and Lucas wasn't oblivious of the defeat in his voice. He frowned at the way Keith spoke and how he looked down at himself somewhat poorly…with sorrow in his eyes he looked his greasy hands and poor look…

"I don't think that should matter," Lucas tried reasoning his uncle's words at first, but then narrowed his eyes when realization hit him one more time. "As a matter of fact, I'm sure that doesn't matter to mom…" Lucas told Keith quite seriously shaking his head with conviction mixed with stubbornness the grown man hadn't seen in Lucas in quite some time already.

Keith smiled at that and was proud. Proud of the man he one way or another had helped bringing up. Right now, even when he couldn't be sure of the outcome of it all, he was trusting Lucas to make the right decisions unlike him.

* * *

"Hey…" Lucas called softly as he walked into Peyton's —_far too messy_— room. He chuckled to himself as he saw her; she was crouched down on the floor next to one pile of boxes…she was all tangled messy hair pulled up in the weirdest of ponytails, very short black cotton shorts and the simplest t-shirts. He loved that about her actually…even when her hair was a mess, when she didn't have one bit of makeup on and her clothing was all _but_ fancy, he still thought she was the single most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Peyton looked up at him from the floor and chuckled heartedly as she still tried to wrap her mind around everything that was going on. "Your mom is crazy, you know that?" She told him pitching her voice as Lucas reached his hand down to help her up. She didn't think when she took his hand and stood right in front of Lucas as he laughed at her. "It's not funny, Lucas! Your mom was actually serious when she said I was moving back," She added just as incredulously. It took her a moment and a deep, _deep_ breath before she softened her features and smiled…to be honest, she smiled at way Lucas was smiling back at her.

That smile was calming and she loved she could see it.

"I'm actually surprised you agreed…" Lucas told her simply with a shrug of his shoulders. He was not complaining at all and he knew she knew that, but then again, he still wasn't lying. He had been more than just surprised when his mom called him to the shop telling him how _"He'd better go on and help Peyton finish packing before she changed her mind_" – not that she was going to, but as Lucas thought, his mom was still the grownup; she _had_ to act like one and make sure Peyton didn't back off.

Peyton still stayed quiet at his words for a few seconds. She twisted her lips a little bit and looked down before she also shrugged her shoulders. "I thought you were plain _weird_ when I met you," Peyton told him far too bluntly taking Lucas aback. There was a smile in her voice, he knew it, and yet she was also death serious.

He coughed a little before fixing his stare in her eyes again. "Weird?" He asked back and Peyton innocently nodded her head.

"Yup," She replied shortly. "I'd seen you at school and you were always so damn quiet unless you were with Haley. At lunch, you always carried with you like a thousand books and I never knew why. As if you could actually read them all at once! And…" She called when Lucas' mouth open to retort. Her right hand reached up to rest _almost_ upon his now closed lips. "And you _stared_ at me! It freaked me out!" She confessed only half-jokingly, because in all honesty, she wasn't lying at all.

Lucas laughed and shook his head at her. There were days when she was quiet, withdrawn and cold towards him too…but then, there were also days, short _moments_ in some days sometimes, when she was like this, blunt, playful, witty, daring…annoying as hell even, but Lucas…he loved that about her. With no other person she'd be so carefree and Lucas cherished that sincerely. "I didn't stare–"

"Yes you did!" Peyton cried back before he could even finish whatever words he was about to say. "But that wasn't my point," She added after a beat, when the urgency in her voice faded. "I never thought you and I could be friends, let alone something more, but…this last four months have been the _worst_ months in my _whole_ life. I don't remember ever being more miserable and…unsure of the future and everything, but…then there's you…you are this guy who's done _so_ much when I didn't deserve you doing _anything_ for me. You…You and your mom, I don't know why you do all this for me and I…I used to be better than this, I used to be stronger than this, but…I don't know…she told me today how there is more than just one kind of family, and… I think that was what I see when I was living with you guys. For the while it lasted it felt safe. It felt like a _home_," She stressed quietly, swallowing hard. "Most of the days I wonder if I'll make it through the next one. If I'll be strong enough to endure all this freaking crap, so…I don't know, I guess I said yes because I don't wanna be alone. Because I don't think I can do this alone and…and because even when it's selfish I want you with me through this…"

Lucas didn't say anything back, but sighed as her eyes shifted down and slowly fluttered shut. He was almost positive that she was then already regretting everything she'd said. Maybe that was the reason why Lucas didn't speak, but leaned in enough to brush the softest kiss upon her cheek. Peyton looked up somewhat scared, but it took her only a second to smile once hers and Lucas' eyes met.

She didn't regret her words anymore.

"I got something for you…" Lucas whispered softly into her ear and Peyton shook her head.

"More stuff?" She asked somewhat urgently as Lucas pulled back from her. Truth be told, she knew she didn't have near enough stuff for the baby yet, but…he'd done enough as it was already.

Lucas then however, shook his head at her words too. "This one is for you not for the baby…" He explained her without meeting her eyes as he was already pulling out of his jacket the small box.

Peyton's eyes widened as he started opening it, and her mouth opened slightly before her eyes had even catch sight completely of Lucas' present —she knew what it was. Her breath hitched in her throat and yet she still _needed_ to say something before it was too late. "Lucas–I…that–"

Lucas shook his head even stronger this time as he shifted his eyes up from the diamond ring in his hands, and instead fixed then powerfully into Peyton's. "Will you marry me?"


	15. Chapter Fifteen : The way it ends…

**Author's Note : **I apologize I left you waiting, but it has just been one of _those _weeks. This chapter is not a very happy one so that didn't help, but still…I hope you get to enjoy it anyway. A lot (okay, _some_) stuff from the upcoming future is shown, but please don't hate me for it. Bear with me. There is still oh-so much you don't know, but well, this is for now what happened after he proposed :) Thanks for reading !

**Chapter Fifteen : The way it ends…**

* * *

"_Peyton…"_

_The mention of her name didn't make her waver or regret what she was about to do. She knew she was doing the right thing despite what Brooke thought was right or not. She knew this was the most painful decision she ever had to make, and yet at the same time it was one she had to make if not for her sake –certainly not for hers, but then maybe for Lucas'._

_Peyton closed her eyes tightly and simply breathed in deeply a couple of times as she tried to calm down her racing heart. "It's okay," She told Brooke with a weak smile the brunette did not attempt to match. This wasn't how things were supposed to be and that was a fact both of them knew rather well._

"_I just never thought this was how it was going to end, you know…" Peyton added looking at Brooke right in the eye. It actually was in that moment when Brooke realized just how sad was the smile her best friend was wearing. For a long time Brooke had seen it there, so maybe she shouldn't be surprised, but then again, even when things were at odds and she wasn't sure what was going to happen to Peyton, she always had had the comfort of knowing Peyton had Lucas on her side no matter what. She didn't anymore and that simply saddened Brooke. Nobody really could know now what was going to happen now with that sad curly blonde haired girl and the boy Brooke always thought would never leave her alone. _

"_Lucas and I…" Peyton said again softly when Brooke seemingly didn't understand what she was talking about. Eventually, Brooke did nod her head at Peyton but she still couldn't form any more words to tell her. In all honesty, she just didn't want Peyton to sign that damn paper. "It's been forever and we've been through more than I ever thought he and I could go through, but…"_

"_What?" Brooke chimed in when Peyton's voice faded. She wanted to understand why they'd gotten this far and simply couldn't go on anymore. "But what?"_

"_When glass breaks…you can't put it back together, can you?" The question was made rhetorically and Brooke understood as much. She stayed quiet and simply let her lips curled up uneasily. "There are things that you just can't put together even though you want to–"_

"_But you love him, Peyton, and he loves you back."_

_Brooke's words barely made Peyton nod her head. She was right. "I know he does, and I love him, too. I always will, but…this time is different. I don't think we can pull through this one. At least not together…" She let on and Brooke only grew more troubled by it all._

"_When I married him, I…God, I always knew it wasn't going to be easy. Hell, I knew committing to him, to Lucas Scott no less would be the hardest and most pivotal thing I've ever done in my life and it was, and I…I let him down so many times. I ran from him so many times, I hurt him, but…he never let go of me. He was always there. Waiting. Steady like a rock for me. I–I'm not going to lie to you, I really did think I was meant to be with him and all that that he says, but…I guess he was wrong," She told Brooke solemnly shrugging her shoulder slightly. "Now it has all come down to this paper. To sign it or not. And I…I need to sign it…" She said as one more time she let her gaze fell to the piece of paper resting on top her dining table. "I have to–"_

"_But you don't, you…Peyton you can fight for your marriage and get it all back if you really try to make it work again…" Brooke tried urgently but all her words did was make Peyton shake her head ever so slightly._

_Her stare darted back and forth between Brooke's pleading eyes and the divorce papers beneath her pen. She never thought she would be able to forgive Brooke, be the kind of friends they once were, but as the years passed by and Peyton realized– actually, she didn't realize the facts by herself, as Lucas taught her how she couldn't go on in life pushing away the people who cared for her as much as Brooke did, she had been open enough to rebuilt a friendship with the brunette. A friendship that to that day was still far away from perfect, but then again…Brooke was the one sitting right beside her as she made the biggest mistake of her life, right? There weren't the kind of friends they were growing up, but they were close and Peyton would not rather have any other person by her side right now. _

_Brooke was still wrong this time though._

"_No, no I can't. We can't mend things this time as we'd done in the past. We-we just can't…"_

"_We?" Brooke tried simply; her voice carrying defeat._

_Peyton thought for a moment holding her stare in Brooke's eyes before she sighed and looked down at that stupid dotted line she had to sign her name above. "Yes, **we**…" She replied fairly stonily after a beat. "He was the one who filed the divorce, wasn't he?" She asked looking at Brooke one last time before she bit harshly on her bottom lip and signed the damn papers for once and for all. "I think I'm gonna go take a walk, um…would you, you know…"_

"_I'll keep an eye on Mikey," Brooke answered quickly knowing better than to push Peyton into staying or talking about what she'd done or not…so she just let her be if only for the time being. "Just…be…be safe and know that I'm here for you…"_

_Peyton sighed heavily and nodded her head after a moment before she stood up and headed towards her front door —Their front door actually. Until Lucas signed those papers too, that one would still be their house. It had been that way for the last six years after all._

"I–I don't know…I don't know what this means." Peyton stammered out shaking her head slightly. Her eyes stayed darting back and forth between the small diamond ring in Lucas' hands and his eyes.

Lucas shook his as well and with a soft, tiny smile tucked his finger under her chin making their eyes meet firmly for once and for all. "I love you," He told her simply shrugging his shoulders. "I love you," He said one more time because in truth, that was everything and more Peyton needed to hear. He loved her. "I love you and I want to help you in whatever way I can. I'm here for you and…for the baby…in whatever way you need me to…If you want us to get married and raise that baby together, then I want you to know that I want that too. I'll be whatever you want me to be." Lucas said strongly, and Peyton couldn't help when her eyelids fluttered shut slowly and her head bowed slightly. Lucas cupped her soft cheeks and smiled as he made their foreheads meet. "I'll by your side forever. I'll love you forever and I…I'll be there and I'll love that baby just as much as I love you. I…What I told you that night in the beach house, I wasn't lying Peyton. I dreamed for a very long time that I'd have you in my life and now that I do…I can't imagine a world when I don't get to see you every day…see you smile, see you cry, hold you…I want everything with you Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer…"

Peyton shook her head at his words and yet she could not stop the fluttering feeling in her heart as Lucas spoke and his words reached not only her ears but also her whole heart. A dorky smile started dancing on her lips and at the same time, she began feeling the sting of rather hot tears in her eyes. She didn't open her eyes for another few moments before she just sighed and her arms, before her mind could acknowledge it, reached up and tangled tightly around Lucas' neck.

He didn't say anything back either, but just held her…just as tightly, resting his head against her curls and breathing in every bit of her scent.

"I love you," Lucas whispered again into her curls; he wasn't hoping or thought she would say the words back, that wasn't why he told her that, he wasn't sure if he even wanted her to say them, he just did because he wanted if anything, _convince her_ that he indeed loved her. Despite everything that was going on. Despite everything that _she_ had been through. Despite her not feeling as if anyone at all could ever love her. Lucas did and he _needed_ her to know and understand just what that meant. He loved her.

When they pulled back from each other, none of them did it because they wanted, but mostly because something was due and neither one of them could forget what…she hadn't answer the question. Peyton stayed as close to Lucas as she could though. She didn't let go completely of him and smile sincerely when he took her hand into his free one.

"Do you want to be my wife?" Lucas asked softly again before their eyes had completely met. To be honest, not in a million years he thought he would be saying those words to Peyton– or anyone really, this early in his life, and hell…he wasn't even sure how in the world they were going to make it. He was seventeen after all, and she was still sixteen and then she was also pregnant and none of them had a job, but…in his heart, certainly not in his mind quite yet, he did know this was the right thing to do.

Not for him, but for Peyton…and without doubt for the little one in her belly too. For one reason or another Lucas felt as though he had to make sure that baby was loved in this world and well…he honestly loved his mother so what was wrong in making her his wife and him his son for real?

"I…I don't know," Peyton said so softly Lucas almost missed it. He one more time cupped her cheek with his hand and her eyes fluttered shut.

"Just say yes…" Lucas whispered back and for a good moment, there was utter silence until Peyton's slight movement broke him from his thoughts.

She nodded her head and it was in that instant when _everything_ changed.

_She was back sitting in her dining table. There was a bottle of red wine before her and two glasses as well. Brooke had left maybe ten, fifteen minutes ago. She had offered to stay, to help out a little, and just to be there just in case Peyton needed something. She did need something– as a matter of fact, she needed a lot of things in her life right now, but…Brooke somehow just wasn't it. She wasn't it at all so Peyton told her it was okay for her to just go._

_She had offered the brunette a glass of her wine before she left, but Brooke had turned her down. She was after all driving so Peyton didn't take it personal…not that she was drinking either so it didn't matter. All in all, she was alone. Perhaps she wasn't alone per se, but…she still felt that way. She felt alone and no one could make her feel otherwise._

_She had gotten married a little over six years ago with a boy who had only made her one promise in the altar– actually two, but the one always lead to the other so at the end of the day Peyton always thought it was the same. Lucas had promised to protect her from it all. From all the hurting and pain. To protect her even from herself if that was what it took from him to make her happy._

_That had actually been his second promise. To make her happy no matter what…_

_She had been almost six months pregnant with Mikey when they got married. It had been an early summer wedding, small yet very beautiful and meaningful considering everything she had been going through at the time. A priest declared them husband and wife one evening and very few were actually there to see it. Not that people hadn't wanted to be there– they had, Peyton just hadn't let them. She didn't feel comfortable among people– strangers mainly, so Lucas had obliged when she asked him to keep it all as small as they could. There had been no party afterwards but just as small gathering at Karen's place. That didn't mean however, that Peyton hadn't enjoyed it. It was bizarre in much more levels that she could explain. She knew that day hadn't been the happiest day of her life as supposedly every girl's wedding day should be, and yet she hadn't been miserable at all either._

_She hadn't been sure if what she was doing was a mistake or not, but of what she had been in fact sure, was how Lucas honestly believed they were going to make it._

_And they did…for a while, until it became too much for her and she ran. Because yes, that was what she did and in some way was still doing. She had run from him once upon a time only to have Lucas reminded her, not with big words and reprimands, that they belonged together. That she couldn't be with anyone else because he was hers and she was his. He honestly had put it as simple as that, and for another while…it was as simple as that._

_They had been together and Peyton had been happy with him even when she never could really voice that properly. She still had, and it hurt…it hurt so badly right now all of it was over. Or better yet, so very close to be over._

"_Mom?"_

_Her son asked and she chuckled to herself at his serious tone. More often than not, that tone was reserved for her and her only. Mikey was far too sleepy so maybe that was part of his groggy voice as well._

_In the end however, Peyton did turn her head around so that her eyes could catch sight of those of the boy in his footed pajamas and sleepy eyes staring back at her. "You shouldn't be up…it's late," She told him and for her surprise, her voice wasn't as cold and harsh as it usually was when she was talking to him. Perhaps she was afraid. Yes, that had to be it. She was afraid of losing even more in her life._

_Some days she would actually think she'd lost him already too, but then again…have she lost him he wouldn't be right there calling her mom in the middle of the night, right?_

"_You are up," Mikey pointed out simply as he perched on the seat besides Peyton. He sighed far too heavily when he propped his elbows up on the table and his dark blue eyes darted back and forth between Peyton and the large bottle of wine. He didn't say a word. He didn't need to._

"_I haven't even tried it," Peyton told him back as she did to stand up from the table taking both glasses and the bottle of wine in her hands. _

_Before she could however, Mikey spoke softly again. "I wish you could stop being sad," He told Peyton seriously even when his eyes weren't meeting hers. He was looking down at the hard material of their dining table and his fingers were every so often taping his head softly as he spoke._

_Peyton didn't reply at that but simply kept going with her task; she put back the bottle of wine on the sideboard and the glasses back in their places. _

"_Was it Luke's fault?" Mikey questioned pensively and a tad too out-of-the-blue after a moment. Peyton turned to look at him right in the eye from the other side of the room and he narrowed his eyes. "That's why he can't live here with us anymore?"_

_Peyton shook her head almost immediately as strongly as she could. It wasn't Lucas' fault. She knew that. It perhaps did hurt to admit it but it wasn't his fault. If there was actually someone to blame about everything that happened– still was happening, then that ought to be her. Not Lucas._

"_No," She told him back rather stonily yet with sheer conviction too. That had been her intention in the end. "It wasn't his fault and it's not as if he can't live with us anymore, it's like…"_

…_He never should have lived with us in the first place._

_The words…they were on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't bring herself to say them aloud– let alone to Michael. Partly it was because she really didn't mean it._

"_It's past two am and you should be in bed, so just go away, okay?" Peyton tried shaking her head when no more explanations to a six year old could form well in her mind. She stared at Mikey strongly and rather pointedly for a little while longer until he sighed and nodded his head._

"_I'm still gonna get to see him, right?" He couldn't help but ask when he had already got up from the seat and had started walking in the stairs direction._

_Peyton's features softened before she nodded her head at him. If one good thing that boy had in his life, that was certainly Lucas. She couldn't take that away from him even if she wanted to._

_And she really didn't._

"_Okay…" Mikey replied looking back at her with a shy smile before heading up the stairs._

_He had been halfway through them when the doorbell rang. The boy looked at Peyton from the stairs and they held each other's gaze before Peyton shook her head ushering him up with her hands._

"_Go to your bedroom and don't come downstairs again." She ordered him knowing that boy better than he actually thought she did. "You'll see him tomorrow," She added because deep inside, they both knew who was behind that door._

_Mikey still wasn't sure and without him wanting to do so, his head shook at Peyton's words. "Can I just say hello…Please? Real quick?" He asked uneasily shifting a tad awkwardly his weight from one foot to another. His eyes narrowed and he looked at Peyton with such sadness, that in that instant, even her heart felt for that boy before her. She stared back at him just as seriously for several moments before she heaved a sigh when both listened again to the knock on their door._

_She wasn't sure if it was a mistake or not, but she caved in. _

"_Just to say hi," Peyton warned shaking her head as she turned around and moved closer to the door. She would be lying greatly if she said she wasn't nervous and her heart wasn't beating incredibly hard within her chest. It was. She was nervous. She wished he hadn't come over and at the same time she couldn't be more grateful he had._

_She opened the oak door and stared at Lucas softly for a good moment just as he did so too. His hands were in his pockets and he looked somber…sad too. Peyton bit down slightly on the inside of her mouth before closing her eyes for a few seconds. She stepped aside so Lucas could come in. Looking at him right there made everything all the more real, all the more final and she couldn't help but wonder just how they gotten so far…how everything had gotten so wrong between them._

_For a long time, a very long time, the one thing, the one person who was steady in Peyton's life was Lucas. Him and no one else. Now that was lost too and the thought alone broke her heart and made her want to cry as if she were just 3 years old again and she had scratched her knee._

_Lucas walked in looking down at the floor and with his hands still awkwardly placed into his pockets. If things weren't so screwed up, Peyton would even smile at those mannerisms he had that simply would never change. She sighed heavily though and at that Lucas looked up at her. She held his gaze for another few seconds before she motioned him toward the stairs with her head. It was amazing, even for Peyton, how fast that smile found its way to Lucas' face at the sight of her son._

_Peyton then had to nod her head in mute assent when Mikey hesitated whether to come downstairs or not. He had frozen right in the middle of the stairs when Lucas knocked the door and now he just needed to be sure if it was okay to say hello one more time. He couldn't really know though…Peyton changed her mind a lot, maybe she had already and he didn't know._

_Either way, she in fact nodded her head at him and Michael smiled sincerely as he rushed down the stairs and Lucas picked him up in his arms before he had even reached the bottom. Lucas didn't say anything for a while, neither did Mikey, he just held Lucas and the grown man did the same._

_And Peyton looked over at them…just that…for a good while. They needed that, and at some level, so did she._

_Lucas pulled back from Mikey eventually and at that, Peyton shifted her eyes from the pair. To be honest, sometimes, more often than not, she would feel like an intruder in the middle of that relationship those two had._

"_Don't you think it's too late for you to be awake?" Lucas pointed out looking at Mikey with a soft smile the small boy matched with a sheepish one of his own. It was in fact well after two o'clock in the morning, Michael most certainly should be in bed and that was no secret whatsoever. _

"_Mama said so too," Mikey said before both his and Lucas' eyes flew to Peyton who was still looking down at the floor and not at them…not even when her name was mentioned. _

_Lucas was the one who sighed this time before he shook his head. That was what she did; she'd just pretend they weren't even there. "She's right," Lucas concurred with Peyton anyway. "But I'm glad I got to see you," He added and Michael nodded his head with a genuine smile on his face._

_He most certainly agreed with him. _

"_Are you staying?" Mikey asked and at those words, Peyton was speaking before Lucas could respond to that._

_Whatever his answer was. _

"_He should be in bed," She told Lucas– not sounding so cold or mad as Michael thought she would be, but just looking up into Lucas' eyes with her features still soft._

_Lucas let out a long breath before he nodded his head one time. He grew hesitant after a moment and Peyton could read him so easily._

"_It's okay…Go on," She told him shaking her head slightly before she turned around and started moving in the living room's direction._

_Lucas followed her with his eyes steadily until she simply was out of his sight. He sighed– heavily and far too sadly, before forcing a smile on his face as he looked over at Michael again. _

_No more words were spoken then. Mikey rested his head upon Lucas' shoulder, and Lucas did as Peyton had allowed him to do; he headed upstairs, but only to put Mikey in his bed._

_There was much more into coming tonight though…in the middle of the night and without telling her he would. Maybe Peyton should have known though; it didn't matter what was happening, what had happened already, the pain she was going through, the pain he was going through, at the end of the day, it all came down to the same thing; he couldn't leave that girl alone._

"_He was out like a light…" Lucas noted in the lamest attempt to break the silence he knew would settle as soon as he reached Peyton at their living room again._

_She stayed quiet for a while; a huge lump in her throat and she couldn't help but grow uneasy. Tears started building up in her eyes and even when she did her best to blink them away, she knew the moment he stepped just a little bit closer to her; she'd break down…her resolve would fade…vanish. She had held herself strong and stoic for the last eleven days, but sometimes…too much was simply just too much._

_It didn't matter how much she thought she hated Lucas for everything that happened; perhaps she did hate him, but she also still love him…even if she had never said that to him._

_Not to that day still._

_And it happened…Lucas looked at her strongly for a moment, her hands resting on the top of the sofa, and her small frame resting slightly against the back of it too. Her head was down and her hair was all over her face. It wasn't curly. Lucas had noticed that much as soon as he walked into that house, but not until that moment, he actually realized how much it bothered him._

_He wondered…he couldn't help it, how many other things had changed as he'd been away. Everybody had told him giving her some space was the right thing to do, much more after he filled the damn divorce papers and he was sure Peyton was hating him then much more than she did before._

_He wasn't sure anymore what was right or what was wrong, so after staring at her hidden eyes for a good moment, Lucas moved closer to her and sighed far too heavily when she moved forward too and her arms wrapped tightly around his neck in an instant._

"_I've missed you…" Peyton whispered into his neck and Lucas swallowed hard nodding his head._

_He had missed her so much too._

_In a strange sort of way however, he couldn't tell her that much in that moment. It didn't matter how true the statement was…he simply couldn't, so instead, he breathed in deeply the fresh smell of her hair and held her back just as tightly. His fingertips reached up to her hair and he closed his eyes strongly pulling her in even closer to his body._

_He'd give anything to never let go of her again._

"_I don't know what we are doing," Lucas murmured quietly into her hair after several moments. Peyton swallowed hard at his words, but before she had pulled back completely from him, her head was already moving slowly up and down._

_She concurred._

_She still then kept their faces close, her glazy eyes up on his as his closed hand made its way up, and brushed softly against the skin of her face. "Me either," Peyton told him honestly after a beat. "I–I, Luke…" She stumbled over her voice when no word that would help in that moment crossed her mind._

_Lucas shushed her gently with the back of his forefinger pressing gently against her lips. "Shh," He cooed and Peyton breathed in shakily, closing her eyes for a moment._

"_I love you," Lucas whispered again and she felt her heart sting. She did too, she really did._

"_I know," She breathed back in spite of herself._

"_But we can't keep doing this anymore…"_

_For the second time, a quiet "I know," escaped Peyton's lips. Her eyes opened and she fixed them up on Lucas'. "I know," She repeated one more time, but this time stronger._

"_You signed them, didn't you? The papers?" Lucas tried out the question that had been eating him inside for days now. He already knew and that was what hurt most._

_Peyton didn't have to answer, when her eyes fell from his, Lucas confirmed yet again that she had done it._

_He really wasn't surprised though._

"_Maybe this all happened for a reason though. Maybe it is for the best. God knows we never should have gotten married in the first place…" Peyton stated softly mostly speaking to herself and into the air than to Lucas._

_She moved slowly in the dim of their living room until she reached the small coffee table by the center and her eyes weren't any more in Lucas. He knew he should talk, say something…correct her because God also knew she was wrong, and…he would do it —he needed her to finish her statement first though._

"_Your life would be so different…it will be better…will be easier…without all this drama and constant mess my life has always been…" A bitter, sad laugh escaped her lips along as she said those words, and Lucas could simply just shake his head at her for a moment of silence._

"_You know that's not true," Lucas explained her patiently, as Peyton sat down at the edge of the tiny coffee table and Lucas started moving closer to her one more time. He sat right before her on the white sofa and his hand even reached out to rest on top of her knee. "You know I could never regret marrying you…" Lucas reminded her with a small smile on his face and at the same time as he gave her knee a light, small squeeze. "You'd given so much to my life–"_

"_But I haven't,"_

"_Peyton…" Lucas said almost pleadingly; they were talking, after months and months of silence and painful quiet sorrow, they were talking. Lucas most certainly didn't need her going to those places again. They were talking. He wanted that…he needed that more than anything else, really._

"_You were right when you filed these papers…" Peyton stated somberly in spite of Lucas and how much he surely didn't want her to keep going. Peyton still then looked over her shoulder to her right at the thin stack of papers next to her on the table. After a beat, she picked them up in her hands and turned her head towards Lucas again. "Now you just gotta sign them too." She said and then she sighed. Her hands were stretched out a bit as she waited for Lucas to take the papers from her._

_He didn't do so, so then, one more time, Peyton sighed heavily and put the papers down over her lap for another few moments. "You remember how your mom got when you told her you'd proposed?"_

_The question wasn't out completely from Peyton's mouth before Lucas was already letting out a soft laugh at her. He nodded his head with a goofy, unexpected smile on his face at the memory. "I think she treated me as a mental case for at least a month or something after that…"_

"_She thought you were making a mistake…that you were ruining your life…"_

"_But she was wrong," Lucas encountered seriously; Peyton however, wasn't buying it at all._

"_Was she?" She asked back stonily before she reached down for the papers again, and only a tad angrily did the transfer from her lap to Lucas'. She tried to get up from her seated position then, but Lucas' hand was by far faster than she was when he reached her wrist and only an instant later, Peyton was sitting right next to him on the sofa. _

_Lucas wasn't forceful with her though, he was gentle enough and in truth, he didn't need much force to get her down beside him, Peyton didn't put much of a fight as he did so either._

_In a strange way, that did surprise him, she used to fight him, a lot, every time something didn't go her way, she'd push and fight until she got it, or at least…the two of them agreed to disagree. She was done with that now and Lucas' heart sting at the mere thought._

"_She was wrong," He insisted strongly as he pressed Peyton's closed hand to his chest and she looked up at his eyes when she felt the beating of his heart against her skin. "You and me…You know how I feel about you, I always will, but…"_

"_I know," Peyton chimed in when his voice trailed off and his eyes squinted as he searched for just the right words to tell her. She knew anyway everything he wasn't saying, how much he was struggling, hurting…but then again, so was she…for quite some time already too._

"_But we can't keep doing this anymore," She echoed quietly after a beat. Her voice was filled with so much defeat and sorrow that not only in her eyes tears built up, but in his too. Peyton kept her glazy stare into his eyes for another moment before she swallowed hard the lump in her throat and leaned in resting her head upon his broad chest._

_Lucas didn't complain. He couldn't. He instead wrapped his arm around her tightly and rested his head on to the top of her far-too-perfect hair. To be honest, he didn't like it that way. He liked it better when it was oh-so curly and messy, and just Peyton…_

_He didn't kiss her head though. That was something he actually wanted, but stop himself from caving. What Peyton had said, the words she had just spoken to him, where the same words he had told her only a few minutes ago. It hurt. It hurt so much, but…they'd begun hurting each other deeply with words and mostly with silence and unspoken fears and blames._

_Only one time before Lucas had thought he'd lost her. One time. And she'd came back to him eventually, now…now it was different, and he knew they'd reached a point of no return a while back, and that…that hurt, but it was the truth nonetheless._

"_I know…" Lucas whispered in the air after several moments. He tilted his head a little bit, and Peyton shifted just a tad too so that she was looking into his eyes._

"_I'm sorry," She said pleadingly when the first lone tear fell from her eye._

_Lucas out of instinct reached up his hand to cradle gently her cheek as those tears in her eyes and her beautiful face simply tore at his heart. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It just wasn't. _

"_I love you and…I don't know, maybe if we…" It was a lost battle already and Lucas knew it. Peyton did too and so she shook her head as he spoke. That was why he couldn't keep going. Because she wouldn't open up to him anymore. She was in his arms in that moment, sure. Their eyes were perfectly aligned with each other's and Lucas could even feel her soft, steady, warm breathing against the tip of his own nose, but in reality, she wasn't as close to him._

_It was the polar opposite really. She was far away from him and she had been for months now._

_Now all that was left was sign those papers. End it all even when they both were certainly sure that would never be completely possible. Not for as long as they both were alive at least…_

_It still had to end though…_

* * *

**AN _: I promise I won't leave you waiting this time._**


	16. Chapter Sixteen : I do

**Chapter Sixteen : I do.**

* * *

It were two words that terrified her more than anything else had before. Two words. _"I do"_ She would say them and then that would be it. That would be the moment her life would change forever and she knew it. She knew nothing would ever be the same after she'd stand tomorrow morning in that flowery church– before _that_ boy, before his family and friends, and say that…_I do._

_I do marry you. I do want to live my life with you…have forever with you. I do want to cherish and hold you for the rest of my life. I do need you. I do want you. I do see my future with you, my always. I will be…everything._

That was by far the scariest thought she'd ever thought about. Being with someone for the rest of her life. Linked _forever_…and it wasn't because the preacher or whoever would say so, it was because she knew that was what was going to happen after the day dawned and she got into that pretty dress and say…_I do_.

Some days she would wonder, time and time again, why she said yes, why she said she will marry Lucas even when she had never before been unsure of something more than about that…marrying him. Committing to a person so pure and noble as Lucas was the scariest part. She really just wasn't sure if she would ever be able to commit herself with something so far reaching– and with _him_ at that.

What if one day he'd wake up and realize this all was a mistake he had done in a moment of rush…of not thinking? What if he did it only because he wanted to do the right thing to her…to the baby…why if he really didn't love her but simply _thought_ he did?

What if one day he left her?

What will happen the day Lucas realized she wasn't nearly as worth the trouble and heartache as he thought she was? What would happen the day he saw her real self? The mess and uncertain wreck that didn't even have an idea what the hell she was doing in this planet?

Right now, she wasn't even sure what was love– let alone if she loved Lucas back. He…on the other hand, he had actually told her that a lot over the course of the last couple of months. It wasn't as if Lucas said the words every day and at every time, he wouldn't do that. He just would rest his hand over her cheek at night right before he went to bed and kissed her forehead goodnight. He would just squint his eyes at her when she was saying something funny right before he cracked a smile and maybe even let out a laugh. It was the way he looked at her every morning when she stepped out of his childhood bedroom with her hair still as wet and curly as can be. It was the way she would catch him staring at her every now and again still. It was the way he would say her name– so lovingly and caring, when she went to him and let him know her fears…about almost everything…time and time again.

It was the way he would listen as she talked, understand as she struggled, soothe as she cried, be there in the middle of the night after she had been awaken by a nightmare.

It wasn't him saying "I love you" as a broken record would, but simply showing her he did…with small smiles and kisses and words of love that didn't spell "I love you" per se…

Lucas however, would be saying "I do" tomorrow too. Peyton couldn't help but wonder if he felt just as uncertain as she did. She sighed and rolled onto her back thinking perhaps he did. That bed she was sleeping on– the one she had been sleeping on for over nine weeks now, was the same bed Lucas had probably slept on ever since he was a little boy old enough to sleep in a twin bed. It wasn't a big bed. It was tiny and sometimes at night, she would even wonder how Lucas even fitted there in the first place.

The smile on her face– that same smile that reached her face as soon as she thought of Lucas, faded away quickly when her eyes reached the small black clock beside the bed. The red big numbers burned in her eyes for a second before she sighed again. It was 11:09– _only_ 11:09, there was a time when at that same hour she would be up, out and about doing all sort of random things that tonight particularly seemed so far away.

Now she was tired– a lot, and pretty much all the time. She had never complained about that aloud though. Not to Lucas, not to Karen, not to anybody– even though she knew they both knew anyway. They were great with her, both of them…Karen was never angry with her for saying yes to Lucas when he proposed, she had been angry with Lucas, but never with her for some reason…

That was yet again one of the things Peyton wondered sometimes in the middle of one of her sleepless nights; why in the world Karen was so good to her? Up until a few months back, they were mere strangers after all, no?

One more time then, Peyton sighed heavily and rolled her eyes dramatically. She couldn't take it anymore, so she got up. Karen kept telling her she was small– and she thought maybe she was, she'd seen women who weren't as far along as she was being much, much more bigger than she was, but…it still was by far the strangest thing she had ever had to deal with.

An actual human being was still growing inside her. Every single minute or every single day. That little thing never stop growing and one, one day soon, he would be out and that day…well, that day was simply a day Peyton didn't like to think much about. So that night, even though she _did _feel big and tired, and sleepy as hell even when she couldn't sleep, she pulled the covers off her body and got up from that bed as best as she could–

And then it occurred to her, maybe it wasn't even the burden of the baby that weighted on her so much, but…something more, something deeper, something worse than that little one would ever be.

She thought a moment by the doorway again though– before she even eased it open, she stayed there and breathed in deeply a couple of times with her eyes lightly closed. She knew what she wanted; she knew what she would find as soon as she stepped out of that room and walked to the only one who got her…

Perhaps that was also the reason why she was saying "I do" to him tomorrow —no one else really got her like _he _did.

Not to her surprise then, when she found Lucas, he was awake too. He was reading, his feet sticking out from that darn worn-out couch he had been sleeping for months now, and Peyton …in that moment, actually felt guilty for that and couldn't help then but smile sheepishly at him when he looked at her from over his book and chuckled.

It was a freaking hot summer, what else did he want her to wear? Especially when she barely fit in her old clothes anymore. She was almost six months pregnant and hot– in the middle of the night no less, his comfy tee shirt most certainly _had_ to do it.

Lucas hadn't been focused on that part of her outfit though, he wouldn't admit that to her to save his life, which was far too stupid since he was marrying this girl in less that twenty-four hours, but…in any case, that rather short cotton shorts she was wearing was what caught his eyes– perhaps it were her lengthy long legs but for some reason he knew it was wrong to think that. Or maybe it wasn't, but maybe it was also easier to make himself believe it was…he couldn't _really_ have her after all. Not even when they were getting married…nope, not even then and he knew it.

He was okay with that for the better part of the time to be honest…tonight however, with her looking like that, he wasn't so okay with the fact though.

"I don't think we even know each other at all…" Peyton then mused strongly before a world could escape Lucas' lips. When she got up from bed, she wasn't sure what she was going to do or say to Lucas when she reached him, but as she saw him, saw his far too sparkling blue eyes, the thought crossed her mind and she just said it aloud.

Perhaps it wasn't accurate, but what if it was? She had the feeling that it was anyway.

"I don't think that's true," Lucas disagreed simply shrugging one of his shoulders before his eyes shifted up to meet properly hers. Peyton narrowed her own for a second; hesitation and plain uncertainty were in his eyes. Lucas smiled softly at that as he got up from the couch and sat on the floor with his back resting against the couch.

By then, Peyton was already following his lead. This time she didn't hesitate a beat, and Lucas smiled even wider at that. She was proving his words right without even realizing it; of course they knew each other, not completely of course, but for him just enough. After all, he had known she wasn't going anywhere that night. How she wanted to talk, and at some level, how this all came down to Peyton wanting to know him better.

He offered her his hand to sit down beside him and without thinking– perhaps out of habit already, Peyton took it. Lucas was always there to help her– whether she liked it or not, whether she needed or not, to be honest, she had already grown used to the idea of letting him help her with all those little things she wasn't even aware she needed help with. "How come?" She asked him once she had already settled herself comfy next to him. She looked at him pointedly, her eyebrows raised and all. "Last I knew, I've been a bitch for the better part of the time that we'd known each other," She added fighting the smile in her voice.

Lucas on the other hand, couldn't help himself and had to let out a chuckle at her words– and actually, at the way she said the words too. She wasn't completely wrong to be honest. "True," He granted and Peyton's jaw dropped indignantly. Lucas shrugged his shoulders innocently as if telling her how she had started it. Peyton huffed, but didn't say anything else; she was actually waiting for him to carry on. "But that doesn't mean I can't know you…I _do _know you. I know you don't like to wear pajamas…" He said quietly the latter part of his statement as he_ slightly_ shifted down his eyes to focus in her exposed legs. He didn't mean to look down or get coy when he pointed out her outfit– in fact, he didn't mean to say any of that at all, but it just…slipped out.

Peyton tilted her head to her side to look at his eyes, and Lucas smirked at the annoyed smile on her face, and at the way she rolled her eyes looking at him. She hated compliments; Lucas also knew that about her. "It's hot." Peyton answered quite shortly after a moment. Her words weren't cold or anything though; she just told him the truth. "But that's not what I mean…"

"Me either," Lucas agreed shortly after the words were out of Peyton's lips. He nodded his head too and licked his lips looking down for a moment. "I know what you meant to say, but…It scares me too, you know?" Lucas confessed and Peyton narrowed her eyes actually taken aback at his words.

The surprise wore off rather quickly though. "Where do you think you and me are going to be a few years from now– hell, a month or just a few weeks? Don't you actually think we are making a mistake going through with _all of this_?" She stressed pursing her lips strongly when her bottom lip quivered. "I know this is what's best for _me_…and even for that baby, too…but…what about you? What about what you wanted before…me, what about _your_ dreams and _your_ life?"

Lucas held his stare fixed firmly in her eyes for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts only to realize there was no right answer to those questions, so he simply settled with the truth this time– or at least, with what he thought was true. "I can still have that…that future is just a little different now…" He said with a smile Peyton didn't really see, but could listen clearly through his voice. His eyes had by then shift down to her somewhat expanded tummy and for a reason she couldn't explain right then, she also felt a silly smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

And it was only because she agreed with him. Only their future wasn't just going to be _'a little'_ different per se…"You are a good person, you know that Lucas Scott?" Peyton told him suddenly and Lucas actually felt his voice stuck in his throat at that.

In the course of his life so far, he had gotten quite a few compliments from all kind of people, this one however might as well be the very best one if he could only say so himself right in that moment. He then even blushed a little and Peyton beamed at that as she chuckled wholeheartedly and leaned in resting her head against Lucas' shoulders without thinking twice.

He chuckled too and it was not exactly because of what she said– because to be honest, she was actually making fun of him, but Lucas chuckled because of what she _did_. She usually did that a lot– rest her head on his shoulder and just stay there…for a few minutes some days, others until she even felt asleep after a long day. She liked that spot and Lucas liked the way her messy curls would always also brush against his nose gently sending tickles within himself _every time_.

It was comfortable and…special between the two of them. "I love falling asleep when it's raining outside…the sound of the water falling and clashing everywhere…I love to sleep to that sound…" Lucas said quietly after several moments of silence.

Peyton looked up at him as he were crazy and at that, Lucas could only shrug his shoulders gently. "I know you think we don't know each other, so I…I wanna fix that. I love to sleep to the sound of rain. How about we start with the easy stuff…"

Peyton took a good moment to sink in his words, before a small smile found its way to her lips and she couldn't help but nod her head. In the last two months even when they had been 'living together', sharing far more stuff than they would if they were only _'dating'_, the big, important stuff was only touched when they were _forced_ to touch it– doctors appointments, dizziness in the middle of a class, prescription pills unopened– and the little stuff…well, they did talk about the most random things every day, but it was never in the name of getting to know each other as a pair who were dating would, but they did it because it was natural for them to talk– about anything most of the time and that was actually what made it important…at least for Peyton.

In a strange sort of way, she was just coming to realize that. She did know Lucas…but then again, she wanted more– she wanted to learn more about that boy before her, and in that instant, she decided that was okay.

"I love snow days," She told him softly after a moment. Her head was still on his shoulder, yet their eyes were indeed meeting. "I really don't like when it rains," She added somewhat somberly after a beat. He wasn't sure where she was coming, but just like her, he ached to know.

He didn't even have to ask her though; she beat him to talk before he could. "It usually was because of my Dad…when he was away…if it rained hard I just…I worried…" She admitted sincerely and for a second Lucas closed his eyes pursing his lips uneasily.

Yet again, he didn't tell her anything back but simply kissed fondly her forehead. "I like kisses on the forehead…" Peyton said before his lips had completely let go of her warm skin and Lucas chuckled catching her eyes into his again.

He nodded his head goofily while deep inside he was feeling utterly relieved at her words. "I like the way your hair always smells," Lucas told her when the two of them were still fairly close, and slightly brushing his nose, her curls still were. "In a non-creepy kind of way." He added as an afterthought and Peyton laughed.

_Genuinely_ laughed. Lucas loved that laugh much more than the smell of her hair for sure.

Peyton then pulled back from him so that she was sitting right before him and their eyes could stay locked properly. "I like your dimples," She said smiling coyly at him. "In a non-creepy kind of way…"

One more time Lucas found himself chuckling along with her. "Cookie dough, I love that damn thing."

"Nutella– _way_ better…" Peyton quickly added biting down her bottom lip mischievously. She was also smirking and Lucas loved that.

"Hot cocoa. You know–"

"Your mom's?" Peyton tried her guess and Lucas nodded his head meekly. He actually loved too that she agreed with him– of course there wasn't a better cocoa than his mom's in cold rainy days. "Ditto." She settled upon that choice and Lucas beamed thinking over his next pick.

"Your laughter. I love that, it's freaking contagious…" He told her one hundred percent sincerely when he didn't have it in himself not to tell her that. He did, he _loved _that, he had to tell her, right?

Peyton didn't go oblivious of how much he was enjoying this, and in all honesty, so was she. "I love it when you play with my hair…I think…I think my mom used to do that too at nights when I was little…it makes me feel cared for…" She told him honestly, even when then words were a tad heavy, somber in her mouth; she still wanted him to know though.

"I love it when you smile at me," Lucas said back after a moment. He was so sincere, he always was, Peyton had noticed that much– at least when they were together like this.

"I love it when you smile at me, too." She said seriously not missing a beat, and couldn't help but really smile then when at her words, it only took Lucas seemingly a second to grin– not just smile, _grin_ broadly.

Silence fell between them then. Both of them were smiling still, and their eyes were locked and firm on one another's.

Peyton's sighed oh-so softly and Lucas felt his heart going all fluttery for some reason. "Silence that isn't awkward. Gotta love that…"

Peyton chuckled at his words again and Lucas relished enormously in that sound. "Me too," She agreed playfully after a beat as her quiet chuckles kept filling the room. "You…" Peyton began again a moment later but quite couldn't continue for a while. Lucas knew she was unsure about telling him or not, so he smiled. He lightly shrugged his shoulder in her direction and waited for her to go on. "Okay…" She said looking down and shaking her head ever so slightly before looking up one more time searching for his eyes.

"You smile every time that we kiss. _Every. Time_." She stressed really trying hard to keep laughter at bay. He always did it, no kidding. "And it's not even _after_…it's during– right in the middle of the kiss you _always_ smile and it's…it's _so_ weird. I've never kissed someone who did that before you…" Quite smugly she told him and Lucas jaw dropped at her tone and the way she spoke to him like that.

He hadn't even notice he did that. One way or another he hoped that wasn't a bad thing– perhaps all the other boys Peyton had kissed just weren't as happy as Lucas surely was every single time that they kissed, and being completely honest, those weren't so many times so he'd actually found himself cherishing those kisses as well– Every single time.

"That's a good thing though, right?" Lucas tried; squinting at her just to be sure he wasn't reading her wrong.

Peyton chuckled but also nodded her head a few times; that was enough for Lucas. "It's going to feel weird kissing you tomorrow– in front of all the people I mean…" She said, a tad urgently as she struggled with just the thought of him thinking she didn't like kissing him– she kind of really did to be honest.

"Oh" Lucas let out thoughtfully at that and Peyton raised her eyebrows. "We don't have to if you don't want t–"

"That's not what I meant dork!" Peyton called playfully shoveling his arm. "I was just saying…It'll make everything real…" She said and in that instant, all hint of playfulness vanished from her voice. "Even more…" She added after a beat as a bitterly laugh escaped her lips when her eyes shifted down to her tummy. "But I still want you to know," She called firmly and even urgently drawing Lucas attention. His eyes had also shifted by then down to her stomach but as soon as she spoke, their eyes collided…it was almost perfect how her voice alone and a look into her eyes was enough to make his heart skip a beat. "I never thought I'd do this…not now when I'm still in high school and barely 17, but…You should know that I wouldn't be doing this with anybody _but _you, Luke…"

_"You were really scared that night…" Peyton nodded her head in silence at his words. Lucas' hand was lightly cradling her cheek and he felt when her face bowed slightly._

_"You were too…" She added and now it was Lucas who nodded his head. "But back then all I thought I have was you…I…back then I had you" Her voice broke and Lucas felt his heart sting at her pain. She bit strongly on her bottom lip with her eyes tightly shut before Lucas sighed pulling her to his chest again._

_"You still have me…" He said in great sincerity, not knowing really, how much more those words were hurting her._

_"I don't," Peyton disagreed in something barely above a whisper. Lucas could listen to the break in her voice, the tears in her eyes and the pain in her heart— there wasn't much he could do about that though. She wasn't completely wrong after all. Not anymore that was. "I'm not yours to worry about anymore. You don't have to take care of me anymore, Luke…" She reminded him sadly, as at last, she used all she had in her to pull back from Lucas. She stayed quiet for another beat; staring into his eyes and simply wrapping her head around what were over six years of marriage with that boy before her._

_"You'll always matter to me, you know that." Lucas tried again, and Peyton wasn't stupid. She could also tell how much he was struggling— now. That was it. He was here now and trying and whatever, but she just couldn't let go of it all so easily. Not even if she wanted to, because God knew she did, but she couldn't. She wasn't going to do it because it still hurt too much. Hurt too damn much to even look at his eyes and not remember everything that had been ripped out from them— from her. _

_"I remember that night…"_

_"Before the wedding?" Lucas said aloud his guess and Peyton nodded. It killed him, he knew that girl, he knew he did, but somehow, somewhere along the way he had forgotten he did and he had messed it all up– even more. She had too and she couldn't see past his mistakes even when she had also made some— when she had done worst. She had always been stubborn but sometimes too much was simply too much and in a moment of pain– because he had been hurting too, he'd given up on her. There wasn't a thing he regretted more than that, but perhaps she had been right, he had been right too when he thought it all had become a little too much to forgive— for her and…for him, too._

_In any case, after Peyton nodded her head at his words, Lucas couldn't help the sad smile that crept to his lips. "That was the first time I felt it– it was amazing," He said closing his eyes softly as if reliving that night one more time…_

"How does it feel?"

"Weird." Peyton replied shortly without missing a beat. Her face was so scrunched up and she was looking down as Lucas held his stare on her.

To be quite honest, he felt at a loss and with no actual clue as to what to tell her— what to do when by her face Lucas could tell she thought this was indeed the weirdest thing she'd ever felt. As if what was inside her moving wasn't a small baby but an alien or something of that sort. Lucas was just about to say something when Peyton gasped and shut her eyes. "I'm not sure if it's normal that it hurts you too much…" He tried worriedly moving on the floor so that he was only a few more inches closer to Peyton.

She shook her head though and one more time, more than ever, Lucas was lost.

"It doesn't really hurt dork…" Peyton told him back after a moment; her eyes still closed and her hand still resting on the side of her somewhat still small tummy. It was large enough however, to carry that baby who was now even moving inside her and that was something Lucas found awe-inspiring for more reasons than the ones he could explain. It amazed him. It amazed him where they have gotten; the magnitude of what _she_ was doing. Carrying a baby, giving that little person life and everything he could possibly need for now. Lucas in that moment found in himself a great amount of respect for that girl next to him.

"It's just–" Peyton tried to continue, but before she could, Lucas was letting out a chuckle at her as he breathed a cheery "_Weird"_ and she couldn't help but chuckle too.

What else was she supposed to do really? She wasn't sure how it felt; she only knew it felt weird. Plain _weird._

At least right now however, there was a smile on her face as she held her tummy and Lucas _loved_ that. He loved how one way or another he had put that smile there. Who could blame him, really? He felt proud of himself.

"Can I?" Lucas said after a small moment reaching out his hand before his mind actually realized what he was doing. Peyton didn't seem to mind much though; she did look quite shocked for a second— why would he want to feel that after all, no? But in any case, it only took her a beat to match yet again Lucas' calming smile.

In the end, she shrugged her shoulder lightly before accepting his hand and taking it into her own as she placed his quite big hand right where she still felt that little thing kicking every so often inside. Lucas' lips curled up in something she could only describe as wonderment and at that she couldn't help when an uneasy sigh passed through her lips; he wasn't even the father of that baby and yet…here they were.

"He's strong." Lucas mused rather boyishly after a beat shifting his eyes from her belly and instead back to her eyes.

Peyton on the other hand could only nod her head at his words as she put a smile on her face. She wasn't excited per se and Lucas seemingly was, but then again, she wanted to be. _Lucas_ made her want to.

"Does he always kick you like this?" Lucas asked one more time, the bright smile still set on his face, his hand tenderly locked down on her tummy, and his voice carrying plain excitement.

Peyton smiled at that, at nothing more; at that _boy_ before her. "Lately yeah…" She responded with a chuckle after a moment when Lucas' eyes went wide when the baby kicked —harder this time. "Especially when I'm hungry or right before I'm going to bed," She added thoughtfully as Lucas eyes shifted up to meet hers. There was curiosity in his eyes and Peyton knew it was sincere. "I think he's overly excited now though," Lucas looked puzzled at that statement.

"I can actually feel his feet _literally_ kicking me inside right now." She elaborated seriously and far too sincerely before Lucas let out a perfect fit of chuckles as he at last, pulled back his hand from her stomach. She was hardly admitting it to herself, but she actually got to think he would never move his hand away from her covered skin and she had been actually okay with that realization. She had been wrong though, but then again, he was still laughing and she enjoyed that as much as his touch.

Lucas grew quiet after a moment, his features were soft, and Peyton couldn't help but stare at him as he leaned back and rested his back against the couch behind them. There was the most calming smile on his face and Peyton knew he was trying like hell to wrap his head around the actual facts; a human being he had '_offered_' to father was growing inside her stomach.

Seeing him there, seeing _herself _there, she knew how it all seemed, how it all felt, they acted most of the times as an actual couple. A couple who were a whole lot like best friends and only on rare occasions kissed, but still a couple. They talked about everything, late at night as tonight, at noon in his mother's café, some evenings when just because \\they'd spent hours at the time in Keith's shop as Lucas tried to make some more money. He held her hand every time she needed and he was just there when bearing the possibility of being alone was far too hard to even think about.

He was there and Peyton knew she wouldn't be if he weren't.

After a beat, and after breathing in deeply, she leaned in and rested her head back on Lucas' shoulder. Yes, they were a couple in a lot of ways, she was well aware of that. But they really couldn't be and Peyton knew why; she was broken and letting him in in more ways didn't seem like an option and Lucas should know that too.

For Lucas however, today was all that matter. He had told her so; they'll take one day at the time and cross each bridge as they get to it– not an instant before.

He then kissed her untamed curls and draped his arm around her frame. His head rested on top hers and they stayed in silence for several moments before Lucas couldn't stop the yawn that escaped from his lips. Peyton simply had to chuckle at that one.

"You're tired, you should sleep…" She told him as she was already pulling back with him. A small whimper escaped Lucas' lips then at the loss of contact and Peyton chuckled once more at that.

"But…" Lucas tried, but she was almost already on her feet by the time he realized she was really leaving. He didn't want that to be honest.

"You know tomorrow is going to be a long day, right?" Peyton asked him instead and even though Lucas didn't like it when the smile on her face was replaced by her lips twisting uneasily, he still offered her a nod of his head. He knew that too; it was indeed going to be a long day.

Peyton then didn't wait for him to answer, but letting a sigh pass through her lips, she turned around and slowly started working her way to her— _Lucas'_ bedroom really. She stopped in her tracks before stepping out of the living room though; she turned around on her spot and eyed Lucas quite curiously from there making him squint his eyes.

"What?" He asked her only a tad defensively.

Peyton on the other hand, narrowed her eyes too but there was also that hint of a smile threatening to surface on her lips. "You could come with me, you know? It's not as if I bite— at least not so hard…" She told him only half-jokingly when for the first time, she said the offer aloud instead of just thinking about telling him. And all in all, it was _his_ room after all, no?

But then another thought came to her mind before Lucas could even had the chance to answer. "Or, I don't know, are you actually waiting after tomorrow? After we are _married?_ Are you actually that kind of guy? Dude, you are not a prude, are you?" She asked urgently, not minding in that moment the pitch in her voice and the way she so funnily was scrunching up her face as she waited for him to respond.

Lucas however, found himself coughing slightly as she finished speaking. She was one of the weirdest people he knew; maybe the fact that she was pregnant and hormonal added to it, but Lucas didn't think so. She was like that and he loved that about her.

She knew it was big— huge what was happening tomorrow, she knew accepting him as her husband wasn't something to take lightly, she knew they didn't sleep together– read: in the same bed, because in truth both of them simply respected his mother's home and just wanted to give her at least a little bit of peace of mind knowing they weren't in the same bed— at least for now. And it really wasn't as if Karen had asked them to sleep in separate bed, after all she had given them their blessing and in spite of everything she had been on top of the little details of the so-called wedding.

That didn't mean however, that having your seventeen year-old son marrying a girl– a pregnant girl at that, was something easy to accept, so at the very least, Lucas and Peyton had both agreed they wouldn't share the room.

Not because Karen told them not to, but because it always seemed as to how things _had_ to be somehow. They weren't after all, a real couple— not yet anyways.

"No, I'm not! I'm not a prude!" Lucas cried back when at last, the words started forming on his mouth. Peyton shook her head playfully and Lucas rose to his feet moving closer to her. "No, I'm not." He insisted once more, once he reached her and stood before her making their eyes meet. "And I know you don't bite, but…you do move a lot," He stated smugly raising his eyebrows playfully. Peyton's jaw dropped and Lucas beamed. "You so do! It'd be too hard to share the bed with you when you'll take the covers off of me in the middle of the night, but…"

"What?" Peyton asked him strongly when his voice faded. She was daring him and he knew as much; she clenched her teeth and stared at him oh-so powerfully.

"But if you want me to, I'll sacrifice myself," Lucas answered and Peyton huffed playfully as Lucas chuckled heartedly.

"Night, Luke," Peyton settled saying the easiest words she could think of say, and looked up at his eyes shaking her head one more time before she brushed a soft kiss to his cheek. "I'll see you in the morning…" She added as she'd already turned around and was already walking in his room's direction.

Lucas stayed quiet, but the smile on his face never faded away— not for that night at least.

_"I really thought then that we were going to be okay. That you could actually heal…" He whispered the words soft and tender in her ear. Peyton sunk them in and nodded her head against the skin of his chest. He was cradling her firmly close to his body; as closer as he could she thought, and in a way, Peyton kind of knew that might as well be the last time she would ever be so close to his body again. _

_She didn't have the words he wanted to hear then though; she only had the truth._

_Or at least, her truth._

_"I guess you were wrong."_

* * *

**AN** : Italics were in the future, the same timeline as the last chapter. Thanks for reading.


	17. Chapter Seventeen : Need You Now

**Author's Note : **Oh how I wish I could tell you the drama is going to be over sometime soon ;) I hope you hang in there though hehehe A little bit of a time jump this chapter, this time _flashbacks _are in Italics. Hope you like it, & thanks a lot for reading! :)

**Chapter Seventeen : Need You Now**

* * *

As was now her habit every Tuesday night, Peyton was watching as Lucas rummaged through whatever they got that night in the pantry. They barely ever dine in. Most of the times, as it was also a habit now; they would have dinner at Lucas' mom's Café. Karen always said that was the one time of the day where she could just relax and spend some quiet time with her family so after some point, Peyton stopped fighting against the flood, and instead settled pretending she was part of that family now too.

They always made her feel like one of them— in every way, so at the end of the day, she really couldn't complain anymore– she really didn't have the right to do so.

There was now also music in the background and she kind of liked that too. Lucas would do pretty much everything for her on Tuesdays. _Only _Tuesdays. That was the deal. He would spoil her and Peyton would let him do so– not questions asked. They had actually locked pinkies with that promise and all. _She_ had to stick to her part of her deal, so after a few Tuesdays of been called a "lousy person to please", she'd given in and decided it was okay for Lucas to spoil her _one_ day per week, if only he left her "alone" the other six days.

Lucas would hardly ever succeed with that, but Peyton knew he tried, so she also did it. On Tuesdays —When he "_cooked_"—most of the times half of the meal was take-out, but still, he tried. He would also pick the music he thought she may like_– it was always stuff she hadn't listen to before–_ and pick her very favorite dessert –_of the week_– to be on the table with them at dinnertime, too.

On Tuesdays. _Only_ Tuesdays.

* * *

_I think about life, and oh, how it changes so fast_

_And oh how it's so hard to last here waiting for something to give_

* * *

"I think I finally know what I want to do with my Dad's money…"

As soon as the words so flippantly slipped from Peyton's lips, Lucas' eyes fell into their customary squint as he slowly turned his head around to look at her. She wasn't even looking at him; she was looking down at the two pieces of paper she had over the kitchen counter, and she was playing with the pen in her hand tapping her chin with it every so often.

Lucas then just cleared his throat. Peyton looked up at him looking serious and quite stern. "I wanna give it to your mom," She added after that moment of silence, without letting Lucas say something.

"Mom?" Lucas asked her simply. There was tomato sauce he needed to keep an eye on, but he absolutely also needed to keep an eye on Peyton right now too. "Why?" He asked one more time when in response to his first question, Peyton simply nodded her head.

"She has these designs to what she wanted to do with the Café once– when you were all little and there was no time to actually _do_ stuff," Peyton clarified needlessly, and in all honesty, she did it just so she could see Lucas' face as she said the words. She loved just how only one of his eyebrows shot up as he waited for her to elaborate more. "I think I just owe it to her. And to you…and I just don't think my Dad ever thought I'd be using my college fund to buy diapers so…I'm not going to do that. I'm gonna give it to your mom and that money's going to make more money. I think that's better than anything else I can do with that money right now–"

"What about college?" Lucas pointed out seriously, while Peyton only looked back at him incredulously before she let out a bitter chuckle and rolled her eyes.

"I want your mom to have it." She insisted making Lucas frown his quiet disapproval. "I want her to do what she couldn't ages ago. I wanna do something for her after everything she's done for me…I guess I just want to give her something back. And anyway, we'll use the money, too…you know? And I…I'll have something else to focus on now." She added the last part a little more softly, and if it hadn't been for the sauce pretty much boiling now, Lucas would have soften his features at her and smile at the subtle ways she would use to let him in to what she was thinking and feeling and– pretty much, struggling with.

"So…bottom line you are telling me this because…you want me to help you, is that right?" It was Lucas' turn to guess and say something. He was trying hard to keep his smile at bay, even more at the face Peyton made at his words.

"Yes, please." Peyton replied only half-jokingly without missing a beat. In that second all the seriousness she had been carrying around with her that evening disappeared and she instead smiled goofily and scrunched up her nose as Lucas let out that "stoic" '_of course'_ as he still tried to stir their spaghetti.

Peyton then thought she'd explain a little bit more her point. "You know Karen's not just going to…_take_ my money. We need to _talk her into it_, and you are her son, she has got to listen to you…" She kept rambling on as Lucas cursed under his breath at the completely burned tomato sauce and at the way the freaking spaghetti stuck together for a reason beyond him.

Peyton knew he was still listening to what she was saying so she kept insisting. She wasn't sure when she had come to the decision of "_helping_" Karen with her expansion plans, but one thing she did know for sure since now, she'd need Lucas if she wanted to get somewhere with this _"idea"._

"We can't eat this now, now can we?" Lucas whined looking at the sticky mess his spaghetti ended being tonight and Peyton chuckled. He shook his head still with his back to her before over his shoulder he caught her smiley face with his eyes. Every time she smiled, for real, a genuine smile, Lucas was amazed of just how beautiful she really was.

Exactly, two months, three weeks and three days had passed by since they had gotten "_married_." That day didn't chance much their relationship– they only spent far more time together now. They were living in Peyton's Dad's house now and between going to school together, Peyton "_working_" at the Café and Lucas too, they pretty much were together at all times.

She still went to bed alone and Lucas did too though. It didn't count however, that somewhere in the middle of the night Lucas would always find his way to her bed. It wasn't something he did because he wanted to, exactly, that was something he mostly did because _she_ needed him to.

They would ignore it during the day. Pretend Peyton never woke up crying inconsolably in the middle of the night after an awful nightmare plagued her dreams one more time. They did that and deep inside, it was no secret both of them hoped against hope about the day Lucas would be able to sleep through the whole night in the guest room across from Peyton's childhood room.

The small bedroom in between the two was the baby's nursery actually. It wasn't filled with much stuff though. For now, there was a changing table, a plain white cradle in one corner, the rocking chair Lucas had gotten down from the attic and one too many packages of diapers. The day Lucas asked Karen what he truthfully should buy for the baby, his mother had bluntly told him _"Diapers"–_ Plain and simple, she'd say, babies spent their days eating, sleeping and pooping, so they'd better be ready, and so…Lucas had gotten _diapers_. Huge packages that took a lot of space in the room, but that hopefully would come in handy once that baby got there in only a few weeks.

Three weeks and two days exactly actually.

* * *

_I think about time, a luxury so hard to find_

_And I just can't figure out why I wasted it all here without you_

_But I'll be fine, and oh don't you worry_

* * *

_"Oh…Hello…" She was trying to hold herself steady. Trying to ignore the awkwardness and uneasy feeling that washed over her as soon as her shoulder bumped his. They hardly ever spoke anymore— not because Nathan didn't want to or hadn't tried, he had. For a while. But then he'd learned she was engaged with his brother. He had learned that the baby inside her would carry the name 'Scott' but it wasn't going to be because she or he might be his child, but because Lucas was 'stepping up' and doing the right thing for Peyton and that baby —even, when Peyton never ever really gave Nathan a fighting chance to get what could as well be his._

_Nathan had stopped trying out of defeat and plain disappointment. He knew what was going on with Peyton by Haley. She would try to keep him —and Brooke—, up to date with how Peyton was doing as best as she could even when she hated the position she'd ended being. Haley knew that even though Nathan was mad at Peyton– because he was; that didn't change the fact that deep inside he still had that gut feeling that the baby could be his despite whatever Peyton had made herself believe._

_"Hello…" Nathan said back at last, not carrying too well and a tad sarcastically. _

_Peyton on the other hand, felt uneasy and just bad and guilty and as she'd really done wrong to him without knowing exactly why– even when deep inside she did know. Nathan had tried to be a part of it all, be there for her and the baby inside her tummy, and then all Peyton did was shut him out…completely. For over three months now and in just a few days she was actually marrying his brother._

_If she saw it that way, she'd know she had more than enough reasons to feel guilty around Nathan. He was trying to change and be a better person— that was what Haley told her once– or maybe even twice after Peyton deleted without reading one of his texts or let his call go to voicemail without caring to stop to see what he wanted._

_"You…You look…"_

_"Yeah," Peyton interrupted softly when Nathan's voice trailed off as his eyes shifted down glancing over her stomach. The word 'big' was in the tip of his tongue, and she knew it._

_It was no wonder he was surprised how much she had changed, after all it had been quite some time since they had been standing so close from each other._

_"But you seem fine…Are you really?" Nathan tried again, his stare moving up to her eyes again._

_An uneasy sigh passed through Peyton's lips before she shook her head. She was telling him the truth. "Some days…some others it is just…bad…" She admitted rather quietly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She got tired easily when she was standing for so long and this time she couldn't help herself. _

_"I should probably get going…" Peyton began saying again breaking the tense silence that had settled between them. _

_Nathan however, as soon as the words were out, shook his head and reached out for her arm. He held onto her too strongly, more-so than Peyton thought was okay and she gasped. "Nathan," She breathed looking up at him with a little shock in her eyes. With his name she was demanding for him to let go but he still would not._

_She wanted to be mad, but if she were being completely honest, she would know she was too scared to be mad. That was always the case. She knew that and yet with Nathan right now it frightened her even more._

_"Let me go, please…" She pleaded down swallowing hard when his swallow eyes met hers. "Please."_

_"This is bullshit and you know it. You can't expect this to work. You just barely know the guy and yet you are marrying him Peyton…" He was angry, his voice laced with sheer anger and with each word, he grabbed her just a little bit tighter. "What do you think your lives are going to be? This is a mistake and I know you know that too. You never even wanted to get married and now you are doing it because— I don't even know why are you doing this, if it's for the baby or…for you…or I really don't know so if you could explain it to me, I'd appreciate it." He told her strongly and sarcastically and mad. As if he honestly didn't care they were standing in the middle of the school hall and far too many people passed beside them and knew what was going on._

_She wished in that moment someone would do something, but then again, she also knew better. She wasn't as naïve as Nathan thought she was, she knew there wasn't going to be a knight in shining armour there to rescue her every time._

_"I just…"_

_"What?" Nathan said harshly staring angrily at her. He was ignoring completely how terribly her lip was trembling and how her eyes were filled with tears._

_She was scared and he knew it, but he couldn't let go._

_"I–I'm gonna marry Lucas and you…just let it go," Peyton pleaded trying with all she had to hold steady; to not let the tears fall and her fears to rose. "I'm not your problem anymore…" She added before bowing and shaking her head ever so slightly. "Please just let me go…" She pleaded one more time; her voice hardly reaching Nathan's ears this time._

_"If that baby is mine…if you do anything to keep it from me— You or Lucas, I swear to God, Peyton—"_

_"Please…"_

_Nathan pursed his lips tightly and breathed in deeply before he swiftly let go her wrist. "If that baby is mine…you –you are keeping it away from me. Just keep that in mind…" He warned serious before mingling himself in between all the other students._

_And once he left…her tears fell._

* * *

_But I'll be fine, oh don't you worry_

_Cause I'll be fine, see I'm in no hurry_

_No I'll be fine, oh don't you worry_

* * *

They've told her it was going to hurt. Lucas had literally made her read not one or two, but _three_ whole books talking pretty much only about how much it was going to hurt and what she have and didn't have to do once this moment came. Right now, she couldn't think in not even one of the things she'd read, or what Lucas told her, or Karen told her, or the doctors, or anybody else told her really. She just knew it _hurt_. It hurt much more than any other physical pain she had felt before and that was by far the hardest thing she'd ever had to bear.

She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to be there and yet that was her reality and that also hurt. It hurt differently though. That pain wasn't physical per se, but it was still adding up to that one just the same.

"It hurts…" She cried painfully, gripping tightly onto the collar of his shirt as Lucas held her back as best as he could.

He breathed in deeply and shut his eyes for a moment as he struggled to put his thoughts in order. For twenty-five minutes, he had been just holding her close to his body. She had woke him up from a dead sleep with her cries, but it hadn't been like every other night when she cried out of that bizarre combination of anger and fear after a nightmare, this time her cries were of complete panic and actual pain. He'd known this day would come and he'd thought he was ready– at least _somewhat_ ready for it, but right now, he couldn't help but feel panic just along with Peyton.

She wouldn't let him move her or call the ambulance quite yet. She'd said she didn't want to do this, but she _had_ to and Lucas just somehow didn't know how to make her understand that.

Her pain somewhat subsided after a few minutes and in that instant, Lucas let out that deep breath he didn't even know he was holding. She relaxed weakly in his arms and Lucas kissed her sweaty curls. She was crying– and crying hard, her beautiful face was flushed and completely filled with warm tears. The back of the t-shirt she was wearing– that was actually his, was soaking with sweat as she struggled to contain and be strong through the pain. "Just breathe…" He told her softly trying his best to stay calm. Her contractions weren't coming as regular, so keeping that in mind he was making himself believe they still had some time.

"I'm scared." Peyton panted and Lucas swallowed hard nodding his head. So was he.

"I know," He told her sincerely tilting his head enough to catch sight of her glistered eyes. "I am too, but we are going to be okay." He assured her weakly even when, in all honesty, right about now, having her in so much pain, he wasn't sure that was going to be the case.

And then, in spite of herself, Peyton nodded her own head against his chest before Lucas took her hand and she dug her nails harshly into his skin when a wave of pain hit her again. It had been only four minutes since the last one and it was then when Lucas grew far more worried than before. They were getting closer together and they needed to get to the hospital soon.

"We are going to go now and get some help…for you and for the baby and then…then it all is just going to be okay…" Lucas cooed softly into her ear as she cried in pain one more time.

"I can't," She panted painfully but Lucas was fast to correct.

"Yes, yes you can." He insisted strongly moving with his finger her face to look up at him. "Sure you can…You are one of the strongest people I know, and this…this is–"

"_Hard,_" Peyton pretty much screeched pursing her lips and tightly closing her eyes. "I can't— I don't want to— it _hurts_ Lucas." Her eyes were still strongly closed and yet the tears didn't stop falling.

Lucas stayed still for another small moment, breathing in deeply and trying to just hold himself as steady as he possibly could. "Come on…I'm taking you out of here and we're going to the hospital…" Lucas began instructing quietly, more-so to himself, but still loud enough for her to listen. The moment he did to stand up though, Peyton shook her head rather strongly and refused to let go of his shirt.

"I can't do this alone," She cried hopelessly when she finally opened her eyes and for the first time that night, her broken eyes met his.

"You won't. You are not alone–" Lucas tried, but those few words only caused Peyton to shake her head even stronger and to more and more tears to fall from her eyes.

"I–I need Brooke, please…" Peyton pleaded brokenly when the pain of the last almost-nine months caught up with her and she realized what she should have done ages ago; she couldn't keep pushing the people who cared about her away but the polar opposite really. She needed them close, now more than ever for sure.

The request anyway, of course took Lucas by surprise— Peyton had after all refused to have any sort of contact with Brooke for at least the last four months. They had barely seen each other let alone talk something real. Peyton couldn't bear to see her or talk to her because even when she had never said it aloud, she blamed Brooke for everything that had happened to her. For everything she had to go through. For the fact that she was raped and pregnant of that man's baby. She even blamed her for the fact that her father had died, and for just everything that had gone wrong in her life in the last eight months.

Now however, she couldn't envision with any other person on her side rather than her best friend. The one who'd promised when they were seven to be her first baby's godmother just as Peyton had promised she would be hers back. Peyton hadn't thought of that afternoon– perhaps since that afternoon nine years ago, but despite everything that was going on, she knew she needed Brooke. She was the one person who completely knew her and Peyton just wanted her by her side.

That was why Lucas didn't hesitate when he nodded his head at her request. He nodded his head strongly and promised to call her as soon as they got to the hospital.

And he did, as soon as Peyton was rushed into a examination room and he was asked to go wash himself up if he wanted to come in, Lucas had taken a small moment to call that perky brunette and tell her how her very best friend in the world was in labor and that baby of hers was just about to be born.

Lucas wasn't surprised when less than twenty minutes later Brooke was standing right before him holding Peyton's hand. Their relationship had been at odds in the last few months, perhaps they would never be the kind of friends they once were, but for better or for worse, they were still _that_ person in each other's life. The one who had _always_ before been there, and one way or another, each other was still hoping would _always_ be.

_"You can do this, you just got to be strong and breathe okay…I'm right here…" _

Words of encouragement and coos to her ear were all Lucas could listen Brooke telling Peyton. He smiled at that because even when Peyton was still in unbearable pain, even when she and Brooke hadn't spoken with each other in months, he still knew Peyton was calmer and more relaxed in spite of everything now that Brooke was on her side as well.

Her fingers were still deeply dug into his skin, but Lucas really didn't mind as long as she was doing as Brooke kept telling her…_breathing_.

They gave Peyton some medicine exactly at eleven past three in the morning. She was around six centimeters dilated when they got to the hospital and since she wasn't progressing much faster from there, they decided to give her the shot that would only somewhat ease her pain temporally until the baby was ready to come out.

Apparently, her body was still too young and unprepared to give birth making her prompter to a few complications concerning her baby. It all was "_under control_" according to the doctors, but they were still monitoring both rather close. As they'd said, any change would represent big difference in the final outcome of that morning.

"Hey…how are you feeling?" Brooke asked sweetly a moment after Peyton's eyes slowly fluttered open. The brunette knew she had been awaken by a contraction– she had 'seen' it in the small white monitor beside Peyton's bed, but then again, Brooke also knew how as of now it shouldn't hurt so bad anymore.

Peyton sighed heavily and stroked a little bit her stomach as she could feel it getting tighter and tighter. It didn't quite hurt but regardless she still knew it was getting closer; she knew how soon enough that baby wouldn't just be someone locked safely inside her, but outside and alive and all the more real.

That thought alone terrified her to the core.

She wearily managed a small smile in Brooke's direction after a beat though. "I'm okay…just…just a little bit dizzy," She said sincerely before Brooke smiled back at her and leaned in kissing softly Peyton's forehead.

Not in a million years, she'd thought she would be with Peyton in that moment— all things considered, especially considering the last few months, but in any case, she knew she would not rather be anywhere else but with Peyton and that little baby of hers right about now.

Peyton winced a little after a small moment and Brooke couldn't help but narrow her eyes; she shouldn't be in pain right now…not yet anyways. "What was that?" She asked cautiously when Peyton's eyes fell shut and she just breathed in deeply as she absently stroked slightly her tummy.

There was silence for another few moments making Brooke grow even more uneasy. Peyton then began shaking her head ever so slightly and even for just those few seconds, Brooke got to think it wasn't anything to actually worry about– she wanted to think that anyway.

"He…the baby…" Peyton began explaining quietly. Her eyes stayed closed and her hand also stayed resting over her stomach– she really didn't know she was doing it, but in truth it was more like an instinct she didn't even know she had. "He's…right on my bladder, so…it feels as if you wanted to pee _real_ bad, but…it's just like a very hard pressure…"

Peyton's eyes then jerked open when Brooke's hand moved to rest on top of hers. Her startled wide green eyes met Brooke hazel ones, and even though she was shocked for another moment, in the end Peyton just looked down and pretended she was okay with that.

"Does it hurt?" Brooke tried asking casually and just as casually, Peyton shook her head '_no_'

— that didn't hurt, it just made her wince every so often lately. "It doesn't really hurt, but it is very uncomfortab—"

"—Son of a—"

Peyton chuckled at that. "–And that was him moving his bum away…" Peyton filled in for Brooke when her hand flew far too rapidly away from her stomach the moment the baby indeed moved from her bladder as well.

"That's…" Brooke finally said even when she couldn't really form many of her thoughts. To be honest, it had stunned her a bit; one thing is knowing there is a baby inside your best friend's belly, a completely different thing is feeling that little alien for real. "He's fast…" She said excitedly after realizing this couldn't be a bad thing. If anything, she had to stay positive and make Peyton see how that baby wasn't really too bad…

Brooke at the very least had to try and…she would.

Peyton however, hardly nodded her head at her words. She didn't know what else to do or what to say back…so she just did as she could, and nodded– that baby in the end was actually fast.

"I don't know what I should…You know, say to you or not, P…" Brooke told her honestly only a moment later. She leaned back on the chair next to Peyton's bed and just stared at her. "Up until today you weren't even speaking to me…"

"I know." Peyton said back simply with yet another nod of her head. "I just…It was just _hard_,"

Brooke soaked in her words and at the same time, she was fast to question. "What Peyton? What was hard?" She asked seriously, when being anything but blunt seemed stupid to her.

Peyton stayed quiet for a moment, growing uneasy and just trying to think in the best way to say what she needed to say. "Seeing you…just…_seeing you_ was hard…"

"Why?" One more time Brooke didn't even think when the words slipped out.

"Um…this baby," Peyton began explaining softly in spite of the big lump in her throat. She looked down at her stomach in silence for a beat before looking back up at Brooke— she really didn't have many options; she could well be honest or not. "Luke– Lucas is not his father, you know?" Peyton said sincerely and really tried not to be surprised at Brooke's shocked face and how wide her eyes got at her words. Peyton very much knew how everybody but very few people 'knew' her baby was Lucas'– that was not the truth anyway.

"Then who is it?" Brooke asked back bluntly not missing a beat. "You are married to him now. So much has changed in the last few months and…you've also been lying…"

Peyton shook her head, but in all honesty, she couldn't refute Brooke's words. She was right– she had been lying, to not only Brooke and herself even, but to everybody else too. "I, I was…_raped_. That night of that party at Duke…Someone raped me and…that's how I got pregnant with him…" She confessed without meeting Brooke's eyes and instead looking down at her big pregnant belly. She didn't often look down on purpose– she didn't like 'facing' the baby, but the truth of the matter was that he was still there –whether she liked it or not.

And then Brooke just tensed– Peyton didn't quite see it, but she did feel it and of course expect her to do it. What she had said, that wasn't something to take lightly, that wasn't something you could soak in easily, it was tough and harsh and sadly…Peyton's truth anyway.

"Peyt…why…why didn't you…"

"I told you, it was hard to just _look_ at you," Peyton explained when she felt Brooke struggling to just ask the simplest question.

"But I could have–"

"Help me?" Peyton interrupted pointedly one more time. Her voice bitter and cold again. "You could have help me some more, right? I –Correct me if I'm wrong, but…You did enough for me already taking me to that party, didn't you?" She wasn't even sure what had gotten into her, what was making her say what she was saying, but in truth, she couldn't help herself and her words. Eight whole months she had kept this to herself– eventually she was doomed to let it out, no?

"Peyton, I…" Brooke moved a little closer to Peyton, reaching out to hold her hand only to have Peyton jerked it away. "I'm so–" Brooke tried to apologize but Peyton then strongly shook her head, her heart beating extremely hard within her chest.

"Don't…" Peyton drawled out that one word she could form before there was a beep– a loud, _unsteady_, profound, and deep beep that captured completely hers as well as Brooke's attention in that instant.

The sound was pitched carrying from the monitor next to her bed. It was the baby. It was the baby's heart. It was _her_ baby's heartbeat. It was all ending before it had even begun…

* * *

**AN : **Of course you know Mikey is going to be okay but I couldn't help but make this chapter the way it turned out. Hope it wasn't so bad hehehe :)


	18. Chapter Eighteen : Slipping Away

**Chapter Eighteen : ****Slipping Away**

* * *

"How long has it been…?"

His lack of an answer told Brooke what she already knew, that it had been a long time already. A much longer time than it should probably be and he was worried– just as she was, just as everybody else was too.

"I guess…I guess I just want them to tell us something…anything. I _need_ to know if she's okay…" Brooke whispered mostly to herself as she slowly paced that tiny waiting room. Lucas was sitting by one chair, his face burrowed in his hands and yet Brooke managed to see the moment he nodded his head slightly as she spoke.

Lucas needed to know too if she was okay…if _they_ were okay, Lucas would be the greatest liar if he said he wasn't just as worried about the baby. It might not be his, but in a way it was…Lucas had known about it for as long as Peyton had, for one reason or the other he had felt close to that baby ever since he knew he existed, and now the possibility of losing him…_and _Peyton, made his heart twinge in sheer pain.

"She will be…"

Lucas then listened to his mother's coo to Brooke. She got up from her seat and moved so that she was standing right before the petite Brunette and her hand had reached up squeezing gently Brooke's shoulders. Brooke looked up at her with glazy eyes, and Lucas looked up at them both with teary eyes of his own too. What if something happened to her? What if Peyton simply wasn't strong enough?

"We just got to wait now. I'm sure her Doctor is going to come out as soon as they know something." Karen continued speaking softly, and at that, Lucas could only nod his head absently as she spoke. Karen wasn't even speaking to him, she was then already cradling Brooke into her arms and stroking her back, and yet Lucas knew his mother was just as worried as he was for Peyton.

Perhaps the way Peyton Sawyer happened to their lives hadn't been a real ideal way, and yet, Lucas knew, Karen loved her and cherished her as if Peyton were her own daughter already.

And then there was a ding from the elevator; Lucas was not thinking when he rose up from the chair and walked as fast as his feet allowed him to closer to the doctor. Lucas didn't like her, she was cold and too practical _"Our first concern is always the mother"_ she'd said earlier and Lucas hadn't liked her ever since. The baby should have been her main concern too…_both_ of them.

In spite of everything, Lucas couldn't deny the relief he felt as he saw that same doctor stepping out of the elevator. For better or for worse, she was that one who had at least _some _answers in her hands.

"Family to Peyton Sawyer?" She called sternly at the three of them even when less than two hours ago they had been standing in the very same spot and Karen had done the 'introductions' already. She already knew they were her only family and yet she was asking again.

Lucas cleared his throat frustrated as he sharply nodded his head. Of course they were.

The Doctor however, didn't stay to say more. Her name was Erin, Erin Hansen, and she really wasn't very nice. Within seconds of Lucas' nod, she was already walking down the hallway as she called a very much quiet "Follow me" to the three of them.

Not Karen, not Brooke, let alone Lucas questioned her however. As she started walking again, so did them. They needed to know.

"We delivered the baby. We had to proceed with a C-section but as far as we can tell the infant's health wasn't as compromised as we thought it'd be. We just have to keep a closer look on the lungs." The Doctor explained seriously, stopping in front of the hospital's nursery.

Lucas glanced over at the glass and at the amount of babies on the other side. One of them was Peyton's.

"It was a boy," Doctor Hansen added, watching as Lucas snapped his eyes to her as soon as she spoke. "He's small, but we were expecting that…"

"Can we see him?" Brooke asked as she eyed too at the babies before her. There were many, all swaddled up in the same blankets with little cotton hats on their heads; blue for the boys and pink for the girls. There were at least ten blue covered heads; she wanted to know which of them was her best friend's.

"They should be bringing him soon– there are doctors still checking up on him right now—"

"What about Peyton?" Lucas questioned the doctor strongly. His eyes were wide and his jaw was clenched, but in truth, he really was just scared.

"She bled lot," Doctor Hansen began explaining, making them all swallow hard. "But we were able to control that. They are taking her to recovery right now, she'll be allowed visitors, and as soon as she wakes up she'll be able to see her son…"

"What does that mean?" Lucas interrupted quietly after a moment. He knew he should be relieved but for some reason he just wasn't. Perhaps he indeed needed to see her again with his own eyes before being back at ease. "When she wakes up, I mean? Don't you know that kind of things?" Lucas asked urgently, and it was in that second when the doctor shook her head that he knew she simply didn't know.

"I wish we did, but as with every patient who went through a strong anesthetic, now it's all on her to wake up. _When,_ we can't tell, but it should happen within the next few hours." She explained honestly and yet Lucas' head bowed. "You can see her if you want," The Doctor added and Lucas was fairly surprised when she addressed him directly. Not his mother and not Brooke, but just Lucas.

He nodded his head in assent. He _needed_ to see her.

A moment of silence passed by then though.

"Or you could see him first if you will…" The Doctor offered softly when all three sets of eyes snapped in the nursery's direction again. It was a small cradle with a swaddled tiny baby in there. One of his arms was out of the blanket though, reaching out as if he wanted to grab something– something he didn't even know what was but still wanted.

His hand was made a tight fist too— Lucas felt a hint of a smile on his lips at that. Peyton would do the same thing sometimes as she slept.

Lucas' eyes then shifted however to his mother. She was wearing a big smile as she looked over at the baby; it was sincere and full of relief. Why couldn't he feel that way? "Can I– Can I just go see Peyton please?" Lucas asked after a beat shifting his eyes to look back at the doctor.

She was a little surprised, and yet she did nod her head. "Fourth floor. Room 447," She informed and only a few seconds later, Lucas was already directing himself to the elevators.

Karen's eyes traveled to her son as he walked away, yet it didn't take her long to look back at Brooke as she gushed out if she could hold the baby. The doctor nodded her head and motioned the nurse to come outside with the small infant, and yet as soon as both baby and nurse reached them, Brooke grew uneasy and Karen chuckled. "You've never held a newborn before, have you?" She asked Brooke playfully, and in spite of herself and everything else that was going on, Brooke nodded her head as she let out a chuckle.

The boy before her stole her heart at the first glance of him she had; Brooke was absolutely sure of that, and maybe that was also the reason why she felt a little too hesitant. She didn't want to ruin him or hurt him in any way. She needed him to be all perfect and safe and sound as he was right then because Brooke needed his mother to see him just like that; _perfect_.

His baby hat was different from all the other babies though. That was the second thing Brooke pinpointed about that boy— the first, how little he was, and second, the color of his baby-hat. All the other babies were stuck with pink and blue hats while Peyton's baby had the cutest black and white hat with a teeny teddy bear on the right side. That hat had actually been the one thing Peyton had especially chosen for that boy.

Brooke smiled– a real smile at that, when very carefully Karen helped her hold the baby for the first time. "Just be careful with his head…" Karen instructed softly as she kept her hand softly on the back of the baby's head..

"Oh…" Brooke cooed in awe as her eyes perfectly focus in that little baby in her arms. He was so beautiful, but…so little, and innocent and unaware of everything that was wrong in the world. It was strange– the feelings she was feeling in that moment. As if, she _had_ to protect that baby. From everything evil, from everything that wasn't right, from everything that could ever harm him. She kissed his forehead and smiled when a single tear slipped from her eyes and fell onto her cheek. She wasn't sad; she just wanted the best for that baby– for that baby and for his mother. That was a fact.

"He's _so_ tiny," She whispered after a moment of silence before looking up to meet Karen's eyes. "But I…I'm hogging him, you…Do you wanna hold him?" Brooke asked apologetically. She might know the truth– how that baby wasn't in reality Karen's grandson, but that still didn't mean Brooke had been oblivious of everything Karen had done during the last few months for Peyton and vicariously for that baby too. She wasn't really his grandmother but that baby was still her family. Brooke knew that much.

Karen anyways did nod her head and Brooke smiled before giving the baby one last look as his grandma took him gently into her arms.

There weren't more words exchanged for a good moment. Just Karen's eyes down on the baby and that smile set firmly on her face. Perhaps this really wasn't a bad thing; it was a baby, something pure and untouched by anything bad, he couldn't be a bad thing in all honesty.

"Does he have a name?" Doctor Hansen interrupted softly.

For the first time in that day, Brooke didn't think she hated the moment she spoke a word. She still didn't know how to answer that question.

Karen didn't either. "His parents should decide that when they meet him…" She explained simply before her eyes trailed down admiring each and every perfect line on that baby's beautiful face.

* * *

Everything in that room was calm and quiet now. The last time he had been there, there had been one too many doctors, nurses, and loud alarms echoing in that room.

He had seen Peyton. Lucas had seen her scared face and terrified eyes. He had seen the fear consuming her body as the doctors talked above her and went on and on about how they needed to do something– not just for her, but especially for the baby. He was in distress, and so was she even though she didn't know– her blood pressure was far too high and her heart was beating too hard– too fast. Partly because she was scared, and partly because things had gotten wrong inside her.

Bleedings; that was all Lucas understood from the doctors before they rushed Peyton out of the room, out of his sight, and into an OR.

Twenty minutes after that, the baby had been born. At 4:47 in the afternoon and weighing no more than six pounds. Lucas had listened to everything he knew about the baby from a warm, short, and already with her years on, nurse. She had said the baby was strong in spite of everything but that he still needed to stay some days in the hospital though– apparently, so the doctors could be sure his system would not shut down again as it did while he was still inside his mother. Lucas was okay with all that, in all honesty, he look forward to when he could held that tiny white bundle in his arms for the first time, but before…before he needed to make sure Peyton was going to be fine.

"You need to wake up soon, okay? I don't want to be scared, but…Peyton…I am. I am scared you are going to be gone and…I don't want that. I can't live with that, so…please just wake up…"

He knew it was a little irrational; being _so_ scared when he really didn't have a reason strong enough to be…but he was. He feared Peyton wouldn't open her eyes and he would never be able to look at her again. It scared him because for the first time as he looked over at Peyton he knew she was resting– she wasn't having a nightmare or wishing she were awake and never asleep because when she slept she couldn't control her thoughts. But now…now she was sleeping peacefully and even when the sight of her eyes so softly closed warmed Lucas' heart, it also pained him because he _needed_ her to be awake right then. He needed her there so they could both meet the baby and see how beautiful he really had to be.

"He's…you should see him, I…I barely did, but…he looks like an old man all crinkled and with his forehead frowned and all. I think you'd like him…I really hope you do…" Lucas said when at last he took a seat in the chair beside her bed. Her hands were curled up in loose fists though. It didn't surprise him to be honest, she always did that too when she slept. Perhaps it really wouldn't be too hard…making himself believe Peyton's baby was just that, her baby. No one else's.

Then again, thinking that tiny little thing he saw in the nursery could have anything of evil in him was certainly crazy thinking and Lucas knew as much.

"Haley is here…" His mother's voice carried quietly through the bedroom. Lucas looked up at her at the doorway and then his eyes shifted back to Peyton.

"What if she doesn't wake up?" Lucas asked looking steadily at Peyton, and then quite softly, Karen let out a chuckle at her son's words.

He was scared and she couldn't hold him accountable of that, but then again…he didn't have to be. He should know the kind of girl Peyton was, and she really was not the kind to just give up before the fight had even begun. "She will…You just gotta give her some time…"

Lucas didn't look convinced. He wanted to, but he wasn't. How could Karen be so sure?

"Maybe you should go see him…only for a little while…I'll stay with her…" Karen offered gently making Lucas look up at her again. She wasn't one little bit surprised when Lucas shook his head.

He actually didn't know how to help Peyton, surely being just there wasn't doing much, but the alternative– not being there at all, seemed as far worse for Lucas. At least right now, he could look at her and _know_ she was no matter what still here– even if she were not awake yet. "No…no. I, I want to be here. I want to be here when she wakes up…" Lucas mumbled mostly to himself after a beat.

Karen smiled but didn't quite give in. It had been an hour, something more than that since Lucas had gotten into Peyton's room and simply refused to be anywhere else until she was awake. "Go on…" Karen insisted as she slowly made her way closer to Lucas, and her hands reached his shoulders giving them a small squeeze. She kissed his head and smiled sadly when a sigh passed through Lucas' lips as he stared uneasily at Peyton. "Don't go see the baby if you can't yet, but…go take some air anyway and be back in a little while. She won't go anywhere…I promise you that…" She said sweetly, leaning down her head so that hers and Lucas' eyes could meet. He tilted his head to look at his mom too, and for some reason Lucas knew she was right.

Maybe he did need a moment, some space to sink in the last twenty-four hours. One way or another, he was a father now.

"Okay"

* * *

"It's Peyton…" Lucas murmured as soon as Haley sat next to him. He didn't look at her, she wasn't even sure if he was addressing her and yet she knew she had to listen.

Listen to whatever he wanted to tell her.

"All I do…I do it for her. Today…when they brought the baby, I could hardly even look at him, and…" Haley knew he was struggling, struggling to just form his words, so she squeezed his knee and then she sighed. It all felt such a big mess. She just wanted it all to be over even though she knew in more than one way; everything had just started.

Started the moment that baby had been born– For better or for worse, he changed it everything. One thing was when he was still inside Peyton– not he was out and that would certainly change everything again.

"But it's not as if I don't care about him or would not be there for him have not be for Peyton," His eyes met Haley's at last, and she was taken aback at the glazy of his eyes. Haley always thought of Lucas –since they were little kids, as a very strong boy, he could do anything and never ever complained about it, but then…when it came down to Peyton Sawyer he was always such different boy.

"I would…I will be there for that little guy either way, but…Peyton, she, she's the one who makes this all matter for me. If she's not here to see him too, to hold him, hell, to just meet him, then…then I just don't see the point of do it myself…" Lucas explained uneasily shrugging one shoulder. His eyes fell to Haley's lap and how nervously she was tapping her summer dress. She had no idea what to say back, but in all honesty, Lucas didn't need her to. He really just needed to let that out.

"Even if I feel as I love that boy already…"

Haley could feel already the tears building up in her eyes so she breathed in and exhaled deeply. "I think it's gonna take time…_adjust_ ourselves to everything, but…I promise you I'll be here. That's at best all I can do. I'll help you three in all ways I can…" Her promise didn't land in deaf ears and Haley was satisfied with just that. Lucas didn't have to say a word back, he only nodded his head, and that was enough.

He leaned back on the chair outside from Peyton's room and Haley leaned back on hers as well. She hooked her arm around his and leaned in her head resting it against Lucas' arm.

Minutes at the time passed by with silence overtaking them until Lucas breathed in deeply. Haley knew why– she'd seen him too. "I'm sorry."

"No…It's okay," Lucas replied rapidly before she could apologize some more. She had no reason to do so really. "God knows he probably has every right in the world to be here today…" He said pulling away slowly from Haley. Lucas looked at his best friend's eyes for another moment before he kissed her forehead and got up from the chair.

Haley didn't say anything back. She just let him go and watched as he walked away.

In less than two minutes, Lucas was there standing right next to his brother. "It's that one…" Lucas said pointing with his forefinger. "The one with the black hat," He added and without meeting his gaze quite yet, Nathan nodded his head.

You'd think he would know which was his without Lucas telling, right? He didn't know and maybe that was because maybe Peyton was right and that tiny baby with the black hat wasn't his after all.

"He barely weighs 6pounds…6pounds, 1ounce, 21inches said the nurse actually…" Lucas kept talking softly, beating Nathan to it. "I know you think he can be yours." Lucas dared on to say and it didn't go unnoticed by him how Nathan tensed. Lucas pursed his lips uneasily and just stared at that alleged brother of his for another moment or two.

Nathan's eyes were still looking at the baby– steadily, as though he really thought that if he looked at him long enough, he'd know the truth for once and for all. "What if he is? What if he's mine?"

At that, Lucas' mind immediately hit a stop; how could he answer something like that? In truth, he really didn't know. He didn't know what exactly would happen if Nathan actually were the father of the baby– hell, Lucas didn't even know _if_ Peyton wanted to know, or at least…be one-hundred-percent sure he wasn't. Lucas knew Peyton was sure that baby couldn't be Nathan's. Lucas knew she was stubbornly ignoring the possibility of the baby being his. She was adamant about that baby being everybody's _but_ Nathan's from the start. "He'll be carrying your name too." Lucas stopped that thought to go further as soon as Nathan shook his head from side to side.

That wasn't the thing. "She won't talk to me. She just won't. I could be a…a _father_ right now and she just won't talk to me."

Lucas stayed quiet at Nathan's words…right words to answer to that just couldn't form. Nathan was right.

At the very least, Lucas knew for sure the baby wasn't his; he knew the true. He knew he was going to be in that baby's life even when he wasn't his own biologically. He knew he was going to love that baby because he was Peyton's baby and he would do anything for her. Even, raise that little one as his own.

Nathan on the other hand, all he had were unanswered questions and uncertainty– that was the worse really, _uncertainty_. A million questions only Peyton could clear up –only she didn't want to. Maybe she even couldn't, but that really didn't make much difference for Nathan. "He's _AB_…the baby's blood type I mean…Peyton's _B_, but he…the baby's _AB_…" Lucas said softly after a small moment. Why he said that? Who knew, he just thought he'd be giving something –despite how small, but still something to his brother.

And his words did click in Nathan's mind. "He _could_ be mine." He said sternly before simply walking away from Lucas and the nursery. The baby's blood type had only told him what he already knew; that baby could in fact be his.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Karen made the question softly, only loud enough for Peyton to hear.

She shook her head though. She was honest. She wasn't. "No," Peyton admitted fearfully. Her face fell and her unruly curls fell in front of her eyes as though shielding her from the outside word for a few seconds. "I'm not…I'm…"

"You don't have to be scared…" Karen told her back again using the softest tone she could find in herself. "Not of him." She added, pushing away from Peyton's flushed cheek a long strand of hair.

Peyton's eyes stayed closed –only for another moment. It was hard to hold herself steady when all she wanted was let all the tears in her eyes flow and burrow her face on the shoulder of that woman before her.

"Of all the bad things that you'd seen…live, I can promise you Peyton that little baby is not one of those things…"

It was hard to believe. For a long time, she didn't have a mother figure to look up to. Then Karen happened to her life and now…now _Peyton_ was supposed to be the mother too.

She'd better step up to it, right? Even she really didn't think as though she could do it. "Okay…" She whispered brushing aside her fears for a moment.

"You are going to be okay," Karen said sweetly, right before she brushed a soft kiss to Peyton's cheek, and got up from the small gurney heading to the door.

It was then, no more than five minutes later, when one too many people walked into her bedroom again. Peyton recoiled on her bed; physically unable not to do it. Her eyes locked with Lucas' immediately and she knew she shouldn't be this frightened.

There were two nurses; one Peyton had already grown familiar too, and other she didn't recognize at all. Each of them was at the sides of that basket that carried the baby. Peyton couldn't see him yet –her eyes fixated solely on Lucas'. He was walking slowly right behind the nurses and the baby –looking after him, taking care of him, protecting him already.

Peyton felt the hint of a smile on her lips, because that was just who Lucas was.

They all stepped closer to her all too fast –even when their pace was always slow. She didn't feel ready for this…and then she saw Karen also walking to her. Peyton's eyes trailed up searching for hers and instead of finding her eyes, Peyton found her warm smile. She nodded her head already when one of the nurses was taking the baby out of the plastic cradle.

He was sleeping. His closed eyes were the first thing Peyton saw in that baby. It all was scarier than she thought it would be really.

Karen stepped in then– only a second later when Peyton turned her head away from the baby.

Peyton's eyes fixed on the window– in the sky and in the clouds and she mightily tried to ignore the rest. She ignored when Lucas cooed her name. She ignored when Karen instructed the nurses to leave and give them some space alone. She ignored the sound the baby did when Karen took him into her arms. She ignored the crushing feeling in her chest– the sting in her heart and the tears in her eyes.

She ignored it all until she felt the slight deep in the bed when Karen sat down beside her. They were all in silence for a few minutes. Peyton could sense however, how lost and impotent Lucas felt. Slowly, very slowly, he started pacing the room. Small steps in a very small space. He wanted to do something, he wanted to help, he'd thought seeing the baby –how beautiful, and wonderful he was would help Peyton.

Apparently, it didn't, and Lucas just didn't know what else to do, so he paced.

Peyton felt then Karen's hand covering hers tenderly. Peyton swallowed hard and closed her eyes before Karen leaned in closer– _too_ close. Peyton could feel the baby's head pressing against her chest– it was warm and tiny and…she couldn't explain it, not even to herself, so instead she then let one tear fell from her eye as she pursed strongly her lips.

"Take him…" Karen all but demanded and yet almost as soon as she spoke, Peyton shook her head adamantly. Karen didn't let go though– she pushed harder. "He's fragile and he's small…and Peyton…his _yours_, so…take him. You are his mother."

The tears falling to her cheeks couldn't go unnoticed by anybody– not by Karen and certainly not by Lucas either. He wasn't thinking when he moved all the way to the other side of her bed. Where he could actually see her face. Maybe she wasn't ready yet, but that couldn't be a priority right now because whether they liked it or not, that baby was already there and he needed his mother. "Hey…look at me…" Lucas said softly kneeling right before Peyton. His hand cupped her cheek, and Lucas felt more of her salty tears falling onto his hand. "You can do this. He's wonderful, he's all _you_ and you'll love him…I know you will." Lucas assured her with great conviction lacing his voice.

Peyton's eyes opened and she looked at him. Just that for a couple of minutes before she tilted down her head slightly and her eyes shifted to focus in that small bundle who was still partly resting upon her rest. He was still sleeping soundly in spite of everything…

"Just hold him…" Peyton listened to Lucas' voice in her ear softly one more time, before her eyes locked with Karen's, and then in only seconds she was indeed holding onto that baby. She was cradling him with her arms. She was looking right into his face and then it just snuck up on her her reality, that baby boy was her son. Hers and no one else's.

"I don't think I can do this…" Peyton spoke quietly then. Her features soft, her eyes on the baby, but the constant fear brimming her eyes was still there. "H–he is…"

"Yours," Karen finished for Peyton before the curly haired blonde had the chance. She used the back of her thumb to wipe away from Peyton's cheek a couple of tears and at the same time, she made sure to have her eyes always meeting hers. "This baby is yours but you two are not alone." Peyton shifted her eyes up from the baby then to meet Karen's. "God knows this isn't going to be easy, but…I promise you none of you are going to be alone. We'll figure this out…together."

Peyton knew Karen was honest. She wasn't lying and for reasons Peyton didn't quite understand still, she knew Karen and Lucas both would be there whatever the circumstances were. She stayed quiet however; she just stared at Karen and tried strongly not to shake her head at those words. She knew Karen was sincere but yet, believing they could make this work was the hard part.

One of the nurses who had stepped out of the room only a few minutes before walked back then into her room, and immediately Peyton closed her eyes. She informed them all it was time to take the baby back for a few more check-ups. She also informed Karen about some paperwork she needed to fill in the main desk.

The baby was taken from Peyton's arms gently a few seconds later. Karen took him and yet Lucas was the one who eased the baby into the cradle and made sure he was comfortable.

Everybody _but_ Lucas was gone from her room within minutes. They told Peyton words but she couldn't quite decipher them so her eyes simply stayed close and she did her best to keep breathing steadily keeping whatever fears consuming her body at bay.

Lucas cradled her hand tenderly a beat later, and it was then when Peyton broke the silence. "Go–Go with him, please…" She told him, shifting to meet his eyes in seemingly a split second.

Lucas looked confused though and Peyton understood. "With the baby…Could you just go and…be with him?" She asked uneasily one more time.

Lucas took a moment, looking at her, studying her pleading eyes before with one sharp nod, he obliged her wishes. He didn't want to go– he didn't want to leave her alone, but what else could he do when she was actually asking him to be somewhere else. "Okay…but…he's fine, he–"

"Please…"

A moment. "All right."


	19. Chapter Nineteen : It's not right but

**Author's Note : Update! **Hope you all had a great 4th of July :) Here's a new chapter. Thanks a lot to all of you who keep reading this story. _Italics _are future time this time.

**Chapter Nineteen : It's not right but it's okay. **

* * *

Nights were still not easy. Mostly it was because at nights she was still alone –always on her own until _something_ happened. On the rare occasion now, it was a nightmare that woke her up. But it wasn't as if she didn't get nightmares anymore and didn't wake up covered by cold sweat and goose bumps on her skin almost every day –she still got those and she still woke up terrified a few times a night.

Now however, _Michael_ was the reason her eyes opened before the terror of her night would wake her up first. He would wake up crying like a little clock at night –_every_ night. Peyton didn't mind too much; she was already getting used to it, but deep down, she knew this wasn't the life she was supposed to be living.

Now everything was about setting up routines and sticking up to them because God forbid the world would end if she didn't.

Every day was about not messing up –about learning things she didn't want to learn and yet she _had_ to.

Every day felt as if she was living someone else's life and that wasn't right. It did not feel right to Peyton anyways.

She was tired and sick of all the pain, she wanted to feel something, she knew that, but she didn't want to feel as she had for the last months. She wanted a change, she wanted her life to be better, but she didn't know how to get there, how to do that. She was doing as best as she could; especially for Michael, she thought…but most days it was for Lucas, and rarely, for herself.

She wanted to show Lucas how he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life when he married her; she wanted to show him that she wasn't completely broken even though deep inside she already knew she was.

She still needed that boy in her life.

She wanted more from him but she still wasn't sure if that was yet another mistake…in the back of her mind she always couldn't help but wonder what will happen if she too broke him? Lucas who had that huge heart and seemingly unbreakable feelings to her?

She stared at the ceiling for hours that night. The lights stayed on but her door had been closed just as Lucas' had been when they parted way to their own bedrooms short after Lucas put Michael to bed at 11. It was a little past one already and even when Peyton did wonder why Michael hadn't woken up yet, her thoughts for some reason that night were with Lucas.

If he was sleeping or if he just couldn't find sleep just like her? She wondered perhaps if he also missed her? They used to spend a great deal of time together –just the two of them, and even though they still did, right now it was different because there was a baby in between the two.

Michael's needs always came before either hers or Lucas', and for a stupid reason Peyton was growing to resent him for that. It didn't make sense, it wasn't logical to feel that and yet…she couldn't help herself every single time that kind of thoughts reached her mind.

Michael wasn't one to blame but still sometimes she couldn't help but think he was.

His baby room was quiet and peaceful when Peyton walked in then. It still needed more decoration, at least that was what she thought. Plain white walls to a baby's room somehow didn't even see fit to Peyton, but if she were one to give explanations to that, she'd know that was her fault too.

Lucas had offered to paint and even buy more stuff for Michael, but Peyton had turned him down. She had said she would be the one who'd paint that room and "_make it nice_" she told Lucas one morning…sadly enough, all those words stayed just that: _words_.

Michael was born then, and a couple of weeks later they were all home and painting that darn nursery just simply never seemed as a priority to her.

He was getting big though. Peyton could tell that; he was larger and more…alert. He would stay awake for a few minutes after she fed him, which he didn't do at first when they brought him home. He didn't smile or even coo so much yet and Peyton was actually okay with that. Even when right now she thought of this all as something '_difficult_', she also knew this was one of those things that simply would get harder with time too.

Sadly enough perhaps.

Either way, Peyton was out of Michael's room as fast as her feet would carry her after her eyes actually set down on the small infant sleeping on the crib.

She hesitated, she bit on her lips and almost felt as crying as she stood outside of Lucas' bedroom. She didn't dare to knock the door, let alone to just walk inside so she waited for a while. She waited in silence and tried to take her mind to other places.

After a few too many minutes however, she reached the deadbolt and put herself together as she opened the door. Lucas wasn't asleep either but standing…there, in the dark close to the door. As if he knew…as if he felt it all too somehow…

Peyton entered the room completely and Lucas greeted her with a smile and a '_Hey'_. He was confused, Peyton knew that, and yet he didn't want her to know that.

"It's late…" Lucas said making Peyton look up at him after he'd closed the door behind her.

She didn't care for his words though; she cared about him. She did and so she felt as if she had to show him as much. She moved to him; slowly but at the same time feeling her heart beating within herself as fast as it hadn't beat in a very long time.

Lucas didn't move, he didn't even flinch but stood steady. Waiting. Trying to read her and understand what she needed from him. That was what he did after all; he helped her every time she needed someone.

Tonight Lucas knew she was different though. He knew she was desperate for something to change, for something to happen and for her life to mean something again. He saw that in her eyes right the second before her lips found his.

He closed his eyes almost as soon as he felt her close and the feeling of her warm lips against his own traveled in the form of a cold chill all the way down to his spine. Peyton was about to pull away when Lucas was seemingly frozen; he felt when her lips moved away from his the slightest bit and it was then when Lucas kissed her back.

He wanted her, that was no secret, and if she did too, even if it were for the wrong reasons he couldn't let it go.

At least that was what he thought at first. At first when all he could feel was her skin close, her hot breathing against his nose, her lips, her hand clutching tightly at his heart, but then she pulled back…Lucas opened his eyes that very second and saw hers still closed. Tears were on her face as she kissed his neck, and the side of his arm and then even his chest.

She wanted –hell, _needed_ to feel something but Lucas all of a sudden didn't feel right about what was happening.

"Peyton…" He called still breathing heavily, his voice stern and deep at the same time. Lucas swallowed hard when she didn't stop but even harder started pressing kisses to the bare skin of his chest. All the while, she started crying harder and at that, he did not know what to do.

His hands softly found their way up to her shoulders and he tried to make her look up at him. Peyton did her best not to oblige though; she looked down and shook her head strongly.

She wanted this; tonight she at the very least knew that, she did, she wanted him.

"Please," She said low and almost against his lips before she kissed him one more time.

This time it was more powerful, more forceful, more…real. This wasn't the first time Peyton was kissing him; Lucas certainly knew that, but then again, this one was in fact the first time she was kissing him with such want and need rushing through her body.

"Peyton, you know this is…" Lucas tried to speak the instant her lips parted way from his, but she was fast to shake her head.

Peyton shook her head strongly and grabbed one of his hands moving it all the way down the side of her body. She did the same with his second hand and Lucas honestly couldn't do anything to not do as she wanted. He stroked her skin because he felt the need to do so too.

"I love you," He promised and even when deep inside he knew that was the last thing Peyton wanted to hear, he was then surprised when she didn't freeze nor did something to make him stop or run away herself.

She pressed closer to his body and kissed time and time again Lucas' exposed skin. She worked in getting closer to him but ignore whatever he had to say. She came to realize it wasn't so hard…it wasn't that hard when she started feeling how _he_ wanted her as well.

His fingers, softly and precisely hooked in the waistline of her shorts and Peyton helped them down.

Their eyes met and shortly after Peyton kissed longingly the side of his neck giving Lucas the reassurance he needed from her.

From all things wrong in the world, this was not one of them.

* * *

"I wonder if something at all makes sense to him…"

Her words alone made Peyton chuckle. "You mean something besides sleeping, eating, peeing, and pooping?" The three of them laughed and yet Haley did nod her head.

So okay, her question hadn't come out as she had wanted it but still…She had hoped for a more…profound kind of answer.

"I guess I just thought he'd do more by now," Brooke mused before Haley –or Peyton for that matter too, could say something else. She turned and lay on her stomach so that she could eye better at the baby in the middle of the bed. "And I mean, don't get me wrong P. he really is cute…" She assured Peyton barely meeting her eyes before looking back down at Michael. "But you are kind of a boring little dude," She said grabbing the baby's hand into her own as he attempted to keep waving it in the air.

Haley smiled at Michael –because hell, Brooke was in fact accurate, he was a cute one, but then she also growled at her so-called '_new friend'_. "He's a baby," She pointed out rolling her eyes at Brooke as she also shook her head at her. "And he's not even two months old yet so you really shouldn't hold that against him," Haley added seriously even when all Brooke did in response was mocking her in silence doing very annoying faces as Haley spoke. "You're _so_ going to hell," She said as an afterthought.

"I_ did_ say he was a cute one," Brooke stated in an attempt to defend herself of Haley's glare. For a while she barely even cared about that tiny brunette at all, but Haley had been good to Peyton and that was kind of enough for Brooke so she had learned to be nice to her. In the end, Haley had turned out to be not too bad –though somewhat a real pain in the ass sometimes. Brooke anyway flipped back flat onto her back after a moment before Haley could answer her statement. It was then when she caught sight of Peyton's thoughtful stare; she really wasn't looking at something, her stare seemed thoughtful but rather blank at the same time. "Penny for your thoughts?" She called making Peyton shake her head.

She smiled looking down at Brooke, but then also looked away from her eyes leaning back against some pillows. It was nice having grownup people around her for a change, and yet it still felt a little strange. Most of the time it really was just her, Lucas and that baby in that big house.

"He really doesn't do much…" Peyton said in spite of Haley making Brooke beam, and at the same time making Haley on the other hand, shake her head "disapprovingly."

"And yet he still has Lucas wrapped around his finger," Brooke chimed in even when she was sure Peyton would almost hate her for saying that. She still didn't care and so she shrugged her shoulders before her blonde best friend could argue. "Considering the alternative, I think it's pretty great you three are making '_playing house'_ work…who knows and maybe this turns out to be a good thing. You know you're hot for Lucas anyways…you've always been…" Brooke rambled on partly in jest, but mostly urgent to say those words aloud for once and for all, even if seemingly she was only joking.

Peyton and she were far from the friends they used to be a year ago, but then again, they had gotten pretty good at _pretend_…at pretend everything was all right between them and Brooke had never listened from Peyton all those truths she often wished she didn't know for real. They pretended because pretending was certainly easier than dealing with the truth and so they did.

Every now and again though, Brooke couldn't miss the chance to say her mind when the mood was apparently so light –it helped Haley was there certainly. She often did of '_middle-man'_ when things got awkward –so to say, and in the end, Brooke in fact did like her company, so it really was a win win situation.

Peyton however, stared at Brooke incredulously for a few seconds before she dramatically rolled her eyes. "Shut up Brooke," She voiced annoyingly shaking her head and resting her back against a pillow again.

Seconds later anyhow she had to sit up yet again at Haley's words. "She was right though," Haley said off handedly and Peyton's jaw dropped.

"Haley!" She cried back because she wasn't so sure as to what else to say back.

"What?" Haley said back with a shrug of her shoulders as she listen to Brooke laugh wholeheartedly on the other end of the bed. "She was right. You know Lucas will do _anything_ for that little boy. He loves him and well…"

"He _so_ loves you too P. Sawyer," Brooke filled in for Haley in between her chuckles, as she also attempted to sit up so that she could catch a better sight of her friends and the small baby circled on the bed by them.

Astonished.

Peyton was indeed _astonished_ at Brooke's and Haley's words all together and yet, before any of those arguments she wanted to say could come out from her lips, her eyes shifted down and she saw him. "_Shut it_…" She whispered seriously but very little was Brooke listening by then.

"Oh you know it's true! You know that boy has eyes for anyone but yo–"

"Brooke I mean it, I told you to shut up! Look at him." Peyton said rather strongly yet not quite yet shouting. Brooke and Haley's eyes both then narrowed with confusion as they did as Peyton told them to.

It was then when they saw it too and every hint of playfulness that could still be in the room _completely_ vanished.

"Why is it like–?"

"Do I look like I know?" Peyton snapped before Brooke could even finish asking her question.

The brunette bit on her lower lip but didn't say anything back but instead looked over at Haley as Peyton did too. She seemed like the kind of person who knew how to act in emergencies and Brooke sure as hell was hoping she was right and Haley in fact knew what to do.

Haley looked torn for one minute too many before her eyes met Peyton's again — she really wasn't all that sure about what to do to be honest, but she still would try. "We should probably call 911," She said looking at Peyton quite seriously. "Because that definitely isn't normal, but…I don't think it's anything serious…look, his lips are turning pink again now…" She said not carrying too well, but still staying calm. She leaned in on the bed so that she was closer to the baby and could actually feel him. He wasn't cold, or too warm for that matter either.

"His lips turned _blue_, Haley." Peyton pointed out anyway unable not to sound worriedly when at last she could find her words.

Haley offered Peyton a nod of her head as she looked up at her eyes again. Peyton could say all she wanted about feeling disconnected from that baby or whatever. All Haley could see in her eyes at that moment was that concern only a mother could feel. "That's why I said we should call 911 anyway."

_"I brought him to the hospital, didn't I?"_

_Her attitude only made Lucas madder at her. Lately it was always like that with her. She'd never –almost never at least, shut him out the way she'd done for the last few months, and even when Lucas thought he could eventually get used to it, he didn't –he couldn't get use to that. Their relationship should have never gotten so wrong, and even though right now Lucas wanted to blame Peyton for it all, deep down he knew he wasn't so saint either. He was one to blame too, but she really made it all even harder and that wasn't fair to him either._

_At least Lucas tried, he thought; she couldn't even do that. "Yes you did," Lucas told her back sternly, and somewhat angrily after a moment. His hand flew to the bridge of his nose before he shook his head and looked up right into Peyton's green eyes strongly. "But still…you let it get this bad…how long has he been sick…?" He asked hoping badly for an honest answer from her._

_Peyton was quiet for a few second. No one's words hurt her as much as Lucas' did –even when he seemingly hadn't said much anyways. "I don't know," She told him simply shrugging her shoulder. She looked down avoiding his eyes as she tried busing her hands with her purse that was slipping down her arm. "It's not as if I'm—"_

_"—It's not as if you were his mother, right?" Lucas snapped shaking his head angrily before she could even finish that damned sentence. "You are, Peyton, you know? You are his mother. Most of the times you just choose not to act like one."_

_Peyton didn't answer; not really because she didn't want to, but because she really didn't know how to answer to his words. How could you answer to that, really? And so she didn't refute; she kept her eyes down and with all her might tried to pretend to be anywhere but in the middle of that hospital hall._

_"Where is he?"_

_Lucas threw the words out of his mouth fast and for Peyton it was fairly obvious his discomfort at simply having her beside him._

_Then she still answered though; what else could he take from her? She'd pretty much lost it all in less time than it had taken her to blink. She had had it all…with him, even with Mikey at some point, now…now all of it was gone. That was a hard truth to sink in certainly. "He's in observation. He wasn't breathing again when the EMTs got to the house, but…he looked better by the time we got here…"_

_Lucas was silent, and in truth, Peyton took that as a good sign. She waited next to him for a few other minutes, maybe even trying to figure out just which thoughts were crossing Lucas' mind. She gave up when one of the chairs in the waiting room got unoccupied. It had been a long day and to be honest, she wasn't feeling very well herself either so she moved from Lucas' side, and instead sat there in that chair, and hoped to mingle herself between the people. _

_She closed her eyes and rested her head back against the small chair, and yet, every so often, she could still feel Lucas passing before her as they waited. It was definitely not the first time both of them had been in that situation; they knew the drill…the difference however, this was one of the few times they didn't have each other's hands to hold as they waited for news of Michael._

_Eventually however, Peyton's name was called and Mikey's Doctor stepped into the waiting room._

_Lucas started questioning fast, and by the time Peyton caught up with them, she listened to the Doctor saying it was okay to see the boy now. That they'd managed to stabilize him and that with only a couple of days in the hospital he would be good to go again. The Doctor excused herself then, and without thinking twice Lucas started walking in the elevator's direction heading himself to the room the Doctor had prior told him his son was in._

_Peyton however couldn't keep herself put, and grabbed hard onto his arm before he could walk further away from her. "You know I will never do something to hurt that boy on purpose." She said strongly almost into his ear before she hastily let go of his arm._

_Lucas stayed put anyways after she let go. He pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation and anger before turning to her. "You mean more than you already have?" He spat out because in all honesty, anger was the one feeling he could process in that moment._

_Peyton on the other hand wasn't slow to respond to that either. "Screw you, Lucas." She bit before shaking her head firmly and walking rapidly in the opposite direction from Lucas. She wanted to see the boy; she did. She wanted to make sure he really was okay as the Doctor had said so, but no…not with Lucas in there, so she walked away._

_It wasn't as if she hadn't done it before after all, right? She knew that drill too._

* * *

**AN : **I feel I should say how indeed happy times will come, but I really just hadn't realized how much back story to this story I had planned. This is the pre-divorce timeline. You already know eventually they sign the divorce papers but what I want to show you now is how they got there. Like in life, there is always _a _moment in time that can change everything ((for the best or not)) so that is where we are heading…_the _moment :) Thank you for reading.

**PS** : Mikey's storyline comes all the way back to Peyton getting a STD while pregnant. Sometimes those can make the unborn babies sick. Sometimes the complications to the babies are only short term, but sometimes ((sadly enough)) those complications affect them in the long term too.


	20. Chapter Twenty : Stop the grief

**Author's Note : **_Italics = Future Time :) _Thanks for reading.

**Chapter Twenty : Stop the grief **

* * *

_The Doctor wasn't very nice. Mikey knew it. He heard her speak to his Dad for a long time and she really wasn't all that nice. She was polite; granted. But she wasn't nice. Mikey could tell how worried Lucas still was. That always happened. Every time one of this 'episodes' happened. That wasn't any news to Mikey but still…once he knew he was okay, he liked it when the Doctors were nice enough and made his mom and his Lucas and his Nathan know he really was okay and not just 'faking it'._

_Lucas always joked like that –not right now though. He wasn't doing it because he was still worried and that in Mikey's eyes was the Doctor's fault, and to be honest, it was._

_At least he thought so. And if his Aunt Brooke ever told thing one truth, that was that he was smart and knew things most kids his age didn't. Michael actually liked to believe everything his Aunt would say to him._

_Then again, Brooke would always also say that he was stubborn. Just like his mom. And even when he didn't ever admit it –not openly that is, Mikey liked it too when Brooke said that. Not the stubborn part. But really the part when she told him he got that 'damn stubbornness' from his mother._

_Even if that sometimes meant for Mikey that he didn't agree with the doctors and nothing or no one could make him think otherwise._

_And okay, maybe Peyton could, but then again, she was just as stubborn as he was so maybe that had something to do with it._

_In the end, Mikey's line of thought was cut off when the Doctor said his name one more time as he spoke to Luke._

_"The fact that he is still in observation doesn't mean that you should worry, but…you still know how this is, at the same time it still doesn't mean you shouldn't worry either…"_

_At that Lucas threw his hands in the air but the Doctor didn't say another word. Instead she left the room leaving Lucas as frustrated as he could be._

_Mikey didn't like that either. His little uneasy face told Lucas as much._

_He tried to breathe and be as cool as he could in front of his boy but it was still hard. Much more when he was still mad after everything that had happened with Peyton too._

_"Everything is okay, Mikey." Lucas tried saying as he sat in the chair right next to Mikey's bed._

_The boy narrowed his eyes though. "But it's not," He countered and even though Lucas tried not to, he couldn't help when his jaw dropped slightly._

_Every so often he really had to remind himself that boy before him was barely six years old._

_"Why do you think that?" Lucas asked him anyway, knowing better than to argue with his son._

_Michael took a deep breath still looking uneasy for a few seconds before his shoulders dropped. "Because you still got the 'scared face' –Mama…she made me promise once not to tell you that, but we know. I don't think she wanted me to know, but it slipped on her one day here at the hospital too…I thought you were worried and she then said you were just scared…'_

_Lucas only tried to sink in his words. One more time, like a mantra in his mind since the moment that boy was born; he's just a child. Only six years old as of right now. He should have done a better job shielding him from all the things he knew._

_"And Mama is not here either–"_

_"I told you," Lucas interrupted before Mikey could continue. "She's right outside, she really wanted to come in to see you too, to make sure you really were okay, but they'd only allow one parent at the time, remember? I told you this." Lucas tried again, but Mikey wasn't buying._

_His boy sighed. He knew Lucas was lying. They'd been at hospitals –at that very same hospital one too many times for Mikey not to know the rules. Peyton wasn't there because things weren't okay, and that was just his point precisely._

_"I'm scared too, Daddy." Mikey admitted after a beat taking Lucas aback. He didn't feel as calling Lucas in his lies, he didn't feel as if he wanted to fight with his dad, so instead he just told him the truth. The truth that never went again._

_Just as it didn't for Lucas, and Peyton and Nathan, and even his Aunt Brooke and Aunt Haley, and why not, even Grandma Karen and Grandpa Keith too._

_They were all scared and scared people were not okay. Mikey got that. It wasn't so hard. He wondered why Lucas couldn't see it that way._

_"Do you think my mama wants to see me now?" Mikey asked after a few moments. His voice wasn't carrying too well, and in truth, it was then when Lucas could finally see the six year old he really was. A scared little boy in a hospital who's one wish was to see his mother._

_Lucas couldn't take that away from him. Not now, not ever. It didn't matter how angry and disappointed on Peyton he was._

_"I'll make sure she comes in to see you in a few minutes." Lucas promised and Mikey nodded. His father gave his forehead a kiss before heading outside in search of his mom._

_Mikey had known all along Peyton hadn't been right outside waiting for her chance to come inside to see him, but deep inside in his heart, he couldn't deny he had indeed hoped she'd be._

_He wondered if one day she'll be there for him the way Lucas and even Nathan always seem to be…_

"What did she tell you?"

Peyton was scared, a whole lot, and even though it was probably wrong, Lucas couldn't help but feel a little relief at that. She always seemed so disconnected of her baby. She cared for him, Lucas knew she did, but she had never let it show it. Not until today that was.

She had called him frantic, and even when Lucas did worry just as much –or even more, right now that he knew what was going on, what happened and what was going to happen next, he had time to just analyze the situation.

Peyton cared about her son even when showing it was getting the best of her.

"He is okay now," Lucas told her calmly at last, and at that Peyton let out that breath of relief she had been holding for a long time already.

That relief didn't last long though. "Then what happened? Why did he get like this?"

It was a tough question to answer, Lucas had said Michael was okay now but that wasn't entirely true. He was _stable_ now. "He's sick," Lucas confessed unable not to carry apologetic. Her face fell and she still couldn't understand what was happening.

"But you said he was okay" Peyton encountered feeling completely lost. She couldn't help it. She hadn't been able to speak with the doctors as Lucas and his mom had, but she still wanted to know.

She needed to know. Whether she liked it or not, that boy was hers and she didn't want anything bad happening to him.

"And he is…right now," Lucas began explaining. His lips formed a thin line and he grabbed her hand delicately. She didn't fight him, instead she closed her eyes and took in a few more breaths. Right now she needed Lucas, she needed him more than ever and was grateful he was right there with her and her little boy. "But he caught a bacteria or something –an infection…he's small and his immunities …"

"What's wrong with him, Luke?" Peyton interrupted, watching as Lucas struggled to tell her the truth. He was rambling, saying things she couldn't understand. "Just tell me,"

Lucas swallowed hard. "Pneumonia –somehow a bacteria caught his lungs and he's having trouble breathing. They said we couldn't have done anything different so this didn't happen –they simply said it happens sometimes with babies this small and with his background…"

That was exactly the point for Peyton. "He's just a baby." She said. She wasn't really addressing Lucas, and more so she seemed zoned out and not there. Lucas worried and yet he only nodded his head. "He's just a baby…we just left this hospital…"

"I know," Lucas said softly even when he was sure she wouldn't listen to a word he'd say.

"Is he still…inside, with the doctors, he…"

"He's in an incubator," Lucas chimed in. She didn't seem to mind and simply listen. "He's on a ventilator and that…that's helping him breathe right now…the Doctors will start him on medicines soon and hopefully he'll be good to go soon–"

"He's gonna have to stay here." Peyton stated sadly. Lucas simply nodded.

"Do you wanna go see him? You can if you want to?" Peyton couldn't help but hesitate at the offer. She grew uneasy and she began biting on her lips.

"Only if you want to." Lucas assured her again. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her.

Peyton thought for a few more moments before she shook her head. She wasn't ready. "I'm just…I'm just gonna go for a walk if that's okay with you…I…I can't right now, Luke." She pleaded with sad, haunted eyes and at that all Lucas could do was nod his head.

He understood. "Sure…I'll stay by his side. I'll make sure he is okay." He assured her and Peyton smiled softly.

"Thank you," She said as she started walking away from Lucas. She was confused with all the emotions she was feeling. She felt mostly sad. Sad because that little boy hadn't done anything wrong in this word and yet here he was. He was sick and had her as his mother. A broken girl who could barely take care of herself, let alone be any good for him.

And then it was in that instant when Peyton realized she wasn't walking by the halls of that hospital alone anymore. She sighed heavily but didn't say a word. She hadn't seen him in what felt like a lifetime.

"We've been spending a lot of time around here lately, don't you think?"

Peyton agreed with a bitter chuckle and a nod of her head. "You do know how much I hate hospitals…"

Nathan nodded his head as well before asking the question that was pretty much eating him inside since the very instant he heard the news about the baby. "Is he going to be okay?"

It was then when Peyton understood how wrong she had been doing with Nathan. "He is." She said simply as they both stopped on their tracks and looked into one another eyes. "I've been messing up far too much lately, but I swear to God I don't wanna mess him up too. I'm trying to do what's best for him, I am, I…"

Nathan stayed quiet for a second after her voice faded. "Then if you do, how come we haven't figured out yet who his father is?"

Peyton immediately shook her head. "No"

"Why not?" Nathan was fast to reply too. He couldn't understand. He couldn't understand her and that got the best of him right now.

"No," Stoic, Peyton told him one more time.

"Peyton, why not?" Nathan asked then again a little bit more strongly, grabbing on her arms and making her look at him. "Why not?"

"I'd rather not know," Peyton told him honestly even when she knew he still wouldn't get her.

Nathan was silent at first. "Why? Just tell me why?" He begged patiently one more time.

Peyton hesitated for a couple of minutes as tears started to build up in her eyes. "He has blue eyes, Nate. His eyes are blue…blue, and…what if what that test says is that that boy isn't related to you after all?"

"So…so you actually do think he can be mine, don't you?" He was surprised. Nathan could not hide that.

Peyton was quiet until Nathan lifted up her chin with his finger. "He has blue eyes." She was holding on to hopeless hope. Almost every newborn baby she had known in the last month had blue eyes, and yet the fact that Mikey's eyes were also blue as Nathan's and not brown or black or hazel but _blue_ as his, was the one tiny piece of hope she had left to hold on to even when she couldn't admit that openly yet.

Killing that hope with a potential damaging DNA test was just something she couldn't for the life of her bring up to do. Not even for Nathan, not even for that baby, she just couldn't.

_"His room is not this way, is it?"_

_Peyton jumped a little at his voice —even cursed a little under her breath, and yet she still felt as if she could breathe better now –not because he was here, not really, but maybe it was because she wasn't alone anymore, and maybe, just maybe, she didn't have to keep everything to herself anymore as she had for the last few hours._

_So she did, she breathed and sighed the moment her eyes traveled to that ragged Scott. "Lucas has been walking up and down this hospital –he doesn't leave his side…" Peyton tried to explain feeling uneasy but deep down feeling as though she should explain herself to someone._

_This time it really just happened to be Nathan._

_She knew she should be with Mikey, she wanted to, but somehow she couldn't –not while Lucas was still there with him. Guarding –being mad and angry with her._

_And then Nathan spoke. "You know he's probably just looking for you."_

_She knew that, but she didn't –couldn't see Lucas right now, not him, she actually did want to see Mikey, but not Lucas. She wanted to be a mother to him and with Lucas in the room she wouldn't be able to be just that. She would be feeling mad and as though she wanted to cry. And this time it wasn't going to be because of how sad she was, but because of how angry at everything Lucas had said and done she was feeling._

_"You know he wants to take him away from me?"_

_Taking her aback, Nathan nodded. "I do." He said simply. "But that doesn't mean I agree though." He called when Peyton's features hardened at his words. "I think he…he's trying to help…"_

_"But he's not, Nate…" Peyton interrupted. Her voice low and broken._

_Nathan swallowed hard and then just nodded his head again. He moved his hand to rest on the small of her back and rub it tenderly. He was mad at her too –for a lot of things, but that honestly didn't mean he didn't know better than to attack her right now too –Just as Lucas simply kept doing. "I'm sorry for everything that happened today with Mikey. I am." Nathan stated reassuringly after a moment. Peyton's eyes caught his as they sat at the waiting room. "And I'm sorry too I wasn't here, but…after what happened the last time we spoke, I thought staying away was the best I could do…" And it was; Nathan knew it and he also knew Peyton knew it too._

_She looked at him, tears in her eyes as he draped his arm around her frame and pulled her closer to his side. And it was in that moment when all the tears she'd been holding back inside her, finally did their way out onto her cheeks. "I swear to you he was fine. He had a cold but I even got him next to me the whole time. I didn't even go to work today, I stayed at home and ordered him soup, and h-he was fine Nathan. I swear. He was napping– I went to check on him as he slept, but he was…he was already purple then. It wasn't my fault this time. I swear to you…" by then she was already sobbing._

_Nathan barely nodded his head feeling at a loss with her. "I believe you," He said strongly, but it only made her cry harder. He knew she didn't need those words from him, but from another Scott actually. Nathan couldn't help but sadden at that. "Hey, I do believe you Peyton. Every time Mikey gets like this is not our fault, Lucas knows that too, he…he's just angry, but he…" The tears failing from her eyes didn't stop falling, so Nathan simply kept holding her tightly to his body. "Lucas is really just hurting…"_

_"He's not the only one…he is supposed to know that…" Peyton said the words even when for a long time now, she didn't understand what they meant. Those in truth were words she wished someone had said to her time and time again until she really understood them back then._

_Now it was too late and yet she wished Lucas could get it._

_"I know," Nathan said softly, rubbing her back. "I know," He said one more time as his eye caught sight of Peyton's own eyes struggling to keep all tears at bay._

_She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. Nathan thought it was even sadder really, the moment she vaguely gained control over her emotions, an incredulous laugh carried before them._

_"Unbelievable…" Lucas said smiling sarcastically and shaking his head as soon as both Nathan's and Peyton's eyes meant his own. He looked at Peyton. Just Peyton or else he knew he'd go mad. "Your son wants to see you." Plainly, coldly he said before simply leaving the room._

_Peyton then didn't say more either. She pulled back from Nathan. Wiped her eyes and after taking a deep breath, she got up from that chair she'd shared with Nathan, and without looking back, simply left the room just as Lucas did prior._

_It was weird. For a very long time Nathan did hate her guts, not because he wanted to or really did, but because loving someone who didn't love you back was upsetting –was maddening and he couldn't help himself for a very long time._

_Now as he saw Peyton –saw them and what they've come, that was over for some reason._

_Maybe the same happened to his brother –to Lucas, he loved her, for a very long time, but maybe now he simply couldn't anymore._

* * *

_"Is it nighttime already?"_

_It was, and to be honest, that was the reason why Peyton was there. Because deep inside she hoped Mikey wouldn't wake up until it was morning again. Until she didn't have to be the only one alone with him in the bedroom._

_She was the one who asked to stay though, so right now she might as well step up to it, right?_

_Taking a breath, Peyton turned around from the tiny hospital window, and instead faced her son in the small bed by the center of the room. She looked at him and couldn't help the silly smile that wanted to play in her lips. He looked so much better now. She was sure of that, by now he was back being the little pain in the ass he always was._

_"Yep," She told him simply as Mikey continued to rub his eyes. "And it's late, so you should probably sleep. Your Doctor let me stay tonight. Maybe Lucas or Nate will stay with you tomorrow. I'm sorry kid, but you'll have to stay at least a couple of days in here…"_

_Mikey sighed. It wasn't Peyton's fault. Sometimes it was just like that. Sometimes he wasn't so sick that he could go home the very next day. But some others, other times he was sick enough that the Doctors wouldn't let him be home for days at the time. One time even weeks. But that had been a long time ago. When he was still a baby. He didn't remember anything about that time, but Peyton told him once. He had found some pictures of that time. She had had no choice other than explain._

_"It's okay mama…" The boy sighed heavily again as he leaned back on his bed. "Thank you."_

_"For what?" Peyton was fast to question, Mikey was fast to giggle too then._

_"For staying with me, silly." He told her simply before closing his eyes and drifting off. He was tired. All the medications in his body were making him a little dizzy and groggy so he better sleep._

_He knew he'd be able to do it tonight –for some reason his mother was holding his hand. He didn't get it. He didn't know why. But he liked it nonetheless._

_Maybe Mikey did know one reason –Peyton always told him when he was at the hospital. He never believed it, still didn't, but she always said so. She said it was her fault he was sick and probably would always be._

_She was guilty. She was. She knew it. Every single time that boy ended up in the hospital –it was her fault. She ruined him a little even before he was even born. When he was still in her womb._

_So this time, instead of just showing up as she always did anyway when he was sick, Peyton was trying to do something more –something she almost never had done before. _

_She held his hand as he slept._

_It was silly and lame, and probably not a big deal for anybody but her…and Mikey, but somehow, as of that moment, that was enough for her._

_And without her being certain, for Mikey too._


	21. Chapter TwentyOne  : So what shall we

**Author's Note : **So I think this is the last of the future-future chapters you'll get in a while. You'll learn a few new things, and well, yep, more drama…:) I'm not sure what got into me this time, but poor P. Sawyer I did make her go through pretty much everything with this fic.

Anyway, I'm almost finished writing this story but you still got quite a few chapters to read. If you ever get confused, just let me know :)

**Chapter Twenty-One : So what shall we do now?**

* * *

_Six years ago, when Michael was born, none of the doctors could —with all certainty— explained her the extend of her son's "condition" –or so that was how they liked to call it back then. The first time Mikey had gotten really sick had been only two months after he was born. He'd gotten pneumonia, and this alone brought endless complications on its own. For a baby so small, he had been a fighter, and something shy of a month later, he was out of the hospital healthy enough that the hospital didn't even require him to go home with oxygen._

_Mikey pulled through that one nicely enough. Around five or six months later, when he was almost nine months old, he had stopped breathing for the second time. This time he'd caught a silly flu from some kid at daycare. This time Lucas realized he was breathing poorly early and so with a couple of days at the hospital and some antibiotics he had been good to go._

_This happened again once more before his first birthday, at least three times before he turned two, one really bad cold when he was three and a half. Once he turned four and started preschool, the whole new environment didn't do well with him. That year he was sick constantly, and in and out of the hospital at least five or six times –that one had been a tough year._

_At five, his immunities built up a bit more and he did better, only one or two episodes that Peyton could remember. Moreover, it had been during flu season so at least that time the fault had been neither Lucas' nor Peyton's. This time had been the second time Mikey had been sick this year. One was right before he turned six –which wasn't really so bad. Peyton didn't even have to take him to the doctor that time. She just kept him at home for a couple of days and eventually Mikey had recovered nicely._

_This time…Oh well, this time the situation had been far too different —even, when it had started a lot alike. Lucas had been gone from their house for a little over a week, and while things weren't running completely smoothly between her and Mikey by themselves, they were hanging in there and getting by._

_But then on Thursday Peyton had gotten a call from Mikey's school again. It was the headmaster rather apologetically telling her how she needed to pick up Michael from school early since he wasn't feeling very well._

_It'd been the truth, and for the first time in quite some time, Peyton had actually seen Mikey quite miserable in the infirmary's stretcher. Lately, he liked to play it cool every time he was sick –as to not worry Peyton, she was sure. But this time there had been very little that boy could have done to pretend he wasn't feeling ill for real this time. _

_Peyton never thought however, that this was going to get so out of hands for her. She had spent all Thursday with Michael. She had skipped work even when she really couldn't. The thought of calling Lucas for help had made her cringe, so she just made the situation work. It still hadn't mattered though; at around 4pm that day when she went to check on Mikey, she didn't find him just napping as she thought he was, but instead his lips were sort of purple, and so was his face a tad. He wasn't breathing well and was unresponsive._

_It was the understatement of the year to say she had panicked. She'd gone through the methodic steps she'd learned over the years when something like this happened; she called 911 as she immediately tried to access his airways and got him to breathe again._

_She wasn't very successful because for the first time she really was completely alone when it happened, and she had not been prepared for that. Thankfully the EMTs arrived to her house in only minutes and soon enough Mikey was breathing again._

_That had been almost four days ago though, and now it was Monday and it was finally time to go home again. Peyton knew she was glad —heck, she was more than that, she was even happy Mikey had pulled through this one. Truth be told, she had been scared. Scared to the core she could have lost him too this time._

_Too bad she was physically inadequate to voice or show this properly still…_

_"Are we going home now?" He was still lying on his hospital bed but with a frown and all he was staring pointedly at Peyton._

_She sighed a bit. "We gotta wait for the doctor," Peyton answered sincerely as she continued packing Mikey's bag _

_They said nothing for a few minutes until Michael asked the next question. "Is Daddy coming to get me too?"_

_Peyton shifted her eyes and met Mikey's blue eyes questionably. _

_He actually understood right away what Peyton was not asking. "Luke…Is he coming?" He hadn't seen him since like Saturday, and to be honest, Mikey had just been a bit afraid to ask Peyton —or Nathan— why Lucas hadn't showed up again._

_Peyton was silent for a while at the question, but then just softened her features and walked closer to Mikey's bed. She sat by the end of the bed —she was close to Mikey, just not so much. "I don't know kiddo," She told him honestly again._

_"Why?"_

_Oh God, not 'Why' questions now; Peyton thought. "I just haven't spoken with your Dad Michael, I'm sorry—"_

_"He hasn't called me either…" Mikey chimed in because he really did miss Lucas —specially now. He hated being in the hospital, but Lucas always made it more bearable but this time he just hadn't been there. Mikey wasn't stupid, he knew Lucas and Peyton had fought pretty bad, Nate told him that, but still…even when they were mad at each other in the past, Lucas was still always there…_

_"I know that Michael."_

_"Did I do something?" The question was fast to form in his lips, but Peyton was also fast to shake her head in response._

_"No, you didn't. Lucas and I…we are just trying to figure out stuff…that's all…"_

_Mikey was silent for another moment then too. "Is he gonna be home when we come back?"_

_Peyton took an instant before she start shaking her head —there was no point in lying. She reached out and gently grabbed Mikey's leg and stroked it a bit. That was by far the most contact she'd done purposely with him in forever she was sure. "Nope, I don't think so, I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay, I guess."_

_But it wasn't, and Peyton knew it. She was now taking from her son one of the few good things he had going on for himself._

_"Can I have some more water?" He asked putting out his plastic cup for Peyton to take. "Please"_

_She knew she should've said something else to Michael regarding Lucas, but as she saw him laying on that bed, still pale and with dark circles under his eyes from his stay at the hospital this time, she couldn't come out with a single thing that would make him feel better. Truth was, their future with Lucas in it wasn't looking very good…_

_That was sad, but it was the truth nonetheless._

_Or at least that was what Peyton thought. As she stood at one end of the room pouring Michael his water, the door swung open, and then one more time it was an understatement to say both she and Michael had been rather surprised at the visitor._

_"Daddy!"_

_"Lucas…"_

_Okay so she did not see this one coming. Especially not after the one big lecture she had just given Michael about Lucas not coming._

_"What are you doing here?"_

_Lucas actually did make eye contact with Peyton this time as she spoke. "What do you think?" He answered coldly making a chill travel down Peyton's spine._

_He was so mad at her still –she hadn't really even known how much until she saw him right now. That anger and resentment in his eyes. She knew where he was coming from though. In Lucas' eyes, on purpose or not, Peyton had threatened to Mikey's life this time. If she hadn't gotten into his room in just the right time or call 911 as fast as she did, then they probably wouldn't be here right now._

_And in a way, Lucas had been right four days ago, Peyton was the one who had let Mikey get so ill, and so in his eyes, it was her fault Mikey was here right now, still hooked up to machines, and having tubes and wires coming in and out of him._

_It was her fault._

_"I'm getting out of the hospital today, Daddy!" Mikey chirped, making Lucas break eye contact with Peyton. She looked down and Lucas turned to look at Mikey._

_Lucas laughed a little at the sight of his little guy. "So I've been told," He said with an actual smile, moving so that he was closer to Michael. He gave him a kiss to his head, and looked at him. "You look okay,"_

_Mikey nodded quite strongly. "I am. I'm ready to go,"_

_One more time Lucas simply had to laugh at his enthusiastic words. Rarely Mikey was as enthusiastic as he was every time they were leaving the hospital. "I bet," He said simply with a small smile. His eyes softened as he looked at Michael and Peyton didn't fail to notice this._

_"Are you going to come home with us? Mommy called the car service!"_

_Lucas' squinted his eyes a bit, and without meaning to do it, turned to look at Peyton questionably._

_"My car is at the shop," She explained offhandedly, busying herself again with Mikey's bag._

_Lucas sighed and shook his head as he still looked over at her. "Call and cancel, I can take you both home…"_

_Peyton was silent for a moment. "You sure?"_

_Lucas nodded sharply before shifting his attention to Mikey again._

_Peyton nodded too —even, when she knew the car ride would be all but pleasant._

* * *

_They got home around three hours later, between last minute checkups and checkout paperwork, all their morning was spent at the hospital._

_As Peyton had suspected, the car ride with Lucas hadn't been what you expect of a 'happy' family finally going home after days in the hospital. In fact, the thirty minutes in the car had been mostly quiet and dull. Lucas drove and would answer here and there questions Michael would make. It was as he sensed the tension in the car though, because not even the kid felt as talking as much this time._

_When they got home, Lucas helped Michael to his room and helped him chill out and settle down again. He spent like half an hour up there in Michael's bedroom all the while ignoring Peyton downstairs as she virtually did…nothing. She just stared at a glass of wine for about twenty-seven minutes until she heard Lucas coming downstairs and she dumped it in the sink._

_"I talked with a lawyer…"_

_That had seriously been the phrase Lucas used to break the silence between the two of them._

_Peyton turned to look at him from the kitchen's sink, and narrowed her eyes. There was not a "We should talk" or anything, he just said things like that and expected her to answer what exactly?_

_"What is that supposed to mean?"_

_Lucas took a moment. "It means that it's not your say anymore whether Michael lives with you or not. Whether you like it or not, I'm his dad legally, and that gives me the same rights as his biological dad would have. The outcome this time would have been really bad, and we were really just lucky his condition didn't escalate as it could have. I –the lawyer says negligence__ is classified as a type of child abuse—"_

_"—Are you kidding me? Dear God, now he is neglected by me?" She couldn't help when she found herself shouting. It all sounded so absurd. "As far as I know had I neglected him, Michael wouldn't be here right now. It's not my fault he got sick and even if you don't think so I always do all my power so he is okay. I take him to the doctor, make sure he eats, sleeps, keep him clothed…what else do you want from me?"_

_Lucas couldn't even look at her, let alone answer to this. It was the same old story —it always came down to this. Lucas then breathed in deeply and tried as hard as he could to calm himself. Then he began again._

_"I talked to a lawyer, and he says that if we eventually go to court, there are enough grounds to make a judge give me custody…" Lucas tried to ignore it, but the pain in her eyes was just too big. She was looking at him as if he were a stranger —someone she had never ever before seen. "I never wanted to come to this, but maybe some time apart is what we need."_

_Lucas didn't know what he was expecting from her after his words, but it certainly was not her laughing incredulously at what he just said. "Peyton!"_

_"What?" Again her voice was raising slightly. "Why don't you just call it what it is, Lucas? You want a divorce, just say it!" She urged from him, even though she knew the admission would only break her some more._

_"I never said that!"_

_"But it is what you want, isn't it? Just because you don't say the freaking word doesn't mean what we are doing is not separating…" Her voice trailed off and she shook her head looking away._

_They both went silent after that. Peyton sat on one of the counter stools, and rested her hands over her face. Lucas took his time, but eventually sat beside her._

_They were mute for another while though. "We haven't been the same ever since Gracie…" _

_Peyton shook her head strongly —immediately —she knew what he was doing and she didn't like it one bit. Now Lucas was just trying to explain why he was doing what he was doing, but it still didn't matter. He was walking away, and that…that was simply something Peyton couldn't accept and be okay with._

_"Don't go there…" She warned without even looking at him._

_Lucas sighed a bit. "But I have to. G__racie's death doesn't make it okay for you to hurt people."_

_"I know that—"_

_"But do you? Because I don't think you do. Michael is your son too; you don't get to hate him—"_

_"—I don't hate him!" God, now he was just talking nonsense._

_"You should see your face when you look at him…you are cold. You are cold, Peyton. You've looked at him that way ever since he was born. He's a child; he **needs** to be protected. But maybe we both fucked that up. Maybe by trying to protect you I forgot too he was the child, and the one who needed protection…"_

_Peyton listened to every word he said, and she still couldn't believe it. "From me…just say what you really mean, he needed protection from me…"_

_"That's not what I said." Lucas argued but he knew what Peyton heard —he didn't say she was right, but he didn't tell her otherwise either._

_Peyton was silent for a minute or two before she puffed loudly and shook her head getting up from the chair. "Screw what you said or didn't," She told him angrily, already feeling herself flustered with anger and resentment towards him too. "If you want to go to court, if you want Michael, if you want a freaking divorce, then go for it…you may think I don't, but I do still have some fight in me—"_

_"—Who told you I wanted to fight?"_

_"You!" Peyton was fast to reply. "You are the one who walked away this time, the one coming here telling me whatnot about lawyers and bullshit. If you don't want to be here, then just go, go and do whatever you have to do. I'm not going to beg you to stay." She was trembling terribly, and almost crying as she told him all those words._

_Lucas was shaking his head the whole time, but he looked angry again by then. "I'm gonna go now," Lucas announced annoyingly, already turning away from Peyton. Unlike her he honestly had no more fight inside himself._

_Peyton didn't object, but still just watched him as he went away. She didn't know it then, but that was the last time she would see him for the next sixteen days._

_The way things happened, three days after that Monday, Lucas did file the divorce papers._

_And then, four days after that Monday he couldn't take it, and flew cross-country for a while._

_Five days after that Monday Peyton got the divorce papers in the mail._

_Sixteen days after that Monday Peyton was finally able to sign the divorce papers herself._

_Sixteen days after that Monday Lucas flew back home as well._

_Seventeen days after that Monday Lucas and Peyton saw each other again._

_And…seventeen days after that Monday…the divorce papers were signed by both of them at last._

_Six years, six months and twenty-one days…that was give or take, the length of their marriage. Lucas never considered his happy ending being with anyone but Peyton. She didn't think so either, but things still happened, and now for the first time since they could remember…they weren't tied to each other._

_—Not legally at least._

* * *

**AN : ** The chapter about when Lucas leaves the house is already written, but it has a little built up to it, so you'll have to wait a little bit for that one. Hope you liked this chapter –even if it was sad and confusing. Thanks so much for reading again.


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo : Real life?

**Author's Note : **And now we are back to graduation day! It's not all happy and pinky at all, but still…maybe you'll get to enjoy it :) Thanks for reading ! If you feel confused after this chapter, rest assured I won't drag this storyline too long, next chapter you'll get more answers :)

**Chapter Twenty-Three : Real life? **

* * *

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Peyton smiled at that. It was so clichéd. She turned her head to look at Lucas only to see Mikey half sleep in his arms as well. "You can leave him with me if you want…I'm not going anywhere with this anyway."

Now it was Lucas' turn to chuckle a little bit. He wasn't timing her or anything, but if he was accurate, Peyton had been sitting in front of her laptop for over 73 minutes and other than a couple of sentences —sentences she had erased shortly after she wrote them, Lucas hadn't seen anything written in her still empty Word Document. "Still no progress?" He asked even when he already knew the answer.

Peyton huffed and shook her head throwing her hands up in the air. One essay. One more essay and she would be done with High School. Only one and that would be it. Why in the world it had to be so hard? She looked back at Lucas then. "You'd think that with everything I've been through this year this would be easier, no?" She asked rhetorically and even if she hadn't, Lucas knew better than to tell her something in return. "It's unbelievable, I just don't know what to write…I bet everybody would expect me to write about the kid, or the so-called husband —no offence intended," She called with a small laugh before Lucas could say anything at that.

It had been an awful year no doubt, but if something she had learned from Lucas in the course of the last almost-12 months of their _marriage_, that certainly was that sometimes even when your life seem to be the worst thing you've ever imagine it would be, there is still something –_someone_ that is still worth smiling for. More often than not, for Peyton that was Lucas. He would always see the bright side of things, so... she was learning to do that too.

Even when, thinking about it was always so much easier than actually doing it –she tried anyway.

"The point is that I don't want to end up writing about you two, I…I wanna write about me–"

"That's what the assignment is all about…You gotta write about yourself…"

"Exactly!" Peyton called excitedly at Lucas' words of 'approval' –she liked it when he realized she was right and at doing so helped her realize she was indeed right after all. "But how do I do it?" She asked after a beat. Lucas squinted his eyes. She knew she had to elaborate. "I hadn't been _me_ in the last year –nothing like it. I've been _here_ –being this person who struggles to just make it through the next day without feeling that huge urge to get out of that front door and run as far as I can from all of this…I'm not proud of that but…"

"It is what you feel anyway…" Lucas noted somberly, Peyton simply nodded her head.

It was the truth. She couldn't say anything else. She couldn't lie to him. He could read her. She was a bad liar. She hated that about herself actually. But then again, at the end of the day, it only meant she couldn't lie to Lucas, which in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a bad thing.

At least not most of the time.

Both of them grew silent then. Peyton had been using the bed as a desk, sitting on the floor with her laptop in front of her, so the moment Lucas sat on the bed as well, facing her still with a sleeping Michael in his arms, the blonde opted to rest her head on the comforter and just stare at the pair.

She couldn't figure out a single word –let alone a sentence she could say that would make Lucas feel better, so instead she just said what she was thinking. "Do you think next year is going to be any better? When we won't have more school drama to worry about? Not just me…but you and him too?" She asked rather innocently taking Lucas aback for a second.

He knew the answer to that though. He shook his head. "I think you just gave me your answer. Why don't you write about the future? Not about the Peyton you are now, but about the Peyton you want to be? You don't have to include us in that –Mikey and me, I mean. You can just talk about yourself, which is in the end the main point of the assignment."

Peyton took a moment or two to sink in his words properly. She sighed. "You didn't answer my question. Do you think it's going to get better? Eventually?"

Lucas was then quiet for a few seconds too. "I think this year it was not just high school drama that got the best of us. It was a new baby and figuring out how we could jungle everything together. We survived. We made it. Next year…next year we'd have a whole new set of things, a toddler, college, getting a better job, money…and in a few years, before we know it, we'd be discussing already which preschool we want him to go…" Lucas rambled on and Peyton in all honesty felt –and seemed quite lost. "What I'm trying to tell you is that every year is going to bring new things, new challenges we'll have to face head up as we did this year. Maybe it'll be easier, better, but maybe it won't and we just have to keep doing as we have–"

Peyton laughed slightly at that, making him stop. "Doing our best?" She tried and Lucas smiled. He was glad she knew it. Almost one whole year he'd been telling those same words to her.

"Yeah," He replied simply and Peyton simply smiled feeling silly at those conversations the two of them often had.

"Yeah," She echoed right before her eyes landed on her still empty laptop screen. "Please tell me you aren't done with your essay either?" She was asking too much, she knew it. All Lucas did before stepping out of the bedroom was kiss the top of her head and laugh.

Of course he was done with his –hours ago. Peyton pouted but didn't complain much. She listened as Lucas put Michael to bed and she simply turned on the monitor on her bedside table. That was the routine in the evenings. Lucas took care of the kid when he was awake, Peyton did it as he slept. It wasn't perfect, but it still worked nonetheless.

She sighed then one more time. 3000 more words and she would be done. No more high school. No more drama. No more gossip. No more people who knew her life better than she did. No more. _Start over_. Someplace else. That was her hope. And if one day she could finally manage to finish that essay, then getting to that place she hoped she could be, wouldn't feel as hard as it did right now.

3000 words. One more day of high school. And then…the beginning of '_Starting Over'_. If she were one to being honest, she knew she could not wait. This life she lived that year wasn't the life she wanted to live. She wanted more. She wanted passion and adventure to her life.

But then again, she also wanted Lucas. How come this wasn't a perfect world where she could have both?

_The future. She was told 'Right now'. She was told the future wasn't tomorrow, or a few years from now; she was told the future was now._

_This was it. Whether she liked it or not. The life she had right now was it –Was the one she had to fight for. The one she should cherish and protect –at least that was what people keep telling her._

_Therapy. Support groups. She have been to everything because she wanted to get better. From time to time now, Lucas missed to see that. He only saw the bad. The fact that she was falling short. The fact that she wasn't trying enough…_

_At least that was what Lucas told her once…only once. One time he wasn't trying enough either._

_"Are you sure you can do this?"_

_Peyton hesitated at the question. Not because she didn't know how to answer it, but because deep inside she knew Lucas was trying his very best at being there with her._

_Giving her a second chance. Even after everything._

_In the end, Peyton simply nodded her head looking up into his darkened blue eyes –she wanted to be here. She wanted to be back on his side. She knew that now. After a beat, she tried for a small smile but couldn't quite form it. Her eyes shifted to Mikey then._

_"He's gotten so big."_

_Lucas smiled at that one. If one thing in his life he was proud of, that was the boy beside him on the sofa. "Can you say 'Hi'?" Lucas asked softly, looking down at the almost two-year-old on his side._

_Mikey was quiet for a few moments. He was actually rather shy when he was around strangers at first –he wouldn't speak as much, or at all. He certainly was a different little boy when he was with people he didn't know._

_Peyton was his mother. That was what blood and DNA told them, but the fact that she hadn't been in his life for the last year or so, made her undeniably a stranger in his eyes._

_Peyton didn't blame him, couldn't and she wouldn't. She had a long way back, but having seen the other side of life; one with no Lucas and no Mikey and no family whatsoever, she knew this one was the one she chose –the one she wanted and needed best._

_It wasn't going to be easy though._

_"It's okay, Luke…he probably just doesn't know who I am anyway…" Peyton said softly looking at Michael as he just stared out and leaned closer to Lucas._

_Lucas sighed. As much as he was happy out of his mind she was finally home again –for good, he was still having a hard time trusting her again. It was hard. And even though he knew she didn't blame him for it, he did blame himself a little because he let it all get to this point._

_To a point when Mikey didn't even recognize his mother any more. He guessed that was what happened when in a one-year span his boy only saw her a couple of times –one of those where Peyton was barely presentable, but it still was hard to watch. _

_He wished things could be easy between them all for once. Just one time. It wasn't so much to ask, right?_

_One more time, Lucas sighed. "I need to be sure –one hundred percent Peyton, that you really can do this. That you are not on anything –"_

_"I'm not, I promise." Peyton interrupted, Lucas shook his head._

_"Let me," He said simply, reluctantly, Peyton obliged. "I need to know you won't do any of that again –ever. I need to trust you if we are doing this again…" Lucas stated seriously. He knew everything she'd done. 30 whole days in rehab –he took her there. Meetings almost every day after that. He'd been to some, pick her up on the days he couldn't stay with her. He'd done his part and knew she'd done hers, but during all that time she hadn't had to deal with Michael. Lucas hadn't let her. Until now that he knew she was clean and willing to try again to rebuild their family._

_Lucas knew however, that the hardest part of it all for Peyton was Mikey –accepting him. Realizing he was a part of her life and being completely honest, always will be. _

_A few moments of silence went by before one small statement from Peyton made Lucas realize that maybe, just maybe, they would be able to make it after all._

_"I want you."_

_She knew it, there was no Lucas if there was no Michael. She couldn't pick just one. They came together. Lucas had made that clear a couple of weeks ago. Right before she left rehab._

_Peyton knew now she was ready to try again. To have them. "I want to be with you, I promise I do…both of you, but please don't ask me more than I can do…not again. That's all I'm asking from you."_

_Lucas nodded his head immediately. That had been his mistake before. Asking too much from her. Expecting her to be a mother when she just couldn't do it. When she was too broken to do it. So he nodded. Even if it was the last thing he'd do, he would try with all he had not to make the same mistakes again._

_"I won't. I promise." Lucas said simply, and Peyton smiled. For the first time in a long time she really smiled and sighed relieved._

_"I do too. I promise. No more running. I don't wanna…I don't wanna hurt you anymore," She said shamefully one more time. Her eyes traveling to Mikey too. "None of you." It was the hardest promise to keep she'd made, but she would still try to keep her word to it anyway._

_There was one more thing she needed from Lucas though. "I want Nathan to know him…" She said unsure. If there was someone Lucas blamed about all this, that was Nathan without a shadow of a doubt. She'd gone with him in the end. But Peyton still needed to make all her wrongs right. And that in truth actually included Nathan. _

_More than he knew._

_Lucas instinctively shook his head. It was barely a movement. He didn't understand. "Why?"_

_"You know why, Luke." Peyton told him simply with a shrug of her shoulders. "There is a chance Nathan could be his Dad…I like that as much as you do, but…even if you can't believe it he helped me a lot in the last few months. He needs something to hold on to…I can't be it, but maybe Michael can be…"_

_"You are asking a lot…" Lucas said softly, his eyes wandering to the playroom where Mikey had ended up when he got bored of all the grown up talking._

_Peyton however, didn't look at Michael, she just nod her head at Lucas' words. "I know." She agreed. "I know, but…people are better than no people. He…Michael, he should have the people who want to be part of his life, being that, a part of his life…It's your choice, Lucas, but I…I just want you to think about it…would you?" She asked at last with a trembling voice. She was tired. It had been a long day. A very very long day and she just wanted a win. _

_It didn't matter how small._

_And then there it was…a nod. Lucas nodded his head and then Peyton did too. It was a start._

_"Hm…You can take the room," Lucas said and then chuckled at Peyton's face. "I'm not asking you. Take it. Go have some rest. We'll talk about everything else in the morning."_

_She didn't want to agree so easily, but then again, the exhaustion of the day was getting the best of her. She needed to sleep._

_Before Peyton could say anything, Lucas was calling out for Mikey though. "Hey, come here," He said tenderly to the boy with a genuine smile on his face. "Can you give mama a hug and a kiss before she goes to sleep?" _

_Mikey giggled goofily looking at Lucas. He nodded his head and then directed himself to Peyton. He didn't quite know who she was, but he always did what Lucas asked him to –so he hugged her. Mikey hugged Peyton and gave her cheek a very much slobbery kiss the grown woman couldn't do anything other, but smile to._

_Not two minutes later she was already in her room though. Lucas' room. This was the beginning. One more time. Lucas giving her a second chance. There was no alternative but to make it worth._

_Or…die in the attempt._

"Why did you call?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Why do you think?" Then she looked at him; Nathan was already all suited up. Sharp and ready to what was about to come, as some had already put it, their _new beginning…_

Bullshit Peyton thought. If she did it, if she did what Nathan asked her, then she was sure that new beginning wouldn't exactly mean a good thing. Nope, not at all.

"Did you mean it? When you told me to go with you, did you mean it?"

Now Nathan shrugged his shoulders. He sat beside Peyton underneath the humongous oak tree at the cemetery and shrugged again. He met her eyes and let out a breath. Truth was told, he had not been thinking, he had not been thinking lately, and what if this was a mistake?

"I meant it then–"

"–Not anymore?"

"That's not what I mean," Nathan said, he sounded slightly annoyed, but he still didn't let it become more than that. "It means that…I don't understand why you would like to come–"

"–Then why did you ask me to come in the first place?"

She was getting frustrated, Nathan could tell, it was the truth and he didn't know how to answer that. He sighed heavily and shook his head. "I want you to come," There he said it again, was she happy now? So okay, he hadn't been all that drunk not to remember exactly what he told her or not. Now sober however, he wasn't sure what the right thing to do was anymore.

Then again, she hadn't been drunk any time, how come she was so on-board on coming with him anyway?

"But what about your baby–"

"–His name is Michael–"

"–Whatever, yes, Michael, what about him?"

Peyton wasn't really thinking about it, she already knew the answer and yet she wasn't sure how to make it sound less…harsh?

"He has Lucas."

"You're his mother–"

"And I'm desperate enough to get out of here that I'm even begging _you_ to take me with you away from this town and him…what does that tell you about my parenting skills?"

Nathan was muted. Peyton was too for a little while.

They both looked ahead and rested their heads on the tree. She began shaking her head; she could not believe herself, her life and what she'd become…Nathan was right, Michael was that, her kid, and she was more than willing to leave him behind at the first opportunity she had.

And Lucas, what about Lucas? Was it really so wrong that as of now Peyton cared more about leaving Lucas than her own kid. Oh God she really was in a dark place right now.

"All these months I've been mad at you, for…leaving me out of it all, for not letting me in, and for God's sake, for not letting me even near Michael…I, I was angry at you, so so much, but then…then I started getting all these letters from schools, all of them offering me a spot, and…and I realized I could still make that decision. I could still decide where my life is going to go. I see Lucas and you and I know that's not like that. You can think I'm a horrible person but I was relieved I was not your kid's parent. I was extremely glad I wore a condom that last time you and I slept together. I was glad for a moment, that you've shut me out for the last few months and have made me responsible of nothing…"

Peyton stayed in silence. It was weird, but not in a complete bad way, to hear his side of the story.

"Mikey is…he's a good baby, I'm sure in a different life I would feel completely different about him, but…I didn't ask for him and every time I gotta wake up in the middle of the night to get him, or make endless loads of laundry for him, or stay home, or play with him instead of studying or just do nothing, I resent him. I do, and that's horrible and it makes me a horrible person, I know, but that little baby is not someone I want in my life."

She had never before said those words aloud, to no one, not Lucas, not even herself. She didn't even know if that was completely true, but she still wanted to get all that resentment out. Even if she knew –_or sort of guessed at least_– that all those dark feelings didn't really come from her child…

But herself, and the circumstances…

"We'll be on the road every weekend…you could take classes while you decide for a major if that's what you want, or you could just…stick around with me until you make a decision about your life. Duke is not far, you could still come visit the baby or…"

"Lucas," Peyton finished his statement with a little bit of an incredulous chuckle.

Nathan however, simply nodded his head.

"Luke wanted to go to UNC, you know?"

Nathan wanted to laugh at the irony, always on opposite sides even when often enough they wanted the exact same things.

"He isn't?" Curiosity got the best of him, he had to ask.

Peyton shook his head. "Nope."

"But he _is_ going to college?"

Now she nodded her head. "UCLA, they made him an offer…he took it."

"So you were going all there?"

Again a nod. "At least that was the plan anyway," She added with a shrug of her shoulder. The plan…there had been so much thought and time behind _the plan…_too bad Peyton was being her very worst version right now.

"You can come with me if you want to come. Don't tell me now but think about it. I'll be happy if you came." Nathan promised her, and to his surprise, he was not lying. If only to give her an escape, he was glad Peyton had turned to him.

"I can't assure you though you will find what you are looking for away from Lucas and your baby. Sometimes the answers are right there in front of you. If tomorrow or whenever, you still think you wanna come…I'm, I'm here…"

And with that he stood up from the ground, gave her forehead a kiss and disappeared within the enormous cemetery.

Peyton was left alone then. Alone. Again. _Alone_.

* * *

**AN : **Next chapter should be up soon !


	23. Chapter Twentythree : Addiction

**Chapter Twenty-four : Addiction**

* * *

If right now she could go back in time and talk with her younger seventeen-year-old "_I-know-everything"_ –self, Peyton probably would have a whole lot to tell her. From all those things adults failed to tell her back in graduation day –or before, to all those mistakes she would help herself with if only with a few words…

Or screams, or really whatever that would make her understand the kind of stupidities she was about to do…

She would tell her naïve, prideful, stubborn self that things are not only what they look like. That sometimes what we want is not exactly what's best for us. That sometimes we are the ones who make our problems ten times worse than they really are. She would tell herself that one of the biggest mistakes of her youth was taking _people _for granted. _That opportunities are rare and don't come often –if even twice. _That you don't want to surround yourself with people who drag you down. That failing doesn't make you a loser. That asking for help sometimes is more courageous than keeping your darkness for yourself.

That sometimes your greatest moment of loneliness is when you find yourself surrounded of a thousand people —a thousand people you don't know and don't know you.

Most importantly perhaps, she would remind herself not to be scared to be happy…to be young and to live and laugh…

Peyton carried with herself a lot of baggage from her teenage years, from her early twenties and the life she once let. Today, exactly six years ago, she had graduated from high school. It had been a pretty eventful day, one most people remember with a smile on their faces. Peyton however, remembered it as the day even more bad stuff started happening to her life.

She saw a lot of new places after that; she was touring the country, on a bus, one weekend at the time. She was introduced to all kinds of new sights and foods, and traditions and things.

She had been _miserable_.

* * *

_ November 14th/ 2007_

_I still don't know if you read these, but I like to think you do. Your mom emailed me a picture of the baby the other day but I couldn't dare to reply her back, so, if you do read this, would you tell her thank you for me? You don't have to, but, you know…I'll appreciate it._

_I am glad to know the baby is doing well, I do wish Karen would tell me how you are doing too, Luke. —again, I do not dare to ask her about you._

_I miss you. That's not a secret, now is it? You know that. I need to be here —at least I think I do. I needed to get away and while I'm not proud of everything I've been doing since I left Tree Hill, I do wish one day to see you again and make it up to you, but right now it's just too messed up. It feels as if it were a deep deep hole I cannot get out …I'm sorry. I am so so sorry Lucas. I never meant to get you into this…_

_I hope you are doing well, school and everything. For what is worth, you are a good dad, you are the best father I could ever give Michael._

_Peyton S. Scott._

* * *

One day while they traveled to Louisiana –or was it Texas? It didn't matter, one of the too many days on the road, something strange had happened. That one had been another beginning. The beginning of a mistake, a mistake that today, years later, Peyton was still paying the consequences off.

Once an addict, always an addict.

She had heard the say a few times and she had wondered the veracity of it. It had been through a kiss, someone, Peyton couldn't remember for the life of her who, kissed her on the bus —as it sometimes happened when she was the only girl among the team—, but it hadn't been just a kiss. It was innocent enough —the way that small, rounded white pill got in her mouth as she mindlessly kissed this random person.

Peyton didn't think about it, she had known what it was, and instead of spitting it out and stand up for herself, she let it happen. She let the pill in her mouth and all the way down her throat.

That day Peyton had realized there were other ways to be _happy _without Lucas around her. She realized that night she didn't need him. The hell with him and what he thought. She didn't care. She wouldn't care anymore as long as this little pill made all the pain go away. And it did. For months.

Months and months and months.

Until it was time to see Lucas again.

* * *

_May 14th/ 2008_

_We are stopping in Cali next I think. I don't expect to see you, but if for some ill coincidence you happen to run into me in a street, I don't want you to be shocked and call the police on me or something._

_And yes, I'm being over dramatic, but you know what I mean._

_I miss you, Luke._

_Peyton S. Scott_

* * *

She had thought about backing out, she was in no position whatsoever to see Lucas now, but…God, she just ached to do it. She missed him so much. It had gotten worse, now she didn't only miss him when she was sober, but when she wasn't too. It was ridiculous, but still, when at last there was a response to one of her letters; Peyton hadn't known a way to say no to Lucas.

* * *

_May 16th/2008_

_My mom insists you see Mikey this time if you are coming. It's completely up to you but maybe something's changed in all these time. I apologize about the last time we saw each other. I wasn't me. I was angry at you and thought all I was doing was best for Mikey, but…mom is right you know; every kid needs his mom whether I like it or not, so…if you wanna see him, only to say Hi if you want, we can talk about it._

_I hope you are doing better, Peyton. And I don't hate you. I'm sorry for all I said. _

_Lucas Scott._

* * *

_She'd been excited but sad all at the same time. That was partly what the drugs did to her system, her emotions were all messed up and for the better part of the time she wasn't sure how she really felt._

_Peyton wanted to see him, she did, at the very least she knew she wanted to see Lucas again. If only for a little while. Nathan was out on practice right now. She was at the hotel. Sleeping it off some would say. She woke up sweating though, her temples warm and her hands a little shaky. She hated the feeling, she hated what the drugs did to her body and yet she knew no way how to stop now._

_She massaged her eyes and looked at the clock; a quarter to 11, she had to get up, 30minutes from now, completely sober or not, she was going to see Lucas…she will…_

* * *

_"What do you think? That I'm really that horrible for not wanting to take him?"_

_Haley didn't have to think about it, but still she pretended to be thinking how to answer._

_"Haley! You are supposed to be on my side!"_

_Haley let out a breath at Lucas' words. "You know I love you, right?" Lucas chuckled a little, but also nodded his head. "And I love Mikey and I will never defend her for what she did, and believe me, if the circumstances were different and I didn't know all I know, I would never ever consider taking her the baby as a good idea, but…"_

_"But she's Peyton…" Lucas finished the sentence and Haley nodded her head._

_"It sucks, I know," She tried saying as understandingly as she could. She moved closer to Lucas, and sat beside him on the bed. "But we know how she had a hard time connecting with the baby from the start, and I…I don't wanna say it's normal because it shouldn't be, but I…I guess it's understandable given all she'd been through. And it's not as if she hadn't tried, I…she would've taken the baby with her if only you had let her—"_

_"Are we gonna go there again Haley!"_

_"I guess we are!" She all but screamed back at him. It was frustrating though, Lucas had been hurting for the last almost 10months more that Haley had ever seen him before. He could never never admit his true feelings to her though. All she ever saw was mostly anger when in reality things were oh-so different._

_"Haley, she taking him would have been a recipe to a disaster! You didn't see what I saw the last time we met. She was a mess, she wouldn't have been able to take care of him the way Mikey needs—"_

_"I know that,"_

_"Then why are we still talking about this?"_

_Haley sighed heavily, Lucas really didn't get it. "Because you are right, but because she also tried. What should matter was that she was willing to take the kid so **you** could have a life. You didn't let her take the baby, good, that was the right choice, but you gotta accept that she just needed a time away to find herself again. You have an idea of everything she lost in so little time?"_

_Lucas could only shake his head; of course he knew, but…God, it still just hurt so much. Even after so much time, it hurt him just to think Peyton was able to just leave…leave him behind and not look back._

_And yes, of course that was a lie too, she never really moved on with her life as Lucas thought she would. She had tried to keep in touch and Lucas had just ignored her. Why? Because he was hurt. He was hurt and it was maddening …other people, his friends, his family, Haley, couldn't understand it…_

_"How could she just leave Haley?" His voice carried weakly at last. His eyes were down and he seemed just…defeated. Haley saddened at this, and yet, deep in her heart she hoped they were making progress._

_"We were married for almost a year, and even when I knew then just as I know now that that marriage was all but real, we still had something. She and Mikey and me…we had something, and still she just left…"_

_"I think…" It was hard to reason with this, trying to get in Peyton's head, but Haley would still at least try. "I think she was –she is, just so overwhelmed about everything that's been happening to her life. Mikey, her dad dying, marrying you, her mom dying when she was a kid, all that and so much more and she's only 18, Lucas. It became too much…" Lucas' face fell one more time. "And I know, believe I know this is too much on you too, but it's also different and you know it. You don't have the kind of baggage Peyton has. She doesn't know real happiness in her life, how could she know sticking with you and Mikey was just it?"_

_Haley let her words hanging in the air for a little bit. Her arm draped around Lucas' shoulder and she pulled him closer to her side. _

_"I love you, Luke. And I'm so proud of everything you've done, and everything you've pulled through, but as your friend I gotta tell you how you'd do yourself and Peyton a favor if only you stopped blaming her for trying to fix herself…"_

_"That's my problem though…she's not,"_

_Haley nodded her head somberly; she knew Lucas was right. She wasn't getting better. Not at all. If anything she was getting worse and even Haley knew that and she hadn't seen her blonde friend in almost a year._

_"Do you think she'll ever come around?"_

_Haley shrugged her shoulders; she had no way to know that. "No if you don't give her a chance. Go meet her today, go from there, she loves you Luke, over thirty letters on your desk should tell you at least that much. Meet her and see what she has to say…"_

* * *

"Do you ever think about it?"

"Ecstasy you mean?" A nod. "Sure I do," Peyton shrugged her shoulders as she answered, as if she didn't care, but her body told otherwise, she couldn't meet his eyes anymore after that. She kept them on the ground as the session kept going.

"You mind explaining? Is it like a craving or you just think about the time you were on it…"

"A little bit of both I think," She didn't have to think the question through too much. She wanted to be honest, so much she had promised Lucas so as of a couple of weeks ago, she had tried to reply to the psychiatrist's questions with the first thought that cross her mind.

It seemed to be working —or so she thought.

"I'm not using anymore, I, I haven't in a very long time, and yet for a lot of people I'm still an addict…I do wish that were different."

There was a moment of silence, and then he spoke again.

"How long has it been?"

"Since I last used?"

A nod.

"Three years, almost three years I think…"

"Do you still consider yourself as an addict?"

This time Peyton did think about it; should she answer with the truth? "I do," And there it was, the doctor hadn't answer her question, she had, she had answered her very own question. How could she expect for people not to think about her as an addict when she still considered herself one?

"Do you want to talk about that time? How old were you?"

"18, almost 19…"

"How old was your baby?"

"One year and a half, a little bit more…"

"How old is he now?"

"Four, he's going to be five in September."

"What did you do then?"

Without her wanting to do so, Peyton let out a sarcastic chuckle. She looked up to look at her doctor for an instant before she composed herself. "I'm sorry, you were saying,"

"I asked you about the things you did back then? Did you get to study? Work?"

Peyton shook her head. "I really didn't do much that year. It's kinda like I lost it…"

The doctor kept staring at her, as if wanting to know more, as if wanting her to say more, Peyton could feel his eyes on her as he waited.

"I walked away from my family for almost one year after we graduated high school,"

"We?" The doctor took a moment and interrupted.

Peyton momentarily, met his eyes. "Yes, me and Lucas, my husband…" The doctor just nodded his head and went back to his notes. "I walked away from him and my son hoping I'll find something more, something that I had apparently lost, but…in the end I didn't find any of that. In the end all I did was risk my life, risk my family, risk Lucas…"

"What about your son?"

"I think I lost him too."

"Why is that?"

"Everybody thinks I'm a bad mother, that's why I'm here, because Lucas doesn't think I'm good at it and he needs to be sure I'm healthy enough to mother a child, but…with Mikey, it's not that I don't care about that little boy, I do, most days I just don't know how to connect with that child."

"Aren't you afraid that could happen again? When you have another kid?"

"Yes of course, I guess that's a possibility…"

"What do you do now?"

Peyton sighed because deep in her heart she was glad they were changing the subject. "I only just finished art school. I have plans for a studio, my own, right now and for the past two years I've been working for the museum and a private gallery…I sell my work anonymously and that…I like that."

"Ok, time is almost up, but don't answer this one if you don't want, but…are you happy?"

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now?"

She thought about it for a second, she hadn't, ever before actually think about that fact. Was she happy? Sure, she always wondered if Luke was, even if Mikey was, but herself…really? Was _she_ happy?

"I, I don't kno— She stopped herself. Stayed silent for another beat. "Yeah, I am, I, I think I am…I'm happy right now."

* * *

_The last time they had seen each other Lucas hadn't been his best self either, he was sure. Haley was right, for a while now he had tried to blame Peyton for everything wrong that was in his life. Truth was, he hadn't not thought about that blonde girl one day –one hour since she left with Nathan._

_Lucas knew beyond what was obvious; he knew she was running because she felt trapped and scared and in between a thousand circumstances no one her age —or any other age should face— What hurt must was that Lucas got to think she was better, the few months before graduation; she seemed okay, even okay coexisting with Mikey. She would help when she was needed and do her job as a mom as best as she could._

_Her nightmares never really stopped though. She never told the baby —or Lucas for that matter too— that she loved them or anything or that sort._

_Perhaps this all was Lucas' fault too. He had ignored things he shouldn't have ignored —for his sake, for Peyton and clearly Mikey's too._

_In the last year he had gotten all the help he could get. His mom stayed back in Tree Hill but have traveled to California more times that she had traveled all together in her life before this last year. She was there at least once a month, and she would stay for at least 5 days or so. All the things Mikey needed came from Peyton —so to say. They came from his mom really, but it came from the bar Peyton had helped finance which meant a good part of the profits were Peyton's and in the good order of things, Mikey's as of now. _

_The baby went to daycare for the better part of the day and at nights it was Lucas. When it got tough and he was getting behind in school, the baby went back to Tree Hill. That one had been one of the hardest decisions Lucas had to make, but he did it nonetheless. Being a single parent wasn't easy, specially not in finals, so his mom had stepped in, and for almost a month, Mikey had been living with his "Grandma Karen" –It all worked out right though, winter vacations came after that and Lucas went back home to be with his so-called son and his family._

_Peyton was always missing though._

_She always was._

_That was why today was so important, who knew? Maybe if both of them did things right this time, they could fix things —not everything, but maybe make a start…God knew the two of them have been more than miserable while they've been apart._

_And then there she was, when Lucas was starting to wonder if she would make it or not, he saw her walking down the pathway. He knew she had seen him already, but she still chose to keep her head down. As if she were ashamed still for everything that happened the last time. For the way she hit him hard on the cheek and with tears of anger demanded him for her child when Lucas told her she wasn't to see him._

_They had yelled to one another about divorce, about hate and about making the worst decision of their lives. They have both cried, they have both yelled, they have both being hurting when Lucas told her it was over. When he told her she had to choose; between her family or Nathan and her new life on the road._

_Peyton hadn't answer, and that had been answer enough for Lucas._

_And now here they were again, months later, and both feeling the enormous urge to run away in the opposite direction. _

_He didn't do it though, Peyton either, Lucas kept his eyes on her even when hers stayed on the ground._

_"I, I'm sorry I'm late, I didn't, I…I wanted—"_

_"—It's okay, we just got here," Lucas frowned, cutting her off and looking at her sadly. She didn't look good, sad herself, troubled, tired and broken. She was pale and gaunt; skinnier than Lucas remembered her being. "How are you?"_

_Peyton immediately nodded her head; she looked up warily at Lucas but her eyes were caught by Mikey instead. "He's asleep, you could've let him home,"_

_"It's okay, he'll nap more in my arms anyway," Lucas said lightly, trying for a smile, but failing when all Peyton did was nod her head at him again. It was awkward, it was obvious none of them knew exactly how to act around one another and Mikey being asleep, didn't really help. If he were awake, at least they would have a distraction other than themselves. "You wanna hold him?"_

_"Can I?" Immediately she had to ask, she couldn't help it, it just came out._

_Lucas in any case, just chuckled and nodded his head. "Sure, you're his mom, remember?" He said the comment lightly, even with a smile on his face, it wasn't supposed to come out wrong, he was just stating the obvious and yet Peyton did wince and Lucas knew he had hurt her with that._

_She let it go and so Lucas did too. He handed her the baby slowly; honestly, he didn't want Mikey to wake up. Peyton caught him and as soon as Mikey was in her arms, he found his way to rest his head on her shoulder. He was so tired, he had been almost all morning playing out with his Daddy._

_"He's big,"_

_"I know," Lucas said with a small smile. Despite everything, despite the last months, despite what they have said and have not, Peyton still was the mom of that child and there were few things that warmed Lucas' heart more than seeing them together._

_Last time she had seen him, he'd been barely walking, a whole lot lighter and his hair wasn't nearly as long as it was right now. That had been over six months ago. She hadn't seen her own son in over six months and yet right now that she was holding him she wanted nothing more than to give him back to Lucas. It scared her, it scared her more than anything, knowing she'd been the kind of person to turn her back on a little person like Mikey was. He reminded her of all the mistakes she had made, of all the wrongs on her life, of the fact that she would never be the same person she was once because he happened._

_She had tried, being away, forget about it all, about Mikey and everything that happened before him, it all had been futile though, she was still as broken as could be. Alone, and now with more problems than she had before._

_"You wanna sit?" Lucas broke the silence, Peyton looked at him and nodded, still with the little boy in her arms._

_They sat on the nearby bench, it wasn't a busy park, and it wasn't too noisy thank Goodness. And then there was again the silence overtaking the situation between them. _

_Her eyes shifted to look at him again, Lucas was looking ahead and for an instant, she felt at peace. She liked having him beside her again; no screaming but just being with one another._

_"You've changed."_

_"Have I? No I haven't."_

_Peyton chuckled inwardly. "You have, and I don't mean just the scrappy stubble," Lucas smiled self-consciously, looking down and shaking his head. "You just look different, more mature…"_

_He stayed quiet for a beat. "Well…" He said motioning Peyton to the baby in her arms. "Some things just make you grow up I guess…"_

_Peyton swallowed hard and nodded her head. "I–"_

_"—Before you say anything," He cut her off. "I…I'm sorry Peyton, I'm sorry for everything that happen the last time,"_

_She shrugged her shoulder. "S'alright,"_

_"But is it?"_

_"Nope…"_

_"How you've been doing?"_

_"Not so well," She didn't even think about it. Lucas could tell that by himself anyway; it was sad really. He didn't want this for her._

_"What can I do?'_

_This time Peyton did stay in silence for a little while; thinking about it, nothing came to mind. Why? Why she couldn't think of anything. "You are doing it already," And with her head one more time she motioned to Mikey._

_"I, I…I have," Peyton started saying again, a little frantic this time, she didn't even let Lucas say something back. She shook her head, as if clearing her thoughts._

_She looked at Lucas and nervously gave him back the baby._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing," She told him this seriously, her eyes on his before she a little agitated started looking for something in her pockets. She had some cash, she should give that to Lucas, but where was it? Where did she put that money!_

_She stood up from the bench a little so she could reach her pockets better, the two on the front, nothing, one on the back, nothing, and then the last one, there was no money but there was something. She pulled her hand out so fast the contents of her pocket flew out too. It landed on the floor and Lucas knew immediately, exactly what it was._

_"What are you doing with that?" His tone was accusing now. He saw the colorful pills, the logos on them, he knew what it was. He didn't understand —not for the life on him— what in the world was Peyton doing with that._

_"It's nothing," She was panicking now, her breathing hard and she just wanted to get out of here now._

_"Peyton," Lucas called seriously again. He didn't want to believe what his eyes were seeing. He reached down and picked up the little package with the drugs. "Please tell me this is not what I think it is?" Of course it was what he thought it was. He still refused to believe it._

_Peyton didn't say a word, she just stood there, in silence, standing next to Lucas and her son. She was not worth of them. That was what she couldn't forget. She was dirty and broken, and now a druggie too. She was not worth of the love or anything coming from Lucas._

_"I'm sorry Luke," She said, already with tears in her eyes as she made to walk away._

_"Don't go," Lucas told her stoically. He grabbed her wrist but still couldn't look at her. That hurt more than anything else right now._

_"You were right the last time, I'm a mess, I, I don't know what I'm doing, and you…you and Mikey, I'm sorry Lucas, I am just so sorry."_

_He stayed quiet but did not let go of her arm._

_There was a moment and then he pulled her down gently. Peyton sat back down slowly, and now with tears in his eyes as well, Lucas pulled her to his side and hugged her as best as he could. Peyton cried but he did not. He stayed put, held her tight and did not let go of her._

_That night Peyton Sawyer-Scott returned to her family. Lucas took her to his place and fixed the guest room for her. She slept. She slept for a very long time in his home. When she woke up after a long nap, Mikey wasn't there in the house anymore._

_Peyton didn't ask questions though. Lucas didn't bother her, he would just tell her what to do, when to eat, when to bathe and when to sleep and Peyton couldn't do anything different. Not because she technically couldn't, she could, she could just get up from that bed and go back to the hotel to Nathan, but…she didn't, she did as Lucas told her because he'd asked her to stay. To come back. He told her how one day he had promised her to protect her from **everything**, and how even now he intended to keep that promise._

_He said "I love you and I want you well…I **need** you in my life." And so that was how she ended up there, in Lucas' house, sleeping in one of his beds, on his clothes and with him only a few meters away._

_Maybe he was one to fix her again after all. Maybe he was actually her soul-mate; the only one she was meant to be with…_

_Maybe…just maybe she loved him too._

* * *

**AN : **A little bit of a busy weekend, but still I wanted to update ! I hope this chapter was okay enough for you. Thank you so much for reading.


	24. Chapter TwentyFour: Second chance not

**Author's Note : **I feel I should mention the timelines for this chapter and the last one, since this one is the continuation of the last one. Peyton with the psychiatrist aka 'normal lettering' happened around 1 to 1 ½ before she signed the divorce papers. _Italics_ lettering is the past, around one year after graduation, meaning when Mikey was just a little over 1 year and a half.

And well, that was that, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad you all got opinions, and well, let's hope you like how the story keeps unfolding.

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Second chance not**

* * *

_"How are you?"_

_She was lying down on his bed, resting on her tummy, but still sideways looking at Lucas; he had known she was awake. "I don't know…"_

_"We gotta talk about it,"_

_The statement didn't take Peyton aback; she nodded her head quietly. "I know,"_

_"How long have you been using?"_

_She stayed quiet for another moment, not in a million years she thought she would have to have this conversation. Not with Lucas, not with anybody. "I'm not sure, just a few months I think…"_

_"I'm not gonna ask you why," Not even if he was dying inside to know, it was still too soon for that, and to be honest, Peyton really did appreciate Lucas not making her answer that one. "But we need to help you, this…this is not the life you are meant for…"_

_There was a small moment and a bitter laugh crossed her lips. Lucas hated this of her, why in the world couldn't she just believe how very especial she really was? _

_Peyton shook her head when Lucas grew serious again. She closed her eyes for a moment and Lucas knew she was going to change the subject. "Where's Mikey?" She asked because she knew the baby wasn't home anymore. Around 2 in the afternoon they had arrived to Lucas' place. Peyton had gone to "rest" almost immediately, and though she indeed did sleep quite a while, for the first couple of hours or so she could hear baby whines and baby chuckles coming from outside her bedroom every so often._

_All those stopped at around 5PM and she had known Mikey was no longer in the house. _

_"He's going to stay with my mom for a few days,"_

_He was being honest, it hurt, but it also was comforting at the same time. "You don't want him around me?"_

_Lucas stared into her eyes, there were a few too many lies he could tell her, but he was not going to go there. He shook his head. "No, I don't. Right now you can't be somebody's mom. I don't hold that against you but I still have to do what's best for our son,"_

_Peyton felt a smile on her lips at Lucas' use of words. He was so incredible, even with the little things —especially with the little things really, and he had no idea. "I think you are right," Peyton told him softly at last, and Lucas nodded his head._

_Actually oblivious of the smile Peyton had offered him; he, in all honesty, was still so troubled and confused about what was going on. His first priority right now had to be Peyton, he had to make her better again, and so that was why decisions had to be made, and thank the Lord, his mom was always there to support him with Mikey whenever he really needed._

_Right now Mikey was in a plane already, in a 5-hour flight back to North Carolina. Lucas hoped he would see his son again soon —hopefully, by the time he went back to get him, Peyton would be on his side._

_"We'll get you into rehab…"_

_Peyton's expression was blank as Lucas said the words. She didn't want that, she didn't want to be away from Lucas, but…he was giving her a chance, was she really in any position to disagree with Lucas in anything?_

_"I looked into a bunch of places while you slept, we don't have to decide now but we could look at it later if you want,"_

_Still her expression was blank. _

_Lucas waited a bit, stared at her and her darkened eyes. She still was so beautiful to him. Why the universe had to put them both through so much, huh? Lucas couldn't get it and yet he was determined to make this right. To make his marriage worth it, and make Peyton realize once again how important to him she was._

_"Look," He said, breathing deeply as if for courage. He moved his thumb and gently brushed some messy curls away from her face; their eyes met. "I'm going to help you get through this, I promise this to you, no matter if it takes days or months…I will help you. I will be there. I swear to you you are not going to be alone. I swear. We just gotta work now in make you all better again…"_

_Peyton took a moment to sink in his words; she was looking at him, and offered him yet again a small smile when his hand reached, and took hers all so very softly. _

_"I don't…I, I don't understand how you can be so good to me…even after everything I've done to you…"_

_Lucas chuckled a little bit and helped her sit up. "I'm not going to have this conversation again with you. I think we already had it, two years ago —I'm not going there again. Whether you like it or not I'm your husband, it's messy and weird and probably does not make sense, but I'm that and you are my wife. I love you, I want to see you happy, and if that means I gotta look away from the last year then I would do it. You should try that too. Yes, you walked away and hurt me, but…you are here now aren't you? I will try my best but I need to know you are in this as well. You are not gonna get better if you don't want to be."_

_"But I do."_

_"Good. Told you we'll get through this. It will just take a little time."_

_"What about you? What will happen after rehab is finished?"_

_Lucas looked at her thoughtfully for at least a minute or two. Truth was, he hadn't thought so far ahead. "Well," Peyton chuckled because she could tell he had no idea what he was going to say._

_He looked kind of cute though thinking in just the right way not to disappoint her with his answer._

_"How about this…" He said with a smile, they were still holding hands, and even when Peyton couldn't be sure, she thought Lucas had no intention whatsoever to let go of her hand any time soon —just as she didn't have any intention to let go of his either._

_"Once you are all better and clean again, you can move in with Mikey and me —only if you think we are ready," He warned because truthfully he wanted to do everything but push her into doing something she wasn't ready again. Peyton however, just nodded her head as in understanding. "We could fix you this room, or you can have mine, whatever you'd like," There was again a smile on her face and a chuckle coming from her lips, Lucas was starting to love this. Failing in love with her in that span that took her to smile at him and laugh at whatever he said. She had hurt him more than any other person had, but…she was still Peyton. She was still the girl he had said "I do" to in the altar, the one he had promised to love forever. Despite everything that happened in the last year, all the pain and sorrow, Lucas simply could not look away from her and move on from everything she still made him feel._

_"We'll make it work." And with that last statement, he met her eyes again. "How does that sound?"_

_"I think you are too good for your own good."_

_Lucas shook his head and looked out the window, it was a beautiful day and yet it felt as the darkest one. In spite of the good face he was trying to put, he knew the next month would be as hard as could be —especially for Peyton. "I think you do whatever you can for the people you love."_

_She smiled and nodded her head too. She certainly would not be this calm about locking herself in a strange place if she were not with Lucas. _

_"I'll do it,"_

_"Yeah?" Lucas asked because deep down he feared she wouldn't go for it; she was though, that had to mean something, right? Maybe he was right all along and all Peyton needed was someone to believe in her. Believe she could do better._

_"I will. I promise. I wanna get better for you,"_

_Lucas breathed deeply as in relief, and leaned in kissing her forehead. He couldn't say where that came from, he just knew he had to do it. "You'll be okay." He promised, but in that instant they both read more into Lucas' little statement. He had no way to know that, and that was what made the moment a little awkward afterwards. _

_Peyton brought her eyes down, and just breathed. What if she didn't get better? What if she never was completely okay again? Would he still love her anyway? "Will you ever trust me again?" The question came out of the blue, Peyton wasn't really sure where it came from, it just slipped out._

_Lucas shifted so that he was looking at her. "I'll do my best,"_

_Peyton didn't read more into his answer, she nodded her head and looked down._

_"Can I ask you something?"_

_"Anything," She didn't think about her answer then._

_Lucas nodded. "Nathan…did he, did he get you into this?" Up until now Lucas had blamed Peyton for lots of the wrongs in his life, for all the rest and majority really, he'd blamed Nathan. Peyton had chosen Nathan over him, that really had been reason enough for Lucas to hate his guts. Now, if he did this to Peyton, then in all honesty, it would only make things ten times worse between himself and that so-called brother of his._

_Peyton however, shook her head immediately. "No, I promise." She told him as honestly as she could. This was not Nathan's fault, he had tried his best to be there for her as much as he could. He didn't do this though. Peyton had. She was weak and that was why she was into so much trouble right now. Her fault, no one else. She wasn't strong enough to fight it, it was her fault, not Nathan's in any sense._

_"He tried to help as much as he could, he…he doesn't know how bad it is, really…" She looked down from Lucas' eyes shamefully. "He thinks I just do it on parties and he'd told me time and again to stop, and I've promised I will, and I did, but…" Her voice was already shaky then. "But now I just don't know how to stop. I swear to you Nathan is clean. He's…he is one of the few good things I had all this year."_

_"What is that mean?" _

_"It means he was there for me, it means he heard me cry and tried to make me feel better. It means he showed me he cared."_

_"Why did you choose to come back with me then?" And now he was fearing the worse, oh Lord he was, what if Peyton was only here because Nathan wouldn't have her anymore? What if Lucas was now just her second option when her life on the road just didn't match her expectations? What if she just was with him until she got better and then she will go back to Nathan?_

_"Because," Peyton replied with a shrug. "Because every day I was away I missed **you;** I had Nathan and I knew he loved me because he told me that, but somehow all I found myself wishing was being with you and hearing **you** say that. I took you for granted for a very long time, Lucas. I didn't realize just how much you gave to my life, and all this time all I've done is regret being scared and running away from you…"_

_"How come we couldn't speak like this six months ago?"_

_Peyton let out a silly chuckle. "Pride."_

_"Pride." Lucas agreed simply._

* * *

"So how was it?"

"Good."

"Peyton," She turned to look at him and heaved a sigh when their eyes met.

"It went okay Lucas, what do you want me to tell you?" She asked sincerely, and Lucas made a funny face. Truth be told he didn't know, he really just needed to know if this was helping or not.

She didn't look any different, perhaps she was even more of a smart-ass now than she was before she started therapy again a couple of weeks ago. "I don't know, what did you talk about?" There the question was out; simply enough, easy enough to answer, right?

Peyton's face was blank for a moment though. "You really wanna know?" Deep inside she knew he didn't want to know. Deep inside she knew how every time the drugs subject was touched between them it'd become awkward and they would be weird with each other for at least the rest of the day.

"Shouldn't I?" Lucas asked only half-jokingly. Peyton made a face and he rolled his eyes. "Go for it," He said as he opened the door of the car for her.

He jumped on the driver's seat soon after, and looked over at Peyton immediately as she was fastening her seatbelt. "We talk about me a lot, like what do I do, what I used to do. Sometimes we talk about you…" Peyton trailed off at the goofy smile Lucas made. "The good and the bad," She clarified. She still smiled and Lucas did too even when he also rolled his eyes. "We talk about Mikey…" She rolled her eyes now at that relieved face Lucas made. "It really makes you so happy?"

Well yes, that was his whole point with therapy in the end. He wanted Peyton to learn how to connect with Mikey for once and for all. Their relationship wasn't bad, Peyton always cared and did all what she was supposed to do for Mikey. She was the one who drove him to school every morning, picked him up 3 times a week, fixed his snacks and knew all his favorites at dinnertime. For a stranger she would be a good mom…but, for Lucas the story was different. She never really played with Mikey, or interacted with him the way a normal mom would. She and Mikey rarely ever really spoke about stuff. Granted, Mikey was only four but still, Lucas wished Peyton would engage with him differently.

Especially now when it was obvious he was going to feel threated about his place in their family.

"It does, Peyton." At last Lucas confessed quietly. "Do you think is helping?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "How would I know?"

"Peyton," Lucas tried, feeling tired of fighting her on this. He could swear she was sure there was nothing wrong with the way she treated Mikey. All she cared, she was doing what she was supposed to, keeping him clean, fed and safe, but…what about happy?

"You want to know what I think?"

"Please,"

"I think you are scared because this happened too soon. I think you are scared because you don't think I'm a good mom. I think you want to help me but you don't know how. I think you want to make sure I don't feel about this baby the way I feel about Mikey," Her hand came to rest on her stomach, still flat beneath the soft fabric of her shirt. "But if you must know, I don't…This time is different. I've told you that already and until you decide to trust me about this, we're gonna keep living like this –you scared as hell for the next seven months. I'm not gonna do anything stupid."

Her words were true and it hurt. Lucas felt like a horrible person, he wanted to be happy about this —and deep inside he was — but…it didn't seem to be enough. He still felt guilty because he didn't know what to expect. All things considered it wasn't a bad moment to add to their family; he had a stable job, loved his wife, loved his son. Mikey was definitely not a baby anymore, technically it was a good time to add a new member to their brood —if only they didn't carry around with the kind of past they all did. Things hadn't been perfect, but they were getting there, and now this happened.

Lucas wanted to feel happy he was going to be a father but all he had done for the last two weeks was worry out of his mind about what this will do to his family. To his son and his barely-existing relationship with his mother.

What it will do to Peyton —Lucas would sometimes remember when Mikey was born, what it did to Peyton, the way she shut him out and he would literally shutter. He didn't want that to happen again, and yet he also wanted to be over the moon about this new baby.

Peyton was so sure this time it was going to be different but in all honesty, Lucas didn't know how. He wanted to be sure as she apparently was, but he wasn't. What if Peyton was just putting up a front? It wouldn't be the first time. She had never really said she was happy she was pregnant, only that she thought it would be okay —that she wasn't panicking or thinking of abortion as she had the first time.

She had said this time this baby didn't happen because someone forced her into it, it happened because he loved her. Oh God he wished so much she was telling the truth…

"I know, I'm sorry, Peyt…"

They were still on the parking lot; he looked at her softly, and leaned in kissing her lips. "I'm sorry,"

"S'alright, just…give me at least the benefit of the doubt. I think I can do this."

Lucas breathed heavily and nodded. "I know you can. And I'm sorry again. This was just unexpected, that's all. I, I just don't think I've wrapped my head around it quite yet,"

Peyton chuckled; a real actual sincere chuckle –Lucas was surprised. "Well, then you better do that fast okay? I don't wanna do this by myself," And then in an instant both their set of eyes were on her belly. It was still flat and there were no signs of a baby yet. They've caught her pregnancy early enough at the doctor's office. And yet there it was. Growing inside her. A little person. Again. She couldn't explain it to Lucas, but this pregnancy in all honesty did not feel at all like she felt when she was pregnant with Mikey. Back then she'd felt dirty, broken and…used.

Now…well, now it was not just anyone's baby she was growing within herself, it was _Lucas'_ baby. How come he couldn't see that? It was completely different. She couldn't and wouldn't feel disconnected from someone who came from Lucas. She never really told him so, but she loved him —_Oh-so_ much…

This baby was Lucas, and just because of that, Peyton knew the result would be different. She just knew it. _It had to be different._

* * *

It hadn't even been mid-afternoon when Peyton found herself, exhausted, late for work, and with a mild headache. It had been silly, and she felt silly about it, but given the circumstances, she had given herself a day. Being fair, she wasn't really in a position to be giving herself days off now –she knew well enough she would need those later on, but she really had felt drained and tired, that lying down for a bit had been the answer to her prayers.

Inconveniently enough perhaps, what she envisioned to be a short nap at 1 O'clock that afternoon, had rapidly become an almost three hour nap. She couldn't help herself, it felt as if she was making the biggest effort by only keeping her eyes open, so in the end, she gave in and closed them. It had been a quarter to four when she woke up again. Not exactly refreshed and ready to do a whole lot of things, but a least having the satisfaction of just giving her body a small but really needed rest.

It was Friday, which meant Michael had soccer practice after school. She had to pick him up at 5:15 and then fix him a small snack until Lucas got there later in the evening and they would have some dinner. It was Friday, so again most likely they would go out and eat something out at a restaurant or something.

Peyton did not complain about Lucas' long hours –even on a Friday. Right now, he was still the one with the bigger income and that apparently gave him the right. He worked at a publishing company; editing and making of "_good enough_" manuscripts, something more, something even _great _sometimes. He also wrote —sometimes too. In the past year when Peyton would wake up now and again at night, she would find Lucas in front of his desk, writing sometimes, or just staring at the screen of his computer some others. She knew that was his passion, but she also knew they didn't have the luxury to have Lucas be a full time writer when they had a family to support –a _growing_ family at that.

Their arrangement worked though –at least for the most part, it did. Michael was in a good school, they always had food on the table, each of them had a car, and they lived in their own house –it was a good life some would even say.

And Peyton —she had her small studio.

There was a small street a few blocks from downtown; it wasn't a busy street, yet enough people walked through it every day. The architecture was old, maybe Spanish, or even French. It was a quiet enough street, yet not dead whatsoever. The place Peyton had chosen for her studio wasn't too big, she had surely seen bigger ones and even some closer to downtown and cheaper, but…there had been something about that street she had liked. Lucas hadn't been sure when she told him that place could be the one. In the past, it had been a restaurant, fast food or something, did it really have the potential to be an art studio?

That was the question Lucas asked her; with his nose squished up and his features apologetic — he just had liked better the one in Main St. Peyton had said to that that she saw herself in the little place in Lucky St. and well, that had been enough for Lucas too.

They got the place on a 5-year lease, hopefully enough for her business to pick up and gain some name.

Right now, it was still under construction. Some rebuilding had to be done, and some '_refreshing'_ to it had been necessary too. It still needed work to it if it wanted to be one day the place Peyton dreamed it would. She was willing to do the work –and she had for the last four months, she only hoped now her body will let her keep doing it.

She breathed in deeply and rested her head on her pillow again; she didn't want to leave her bed, she still felt tired, but she _really_ needed to get up if she didn't want to be late to pick up Michael. She breathed in and out again; now what she had to do was get up, call in at the studio, make sure the workers were working, eat something small before she fainted, go get some gas, and then head to Michael school –it didn't sound too hard, did it?

And so she did, by the time she arrived to Michael's school, the boys were already finished with practice. Some boys were already sitting at the benches waiting for their parents but not Michael, he was still in the dressing room —he was a very responsible kid, Peyton knew that, but he still could be world's slowest kid without even trying. So, in the end, at 5:17 that afternoon, Peyton sat on the benches and waited for that kid of hers.

It were at least 7 more minutes before Michael sat next to his mother. "You sleepy mama?" He said because she looked sleepy, she had to be.

Peyton chuckled quietly, and turned to look at him shaking her head ever so slightly. "As a matter of fact, I _am_ sleepy." She assured him in kind of a pathetic way —she really was.

Mikey nodded, as if in understanding Peyton thought. "I know, I'm sleepy too. You should take a nap when we get home." He suggested all too seriously, as if he was resolving all her problems. And it really was that simple, if you are still sleepy —_even after your long long nap_— take another one; the rest can always wait.

Peyton chuckled softly at his words and yet didn't fail to notice how Mikey wasn't laughing; he was just looking over at her. "Wha'cha staring at Mikey?"

He smiled goofily at her words. "You called me _Mikey_." He noted. Peyton always called him Michael –_always_.

"I did? Didn't I?" Mikey nodded his head. Peyton didn't realize she called him that or was even thinking as she called his name. It was so silly, but Mikey was right to point that out. She had never before call him '_Mikey'_ —not when she was speaking to him at least. She always thought it was a silly nickname anyway, and she liked Michael. She thought it was a nice name so why shorting it to a silly one? Lucas always told her it was an affectionate way to call the boy, but Peyton never really bought it. That was why it was weird she caved in and called him for his pet name.

In the end however, she just shrugged her shoulders looking at Mikey. "Whatever. Come on kid, let's go home. You can nap for a little while if you want after we get there…" She said, as she helped Mikey down the bench and walked along with him toward the parking lot.

Peyton knew Lucas, she knew her husband, she knew that if he had been here, he would have read a lot into that simple '_mistake'_ Peyton made. He would have said how therapy was working and she was changing her attitude towards Mikey. She would have told him he was wrong though. It had been silly and she probably only called him like that because she was still sleepy and it just slipped out.

Truth was, she really didn't think therapy did anything for her, as of right now, all she knew was that for a change in her life, she felt kind of happy, so really? What was the point to give grief to a child like Mikey when she wasn't feeling any herself?

She was kind of happy and pleased with her life right now, yes, out of a sudden she had become that woman who was happy simply because she was pregnant with the baby of the man she loved. She never told him that but that wasn't the point. She was happy, and so it didn't make sense to show herself unhappy anymore —not even with Mikey. Suddenly she was realizing the crap in her life wasn't Mikey's fault as she had sometimes thought and felt it was. He was a child who didn't choose to be born into her family, and certainly did not choose to have her as his mother. Peyton was sure that if he had had the chance he would have chosen a complete different person for his mom. But, the bottom line was that none of them had a choice in the matter —they were here today because the universe or God or whoever decided it, and well…as of that very instant, Peyton was sure taking her frustrations on on a child –_her_ child was one of the biggest mistakes she'd done.

That didn't mean she suddenly loved Mikey and would hug and kiss him all the time, but that, late and all, she had realized Mikey probably needed more from her. He needed a mom and had never really had that, if Peyton was honest with herself. He needed a mom to love him just as she had needed a mom to love her when she was a kid. She couldn't promise herself she was going to be able to completely change the way she felt about her son, but at least she was going to try.

For Lucas, and Mikey, and especially for that little baby she was growing —God knew at least one of her kids deserved to be born in a happy and normal enough family, and if that meant calling Mikey _Mikey_, then so be it, Peyton would do it.

"I can hear you, you know?"

Mikey was taken aback when he heard her speak; he'd thought she was sleeping already. She seemed as she was asleep already at least. She wasn't though but that still didn't mean he had to back off now. He was a brave boy, Lucas always told him that, and at four years old, some days Mikey actually believe it.

"Are you sick?"

Peyton opened one eye at his question. She peered over at him from her bed, and shook her head at the way he so hesitantly stood at her doorway. Could Mikey actually fear her? She wondered that a lot, but right now the thought was more disturbing than usual. What if her baby one day feared her too when she grew up?

Peyton shook her head then; she was thinking nonsense. "Why do you ask that?" She asked back at last, sitting up on the bed so that she was properly looking at Mikey.

He hesitated a little bit more when Peyton motioned him to come in —he wasn't allowed in her bedroom when she was resting. Lucas told him that too one day, but…she was telling him to do so, it had to be okay to do it, right?

"Because most times when I'm sick I feel sleepy a lot," Mikey explained simply when he had already climbed on Peyton's bed.

She looked at him steadily for a minute. His eyes were still blue, dark, and sometimes with hints of gray but still dark powerful blue. It had been a while since Peyton last looked into those.

"I'm not sick, but I've been feeling sleepy a lot lately, what do you think it can be?" Peyton asked him and she really had no idea why. She never really engaged conversations like this with Michael. He was always just the kid she carried in her car a lot, and fed breakfast and snacks almost every day, that was all. This was different; this was having a conversation —no matter how silly it was.

"I don't know," Mikey answered as he thought about it some more —he was thinking hard, he really wanted to give her an answer. "Maybe you should have more vitamins, Daddy always says I should have more vitamins and veggies and fruits when I'm coming down with something…"

It was funny how after his words were out, the two of them sighed.

Peyton chuckled slightly —that was funny for Mikey too, she normally didn't chuckle too much. Maybe his mommy was indeed sick and she just really didn't know it yet.

"Maybe you are right," Her words made Mikey smile —she never tell him things like that. That was daddies' work, at least that was what Mikey always thought.

"I thought you were tired too though…after practice and all?"

Mikey made a funny face, and frowned looking up at his mom. "Yeah,"

"Then why aren't you sleeping?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Lucas is not going to be here for another hour, so you have some time to rest if you want to. Tomorrow Nate is coming to pick you up early so you are not going to be able to sleep in. Think about it, if I were you I'll be taking a nap."

He thought about it a little more —how could he tell her that his room was just a little scary? His Daddy wasn't there and so his night light was off. He couldn't tell Peyton to turn it on, he was supposed to be brave and take care of his mom, —Lucas always told him that, Nathan did too actually, so it must be truth.

"Can I–I, can I—"

"What?"

"Can I just stay here? I'll be quiet, I swear,"

Peyton's eyes narrowed and she stared at his face for a little while. Was he scared? How come she had never seen him scared before? Or maybe she just didn't want to see what was in front of her when she saw Mikey sometimes in the past.

"I guess you can stay."

"_Really_?" Mikey made the question immediately; it was obvious he couldn't believe it.

And then she got annoyed a little bit, she shrugged her shoulders. It wasn't such a big deal. "Sure. But you gotta sleep, and be quiet, and…don't move too much," She had no idea what she was saying, and yet with wide eyes and surprise all over his face, Michael nodded his head strongly.

"Yeah mama, I promise." He said urgently.

Peyton made a face before she lay back down again. Mikey didn't think about it, he lay down next to his mom as soon as she did so. When he looked up a little bit, she still had her eyes opened; she was still looking at him. "One day you'll learn there's nothing to be afraid —not even your room when it's all dark." Mikey just kept staring at her as she spoke. "In the meantime is okay if you tell your Dad or me or anyone if you are scared. Maybe you are not the only one and we are scared too."

"Do you get scared mama?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah, sometimes, not right now though."

Mikey nodded as well. "Me either. But sometimes I do get scared too."

"That's okay, you've proved to be stronger than me and Luke and Nate all together, so I think you'll be okay. Darkness has nothing against you."

She was speaking funny, he didn't get it much, but he still liked —_so much_—when she spoke to him like this. "Can I still stay? Just till Daddy gets here?"

Peyton nodded at the question. "Yeah, sleep now…Your Dad will be here before you know it." She said as she turned into her side, and closed her eyes.

She have never tell that to Mikey, but, deep in her heart she had always thought so, Mikey had been through so much in just something over 4 years of his life; endless hospital stays, daily medicines, shots, visits at the doctor more often than Peyton had known possible. He was a tough kid; his short years had made him like that, and well, as of that evening Peyton didn't think it would hurt if she let the kid know.

He fell asleep much faster than she did, not even five minutes after she turned from him. His breathing was heavy and steady and she just knew he'd fallen asleep already. She turned around again, this time facing him. She put the silly ducks blanket over his small frame and looked at him once more. If only the circumstances had been different, she couldn't help but think now…

She felt so happy about this new baby, about being a mom to her or him, but she never, not ever in the last four years, had fell that way about Mikey. It was sad, and she now resented herself for that —that little boy beside her honestly deserved so much better that the silly attempts to motherhood she was trying now —it was a start though and perhaps it'll get them somewhere. Perhaps with this little baby inside her, she could learn not just to be a mother to her, but also to Mikey if she were lucky…

And with that thought, she closed her eyes and fell asleep too —it would be nice to say she was a mother to others without shuttering at the thought for sure…

Something shy of an hour later, when Lucas arrived from work –around 730, he walked to a quiet house, and two sleeping bodies on his bed. He had never seen anything like that. Not even when Mikey was a baby. Peyton always put him in his basinet even when they were sleeping in the same room. She never let him into their room when she wanted to rest —she said she felt stared at and that was weird, and yet…there she was. Sleeping soundly –both of them, almost like babies. One beside the other, coexisting and being in peace.

Lucas knew he was an optimistic at heart, but…would it be so wrong if he thought one day his son would have a mother who stood beside him through everything just like he needed? Was it really naïve to think this new baby was _fixing _Peyton somehow? Was it really so wrong to think they were all just given a second chance at a family with this baby —especially Mikey? The chance to have a mother for a change.

Lord, Lucas would give anything if only that could be truth…


	25. Chapter Twenty–five : Welcome to the fam

**Chapter Twenty–five : Welcome to the family**

* * *

_"Are you sure Lucas is okay with this?"_

_Peyton knew he had been dying to ask that question ever since he got into her car that afternoon. He was so nervous –more than Peyton had seen him in a long time. She could even dare to say he was more nervous than he usually was before a basketball game, and that was saying a lot —really, a lot._

_Peyton in any case, made a funny face at the question and twisted her lips. "Not really," Peyton could swear Nathan turned white when she said that. She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "But he has no choice."_

_Now he just didn't get it. "What do you mean?"_

_"It means it has been almost one year and I've done almost everything he's asked me to do. I'm back at school, have a job, spend enough amount of time with Michael, and…I'm clean –for real, he has no more excuses not to give me this."_

_Nathan stared at her for a minute —thinking. "Can I ask you why you care so much? As far as I knew you were pretty positive he really wasn't mine…"_

_She sighed at his words –he wasn't lying, not one little bit. "And I am. Every logical reason tells me Michael is an outcome of –of, of **that** night," She shook her head slightly. "But…in these last months, I've seen the way he stares at people so serious, the way he laughs when he doesn't want to laugh. The way he puts his finger over his eye when he's thinking really really hard. I, maybe I'm seeing what I want to see, but, what if this kid is really yours? Wouldn't it be fair that he at least knew you?"_

_The words lingered in the air for a good moment. Peyton looked ahead and Nathan sighed looking down at his hands. He hated this, he didn't even know this kid in person —ever, he had never really seen him or held him or anything. He had only seen the pictures Karen used to send Peyton when she was on tour with him. He never saw anything special on this kid —sure, his eyes were just like his, and his silly spiky black hair also looked a little like his, but were those really reasons to think he could be his child?_

_Then again, for the past year Peyton had thought so, so maybe, maybe the idea wasn't so crazy. And at the end of the day, wouldn't it be better if Mikey were **his**, and not the outcome of **that** night as Peyton put it?_

_"What about Lucas?" Peyton frowned, as if she really hadn't understood why he asked that. "I mean, he's been that kid's dad from the start, now hasn't him?"_

_"You're an idiot—"_

_"Peyton!"_

_"What? Are we really having this conversation? Did you really just ask me that question?" Nathan looked clueless. "Have you not been here for the last 3years Nate? Of course Lucas is Mikey's Dad! He's the only one who has acted like a parent to that boy from the very start. This changes **anything** in regard with their relationship." Peyton told him pointedly and rather serious. She knew introducing Nathan now was potentially a reason for confusion in Michael —how would they explain this new man in his life? A friend? An Uncle? A dad…? A second one?_

_Nathan in any case didn't reply to Peyton's words, he stayed quiet and shook his head looking at his hands._

_"I know where you are coming from though," Peyton said softly a moment later because now he really just looked plain sad. "That was just not the right way to ask that question,"_

_Nathan looked up. "I know," He said nodding his head. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous, you know? What is going to happen after today?"_

_She twisted her lips and shook her head. "I dunno. I guess that's up to you." She said, but Nathan just stared at her eyes. She brought them down —his stare once again reminding her that of Mikey's. She looked at the clock in her car then —it was 2:45 already. "It's time to go get him now."_

_"What?" The sudden change of subject just confused Nathan a little bit more._

_"Mikey," Peyton said with a small chuckle at that lost face Nathan was making. "We should go get him now."_

_They got down of the car and walked slowly through the parking lot. They weren't speaking –perhaps, Nathan was even more nervous now, but in any case, Peyton used the time to text Lucas quickly._

* * *

_'We are already here —yes, exactly what you are thinking. Nathan didn't back off; he showed up. We are going to get Michael now. If it's too much for him, I promise you I'll get him home straight away.'_

_P._

_'Just make sure he's okay. I trust you. Bye for now. See you at night, Peyt. Love you.'_

_Luke_

* * *

_"He is…" Peyton began, breaking the silence that had formed between her and Nathan. She squinted her eyes looking ahead and then she spotted the little guy she was looking for. "That one!" She said pointing towards Michael. "The one with the red tee and the grey converse."_

_Nathan looked ahead concentrated for a good minute; looking at the many kids and trying as hell to find the one with the darn grey converse. But then…but then he saw him. Standing there next to a couple other boys. Looking boyish and grown, and…badass why not, but also smart and even grounded for his age._

_Nathan's thoughts broke however, when he felt Peyton starting to walk past him. "Come on," She said looking back one time before she kept on going her way to Mikey._

_In that moment the hugeness of this moment hit Nathan —what if he honestly had made a whole other person with Peyton three years ago?_

_Nathan had been quite focused thinking and staring at Mikey that he also missed the moment Peyton called on the boy._

_"Michael," She whispered when she and Nathan where close enough to him._

_Mikey looked up and his face actually lit up when he saw his mom. Fast enough he was frowning though. "Who's that?" He asked looking at Nathan seriously._

_Nathan looked back at him just as serious but could not say anything in return. Of course that, until Peyton nudged his shoulder. "Nathan," Nathan said shaking his head as if waking up himself from some sort of trance. "Nathan Scott, nice to meet you," He added, reaching out his hand to that little boy. Perhaps he was forgetting he was only three years old, Peyton thought._

_Mikey in any case smiled a little at Nathan's words and looked up at Peyton for a moment. She was looking blankly ahead though so Mikey turned to look back at this Nathan person. "Scott is also my name," He said with a strong nod of his head._

_Nathan chuckled and agreed nodding his head as well. "That's because we are family," The words honestly slipped out and for an instant, Nathan panicked and thought Peyton would kill him. She didn't say anything for a minute but just looked at him with a funny face —Nathan had no idea what to say in his defense. It was kind of true though, right? Mikey was Lucas' son, Nathan was Lucas' brother; that made them all family with Mikey, no? Regardless of the whole father situation of course._

_"Is he mama?" And then there was Mikey's question breaking the silence._

_Peyton looked down at Michael and stared at him for a moment. Then she looked at Nathan._

_"Yes he is, kid. Nathan's family now."_

* * *

"Okay– okay— okay— okay we can play again."

_"But you really, really promise?"_

He sounded so excited; Peyton had a hard time believing this was the same kid she'd known for the last four years. "I told you that yes, I promise. We can play," —_Of course we can play your silly game again, why not? _She thought, but she still chuckled softly into the phone.

_Mikey smiled at the other end too. "Okay, you promised, you gotta keep it."_

Peyton nodded to herself and breathed only a little bit exasperated. "I will. Would you put Nate on the phone now, please?" _Who was she?_ Honestly, Peyton was even having a hard time recognizing herself; saying _please_ and talking so nicely and politely to her four-year-old? If Lucas were eavesdropping right now, he would surely think she'd gone mad!

_"Yes." Mikey replied without missing a beat._

Peyton heard him calling a big loud _Daddy_ before seconds later Mikey was saying _bye-bye _into the phone for like the tenth time and Nathan was saying _hello_ into it instead.

_"What did you do with that kid? Ever since he set foot here he's been…happy I think?"_

Peyton chuckled at his words, but also shook her head; why everybody had to overreact the situation? "Nothing, we just played a silly game of cards before you picked him up today. Apparently that made him happy, I guess."

_"Well, whatever it was, it worked, I've never seen him so excited talking to you on the phone." Nathan heard Peyton chuckle because she knew it was truth. "What time tomorrow?"_

Peyton thought the question for a moment; her eyes searching for that husband of hers. "Lucas wants to go to a basketball game tomorrow. It's at six, so if you can bring him back by five? Works for you?"

_"Sure,"_

"Okay, thank you, Nate."

_"No problem. But I, I wanted, I…"_

When his voice faded, Peyton frowned a little bit. "What was that?"

_"Nothing, just…I, I know you are trying, with Mikey and everything, so just, I…I'm proud of you."_

_There was nothing but silence for at least a minute then._

"Bye Nate."

_Nathan didn't hang up right away but stayed on the phone in silence for another small moment. Peyton hadn't hung up either. "I'll see you tomorrow, bye…"_

"Bye..."

And then the phone went dead.

Peyton sighed to herself and stayed put by the living room for a few more moments. She drank her water, put the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher, cleaned up the counter a little, shut the lights downstairs, and finally, headed up to her room in the second level.

The lights there were off, and yet even from the distance, she could she Lucas' body lying flat over the bed. He said he was tired when he got home, but Peyton hadn't known just how much. It really looked as he was asleep already —shirtless, yet still with his pants, over the covers and looking pretty much as if he'd passed out on their bed.

Peyton chuckled quietly a little bit and then headed into the bathroom. She would attempt to wake him up after getting into her PJs.

Thing was, when she was finally nice and ready on her PJs, he also noticed Lucas' stirring a little bit already as she stepped out of the bathroom. _Well, at least he spared her the trouble_, she thought.

"You up?"

"I'm dead, I'm so sorry,"

She laughed; he loved it when she laughed. Especially about the silly things she wouldn't be laughing at, normally. "Is all right. Mind if I keep you company?"

Now it was Lucas who laughed at her a bit. "Never…" He drawled out, yet before the words were completely out of his mouth, Peyton was already sitting herself on top of him —_literally_. "You're trouble, you know?" He said low when she started kissing his neck…and his back and shoulders. What was she trying to do, really?

"The kid's not here, you had a long day, let me help you,"

Lucas thought about her words for a moment. "Help me what?"

She giggled and shrugged her shoulders. "Relax, goof," She told him playfully as she kept on kissing him slowly. She actually kind of enjoyed this; make him happy and help him forget about all those horrendous mistakes he saw daily at work in manuscripts.

"You still love me, right?"

Why would she even question that? "Of course I do," Lucas tilted his head a little, and laid it sideways so that he could look at Peyton easily. He didn't exactly see her eyes then though, but…Oh Lord, his eyes immediately focused in her long legs hanging at the sides of his own body, and then, for a moment, Lucas forgot completely what he was saying —or doing, or thinking…Wow, those were some beautiful legs she had.

Unfortunately for Lucas, Peyton _did_ notice the way he was looking at her. She scowled. "Lucas!"

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare, I just —I, I'm sorry, Peyton…"

"Uh, huh," She said sarcastically looking at him through squinted eyes. "I was serious,"

He cleared his throat. "So was I. Of course I love you –all of you," He clarified looking again –_briefly_– at her legs. She smacked his head with her hand softly and then there were a couple of minutes when they both just laughed.

Peyton grew somber before Lucas did and he didn't like the face she made. "Why did you ask?"

She looked at him uneasy for a moment. "Because I wanted to know. Because if you really didn't love me, then I could finally understand just why you can't be okay with this baby–"

"Peyton is not like that, you know it—"

"—But I don't, you won't talk to me."

Once more, there was a minute of silence —they both knew she was not lying.

Lucas then moved to lie on his back and Peyton rearranged herself and sat over his stomach. They held each other's hands. "Would you just tell me the truth? What is it? Why are you so scared this time? You weren't when I was pregnant with Michael?"

"I, is just, um, is…"

"Just talk to me, you were always able to do that with me…"

Lucas nodded, and leaned up just so that he could kiss her lips gently. "Is just that right now it all feels kind of like a dream. We've been married for a while –_five_ years actually, and yet, I think this is the first time we are both on the same page. I love you and I know you love me too."

"I do," She said nodding her head.

"That's what I thought. And that's what I meant, three years ago, hell; one year ago you think you would have been able to admit that to me just like that?"

Peyton didn't need to answer; she just shook her head ever so slightly.

"Your relationship with Mikey is still not the best. Yet,_ it is_ the best you two have had since he was born. You've been through hell and more, we both have, and even then…even then you are here, we are here, we are both here and we have a family and now you are pregnant. And that's…God, that's the best thing you've told me since you agreed to marry me five years ago."

"Then what is it that you can't just be happy about it?"

Lucas took a moment to reply; he smiled up at Peyton and then gently enough flipped them both over so that now he was on top of her. All his weight was on his arms, and before he answered to her question, he leaned in kissing her lips softly one more time. Peyton this time kissed him back —one way or another, Lucas had already reassured her a little bit about all those things she feared about his feelings towards this baby she was now carrying.

"You are really happy about this, aren't you?" Lucas asked back then instead of answering right away.

Peyton smiled and looked away from his eyes. She really was. A beat later, she nodded her head.

"So?"

"So I haven't really seen you happy in so long that I'm not sure how to react to it now…"

"How about you are just happy with me?"

Lucas nodded, and yet grew thoughtful only seconds later. "You really wanna know why I'm this afraid this time even when I wasn't the first time you were pregnant?"

Again, Peyton just nodded.

"When you were first pregnant with Mikey I didn't know what to expect. I was terrified but at the same time I needed you not to feel that way. And then, then he was born and you…you became this person I didn't know. You started carrying with this big darkness you couldn't get rid of for a very _very_ long time. I lost you after Mikey was born, can you blame me for being scared this time? I don't wanna lose you again."

"You won't."

"How do you know? How do you know you won't start feeling just as you felt back then as the months start passing by? As the feelings and sensations and memories of being pregnant return to you? How can you be sure?" He asked the question cautiously and sighed just as Peyton did then.

He rolled to his side, and lie right next to Peyton —he wrapped one of his arms around her frame and reached to grab one of her hands once again. "See why I didn't want to tell you all this? Now you are worrying like I am," He said upon the solemn face Peyton had on right now.

Peyton waited a beat, and then turned her eyes so that she could see into Lucas' eyes. "No, I'm glad you told me." She assured him with a small nod of her head. She stared at his bright blue eyes and thought for a moment –why if their kid was born with those same eyes? Honestly, she would really love to see a second pair of those staring back at her every day.

She kissed his lips now –she took the initiative, she rarely ever did that, even now when everybody thought of her as "_healed_." Maybe that was just part of what Lucas was saying and while not completely healed, she was indeed healing…little by little.

"But I don't know how to be sure either."

Lucas' features softened and he fought the urge to kiss her again. "I think that's okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. It just means we are both now aware of the place we don't wanna go back. Not as a couple, or as a family…" And it was then with those words, when his eyes focused on her still _oh-so_ flat stomach, but that still the action held a lot of meaning for Peyton. Even when that baby was now at most the size of a pea, she was glad he thought of it as part of their family already.

"I promise to avoid that place at all cost."

Lucas couldn't help but chuckle even though she had been serious. She smiled too after a beat though. "And I promise I'll be here for you —every single step of the way."

"You really _really_ promise?"

"I _swear_ that to you."

"Okay then you better keep it because I'm going to hold you to it."

Lucas chuckled again and nodded his head; he had no objection against that. He gave her a real kiss then –a real one and Peyton just had to kiss him back. When they stopped and pulled back from each other to get some air, Lucas looked down and Peyton knew again what —_who_ he was looking at.

He reached down, leaning closer to her stomach as he lifted up her shirt and slowly moved his wet lips as close as he could to her tummy. "Your mama is still so _so_ skinny baby, are you sure you are in there pea-baby? We are waiting for you!" He played and laughed, and most importantly, made Peyton laugh. As of right now, she couldn't think of something she loved more than Lucas being silly and sweet about her pregnancy. She'd missed that; he had been so sweet when she was pregnant with Mikey; while this time, he had just worried –a lot. It was honestly just extremely nice to know he loved this little baby too just as he loved Mikey from the very start.

"What do you think is going to be?"

"A girl."

"Yeah?" He asked because Peyton didn't even think about it.

She nodded confidently though. "Yeah, a girl."

Lucas nodded too. "I think so too –a little girl."

* * *

**AN : **Okay, so again it was kind of like a bittersweet chapter, but I wanted to write it in. That's why it took me a little while to post it. I wanted to show a little about how Nathan was introduced to Mikey, and how he started being an actual part of his family. The next couple of chapters I kinda like the concept of them, so we'll see. Hopefully you'll like them too. I promise to put them up asap. Thanks a lot for reading.


	26. Chapter TwentySix : September 21st…

**Chapter Twenty-Six: September 21st…**

* * *

_September 21st 2009_

_It had sneaked up on her the day of Mikey's third birthday; her life wasn't too bad. Sure, something really bad had happened to her three years —and nine months— ago and okay yes, she would probably always carry around with that pain and memories, but…as of that precise moment of her life, she couldn't dare to say it had all turn out so bad after all._

_She wasn't finished yet —not at all, but at 21, Peyton was probably one of the few people she knew her age who knew –more or less– where she was going, whom she was going with, and how she was going to get there._

_Two years ago when she graduated high school she had been in a very dark place, not knowing what to do, afraid of the future, afraid of herself and not at all comfortable with the life she was leading. Some would say she hit rock bottom one year ago, when she almost lost her family and herself at the cost of drugs and whatnot. Now, over one year after that, she still got bored with her life some days. She still hated folding little tiny laundry for Mikey, she still hated having to iron sometimes some of Lucas' shirts, she still liked to cook but hated the outcome pretty much all the times. She still hated long lessons at school, she still hated not being able to go out on the weekends or at night as she pleased… _

_—And yet…the difference between her 21-year-old self and her 18-year-old self was that, unlike that girl back in the day, Peyton now didn't feel as though she had to fight to urge to run out the door as she did when she was 18 and a newlywed._

_Now she had a life, and while it was not perfect and she got frustrated with it at times, it was still a better life than the one she'd thought for herself this same day three years ago when Michael Thomas Scott was born and she had absolutely no idea what the future was going to bring for her._

_Today, three years later, Peyton could say she'd hit rock bottom already in her life, but she had made it through. Hell, life wasn't easy and surely, in only 21 years, she'd learned that much already._

_She wanted something to change though. "Lucas…"_

_He was so focused trying to fix his hair just right that he didn't even listen when his name was called. Peyton still continued to stare at him –there, in front of the mirror, feeling important and being cute._

_"Lucas Scott," She called again, this time a little louder –not too much though._

_Lucas' eyes went wide and he turned his head sharply so that he was now looking at Peyton. "You called?" He asked guardedly. He had been so lost into his thoughts he wasn't sure anymore if she had really called him or he had just thought she had._

_In any case, Peyton nodded. She was standing by the foot of Lucas' bed, still staring at him and yet keeping her distance for some reason too._

_"Are you okay?" He asked because given the face she had, Lucas was sure she was overthinking something right now._

_She thought before replying, but after a beat, she nodded her head once again. "Yeah…I'm good."_

_Silence followed but just when Lucas was about to turn back to see his reflection in the mirror again, Peyton spoke again. "You do realize we've been married for over three years now, right? —Technically, I mean."_

_Lucas had no idea where she was going. Sure, she was right with that statement, but to be honest, they have never actually celebrated their anniversary or anything like it…Mostly because even when they were married they hardly ever acted as a married couple —in some ways._

_"I do,"_

_"Then have you also realized that in three years we've only slept together 3 times —at most, right?"_

_"Peyton!"_

_"What?" She asked back because Lucas was just being a prude. "It's the truth," She added, though this time she sounded a bit coy._

_"Where are you going with this?" Lucas tried asking gently. He forgot then completely about his hair and instead took a few steps forward just so that he was closer to Peyton._

_At his question however, she shrugged her shoulders. "Do you think we already missed our chance?"_

_Not at all, Lucas thought, but somehow he didn't seem to be able to tell her that much. "What do you mean?"_

_Peyton puffed –as if he didn't know what she meant, she thought. But okay, whatever, she would play his game. "Don't play dumb, I mean that the only difference between us and two roommates raising a child together is that we have a paper that says we are married."_

_"You know it's not like that," Lucas encountered with and Peyton found herself nodding strongly at his words._

_"And that's exactly my point. We are together and yet we are not at the same time. And well, that's probably my fault and the way we started this and how screwed up I am, but…there must be a reason why we haven't gotten a divorce yet, right?"_

_Lucas never ever even consider that as an option —not even when she was right, and in three years they have never actually be –or acted like husband and wife._

_"I know this is not what you thought you'd get when you asked me to marry you…"_

_"I wanted to protect you, and be there for Mikey."_

_"I know, and you have…but, what about you? What about what you want?"_

_Lucas stared softly at her for a minute. He wanted her, he wanted Michael, and he wanted the family they had. In the last year, even after she was done with rehab and completely clean, even when they've become really really good friends and their relationship was pretty damn good, Lucas had never dared to make a real move on her. In all honesty, he had been afraid doing that would break an unspoken deal they had. As far as Lucas knew, she wasn't ready yet. Of course in the back of his mind he always thought one day she would be ready, but he had never really gave a date to that day._

_Right now his life —hell, their life was pretty good all things considered. They had a good dynamic and worked well as a team. That was not to say Lucas didn't want more from Peyton –of course he did. Some days after coming home the one thing he wanted to do was kiss her and tell how beautiful she looked but…he never did because he just thought she wasn't ready. One of the things her psychiatrist had told him once was not to rush her into falling back into her roles –as a mother but mostly as a wife, so Lucas had settled not to rush her. It had been over a year now though…perhaps in reality he had just been afraid of rejection after all…_

_"I think I want you in my life…not just now, but always. I asked you to marry me because I loved you. I did it then, I do it now…"_

_Peyton nodded her head slightly. A smile playing already on her lips. "I thought you did," She said sheepishly; ugh, was she really blushing right now? She hated herself a little for it, and so trying to mask the embarrassment, she looked down at the ground. When she looked back up however, Lucas had already moved even closer to her. He was actually only inches away from her face. "So you still think we have a chance?" She whispered and she could feel Lucas' warm breath on her face, and surprisingly enough, she found that she liked this._

_"I think you are the one who can answer that. Do we? Do you wanna be with me?"_

_Peyton knew the magnitude of the question. She knew she had been the one to bring all this up but…yeah, she did want him. It scared her to the core, to her freaking every bone, but she still wanted him. She didn't want to keep playing this game with each one sleeping in a different bed in a different room. She wanted to feel him close, not only when he hugged her when she was scared or sad, but always –every day and every night. She wanted him. She wanted to be his wife —for real, not just because she didn't see another way out. _

_"You know I do," Peyton promised softly because even when she knew it was truth, she couldn't help but feel astonished this was actually happening —finally. "I don't want to waste more time being an idiot."_

_Lucas chuckled, and at his laugh, Peyton found herself smiling. "Me either," He promised, and then, before either one of them could properly sink in the moment, Lucas put his hand lightly on the back of her head and slowly their faces came closer together. Peyton's hand rested on his cheek and slowly they kissed. It was the sweetest kiss; the first one they have given to each other completely aware of the circumstances and completely committed to make this work. To be happy and be together. They stayed like this for a while._

_"We are doing this." She was the first to state the facts._

_Lucas smiled almost still against Peyton's own wet lips. "We are doing this." He stated back and a beat later, he kissed her again._

_And then it was over. "Happy birthday to me!" Mikey chanted from his Dad's doorway and though neither Lucas nor Peyton had been completely happy about the interruption, they still couldn't help but laugh at Mikey's words —even Peyton laughed at him and Lucas hugged her just because of that. His hand draped around her waist, and he pulled her closer to his body as he had wanted to do for the past three years whenever they were together. _

_Peyton leaned into his touch, and contently for the first time in forever, walked along her husband in the direction of Mikey. "Happy Birthday to you," Lucas chanted back and all three of them laughed again._

_And so, that was how September 21st, 2009 began…_

_September 21st 2010_

_ "Stop staring." Peyton ordered, and honestly, even when it wasn't 10 O'clock in the morning yet, she was already wishing this day to be over already. Michael should know better by now, he really really should._

_"Say it," He insisted urgently. Peyton however didn't look at him as he spoke —she kept fixing her makeup in front of that silly mirror._

_"I won't—"_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I don't have to—"_

_"But you do," Mikey whined, pouting and squeezing his eyes tight._

_Peyton did get to see this. "Do not start crying," She warned and all too seriously, Mikey looked up at her eyes again. _

_"You do have to say it, it's my birthday —"_

_"And I'm throwing you a party. Besides, your Daddy already did,"_

_Mikey shook his head. That was not a reason. "But you still have to do it too," He insisted, tears were already filling his eyes but he would anyway do as Peyton told him, he would not cry._

_Peyton really knew how this argument was in vain —she knew she could make him happy if only with a couple of words and yet, she didn't seem to know how to let this one slide quite yet. "I don't…" She told him coldly, before taking her eyes off of him one more time._

_Mikey didn't say anything back for a few minutes. He stayed in the room though; he didn't move from Peyton's bed and just waited until she was finished getting ready. "Say it," He tried again when Peyton's eyes were on him again. "Please." He added softly and Peyton sighed._

_"Why?" She asked offhandedly. _

_Mikey stared at her seriously for at least a minute. "You're my mama."_

_Peyton's eyes immediately fell from his to the ground and she shook her head. Why did they begin with this discussion anyway? "Happy birthday Michael…"_

_There, she said it, lucky Mikey she thought to herself before starting to walk again._

_Mikey hadn't bought it though. "You don't mean it,"_

_This time Peyton didn't wait to reply. "You told me to say the words, I did, stop being silly now."_

_He wasn't being silly. Was it really silly to want your mom to wish you a happy birthday the day of your own birthday? Mikey didn't think so. He didn't push the subject anymore though. "When is Daddy getting here?"_

_This kind of questions Peyton had no problem answering. Was it too much to ask if Michael asked more of this kind rather than the other uncomfortable ones she wasn't very good at? "His plane lands right at noon, he should be here before one. He promised." _

_"Okay," Mikey replied somewhat sadly as he climbed down Peyton's bed._

_He was already by the doorway when Peyton spoke again. "Your grandma is going to be here soon though."_

_"Really?" There was a hint of excitement in his voice again and for that instant, Peyton stopped feeling so guilty about this morning._

_"It was supposed to be a surprise, but she'll understand. I'll tell her it's your birthday so I couldn't lie when you asked me, all right?"_

_Mikey nodded his head immediately –quite strongly, he loved his grandma. _

_"All right,"_

_"All right then. You should go play now; I'll call you when Karen's here."_

_One more time, Mikey nodded and started walking out of the room._

_He was already out of sight and out of earshot when Peyton uttered the two little words she should have told him before he left. "I'm sorry…"_

_See, missed chances, missed opportunities, that was what it was all about some days…_

_"—Front door was unlocked—"_

_"—Damn it Nathan! You scared the life out of me! I didn't hear you come in!"_

_He chuckled and Peyton hated him for it a little –it was so not funny! She shook her head. "What are you doing here?" Peyton asked Nathan harshly because she was still mad he came into her bedroom, the way he had._

_Nathan looked at her funny and shrugged his shoulders though. "It's Mikey's birthday —you invited me," He told her matter of factly making Peyton scowl._

_She hated him when he was being a smart ass. Peyton stared at Nathan for another moment before she exhaled and shook her head again. Sometimes she really didn't like the person she was. "I'm sorry, you just scared me."_

_It impressed Nathan a little how fast she put her guard down for him. Once upon a time if would have taken her forever —if at all. "Are you okay?"_

_"Hanging in there," Peyton answered honestly. It had been just two weeks, two whole weeks with Lucas away and she had been all by herself with Mikey. No one could really blame her for feeling overwhelmed, right?_

_"He **is** coming today, right?"_

_Peyton nodded her head. When she told Nathan to come to the party, he had been all but certain about coming. It was one thing that Lucas knew he spent time with Mikey, but it was a whole different to be in the same space with him and Peyton and Mikey…_

_It had been something shy of a year since Nathan was introduced to Mikey's life, and to that day, his place in that little boy's life was still uncertain._

_The first few weeks, hell, the first few months after Nathan met Mikey and actually got to spend time with him and realized the kind of little boy he was, Nathan had asked Peyton endlessly, day and night to do the paternity test for once and for all. She still refused; four years after he was born, and she was still stubborn about the stupid test…_

_After months of always getting negative responses, Nathan had in a way given up —for now perhaps. His mom always told him that he could go to court, and that any judge would make Peyton do the test on her son, but…Nathan would never take Peyton to court for this…_

_Not ever —he actually cared about her a lot, he didn't understand why she was so freaking stubborn, but she was still his friend —for better or worse, and at the end of the day, even if Mikey were his son or not, at least Nathan knew he loved spending time with Mikey, and in return, the little dude liked him a lot too._

_Too bad Nathan still couldn't stand Lucas…and vice versa of course._

_That was why today would probably be kind of awkward. Nathan and Lucas hardly ever actually saw each other's faces –not since Lucas stopped playing ball while Nathan kept on with it. They honestly had no common grounds —well, of course besides having Peyton and Mikey in common, and well, also the little detail that technically they were brothers, but…there was still zero to no relationship between those two._

_"I already told my mom that if I didn't come home tonight, it'll be because your lovely husband took care of me…"_

_Peyton chuckled at Nathan's dramatism and at the sight of her smile; Nathan couldn't not laugh a little too. He had actually told his mom as much though —you never knew in truth what Lucas was capable of after all. Especially considering he still swore on Nathan being the reason why Peyton got into drugs two years ago._

_"You are an idiot."_

_Nathan just shrugged his shoulders. "Can you blame me?" He asked helplessly, and even though Peyton wanted to tell him otherwise, she found herself shaking her head at his question._

_"You shouldn't judge Luke either, he…he's just threated by you that's all. In the back of our minds we both know he really is not Michael's Dad —not biologically, and even if you are not either, Mikey still likes you a lot and that just makes Luke wonder sometimes…he loves that boy more than he loves life itself, so…just bear with him if he's an ass today with you, okay?" She smiled a silly smile and squished her nose before breathing in deeply –if only it all were that simple._

_"I brought something for Mikey," Nathan noted because he honestly was done with the Lucas subject already._

_Peyton's eyes narrowed at those words though. She shook her head. "No no, not yet…everybody will be here at 3, so…no, then he'll open presents and eat the cake and all that stuff. Just put whatever you brought in the closet or something. You can go and say hello to him if you want I guess…"_

_Nathan stayed in silence for a small moment. "Why do you have to be so tough on him, huh?"_

_"I'm not."_

_"You know you are…"_

_Of course she was but she couldn't just tell him that. It wasn't as she did it on purpose really, she just…couldn't help who she was when she was with Mikey. That wasn't an excuse though. "I guess it's easy to assume that I don't love him, but…if I didn't, then let's just say mothering him would be so much easier…" And it was true…if she didn't love him, then honestly at least she wouldn't feel as if she'd ruined already that little boy's life every single day of hers…_

_Nathan in any case didn't answer with words her statement, but just looked at her and nodded. She was looking at the ground, and he probably should have just left, but instead, before stepping out of the bedroom, Nathan placed his arms around Peyton's frame and hugged her. He didn't need to say anything and they both knew that._

_Only a couple of minutes later anyway, Nathan was already out of Peyton's bedroom, and instead entering Michael's room already. The little guy didn't seem to be doing all that well either. "You okay kiddo?" He looked as if he'd been crying._

_Mikey in any case nodded his head strongly. "Would you like to be my Daddy too?"_

_It was the understatement of the year to say Nathan was taken aback by those words. Did Mikey actually just say that? "What?"_

_"Yeah," Mikey said simply standing up from his desk. "Nolan's mommy is in heaven, so when mommies have to go to school, he has an auntie who pretends to be his mommy."_

_"I don't understand what you are saying, Mike…" Nathan chimed in before Mikey was finished._

_The little boy shook his head slightly. "I don't want Aunt Haley or Aunt Brooke to pretend to be my mommies, but…you could pretend to be my Daddy—"_

_"You already have a Daddy," Nathan narrowed his eyes when Mikey nodded and even chuckled at his words._

_"Of course I do silly," He said with a chuckle. "But I can have two, can't I?" Mikey asked hesitating a little his words. Nathan didn't answer right away, so he thought he better explained. "Mommy is just not very good at the mommy thing sometimes…"_

_Nathan wasn't sure if it was because of the weather or what, but still at those words, a cold chill ran all the way down his spine. What was he supposed to say back to that?_

_"Sure you can have two…I'd be honored to be your daddy too…"_

* * *

**AN : **We'll get two more birthdays, fourth and fifth…the idea was to show how things can change in the span of one year…I hope you liked what I'm trying to do. I will try to put the next chapter up soon since it's kind of continuation from this one. Thanks a loot for reading.


	27. Chapter TwentySeven : September 21st…

**Chapter Twenty-Seven : September 21st…**

* * *

_September 21st 2011_

_"I can't believe you actually spent the night here…"_

_Peyton stirred a little at his words. She still wasn't completely awake but she did understand what Lucas told her. She kept her eyes closed when Lucas' thumb came up and caressed her cheek. "Yeah? Me either…" She told him honestly. "I, I think, I think I slept through the night…"_

_"Yeah?" Lucas asked but he knew already that she did. It had been like four in the morning when he woke up and didn't find her beside him in bed. Lucas went to look for her and found her in Mikey's room pretty much in the same spot he had found her just now. She had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position, in a bed that was far too small for her, and Mikey together, and yet when Lucas saw her, all snuggled up next to her son –the first time in five years honestly– he didn't have the heart to wake her up. Plus, she really looked as if she was sleeping as soundly as could be, so Lucas simply couldn't wake her up._

_Now it was 9 am and the story was different though; they had to wake up. All three of them had a good day just starting ahead of them._

_No matter how hard Peyton still refused to even open her eyes. "Yeah. He, Mikey, he had a nightmare or something, he came to the room so I brought him back, but…but then he wanted to read, so we read, but…but then he just told me to stay, so I just stayed —it wasn't so bad really…" She noted as an afterthought the second her eyes slowly started fluttering open at last._

_She met Lucas' immediately; he was nodding his head. There was also a silly smile on his face; Peyton didn't understand why._

_"You've come a long way, you know?"_

_Peyton immediately shook her head. "Nuh, I haven't…"_

_"Yes you have, I'm proud of you…"_

_They stayed in silence for a moment —then Peyton thought what to say back —it was partly the truth to be honest. "Don't be fool, I think are just the hormones turning me into **this** person," She stressed looking over at that arm of hers that was still holding Mikey as he slept beside her._

_"Nope, it's all you," Lucas said but Peyton puffed a little and instead of replying, she leaned back on the bed, and let her eyes fall close again. She lifted the hand that wasn't holding Mikey to her face, and it was then when that precious part of her body was exposed to Lucas._

_He stared at her and chuckled a little bit._

_"Hmmmm…?" Peyton grumbled; she wanted to go back to sleep, she couldn't do that if he was laughing._

_"Nothing," Lucas said sheepishly and Peyton shook her head; she could hear the smile in his voice._

_She opened her eyes again. By then she was feeling more awake already. "What?"_

_"Nothing," Lucas said again, shrugging his shoulders this time. His eyes did focus however, in Peyton's small bump again, and this time Peyton was actually able to notice it._

_"I know…"_

_"You are starting to really really show now,"_

_The statement was so true, and while she was pretty pretty happy about it, she was also going through a face of self-consciousness for some reason._

_"You remember when I was like this with Michael?"_

_Lucas made a face at the question, of course he remembered. "It was different though…"_

_Peyton nodded her head, she really didn't let herself remember all that much about those months, but in the last week, she had cave in a little bit. "I remember he was this tiny round bump hanging from my tummy at the beginning…nobody could actually tell I was pregnant until past the fourth month or so. I, I haven't told you, but, I…I've gotten random clients congratulating me already…it's bizarre," She said kind of concerned making Lucas smile._

_She actually looked kind of cute. Lucas nodded now too and leaned up kissing her lips softly. "Maybe it's because she's a girl this time…? The baby I mean…" Lucas said back only a moment later. Peyton knew he was trying not to sound hopeful or anything. _

_But sadly for him, by now she could read oh-so clear through him though. "We can find out what it is for sure, you know? If it's a girl or a boy…"_

_"Really? You don't mind?"_

_Peyton wanted to laugh so bad at how fast he asked the question. She shrugged her shoulders though. "I guess I can live with it…"_

_"You can live with it?" Lucas just had to chuckle a little bit at the way she said those words._

_Peyton stared at him and smiled shaking her head. "I guess I also think it's a little girl so if it's a boy then we can both be wrong, and save a bunch of money in baby clothes since we still have Mikey's somewhere. Or, we can both be right, and then…well, then we can declare bankruptcy after we've bought all brand new baby girl clothes for the baby…"_

_Lucas was a little surprised at this Peyton before him; earlier he had said the truth: she had really come a long way. "Are you really joking about this?"_

_She smiled and shrugged her shoulders, but said nothing._

_"I just want it to be okay, you, and the baby. Even if we are wrong and he's a boy, I'll be happy, I promise. After all it will mean a perfect playmate for Mikey, and also will mean you and me trying again for that girl who'll look like you,"_

_Peyton chuckled and shook her head. "You are crazy you know that?" It was Luke who said nothing this time; he only laughed too and shrugged his shoulders. "But I want that too…I want it to just be okay…" She said softly, her voice trailing off and her eyes shifting to Mikey still sleeping soundly beside her in his tiny bed._

_She took a deep breath. "I'm a freaking cliché, but can you believe he's five already?" She looked at Lucas for a moment, just long enough to see him shake his head before she looked over back at Mikey. "Even when sometimes it feels as if he's going on twenty, he's still just a boy —he still gets scared at nights and hates the dark just like every other boy his age does."_

_"He is tougher than most boys though…he's learned that from you…" —The hard way, Lucas thought, but could not utter that aloud._

_Peyton stayed silent for a minute. "I think maybe we should test him…"_

_Lucas was confused. "What?"_

_"Mikey and Nate…maybe we should actually do the test."_

_"Why?"_

_She pursed her lips and thought about it briefly —it wasn't the first time this thought was in her mind. _

_"One day he'll want to know the truth, so I…I don't know, I guess I want to know which truth I'm going to tell him –the one that would make him happy, or one that would hurt him…"_

_"Are you sure?"_

_Peyton shook her head. "Nope. What do you think?"_

_"I think we've lived in a limbo, tiptoeing around this situation for five years now. I think that even when it's hard we should know the truth."_

_Peyton nodded. She said nothing afterward though. Lucas held the fingers of her hand and kissed it and she smiled. She turned on her side then though —her back to Lucas as she actually hugged and snuggled even closer to Mikey. He still didn't wake up, but leaned into his mom's touch as well._

_Lucas stayed in the room, in silence and saw as Peyton closed her eyes. He was sitting on the floor beside the bed, he considered leaving, but instead of doing so, he stayed put and rested his back against Mikey's nightstand —one of his hands stroking gently Peyton's hair._

_Time passed, not so much but enough that Peyton had actually fallen asleep and Lucas had almost done so too by the time Mikey finally started stirring. _

_"Mommy?" He mumbled sleepily when at turning around on his bed he saw no one other than Peyton lying next to him._

_She was still sleepy too, but when she heard him, she opened her eyes too. She nodded her head at Mikey and shifted her eyes only to find Lucas looking around sleepily too. She smiled and turned back to Michael. "Happy birthday, Mikey…"_

_The words echoed softly in his room, but he said nothing in return. Mikey just smiled looking up at his mom and nodded his head. He had no idea why she had changed, why suddenly she was in a good mood more often. He only knew that he liked it. He liked how it felt to have a dad **and **a mom for the first time. He liked how it felt when Peyton told him he was going to be a big brother. He liked it when she laughed now sometimes. He liked it when she hugged him as she'd been doing just now. Mikey…he just liked how it felt to have a mother for a change…_

_He hadn't had all that many birthdays before this one —only four actually, but even so, as of that very instant, Mikey could say this one was the best one so far. —He had a mom, he had a Dad, he had a baby sister yet to be born, he had a Nathan, he had a grandma and grandpa, and a bunch of uncles, and aunts…it was pretty awesome actually._

_It was funny, but even when he was as happy as could be, not Mikey —not Lucas, not Peyton, could stop thinking if next year they would all feel as content as they did right now…_

_September 21st 2012_

_Up in New York everybody was always so busy, they were always doing what they had to do and did not bother to mingle with the rest of the humanity. They did not ask question and just did as they were supposed to._

_Down in the south, well, down here people are always asking, even if she didn't know them so well, they would still ask her "How are you doing sweetie?" Or also tell her things she didn't want to hear "we are so sorry about what happened." "I can't imagine what you went through." —It had been almost one year already since it happened, and while it never ever stopped hurting, Peyton did wish people would stop looking at her with pitiful eyes "Oh poor Peyton, her baby died, let's all be extra nice with her, shall we?"_

_Peyton imagined that was the direction everybody around her got after she lost her baby over 11months ago. She'd tried to move past it, why then everybody else couldn't? Why they changed so much and looked at her so differently now? There was no other single thing Peyton hated most right now than people's constant pity…as if she didn't have enough with all the other crap in her live to have them hovering around her, too…_

_It really was just not fair._

_Then again, she hadn't really been her best self in the last year, so perhaps she really did not deserve fairness in the first place._

_But in any case she still hated it —all of it right now._

_She exhaled heavily as she walked through the front door of her house. It was past 10 O'clock that evening; everything was already silent. She tried to make as little noise as she could as she headed up the stairs with her suitcase, and purse, and laptop in her hands. She walked down the hall, and thanked God Mikey's room was already closed, and his light was off._

_The door right next to his room was opened, yet the only light coming from that one was the one of the small lap by Lucas' side of the bed. Peyton walked into the room and once again was glad he wasn't in the room yet. He was probably at the studio or down stairs in the living room reading. In any case she did as she always did after a long trip. She turned on the lap by her side of the bed and set her suitcase by the foot of the bed as well. She tried not to make much noise again as she entered the bathroom and changed into more comfortable clothes. She washed her face and removed her makeup. She put on her PJs, washed her teeth and all the while pretended Lucas was not going to come upstairs any time soon. She wished it were all easy and she could be glad she was back, but she wasn't…she was only back because work was obliging her to be —otherwise she wouldn't be here, oh no she weren't…specially not this week._

_"Hi…" And that was when her luck was finished. As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom, there he was, standing by their bed, Lucas stood, and with surprise in his features, he greeted her softly._

_She had said she would try her best to be there in time, but Lucas had known she hadn't meant it. Now she was here, but it was too late._

_The air turned awkward and Peyton did not quite know what to say back. She looked at his eyes before she nodded her head a little bit, and continued with her tasks. She rummaged through her purse, and found her cellphone and keys. She placed them on the nightstand, and after setting away a couple more items, she started unmaking her side of the bed._

_Lucas breathed in deeply and shook his head. "Are you really not going to say anything?"_

_Peyton looked up at him at his words. "What do you want me to say?" She asked nonchalantly, she shrugged her shoulders and shifted her eyes from his._

_Lucas was mad. Yes, that was the word, he was mad at her, and he couldn't be sure how much of **this **he could handle. "You missed the whole thing. You didn't show up and you didn't even call to wish him a happy birthday," He stated, he was hurt and Peyton could tell that._

_She had to stay in silence for a moment after those words._

_"I couldn't be here,"_

_Lucas' face fell at that, and he turned around so that he wasn't looking at her anymore._

_Peyton waited a beat before speaking again. "I'm not lying, I…I couldn't. You know what this week is, right?"_

_"Of course," Lucas didn't hesitate before answering. He was shaking his head angrily though. "But that still is not an excuse. You could have at least called him. He was waiting all day on you. I, God Peyton I can't believe we've come to this…"_

_She stared at him, at his angry features and narrowed eyes. "I'm doing what I can, if that's not enough for you, then I am sorry, Lucas. I couldn't be here and if you want to be mad and blame me for that, then so be it, I can't not make you feel otherwise, now can I?"_

_Lucas pursed his lips angrily and threw his hands up in the air. "Do you always have to get the last word in? Why do you have to be like this?" With the question, his voice started rising slightly._

_Peyton didn't even flinch though. "I'm not like anything. No matter what I do, it's never enough for you lately, so I'm done. I'm done trying to be Miss. Perfect for you…"_

_"I've never asked you to be perfect, I just…I just want you to be his mom, is it really so much to ask?"_

_Peyton stayed in silence. Over six years they have been together and every time they've had problems is had all come down to this, to Mikey, to her inability to be a good parent to him._

_"I guess it is,"_

_Lucas stared at her pointedly as she said those words. So calm and resigned —as if she really didn't understand the magnitude of what she was saying. _

_Lucas sighed and sat at one edge on the bed. Peyton did the same and just waited in silence; she knew something was coming. "I'm tired, Peyton…"_

_He shifted to look at her eyes one more time. "I'm tired of this, I'm tired of trying too, I'm tired of seeing you getting worse each day…"_

_"And what is that supposed to mean?"_

_"It means this is not working anymore. It means…I think maybe we should take a break," Lucas was looking right into her eyes as he said those words. She didn't flinch, but he knew he'd hurt her. He hated himself for it, but…the past year had not been life. It had been miserable and just one heartache after another. He wished he could make everything all right for Peyton, but then again, wasn't that exactly what he had been doing for the past 6 years to no avail? What if he really could not save Peyton from this one? What if he really couldn't help her change? God knew trying to change who she was, had been a huge mistake itself once upon a time when they got together…_

_"I think you might be right."_

_"So…? We are just gonna give up like that?"_

_Peyton offered him a helpless shrug —she honestly had no more fight within herself. "I'm not the one begging for an out right now, Lucas."_

_"I love you,"_

_"I know."_

_"But I need to do what's best for Mikey…"_

_It was then when Peyton's eyes narrowed. "If you want an out, you got it, but you are not taking Michael this time." She stated far too serious._

_Lucas squinted his eyes and rose from the bed as she said that. He didn't understand her. The less she wanted was take care of Mikey and yet, here they were. Was she really fighting for him right now?_

_"You are never around anymore Peyton. You…God, when was the last time you even spoke to Mikey, you…you don't kn—"_

_"I don't know how to be a mother?" She finished the sentence for Lucas. He said nothing. "I know, but that doesn't change the facts, that kid is mine, and even when some papers say otherwise, you and I, we both know you are not that kid's father." Her words hurt him, hell, her words hurt her as well, too., but…no…she couldn't, if she was to lose Lucas then so be it, but she couldn't be alone, and if that meant sticking out with Michael, then so be it too. She would not be alone. She couldn't be. And if someone thought she was being selfish, then Peyton would tell them they are right, because it was the truth. She was indeed being selfish._

_She was not going to lose another one of her children though. Not even to Lucas._

_"You are unbelievable, you know that?"_

_Peyton shrugged again. "So what if I am. You are not taking him. That's all I'm saying."_

_"Why are you even doing this?" Lucas asked her honestly. He brought one of his hands up to his face and sighed._

_"He's my son." Peyton told him as casually as she could sound._

_Lucas shook his head immediately. "Now he is, isn't he? But ten minutes ago he wasn't. He wasn't this morning, or this afternoon when you couldn't even be bothered to give him a call on his birthday. You are wrong when you say he's not my kid, and you are also wrong when you say he is yours—"`_

_"—You are such a dick, Lucas."_

_"Then fine I'm a dick, but I'm not letting you do this…" He stated, shaking his head and angrily looking at Peyton. "You are not what's best for Mikey, and if you can't see it by yourself, then I will make a judge see it."_

_Was he really threating her, now? "Fine. Do as you please but just…get the hell out. Please just go." She was trying as hard as she could to stay stoic, strong, not to show how much this was killing her inside but it was hard. She could already feel her eyes stinging, and the hot tears attempting to fall down. "Go,"_

_"Fine, but—"_

_"—No, no buts. This is still my house, leave please." She was keeping herself together, Lucas was too, but inside both of them were all but calm._

_Lucas stayed put; he looked at her and sighed. He knew Peyton, more than he would want right now, so then he just…nodded. "You are not keeping me away from him."_

_"I never said that." Peyton was fast to reply. "But you said it yourself; this is not working anymore, your words, not mine. You wanted an out from me, you- you got it, so…just go. He'll still be your son for as long as you want it, I guess."_

_There was another moment of silence after her words. _

_"I never wanted to get to this. I– I love you, and I…You know I loved Gracie—"_

_"–No, no, don't go there."_

_"But…I can't not. You just shut yourself, shut me out, the doctor never said we couldn't try again, we are young…" Lucas tried to reason with her, but by the time all these words started coming out from his mouth, Peyton started shaking her head strongly, and without hesitation, walked in the direction of the door._

_She couldn't do this, she couldn't have him here saying all these things. She couldn't do it. She had tried so hard not to think about it for the last week, and then…then Lucas just started saying all that. _

_"Peyton!" Lucas couldn't help but call after her when she disappeared through the door. "Peyton come on!" He was almost shouting already but she would still not listen. She kept on walking and before they knew it they were both already standing by the top of the staircase._

_Lucas was being too loud, Peyton wouldn't be surprised if Mikey woke up with all the riot, but she still hoped against hope he didn't. That would only make things worse._

_"What?" She also shouted when she turned and faced Lucas back at last. "Are you gonna tell me again how having another baby is going to make me all better again? How it'll replace Gracie and take it all away? Well, I don't wanna hear that Lucas. Not now, not ever. Get out of my house, please." She stressed the last words strongly; she honestly couldn't have him right here with her._

_"Fine, I'm going." Lucas sounded defeated now, and truth was, he felt that way. His face fell and slowly he made his way down the stairs. This was his house too, the one he'd made all kind of memories in, and now he was just supposed to leave and leave her behind like this._

_He cursed on the day his relationship with Peyton just…broke. The saddest past was that he wasn't even sure when exactly that happened._

_"Thanks…" Her whisper didn't reach Lucas' ears but she still had to say it. He was out of the house less than two minutes later. She breathed deeply, and sat at the top of the stairs._

_Maybe a couple more minutes passed by before Peyton also got to listen Mikey's bedroom door opening. _

_He didn't say anything when he saw Peyton, he just stared at her for a moment, and since she didn't say anything either, he thought it would be okay if he just sat next to her by the stairs._

_"You came…"_

_Peyton turned to look at him. She nodded her head._

_"You know if it's still my birthday?"_

_Mikey still looked sleepy but Peyton knew he had been up for a while —probably he did listen to her whole interchange with Lucas. That saddened her and she wasn't quite sure why. "Yeah kid, it still is."_

_Mikey simply nodded his head and brought his eyes down. "I know why you are so sad…"_

_Peyton didn't answer; she just stared into his blue eyes and waited. "It's going to be Gracie's birthday soon too, right?"_

_She said nothing for a while; then nodded. _

_"I made Daddy take me to the cemetery today. We took her some flowers, and went to see Grandpa, too." Mikey waited to see if she reacted at his words. "Are you mad?" He had to ask when Peyton did nothing but stare at him some more._

_"No…" Peyton replied thoughtfully after a small moment. It was weird in a sense, for a few too many years Mikey really didn't understand everything that happened around him. Now he still didn't understand everything, but he was fast growing up and now while not everything, he did understand some things. _

_How his little sister never got the chance to come home because she got very very sick before she was even born. He understood that, and he mostly understood just why it made his mom so sad._

_"Did Lucas actually take you?"_

_Mikey nodded._

_"He was really sad too though."_

_Peyton didn't say anything back at the piece of information, but simply nodded her head. She looked at her watch and then back at Mikey. "I'm heading to bed, it's late; you should too." She said as she began standing up from the step._

_Mikey wasn't as fast as she was. "Is Daddy coming back?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Are you gonna go away?"_

_"Not for a while."_

_"Am I gonna stay with you now?"_

_"I guess so."_

_They held each other's stare for at least a minute before Peyton spoke softly again. "I hope you had a good day today, Mikey." Lucas may not believe it, but she really did mean that._

_"Happy birthday to me, right?"_

_Peyton chuckled quietly a little before nodding her head —he was right. "Yup…Happy birthday to you…"_


	28. Chapter TwentyEight : Back to the start

**Author's Note : **Remember good ole **_Chapter 1_**? Well, this chapter is finally the continuation to that one. The convo between Nathan and Peyton and so own after Mikey went upstairs again. If you don't remember, wouldn't hurt if you re-read that one hehe :) In any case, thank you SO much for reading, and well, I really hope you get to enjoy this chapter. :)

**Chapter Twenty-Eight : Back to the start…**

* * *

"Don't think I don't understand why you are so mad at me…I do…"

Nathan didn't answer for another moment. He stayed on his side of the living room and waited. He breathed in deeply a few times and tried as hard as he could to calm himself. When Peyton shifted her eyes and looked at him from the couch, Nathan shook his head. "I'm stuck. I feel like I've been stuck in this place for over six years now, and…God damn it Peyton, it's your fault. I've been waiting on you and for what?"

She swallowed hard at that admission. Nathan had never actually said anything like that. "I never asked you to—"

"—But it doesn't matter. You've kept me in this limbo. You want me close but at the same time, you don't. I've tried to move on but I cannot because there is you…" He trailed off running his hand through his face. "And there is Mikey. I…God, I thought last year we were finally going to get this over with. I thought I was finally done begging you to do the test and you had finally come to your senses. You were getting better, but then…then you just shut us all out –_even_ Lucas." Nathan stressed that last part, because even for him, that had been rather surprising. Peyton could be at odds with the world, but she would still always let Lucas in.

Well, at least that was how things had mostly been until one year ago when she simply changed —and not for the better.

"I'm so deeply sorry for what happened to your baby, but ever since it did, it had just felt as though you've been blaming us all for it happening…"

"I know it's not like that—"

"But it is still the way it has felt." Nathan sighed as their eyes locked. "You lost the baby and then you completely forgot about all the other things you had going on for you. And I'm not even talking about me, I'm talking about Mikey and hell, even Lucas. You know I all but like him, but you also know I was completely okay with you two being together as long as you were happy. But now…tell me what you are doing now?"

Sadness overshadowed her features as she looked at the ground. She said nothing. She didn't know what to say. She had no idea what she was doing.

"I told Lucas to go three days ago,"

Nathan nodded, and silently moved in the direction of the couch. For the first time in forever he felt as though he was actually going to speak with Peyton and not with a dark shadow of herself.

"I…I've been taking it all out on him and he doesn't deserve that. You don't deserve that either," For a fleeting moment their eyes met. "I'm sorry I told you you couldn't see Mikey again, it was a bad time, and I had just fought with Lucas, and you called…I'm sorry, I'm just sorry…"

Nathan kept staring at her even though she looked down as soon as she was done speaking. He knew holding onto resentments at this point wasn't going to take them anywhere, he knew he wasn't even one to forgive Peyton, he knew she had messed up, but at the same time, haven't we all messed up at some point? Granted, she threated him with taking away the one person who was a constant in his life, and that was why he had been so angry with her in the first place today.

Deep in her heart, he loved her, as hard as it was to admit that, he did. She was his best friend and the thought of losing her to her darkness again was far too scary to even think about right now.

Nathan touched her hand lightly, getting her attention. "You don't have to apologize to me…"

The words were out, and for some reason, Peyton did feel some sense of comfort in them. As she looked at Nathan's eyes, she could already feel her own filling with tears though. "I'm a mess. And I don't know how to fix it…I don't know if I even want to fix it…"

Nathan was quiet…thoughtful. He didn't let go of her hand though –especially not when Peyton's soft one closed gently around his. Who would have known it, years later, and now she finally needed _him_?

"You know I can't tell you what you are supposed to do, right?" Nathan told her softly anyway.

Peyton looked up at him pleadingly. "I wish you could." She went silent after that, but at least she had told him the truth of how she felt. Things would be much easier if someone just told her exactly what and how to do it…

"Can you just tell me it's going to be okay?"

"I don't know that—"

"–Can you just say it anyway? _Please_? Just tell me it's going to be okay?"

Nathan said nothing for a while. "Remember that time on tour I caught you with that bunch of pills on the bus to Louisiana?"

That wounded look she gave him, Nathan knew her –as much as she had let him, and those years where in truth the time in her life she felt the least proud of. "That was a long time ago."

He felt as though he needed to push this one though —he had a point. "Do you still remember that day?"

In the end, she nodded —of course she remembered. She still didn't understand where he was going with this.

"That day I knew you desperately needed help, but also I knew I wasn't the one who could give you that help. That's kinda the way I feel right now, Peyton." Nathan confessed, a tad sadly and in a way, even disappointed in himself. "–Only we are not eighteen anymore," He added and at that last part, Peyton shifted her eyes and looked at him.

She nodded. "I know…"

There were some minutes of silence after that. It wasn't awkward as it was solemn. None of them having the right thoughts to fill the emptiness.

When Nathan stretched his hand out upwards, Peyton didn't hesitate much to reach out her own and gently grab his. They looked at each other, and still with no words, Peyton rested her head on Nathan's shoulder.

Some more minutes went by this way, but she could feel his gaze on her. When she looked up his face was so close that she had been taken a back slightly. She knew what this kind of closeness meant —she pulled away immediately.

"I'm married to your brother, and that is _not_ going to change right now." She warned firmly even though she wasn't completely sure of her words. Technically, she was not with Lucas right this moment in her life, but even so, she was still his wife, and as so, she owed him some loyalty. Even if as of right now she thought she could hate him a little. She still loved him somewhat too, so no…there would not be any kissing her husband's lil brother.

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me," Nathan rambled urgently. Both of them sighed, and looked away for a moment.

"I think maybe you should go now, Nate…" Peyton was the one who broke the silence after a couple of minutes. "It's okay, I just…you said it, I have a lot to figure out…"

Nathan nodded, he was feeling embarrassed and at the same time mad at himself. He came here with the sole intention to yell at Peyton for being who she was being, but now…look at him now, he'd ended up like the same eighteen year old boy pinning over the girl who would never see him again as he wanted her to see him.

He had lost his chance with Peyton long ago, and perhaps part of everything that was happening right now, was also Nathan paying for all the mistakes he did to her back in the day when they were seventeen and reckless, and with no care in the world.

"Nathan…" Peyton called softly just as he was standing up to leave.

He stood by the foot of the couch, and turned around.

"You are a good guy, you've never really made it easy for people to notice that, but you are. If I look back, you've been there almost every time I needed someone. Every time. That says a lot about you, and very little about me. I don't think I've told you, but I appreciate you more than I can say…"

"_Appreciate_ me…" Nathan inquired when Peyton's voice faded.

She stood up from the sofa as well, and walked closer to him. A moment, then she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Nathan."

"No, don't be." He said immediately, his eyes in hers for a few seconds. "I should go. I'm heading west tomorrow in the evening, you mind if I pick Mikey up tomorrow from school? Just to say goodbye."

Peyton shook her head. "I don't mind. Just bring him before bedtime."

Nathan's head moved up and down in assent, until he met Peyton's eyes, and leant forward giving her cheek a light kiss. "I think in these situations the best you can do is live your life as if the person you lost were still here. Gracie's not, she never was, but she was your daughter and you loved her. I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted you living like this –alienating all those who love you…"

Peyton said nothing.

Nathan kissed her cheek again and then turned around to leave. He walked slowly in the door's direction, Peyton still standing by her living room. She did not know what to say…

"Promise you won't be a stranger?"

She still said nothing, but there was still a movement of her head — "I won't. Promise you won't either?"

"I won't. I promise…bye…"

And then he was gone. He closed the door after him, and disappeared in his car. Peyton didn't move for a good few minutes after that…

Just as Nathan felt, she did too…she felt _stuck_…

* * *

Peyton came from work that day not so late as usual. At 5:30 that afternoon she was already opening the garage door and parking her car inside. It was maybe weird that she thought about it, but now suddenly it was easier to park without considering Lucas' car need to be parked in the garage too.

Now she had space, and while space sometimes felt as though it was what she absolutely needed, some other times it also felt as the worst thing that could've happened to her.

In any case, at around seven she got a text message from Nathan telling her he was on his way with Michael. Peyton didn't think about it much and instead kept doing as she was doing. She poured herself a glass of water from the refrigerator and then taking sips from it walked towards the family room —granted there was no family to live in it today though.

When she turned on the lights then, she realized she was not alone.

"Luke sent you, didn't he?"

Haley couldn't lie —she nodded her head.

"You can tell him then Michael's still alive and I have not killed him yet thank you very much." Peyton said sarcastically, but Haley wasn't buying it —she hated it when Peyton was like this.

"Don't get snarky with me."

Peyton said nothing to the warning; instead, she just took another sip from her water.

"But you are right, he did ask me to come and check on Mikey…" Her voice trailed off for a second. "And you."

Peyton was silent for a moment after that too. "Tell him we are _great_ then. Just great."

"Peyton…"

She still felt a little annoyed at the intruder in her house, but even then, Peyton knew this was an opportunity she wouldn't have gotten otherwise, so she decided to suck it up. "Is he staying with you?"

"Yeah," Haley said simply as she searched for Peyton's eyes.

They didn't say anything for another moment until Peyton gave in again, and sighed. "How is he?"

Haley thought about it for a moment, but knew she had to be honest. "He's a mess." There, she said the truth, now it was Peyton's turn to be honest. "So how are you?"

"How do you think?" Again, Peyton couldn't help but be sarcastic about it.

Haley ignored this though as she went on with her next weighty thought.

"You know how I've been rooting for you guys from the start, right?

"I never actually could understand why?" Peyton had the need to get that thought out fast –she didn't know why, she just did. And it was truth; she could never really understand why Haley always had been so supportive about her and Lucas being a couple.

Haley in any case, shrugged her shoulders. "Lucas has always wanted you. In our junior year, before you two suddenly ended together, and got married, and all of it, I've heard for years on time how much Lucas wished he were with you. How much he cared for you from afar. How much he loved you even when he didn't know you. I always knew you were the only one who could make him happy so…so that's why. I always believed in you two —Even as messed up as it was sometimes…"

"You don't believe that anymore?" One more time, the question was fast to form in Peyton's mind.

"It's not that. I do. I just…I just think you've both hurt each other a lot, and after everything that's happened, is hard to go back to how it was once."

"He just doesn't get it you know?"

"What?" Haley asked even though she knew the answer.

"The baby." Peyton answered simply anyway. "He doesn't get how attached to it I was. How much I loved her already, and how she wasn't just a miscarriage but a loss. I lost my daughter."

Haley nodded her head, but couldn't possibly say anything in return. And it was not because she didn't get it. It was the opposite really. She understood what Peyton meant far more than she would want to.

"You are pregnant, aren't you?"

The question so out of the blue took Haley off guard, and yet she met Peyton's eyes immediately. They held each other's stare for a while before Haley just nodded.

"Then you _do_understand, don't you?"

Haley heaved a sigh, but yet again, offered Peyton a nod. This was her first baby and she couldn't imagine, not for one second, how it would be to lose it. She loved it too much already to even phantom that idea in her mind.

"It's okay though Hales. I'm happy for you. And I'm not just saying. I swear to you I mean it. You're great with Mikey, you are going to be a great to your own kid."

Peyton's words then lingered in the air for a bit.

"How did you know?"

Peyton shrugged at the question. "Just did. They say it takes a mother to know another, right?"

Silence fell between them for another moment then.

"Talk to Lucas, okay? You both need each other. Don't miss out on being with him only because you want to show him you are strong enough, and can do it without him or whatever…just talk to him."

Peyton said nothing.

"You know what I've realized?" Peyton barely offered a nod of her head this time. She did meet Haley's eyes though. "It's the people who love you, you are the hardest on…Lucas, Mikey…Nathan, Brooke…" Peyton stayed quiet, and to be completely honest, Haley did not expect any different.

She shook her head, and did as she had to; she changed the subject. "Where's Mikey anyway?"

"Nathan." Peyton answered short and simple.

Haley's features softened a little bit. "Would you say _hi_to him for me, please?"

"I will," Peyton said this sincerely, and maybe even cracking a small smile. Haley actually was really damn good with her kid, and kids overall, really. Peyton honestly did not doubt she would be a good mother in a few months' time.

"I understand if you rather not see me now. After today, but just know that if you need me. I'm still here. For whatever that's worth." Haley offered simply before directing herself in the door's direction.

Peyton nodded at her words, and knew they came from her heart. In a way, it reminded her of the time —a few too many years ago— when Haley said some words like that even when at the time the two of them didn't really know anything about the other. Good or bad. They were just strangers, and yet, ever since that evening years ago, one way or another, Haley had indeed had her back, and Peyton knew it. She was a loyal friend, one of those she didn't see often these days. She'd be a foul if she messed this relationship up, too.

"I know. Thank you, Hales…"

Haley turned around and caught Peyton's eyes for a small moment.

Then Peyton said what she absolutely needed to tell Haley. "Congratulations." That also came from her heart.

* * *

There was just something wrong with the picture of her six year old walking into the house all by himself. He had his small backpack in his hands, and just as it was the thing he did, he opened the front door and walked into the house closing the door behind him softly as he did so.

Even for Peyton, it just didn't feel right –he was only six. "Hey,"

Mikey was obviously shocked when he heard her voice and snapped his eyes in her direction. "Mama," He said wide eyed when Peyton walked closer to him.

She put on a weird face and sighed looking down at him. "Where's Nathan?"

Mikey held her stare but took a moment or two to reply. "He went bye-bye already. He's going on tour tonight, you know?"

She did know, but it still didn't make sense. "He is not going to say good-bye?" Peyton asked, but by the face he made, it was obvious Mikey didn't quite understand what she was asking him.

As far as he knew, Nathan had already said goodbye —only just to him, not Peyton. Truth was, it just had been too hard to do so.

Peyton couldn't comprehend this too well right now, though. "Did he tell you why he didn't come in?"

Mikey shrugged his shoulders –he felt still quite puzzled. "He was in a hurry," He tried explaining uneasily.

Peyton thought for a minute or two before she sighed again. She nodded, and with no more words, turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

Mikey stood there for a second too before he went after her. He knew it, she really wasn't in a good mood, but he still wanted to tell her things —silly things, perhaps, but he still wanted. Lucas wasn't at home anymore so Peyton would have to do. "He took me to Chick-fil-A," Mikey chirped casually as Peyton reentered the living room, and like a little doggy, so did he following after his mom.

Peyton shook her head at his tone —he was trying _oh-so _hard. "Did he, now?" She said turning around.

Mikey nodded his head strongly. He didn't want her to be angry, so he wasn't going to be angry or serious or anything he didn't want her to be either. That had worked once, so perhaps it could work again. "Yes, and he wanted to get me chocolate milk with my meal, but I told him _no_. I told him I was good with regular milk."

Peyton wanted to laugh –oh yes she did, but for some very strange reason, her facial expression wouldn't change even if she did feel a little bit lighter with the turn her conversation with Michael had taken.

"I was a good boy,"

"I bet." Peyton said back simply. She didn't know what else to tell him even though it was obvious Michael was expecting more from her. Perhaps that she was proud of him? But…that wasn't completely true, at least not for what he did today. It was silly honestly, but he obviously was very proud of himself for it, so maybe she should try, too, right?

"Did Nate tell you when he was going to be back?" –Okay so maybe today wasn't her best day to give compliments to the little boy.

Mikey in any case didn't seem to mind, he knew Peyton, he knew how she was, and this way how she changed subjects wasn't a new thing for him. He didn't know how to answer her question though. "Nope. He said he'll send me postcards though."

Peyton nodded her head but said nothing.

She did to sit on the couch, and as she grabbed her book from the coffee table, Mikey felt as though their conversation was over. It didn't take long then before he was already turning around and heading out of the living room.

Peyton had one more thing to tell him though. "Your Aunt Haley stopped by while you were out with your Dad. She told me to say for her."

Guilt was for Peyton one of these things impossible to hide and shut up within herself —over the years, she'd felt guiltier than ever in whatever that regarded Michael —her son. That was why, every time she said silly stupid things that made him smile —_like right now as she told him Haley was here— _she felt a little bit lighter, a little bit less guilty because he was smiling. If he was still smiling then it meant she hadn't broken him completely yet, and that always meant something.

"She brought some Krispy treats she made. She left them in the kitchen so if you are still hungry you can have a couple." The offer was made rather offhandedly, yet not so coldly either —_that_ was certainly something too.

"Really?"

"Sure," Peyton replied simply, yet making eye contact this time.

Mikey nodded his head, and as one more time he turned around to leave, something clicked. "You said Dad," He pointed out confused as he met Peyton's eyes again with his. She was just as confused so Mikey decided upon elaborating. "You said Aunt Haley was here while I was out with my _Dad_. I thought you didn't like me to say that anymore."

Peyton let his words sink in for a minute or two perhaps. Then she figured out what she had to say. "I was wrong I guess," She told him with a shrug of her shoulders. "You are a lot like him, you know?"

"Yeah? Really?"

"Sometimes, yes…"

"Mama?" Mikey asked hesitantly when Peyton went back for a second to her reading.

"Huh?"

"It's that a good thing or bad thing? Me being like Nate and not my Daddy…?"

Now he was just messing with Peyton's mind with the play of words, but she still understood what he meant. "It doesn't mean anything. Not good, not bad. You are who you are, sometimes when I see you I just think of Nathan. Don't read too much into it, it's no big deal."

Mikey still wasn't sure he believed her, but he still nodded his head at her words.

"I'm gonna go now."

"To get your treats?"

Mikey nodded. "Yeah, want some?"

"I'm good kid. Just a couple for you, understood?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Okay…" He said a little awkwardly before at last he stepped out of the living room.

Peyton followed him with her eyes until he was completely out of sight. She shook her head at herself. Honestly, when it came right down to it, Peyton had absolutely no idea how to handle that little boy. She knew she was his mom, but most of the time, that just wasn't the way it felt.

She wasn't ready —_and simply would not— _let go of him though. Not even if her relationship with Lucas depended on that. She simply wouldn't.


	29. Chapter TwentyNine : I don't wanna let

**Author's Note : **Hi! Thanks so much to all of you who've kept on reading this story ! Thank you really! This chapter is finally our jump to the _present present_. Meaning of that, past the night when Lucas and Peyton both signed the divorce papers ((**_Chapter15_**)) As a matter of fact, this chapter takes place the night after Lucas signed them and he left the house 'for good. The rest of the story will just go from here.

All in all, I do apologize for all the sad chapters, but..who knows and maybe there will be a silver-lining at the end after all :) Thanks again for reading, and if you got questions, please just ask.

**Chapter Twenty-Nine : I don't wanna let you go, but I have to...**

* * *

She knew it. In the back of her mind, she knew it. It was almost impossible for Michael not to find her. Not that she didn't want to be found or anything, but she had indeed hoped for a few more moments alone that morning.

She hadn't had all that much sleep to be honest. Lucas left at around five in the morning. Not really after doing much, he saw Michael, put him back to bed, then Lucas said things, then Peyton said things, then she cried, then he apologized, then s_he _apologized too, but then they also came to the mutual conclusion that staying together wasn't doing any good —_to anybody_— anymore. And so, after a couple hours of just holding her in the comfort of their living room, Lucas Scott left the house and Peyton was left alone. Or not really, since Michael was all the while sleeping obliviously in the second storey of the house, but still, she had in fact felt far too alone when Lucas finally stepped out of the house and disappeared in his car.

Now it was hardly seven am, two hours shy since Lucas left, and she still hadn't close her eyes. She felt tired, more than that really, _exhausted_, but she still couldn't find in herself the strength to sleep. She knew, very well, that if she succumbed to her bed right now, there was not going to be human power that would get her out of there, and for better or worse, she still had Michael to look after that day.

His room was two doors down the hallway but still Peyton was able to hear clearly when he woke up. She listened to the squeaky sound his bed made when he stretched or simply moved around. She listened when he got up from the bed and stumbled across one too many noisy toys. She listened when Michael opened his door only to close it back, and then open it again.

She wasn't looking at him, but she was almost positive he frowned and squinted his eyes when he went into her room, and found it empty. Peyton was also almost sure he had pouted because if that kid was anything like her —_and he was_— then he didn't like to be alone, or _feel_ alone, or just plain not having someone —_whomever_— next to him.

"In here…" She called just loud enough.

And it worked. Even when the room Peyton was at was at one end of the hallway, and her bedroom, where Michael was, was at the very other end, the kid had no problems whatsoever listening to the voice of his mother.

Mikey hesitated at the doorway though. He really hadn't been inside this room in forever —_if_, he ever came inside in the first place.

His mom was sitting on the floor, resting her back against that footrest that matched perfectly with the pink-like colored rocking chair. It was too early to make sense of anything and so Mikey wasn't sure —_at all_— if he should join Peyton or not. He wanted to ask something, but then again, he also knew he should not do it, and it really was not for his sake but mostly for Peyton's.

He then went for the next best thing he could think of. "Do you know why people say _morning_ instead of _forenoon _when they talk about the hours before noon? We all do say _afternoon, _no?"

Peyton's hand moved to her face, and she shifted her eyes to look at him as if he were crazy. She stared at Mikey for a good couple of minutes before she shook her head. "And people still ask me why I say you are precocious…" She noted before huffing a little.

Mikey laughed because he knew what that word meant. It was a tricky one, but he had learned it for his spelling bee next month. "Can I come in?" He asked while Peyton was still thinking over his first question.

She turned to look at him again and nodded. She said nothing though, so Michael knew it was on him to make the talking today. He would not ask about Lucas though —he would not. He knew he was going to have to try very _very_ hard because he really wanted to know why Lucas hadn't spent the night, but…for Peyton, he would not ask about his Dad –for Peyton, because she was his mother, and Mikey knew she wasn't having a good day, and plus, she was here…in _this_ room no less.

"This was supposed to be the baby's room, right?" Mikey asked again. He hesitated upon every word he said, but he still managed to ask the question. He sat down next to Peyton, and rubbed on his still-sleepy eyes as he looked over at her.

She was silent for a few seconds, but then, one more time, she offered her son a nod. "Yep…" She said simply looking around. It really wasn't that perfect little cute room every mom-to-be prepared for her new baby. It wasn't so pretty yet to be honest. There was just stuff in it…a crib —_it had been a gift—_, there was the rocking chair, a changing table that didn't match but they had planned on changing it —_eventually— _a few clothes, stuffed animals and some baby lotions. That was it, and everything was still in boxes, or with wrapping paper. It was not a baby's room yet, it certainly was not _her _baby's room, it was just the room that was _supposed _to be hers once upon a time.

Now there was just a lot of dust, and the once lively moss green of the walls now wasn't more than just a light springy-like green. It had been one year already since they deserted that room after all. They were supposed to really start working on it after they found out what the baby was, but…well, it just hadn't worked out since the same day they found out the baby was a girl, was also the day they realized the baby had stopped living a few days prior to the doctor's appointment.

In the end the room just remained untouched. Peyton would go back in some times, especially at the beginning, but Lucas never did. It was just too sad she'd thought. But now, it had been months and in a way that room was the daily reminder that she hadn't been able to move on, and that her baby girl dying had simply left her an angry and guilt-ridden mess that had a full time job of self-pitying herself at every opportunity she got.

Maybe it was finallytime to do something about it.

"You wanna help me do something, kid?"

Mikey looked confused, but he still nodded his head.

"Go on get ready, I _need_ some coffee but then we'll get on it, okay?"

Michael didn't even have to question her about this sudden rush of wanting to do something _with _him. It honestly just excited him enough that he couldn't even think about asking a question. What if she changed her mind as he asked? No, no, so that was why, as soon as he could, Mikey ran back to his bedroom and started getting himself ready for the day. Whatever it was, didn't matter, it matter his mom wanted his help –_his _and no one else's.

* * *

They spent a good chunk of the morning in the alleged nursery. Little by little they put stuff away, boxed some things, labeled boxes, folded tiny little clothes still with tags, and even, with a lot of Mikey's help, Peyton managed to take apart the crib.

Those things weren't needed anymore, and even when it took her over a year, Peyton had been finally ready to pack away the room. She had done some conversation with Michael in the course of the morning. Nothing really big, but certainly enough to have the kid happy as he helped his mom.

But then he opened the closet and Peyton was a bit surprised to see all these _other _stuff she didn't even remember they had for the baby. These things were a little bit more special though.

"Wow!" Mikey couldn't help but exclaim when he saw the vast amount of diapers. His lips formed a perfect 'O', and with a smirk he couldn't help, he turned to look at Peyton. He was smiling so _so_ sincerely that it almost overwhelmed Peyton. She most certainly wasn't used to those from Mikey.

She laughed at his wide eyes and face though. "I know," She said getting up from the floor, and walking in the closet's direction. "I completely forgot about these…" She said pointing at the closet. There were mostly big packs of diapers, but also a few bags and who knew what else well in the back.

Mikey chuckled and crouched down reaching inside one of the paper bags. He narrowed his eyes and looked up at Peyton. "These are blue clothes, I thought baby girls like Gracie wore pink?"

Peyton this time had an actual hard time not smiling. She pulled out the bags, and at doing so made some of the piles of diapers fell off too. Mikey laughed at her, but he was still waiting for an answer.

Peyton settled on the floor going through the belongings in the bag, and without thinking, Mikey sat beside her. "Baby girls do wear pink," Peyton clarified, even though her eyes stayed in the miniature clothes.

"Then why did you buy this?"

A chuckle escaped her throat. "We didn't buy these for Gracie silly…"

Mikey still looked puzzled. "Then for who?" He asked again, but then, instead of answering, Peyton made a face. He then kind of got it at last. He laughed wholeheartedly when realization hit him. "These were mine!?" He asked excitedly before rummaging the clothes now even more eagerly.

"Yep —when you still fitted in them…" Peyton said casually letting Mikey go over the clothes. Her eyes went back then to the diapers. "We bought all these diapers for you too, you know?"

Mikey scrunched his nose looking up at Peyton's eyes.

"Why?"

Mikey nodded simply.

"When you were born we weren't sure what we were doing —your Daddy and me, so we bought tons of diapers because babies do need tons of diapers. Problem was, you grew too fast and never got to use most of the small sizes…"

It was funny to hear stories when he was a baby. Mikey never got to hear that —especially not from Peyton. It was nice though.

"Are we gonna give those away to Aunt Haley too?"

Peyton didn't even have to think about it; she nodded her head.

"What else is in there?" Mikey asked, but didn't let Peyton answer. He got up from the floor and started pulling out on this heavy thingy from the closet.

Even when Mikey wasn't sure what it was, Peyton knew. "That's also yours. It was your car seat when you were an infant. You went to daycare when you were a baby so we had to drop you off and pick you up every day. I did mornings, Lucas did the evenings, but we only had _one_ car seat and two cars, so in the mornings I would just drop you off at daycare with car seat and all, and then in the evening Lucas would pick you up the same —car seat in tow." Mikey laughed at the picture, and even when it took a little from her, Peyton allowed a smile to form in her face too. Oh to those times. In a way it all was so much harder, still in school, with a new baby, not enough money, daycares problems, school problems, which college to go drama, '_I'm so unhappy with my life'_ drama. It all had been quite hard back then, but…at the end of the day, she had Lucas then, and that used to make things much more bearable. Now she didn't have him, and as twisted as it was, she did long for the days he had her back —as hard and miserable as those days were.

"Why did you keep all these things?"

This time Peyton did take a moment to think about her answer. Then she realized Mikey was asking the question to the wrong person. "Actually it was Lucas who did, I honestly had no idea we still had all this…"

Her words took a few seconds to sink in in Mikey, but then he nodded his head. "Then Aunt Haley should thank Daddy because I'm sure she's saving a lot of money with all this stuff."

Peyton's eyes narrowed as soon as Mikey spoke those words. Was he really six years old? Do six-year-olds nowadays know about economy and prices and how much Haley was indeed saving when she now didn't have to buy a crib, or a car seat or far more newborn diapers her newborn would ever use?

In the end however, Peyton chuckled at Michael's words. "I guess you are right…" She said, but as the words came out from her mouth, her face fell, and she started busing herself again with the baby clothes. These weren't new, and were boy clothes, but now that she was already at it, Peyton didn't see why she couldn't give away Mikey's stuff, too.

She remembered some of the outfits though —more-so really, she remembered the day Mikey wore those outfits, what they did, where they were, the silly things Lucas had said that day, how awful it had been to clean vomit from one of the outfits the first time Mikey got car sick. Peyton with this was giving away more than just used clothes, but memories too. Memories about her son and all those times they've spent together.

It was weird, but it was then when something clicked; even when she never thought it possible, Peyton was finding it harder to give away Mikey's stuff than Gracie's…her clothes and things were after all were genuinely _untouched_. Mikey's on the other hand, carried in a way history…_their_ history…their memories

"Did I say something?" Softly then Mikey broke the silence. He grew a little uneasy when Peyton simply stopped talking or even looked up at him anymore. "Did I make you sad again? You thinking about the baby?" He stumbled a little over his words, but still asked when he needed to ask.

His little face was showing such concern for her feelings, that Peyton almost couldn't believe it. She felt it then how much Michael truly cared about her. She had never felt that before around him. It reminded her of Lucas. The way he would look at her sometimes when he was _really _worried about her.

"Yeah…" Peyton replied at last. She shook her head after a beat though. "I mean, _no_, I was thinking about Gracie but also about you…" Mikey narrowed his eyes at this. "I have never really known how to be a good mom to you, when you were born I was a real mess, but I've…I've _always_ wanted the best for you anyway…most times I still think that's just not me."

Mikey didn't understand what she was saying, she really sounded sad and he could already see those silly tears pooling in her eyes. He breathed in uneasily before getting up from the floor. He walked only a few steps before he was already in front of Peyton. She was sitting on the floor still, and with only a few more seconds of hesitation, Mikey decided he had to do what he had to do, and so for the first time in forever, he wrapped his arms around Peyton's neck. And he couldn't help it, he was really surprised when she didn't pull away from him but instead pulled him down gently and sat him down in her lap.

"Don't be sad mama…" Mikey pleaded because in all honesty, just like Lucas, he could never handle when his mom looked so sad. He had seen her like that for weeks on end after Gracie died, and honestly, Mikey just feared she would go back to that sadness.

"I'm not sad I just…" She looked at Mikey right in his blue eyes as she said this; she would probably never say all this again so she better made it matter. "I just wish things had been different between you and me. I never really gave us a chance and of that I'm sorry." Mikey still was _oh-so _lost, but he still nodded his head. He looked up at Peyton's eyes one more time before resting his head on her chest.

She wasn't finish talking, Mikey knew this, but if she wasn't minding the closeness today, then neither did him.

"I gotta tell you something…" as she said these words, Peyton was aware of the way her tone of voice changed. She also knew Mikey had been aware of that too by the way he tensed a little in her arms.

He didn't look up at her though; he just nodded his head slightly.

Peyton nodded hers as well, and swallowed hard. "Your Dad and I…He's not coming back to live here, Mikey. We, we are getting a divorce…"

There was silence for a moment before Mikey spoke. "What is that mean?" He asked even though he already knew. He actually didn't know someone who had gotten a divorce before, but he did know the word from his spelling bee practice too. It was when two people who are married one day simply stopped being married. Mikey however didn't like this definition right now, so just to be sure, he asked Peyton the question.

"It means Lucas will have his own house now, just like Nate has his own, you understand that, right?" Mikey simply nodded ever so slightly. "It doesn't mean Luke and I will stop being your parents but it does mean we will stop fighting with each other in front of you, or being mean to each other sometimes too…"

"But…he really has to go?"

The sadness in his eyes was almost palpable. Peyton couldn't believe this kid was seriously about to make her cry. She nodded her head at him anyway —she had to be honest with him. At the very least, she owed him that. "Yep…but…but that doesn't mean you can't live with him…" Again Mikey looked confused. "You don't have to tell me now but…just think about it, would you like to go live with your Daddy and come here on the weekends sometimes, or the other way around, would you like to live here and go see your Daddy on the weekends just like you see Nate…"

"But—"

"—Nuh uh, shush, don't tell me now, I told you; think about it, you can tell me later."

"But mom,"

"Not, later, think about it, now…now we gotta finish packing and head to your Aunt Haley's."

Mikey was reluctant, but he still managed to mumble a _yeah _to his mom. He got up from Peyton's lap and a little confused again, he saw as she went back to the closet and started looking around some more.

"You are looking for more stuff for Aunt Haley?"

Peyton didn't answer; she just shook her head as she kept her eyes in the different bags and boxes in that closet. It took her a while but she finally remembered about that box she'd boxed years ago after Mikey was born. This box was special —different from the rest, and in fact, this really wasn't one she was willing to give away to Haley or anyone for that matter.

"Yes!"

"You found it?" Mikey asked hesitantly from his spot upon Peyton's little yelp. He didn't know what she was looking for, but by the little scream, it was more than obvious she'd found it.

In any case, at Mikey's question, Peyton started moving her head up and down as she turned to look at him. "Yep…" She said softly looking down at the light green box in her hands. "This was a present from your Daddy before you were even born…It has a lot of things, but…it also has the very first clothes you ever wore…I, I can't give those to Haley…"

Mikey didn't completely know why, but he still felt like smiling at Peyton's words. He settled nodding his head slightly and then head back to work as Peyton did too after setting down her precious little box.

She didn't tell Mikey, but one way or another, that box also had inside the very first clothes Gracie would have worn if she had been born when she was supposed to. That box had those precious little dresses Luke had bought for her way before they even knew one day they would conceive her. Maybe it was stupid, but in truth, those couple of dresses and tiny teddy bears Lucas bought years ago for that baby girl he thought they would have one day, were for Peyton the only thing that really belonged to Gracie and in some day, actually had memories of their family…their _whole _family at that…

There honestly was no way in hell Peyton could give those away. Not even the tiniest chance.

* * *

"So how have you been feeling?"

They had been in silence for a good while. Both of them had been just really focused in unpacking little clothes, and blankies and whatnot from Peyton's boxes to even make small conversation.

Peyton knew Haley was uncomfortable, she hadn't known Peyton would come. Much less to bring her all these things for her unborn baby.

In the end, Haley did look up at her at her words. She looked at Peyton funny…for her it just was weird the way Peyton had just showed up with all that stuff. "You mean…?" Haley tried to answer at last, her eyes trailing down to her stomach. Peyton couldn't help but sigh.

"Yes Haley, I meant about your pregnancy…" Peyton explained. Surprisingly enough, she was not all that sarcastic. Her voice was calm enough and not so sharp at all.

Haley thought for a bit though.

"From one to ten?" Peyton added quietly. A small smile on her face at Haley's hesitation. And honestly people still wondered why she hadn't move on? All those around her honestly just didn't let her. It had been over a year since she lost her baby, and to that day, everybody still tiptoed around the subject… baby talk, pregnancies, they wouldn't even mention that in front of her. It really was as if it were some kind of taboo or something.

At last, Haley caved in though. "Five," She tried unsure at last. "Maybe a six…"

Peyton only nodded her head, and went back to unpacking.

Haley felt a little awkward again, so she had to speak. "I'm still not sure why you came today"

"What do you mean?" Peyton asked without missing a beat. She lifted up her head from the box, and looked over at Haley rather confused. "I just came to bring you all these things."

"Peyton…"

"It's the truth." Peyton said shrugging. "We are not using any of these anymore. It has been collecting dust for the last year so I just thought I'd do something about it."

There was then silence for another few seconds. Haley almost believed what Peyton said, but she also knew there was more to it.

"I still don't feel completely right about taking it." Haley tried to explain. Peyton looked up at her again. "You are not using this _now_, but maybe one day you will. I could help you just pack it nicely so it stays as new."

Peyton's eyes fell to the ground immediately. She kind of ignored the comment and went back to pulling clothes out of boxes and folding them again in front of her.

They were silent again for a while. Haley didn't touch a single other item again.

"Do you know what you are having already?"

The question broke the silence and caught Haley off guard a bit. "Nope," She shook her head.

"Are you going to find out?" Peyton asked, and even when she was sure Haley would read more to her question, she honestly just asked it for practical reasons. If Haley were to have a boy, then most of those clothes would go to waste for another few years anyway.

In any case, Haley wasn't very sure what she should answer right now. "I, I think maybe we will…" She didn't think it would, but apparently, her answer was enough for Peyton, since with a nod of her head, the blonde went back to working without any further questioning.

At least that was what Haley thought.

"I don't think I would again…"

The words came out so soft and barely audible, that Haley wasn't even sure if Peyton had actually said them or not. She stayed silent for a beat, and then swallowed hard; she had to do this. "Because of how it happened with Gracie…"

Immediately, Peyton shook her head. That wasn't it, even though maybe at some level it was. "Nope…I mean, I would've lost the baby either way. It just happened to be the day of the sex ultrasound that we found out. But…I don't know, I guess it would've been nice to be surprised. With Mikey we didn't have a choice, the doctor just blurted it out one appointment, and well, with Gracie we didn't have a choice either."

It took Haley a good few minutes to soak in all the information. "You didn't answer my question before?"

"About?" Peyton already knew what question Haley was asking, but still it didn't hurt to play dumb for a little while, right?

"You know about what, about you…and babies. You really don't think you'll ever try again?"

The question didn't take Peyton aback and yet she didn't know how to answer to that. How was she supposed to tell Haley that perhaps being a mother just wasn't in her cards. She had never really _tried _to get pregnant. Both times it had just happened, and both times it had been a disaster. "I think right now I'm still too messed up to even consider another baby…"

"Not even in the future?" Haley couldn't help but ask. Her voice carrying soft and hopeful.

Peyton thought about it for a minute. Then she shook her head. "I don't think so. I don't think I can go through all that again. The not knowing, the expectation, the hope, and everything you put in that little person who isn't even here yet. I don't think I can deal with all that again without driving myself crazy thinking about everything that can go wrong this time too…"

"I can understand that."

A small smile formed in Peyton's lips at Haley's words. That was so bizarre lately, someone who actually _understood _what she meant. "Thank you," Peyton said at last with a small nod. She hadn't known it, but it really did mean a lot to hear someone say that to her. "For what it's worth, I think it's great anyway if you know what your baby is going to be beforehand. That way you always know whom you are expecting. A little girl to play dress-up and make tea parties with someday. Or a little boy to attend soccer games with one day too. That way you'll have months before the chaos begins to plan that life you dream and hope for that little one…"

"I'll let you know, okay? What we decide?" Peyton nodded simply at Haley's words. The two of them shared a sad smile, and then went back to work.

Haley's nursery looked a whole lot like hers, Peyton thought. It wasn't really all that finished either. The walls were still white, and at most, they had the crib and the changing table. Now at least the baby had some clothes, and decoration. Peyton was actually quite happy she decided to come. All those clothes and things were not doing any good in her house, while here, well, here people were still hopeful about that new life that was yet to be born. They were happy and expecting with joy that little one. That was a feeling Peyton had long forgotten, and even for a little while, it was nice to feel it around herself again.

For at least twenty minutes, they worked together in the nursery. They put the clothes in some drawers, and laid the prettier dresses outside to iron later. Haley didn't even know if she was having a baby girl, but somehow she felt as though Peyton needed this. She needed closure to this chapter of her life, and if that meant arranging her baby's clothes in someone else's nursery, then so be it…Haley would do it, if only for the sake of her friend.

She still needed to ask something else. Something that most likely would make Peyton uncomfortable. "Brooke told me you signed the divorce papers."

Peyton grunted quietly and rolled her eyes. Of course they were going there now. "Don't look at me like that Haley…so did Lucas, last night right before my eyes"

At those last words, Haley couldn't help how surprised she was at hearing that. "Is Lucas back?"

Peyton just nodded her head.

"And he signed the divorce papers too?" Haley asked again even though she really was not asking. She was just trying to process the information. "I can't believe he signed them too…"

Peyton stared seriously at her for a moment before she shrugged her shoulders. "Well, then you gotta start believing it…"

"What is going to happen now?"

Peyton shook her head at the question. She really didn't know. "I dunno…" She stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking, trying again to make sense to the last twenty four hours. "Maybe…I don't know, maybe I should just take off for a little while too…or for a few months. I don't know."

"You think that's going to help?" Haley asked the question without missing a beat, but that wasn't really was she was asking. Peyton knew what Haley was _really_ asking. '_Are you sure running again is the solution to your problems? Don't you think that'll make it only worse?' _

Peyton anyway thought about it for a second. "That's the point, I don't know if it's going to help. I guess I wanna find out…"

"What about Lucas?"

"What about him?" Peyton sighed when Haley just made a face. "Don't get me wrong, I am sad about it and I wish things had turned out differently, but…now it's just going to be a few days before the divorce is official and then both of us will have separate lives. I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do after that…A timeout from all the drama doesn't sound so bad if you ask me…"

Now it was Haley who sighed heavily. "I understand." Haley promised, because she really did.

"What's going to happen with Mikey though?" Immediately, the little boy crossed Haley's mind, she had to ask about him. "Are you gonna take him? Leave him with Lucas? …Nathan?"

Peyton shook her head at all that questioning. "I don't know, but I guess this time I'll just leave it up to Michael for a change. I agree he is not old enough to make lots of decisions in his life yet, but I think this one is one of those he _can_ actually decide on. If he chooses Lucas, as I'm pretty positive he will, I'll just try to be okay with it knowing that child is with the one person that loves him above all."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

Peyton couldn't help but shake her head again. She didn't want this. She wanted her family, hell yes she did, but somehow that just wasn't possible anymore, so she better worked with what she had. Sure, she would actually miss Mikey if —_when— _he chose Lucas, but…in the end letting go of him would be in his best interest and for better or worse, that was what parenting was, no? Accepting the fact that she didn't matter anymore, her feelings, her life and all of it came second until she could assure her baby was safe, and happy. Which Mikey had never really be, but…maybe leaving this decision up to him would give him power, and the confidence to know that at least this one time, his mother was willing to do whatever it took to make him happy. Even if that meant letting him go.


	30. Chapter Thirty : Goodbye

**Author's Note : **New Chapter! Sorry it took a little while! I'm trying to wrap up the story as of now, so I was focused in that :) thank you a lot for reading 1 :)

**Chapter Thirty : Good-bye**

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Of course it was a little weird Peyton was asking this question, but it wasn't as if she hadn't ask it before. She really was just a little concerned —for real. Ever since Mikey climbed into her car that afternoon, he had not said a word. And while it was true Peyton didn't know Mikey all that well, at the very least she did know how much that kid liked to talk. The moment he was this silent it was because something had to be up.

Mikey however, didn't answer at Peyton's words. He looked at her though through her rearview mirror but stayed quiet.

"Michael," Peyton called again, but still no answer. "Michael Thomas Scott,"

"You never call me by my full name—"

"—You've never not answered my questions," Peyton answered just as fast as Mikey spoke. She was driving, granted, she should pay attention to the road, and she was, but she also needed to figure out this child in her backseat. "What's up?"

Mickey felt uneasy. He rubbed on his eyes, and saw as Peyton kept looking at him every so often through the mirror. "I don't wanna stop seeing you," He whined at last. His voice was shaky, and even when Peyton wasn't looking at him, she could tell he already had tears in his eyes.

"Tell me now who told you that? Who told you you would?" Peyton tried asking, as patiently as she could. Why would he even go there anyway? For the better part of his six years of life, she had been all but pleasant to that child, and yet here he was, almost crying at the thought alone of not seeing her again.

Peyton sighed when Mikey again opted not to answer. She then gave them both a few minutes of silence as she looked for a place to park. The parking lot to small park was the first thing Peyton saw, and she settled. She went inside, and parked as far as she could from all the other cars and mommies and kids playing away in the little playground.

Once the car stopped however, it was time to start speaking again. "You won't stop seeing me." She assured Mikey before anything else, because deep inside, she knew that was the one fear Michael had. Of course he rather go with Lucas, but what would happen if at doing so he was also accepting the fact that he wouldn't see his mom anymore?

That was why Peyton was fast to assure him the little she did know. "I, I want you to have a good life, Mikey. You are a good boy, you are really smart, and you deserve a whole lot really. More than I can give you."

Mikey was quiet in the backseat. He stared at Peyton, focused, as if sinking in her words. He shook his head after a while. "But you are my mom…"

Peyton simply nodded. "And I will still be your mom. You just won't see me every day…"

Mikey looked away from Peyton's eyes, and rested his head back looking out the window. "What if I stayed with you?"

Now that was a question Peyton didn't see coming. She always assumed that given the option, Mikey would never choose her. She was sure he would always pick Lucas, or hell, even Nathan above her. She stayed quiet for a moment, her eyes shifting to find Mikey in the back.

It was as if he knew Peyton didn't have a clue as to how to answer, that Michael spoke softly one more time. "Would you let me?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders slightly. "Of course I'll let you." She didn't even think before answering that. There was no questioning. She might not always be the best at it, but she was that kid's mother. Whether she liked it or not and whether she accepted it or not –he was her son. It was as simple as that.

"But I don't think that's what you want."

Mikey was quiet at that. Now Peyton had a point too —a really _really _valid one.

"Mikey…" Peyton called softly, before Michael could answer anything to her words.

The little boy, hardly looked up from his hands, but still made eye contact with Peyton.

"Would you like to go downtown with me? There's this little indie movie filming down there, we could go check it out? Maybe then go for sundaes? That could be our supper?"

Mikey was thinking about it, quite seriously, but he still didn't look convinced.

"We could also stop at the music shop…I'll let you buy whatever album you may like?"

And now there was finally that smile Peyton was looking for all along.

"You promise? Any record?" Mikey asked. He was trying to stay as serious as he could, but he honestly just couldn't deny how excited he really was getting.

Peyton however, just smiled and nodded her head. She looked at Mikey's little smile one more time before looking back to the steering wheel of her car. She stayed put for only a few more moments, thinking in just how easy it had been to change Mikey's mood —to almost make him _happy_ with only an invitation to things she was going to do anyway all along. It was just dawning on her, but perhaps mothering him hadn't been so hard if only she had tried.

At last, Peyton put her car on drive, and off they went. Mikey wasn't quite finished though. "Mommy?"

"Huh?" At this point Peyton couldn't look back anymore; she was already driving into the highway. She still was curious as to what Mikey wanted to say.

"So if I go with Daddy, could you still pick me up some days from school?"

"Why? Would you want me to?"

Mikey nodded, but then realized Peyton didn't have eyes on him. "Yeah…"

"Why is that?" She couldn't help it, she had to ask _why_.

Mikey shrugged his shoulders; it really was an easy question. "That way you are not alone every day. If Daddy is not going to live at home anymore, and I'm not either, that means it'll only be you and you don't like to be alone…I can keep you company…"

Peyton laughed ever so slightly. And she really thought the answer was going to have _anything _to do with what Mikey wanted or not. Of course not, of course it had to be about his concern about _her _wellbeing.

After letting another soft chuckle escape, Peyton looked back at Mikey through the rearview mirror. She was smiling a little bit. "That'd be nice," She said simply, and once again, she realized how easy it was to make this kid smile. "We have to talk about it with your Dad, okay? I'm afraid it's not up to me how this is going to work, but we'll ask Luke and maybe he'll like your idea too…"

"Meaning _you_ liked it?"

Once again, Peyton couldn't help but chuckle. "Meaning _I_ liked it,"

Mikey giggled and nodded his head. To be honest that was more than enough for him.

* * *

The ice cream shop wasn't so busy today. It had been raining earlier for a while. Not a really big storm, but enough to keep most kids indoors as well as their mothers. Peyton on the other hand, she didn't mind too much the rain, and as it seemed, neither did Mikey. He was seemingly…happy. As if just hanging out with Peyton around downtown was the best thing that could have happened to his day.

And well, once the menu came and Peyton explained all the different kinds of ice creams he could choose from, a stranger could say he was as happy as can be.

He was a messy child though. Peyton wasn't aware of that. Michael was always such a proper little boy when the two of them were together. He always ate with his silverware, never forgot the napkin on his lap, and even excused himself before getting up of the table. Right now though, he was eating that sundae just as every kid his age would. With no manners whatsoever, and being as messy as every six year old should be.

He looked up coyly when he felt Peyton staring down at him. "I like ice cream for supper. I don't know why we've never had ice cream for supper before. Why haven't we have ice cream for supper before mama? It was a good idea. I like ice cream for supper."

He was rambling. His little sugary filled self was rambling about ice cream and how freakishly happy he was, and to be honest, Peyton couldn't help but smile at that. "Believe me, I know now you like ice cream for supper kid," Peyton said goofily enough, making Mikey laugh.

He put his spoon down for a second, looking seriously at Peyton. "Aren't you gonna try your ice cream?" Mikey asked. He had been so focused eating his very own ice cream that before that instant he hadn't even noticed Peyton wasn't eating hers. "It's going to melt…"

Peyton looked down at her ice cream, and squished her nose. Mikey was right, her ice cream was already melting. She sighed. "Truth is, this was my mom's favorite flavor…I don't really like it too much…"

Mikey looked confused at that. He narrowed his eyes, and thought for a couple of minutes. "If it is not your favorite then why did you ask for it? You could've gotten a different one. Chocolate and chocolate chip are good ones." He said looking down at his own ice cream for a second.

Peyton smiled but shook her head. "Here's the thing," She started explaining, leaning down a little on the table. She put her elbows on the table, and Mikey did that too. "After my mom died when I was a little girl, my Dad wrote all her favorites in a notebook. Cookie dough has always been my favorite ice cream flavor, but my mom's was mint chocolate chip ice cream. Ever since she died, I thought I'd feel closer to her if I only tried her favorites. That's why sometimes I ask for mint chocolate even if I don't like it all that much…" Peyton said softly, as if telling Mikey a big old secret, and in return, with all the seriousness in the world, Mikey nodded his head solemnly at Peyton's words. "I wanna feel closer to her."

For Peyton the way Mikey looked back at her was as if he understood. "Does it work?"

The question made Peyton smile sadly. It didn't work very well.

She then shook her head looking at Mikey. It actually had the opposite effect. She didn't feel closer to her mom when she tried her favorites. Remembering the things she liked made Peyton sad; because it only reminded her her mom wasn't there anymore. "Nope…" Peyton answered at last. Mikey put on an uneasy face, but still kept his eyes on Peyton's. "If only it makes me miss her more…"

There was silence after that for a few minutes. The two of them brought their eyes down and without trying to be in sync; both grabbed their spoons at the same time and started playing with the ice cream. They were not eating.

"I don't think I've ever tried mint chocolate chip ice cream."

The comment was so random, but at the same time so honest, that it made Peyton smile. "Never?"

Mikey shook his head. "No, I don't think so. May I try some of yours?"

"Of course you may…" There was a silly smile on her face as she said the words, but she couldn't help herself. There he was the polite little dude Peyton was used to see every day. She moved the ice cream closer to Mikey, and without hesitation, Mikey tried a full spoon of this greenish looking ice cream. Peyton could tell immediately that he liked it. His eyes went wide, and he licked his lips looking back up at Peyton's eyes.

"Can I try a little bit more, please?"

Peyton nodded and motioned him with her hands towards the ice cream. "Have at it Mikey…I'm glad at least this time the ice cream is not going to waste…"

Mikey didn't answer; he just nodded his head strongly and smiled as she started devouring that mint chocolate ice cream. Oh was it good to know his Grandma used to have such good taste in ice cream.

All the while as Mikey ate, Peyton was quietly —_and discretely_— staring at him. He actually did look kind of cute trying not to make a mess, but failing miserably at it. He looked up when a little baby a couple of tables down cried and his mom took him out of the carrier. "Mama…"

"Huh?" Peyton asked back simply. She didn't know how but she kind of already knew where this conversation would go.

"Do you know how old that baby is?"

Peyton had heard when the baby cried too, she heard when his mom soothed him with a pacifier, but she hadn't look back to see. Now as Mikey asked the question, she couldn't help but do it. She looked at that mother, she was on the older side Peyton thought, but she really didn't judge. She was holding her baby lovingly, at the same time as she was trying to carry a conversation with the other two kids in her table.

Peyton tried to catch a better look on the baby then. "I don't really know Mikey; he looks small to me…probably 2 or 3 months top…"

Mikey simply nodded his head as if accepting the answer. He only had a little bit of his ice cream left, so he was trying to enjoy it as much as he could. He had another question for Peyton though. "Can I tell you something?"

Peyton narrowed her eyes. "I guess so…"

"It's about Gracie…"

Peyton breathed in deeply, but nodded her head. "Go for it,"

Mikey nodded. "I was just thinking…I really do wish sometimes she were here too, you know?"

"Yeah?"

"Yes," Again Mikey bobbed his head up and down slowly —as in for emphasis.

"Why is that?" Most likely it was so that his mother were not this bitter mess, but oh well…perhaps it wasn't and he had more profound reasons.

"I always thought having a little sister was going to be kind of cool. I liked to think I would teach her cool things, and read her stories and all that. I always thought being the big brother was going to be nice. _You_ were excited about it, you told me that, and you even bought me a t-shirt—"

"How do you even know that?" Peyton couldn't help but question. He wasn't supposed to know that one.

Mikey however, just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Daddy showed it to me, it was in wrapping paper and I thought it was a present for the baby, but he said it was for me. He said it was a special t-shirt that said I was the big brother. He told me I was supposed to wear it once the baby was born and I went to meet her at the hospital…" His lips formed then to a thin line, and he looked down for a second. "He said maybe I'd wear it one day anyway…when we got another baby, but I…I don't think that's going to happen now, is it?"

How in the world was she supposed to answer to that now, huh? Peyton ran her hands over her face, and sighed. She closed her eyes, but then fast enough she opened them again, and fixed them on Mikey's. She shook her head. "Nope Michael, I don't think so…" They were both quiet after that. There really were no more words either one of them wanted to say next.

The woman with the check came soon after, and only a while later Peyton was already signing the receipt. "You think maybe some other day we can come back and have ice cream for supper again, mama…?" Mikey asked, as they were already stepping out of the small shop.

Peyton looked down at him as she fixed his coat, and nodded her head. "I guess we could."

"I had fun today."

The statement was done sincerely and Peyton knew as much. She nodded her head one more time and smiled. She didn't say anything else, Mikey didn't either, but out of the corner of her eye, Peyton did manage to see the moment Mikey smiled all too sincerely when she grabbed his tiny hand as they stepped out onto the street. She usually was okay with him walking by himself in the streets, but…today it was different. Today was kind of like their farewell. Peyton wanted to keep him close…safe —the ways she had failed to have him for six years of his life already…

* * *

He was laughing so hard Peyton was fearing inwardly he would pee his pants at any given moment. She couldn't help herself though, and had to chuckle a little bit too at how much fun Mikey seemed to be having right now. So more often than not people say the Rocky Horror show is not all suitable for kids, and well, maybe they are right, but it wasn't as if Peyton wasn't skipping all sorts of parts in the movie. Plus, at age 6 Peyton was almost positive Mikey didn't understand all that much about the adult themes anyway, and instead was rather just really enjoying the musical numbers.

All in all, what Peyton cared as of right now, was that he was laughing _hard —_even tugging at his tummy when something in the movie was just _that _funny. Of course the Time Warp had been a favorite, and well, counting this time, Peyton had already played it for Mikey at least five times. He loved it and thought it was hilarious, so Peyton couldn't help but cave in every time he asked her to watch _just one more time_ the musical number.

"Why do they have to be so silly?" Mikey was hardly holding his laughter, and for one reason or another, Peyton was indeed finding it endearing.

"I dunno…" She said simply, shaking her head slightly, but also with a small smile on her face. "That's just how the movie goes. Some characters are sillier than others that's for sure."

Mikey smiled, and couldn't help but nod his head oh so strongly. "Yeah. I like this one; I like it at the end when they all just fall onto the floor…"

Peyton simply kept on nodding. Not that it mattered, but this was also about the fifth time Mikey had said those words. "I like it, too."

"I still don't get it," Mikey said back fast. His mouth full with a little too much popcorn.

"What is that?" Peyton asked back, she wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she really was having a hard time keeping a straight face at that seriousness of Mikey.

"Your Dad…why wouldn't he let you watch this movie?"

Peyton couldn't help but chuckle quietly. "I don't know, he just didn't think it was appropriate for me when I was a little girl—"

"But you still like this movie, right?"

"I do," Peyton granted. So okay yes, she wasn't that stupid, she knew a part of why Mikey was suddenly loving rocky horror so much had to do with the fact that Peyton had told him_ she _loved that musical, but still…it was cute to see him so excited about something they both now had in common apparently. "You wouldn't say I'm that big into musicals, but this one I like. The songs are catchy and fun…that does it for me…takes your mind off of things…"

Mikey grew a little serious at this part of her statement. "What things?" He asked, but Peyton had to take a moment before replying anything. When she looked so pensive and took so long to reply, Mikey shrugged his shoulders and spoke again. "Sad things?"

This time Peyton immediately nodded her head. She didn't even think when she started doing the notion. She sighed heavily, and to her surprise, so did Mikey. He looked at his mom one more time, before shifting his head back to the movie. He rested his head on Peyton's arm, because earlier she had told him it was okay if he did that.

They didn't say anything else throughout the rest of the movie, Mikey just laughed every now and then, and Peyton would chuckle at the way Michael bobbed his head to the rhythm of the songs every so often.

She didn't even know he liked music, she still wasn't sure how much he did or _if_ he did for sure, _or_ if he was just faking, but still…he _seemed _to like the musical acts the most, and for better or worse, Peyton thought that was pretty awesome for a kid his age. And if she were being completely honest, she thought that was pretty awesome for a kid of hers.

In any case, the evening went by rather fast, and before they realized it, it was already a little past ten o'clock, and out of the corner of her eye, Peyton could already see Mikey's eyes growing heavy. She bit on her lower lip, and shifted her eyes back and forth between Mikey and the TV. She actually did know what she wanted to do, she wanted to pull him to her side, hug him a little bit and maybe let him sleep on her side, but…it was just…awkward, and out of her comfort zone, that just thinking about doing it was making her feel dizzy.

"Do you wanna go to sleep already?"

Mikey immediately shook his head. He didn't want to, he knew he was sleepy —_really _sleepy at that, but no, he didn't want to go yet, he wanted to stay, he wanted to stay with Peyton, he wanted to stay with his _mom. _"I don't want to,"

Peyton huffed, and slightly rolled her eyes. He was _so_ stubborn. At least that proved he really was _her _kid after all. "You are sleepy Michael…You should go night night, don't worry, we can finish watching this one some other day." By now the Rocky Horror film was long finished, and they'd moved on to a different musical. It was now the one Mikey had chosen —_The Lion King_— but still, he was obviously so tired, it didn't make sense he stayed up late for nothing.

"But I don't want to," By then, Michael was even pouting, and his sleepy eyes now even had a few tears pooling in them.

Peyton shook her head at him, but still after a beat, softened her features. "Mikey…" She said simply. Her voice soft and calm.

Mikey didn't answer, but just kept staring at her seriously. The film wasn't even all that good, he had liked better the one Peyton had chosen, but still, that he remembered, he hadn't spent so much time with Peyton in forever without her being mad at him for this or that. This time she had just been with him, how come it was so wrong Mikey wasn't quite ready to let that go yet?

At last, Peyton sighed looking at him. "How about then you just go upstairs, get into your PJs, brush your teeth, and then come back downstairs. Bring a blanky with you if you want. I'll pause the movie…"

The offer was tempting, and to be honest he really didn't have an option but to take it. Mikey anyway stayed quiet for at least a couple of minutes, before he sighed a little too, and nodded his head. "You promise I can come back?"

"Yes," Peyton said simply with a nod of her own. She got into thinking, and she knew, if she and Mikey had had this conversation only a few days ago, she was sure it wouldn't have come out the way it did this time. It was strange, but honestly, Peyton wasn't finding Mikey all that exasperating tonight as she might have found him, say, one week ago. It was weird, but being alone with him, just with him without Lucas for a change, and for real, was actually letting her see who that little boy she supposedly was mother to, really was.

By midnight, Mikey was already fast asleep in the living room. He insisted to re-watch again Peyton's film instead of finishing his own pick, but even when Peyton agreed, not even fifteen minutes in he was already asleep on top of the large couch in the family room.

Peyton stayed close to him, his head resting on her lap for at least an hour or so until the movie was finished. She thought about it a lot —_really a lot_, but she had known texting Lucas had been the right choice. She didn't want to fight, for a chance, as of right now, she really didn't want to fight, and she let him know as much.

_Are you busy? Would you come over? I know what time it is, but…just come all right? Please. I don't wanna fight, I just gotta tell you something…_

Lucas then wasn't exactly the faster replier in the history of text messaging, but still, about five or ten minutes after Peyton sent her message, she got the answer she needed from him.

_I'll be there in fifteen minutes._

In reality Lucas had been there at her doorsteps no more than ten minutes after Peyton received his message, but still, during those few minutes she got, she managed to go upstairs and pack that small suitcase that now rested at the bottom of the stairs.

Lucas didn't see it when he stepped into the house, but instead his first concern had been Peyton and Mikey. "Are you okay? Is _Mikey _okay?" Those had been literally the only two questions Lucas was able to form as soon as he saw Peyton that night.

She on the other hand, had only nodded her head without really meeting his eyes. Peyton knew she'd regret this in the morning, but as she'd learned, sometimes you simply have to sacrifice things in the name of that so-called greater good.

They both sat in the family room. Both in opposite sides in different sofas, but still both with eyes on Mikey sleeping on the couch in between them. They were silent for the longest time…just until Lucas couldn't take it anymore.

"Peyton, I, I came beca…" Peyton raised her right hand, and Lucas was instantly muted.

"I just wanted you to listen to what I had to say…"

Lucas took a deep breath at her words, and then after a beat nodded his head. They were in silence for a few more moments however, until Peyton was finally ready to begin.

"I don't know what it is like to need someone in my life and be okay with it." She began stating. Her eyes finally shifted up and she met Lucas'. "But…God Lucas, when I lost her, when I lost the baby, you…_you_ were the one that I needed and you weren't there. Gracie…she was that chance I had to make all the wrongs I'd done_, right_. Start over. She…she was _your_ baby. I was going to give _you _that, after everything you'd done for me I was finally giving something to you. S–she was that little baby that was really yours and mine and then…then she was gone I didn't know what to do."

"She meant just as much to me Peyton, you know that—"

"But I didn't," Peyton was then fast to cut him off, yet her words still were soft and true.

Lucas stared at her eyes for a moment trying like hell to be strong at that admission he honestly hadn't seen coming. Or perhaps he did know and just hadn't wanted to see it. Whatever the case was, bringing his eyes down, away from Peyton's, he made himself carry on. "She did, I loved that baby just as much as I love you, but Mikey…He means just as much to me as she did. And I…Jesus, Peyton, I still just can't understand why you couldn't begin fixing things with _Mikey_ since he_ is_ here unlike Gracie anymore…"

Peyton shook head, yet she didn't do it in an angry manner, just perhaps a tad frustrated that Lucas couldn't get her. "I was happy; for a change, I…I was happy, Luke. I was happy when I found out I was pregnant again with Gracie. I didn't care I was young, I didn't care she'd mess up all my plans with the studio, all I cared was that she was inside me and that meant the world for me. With Michael –I know you were right before, I have never been a mom to that boy, and that's been with me ever since he was born, but there's nothing I can do about that anymore–"

"How can you say things like that? He's your son,"

"I know…" Tears were by then already in her eyes as she said those words. "He is, but I was wrong, he _is_ your son too, and unlike me, I'm thankful every day that he is and that you are his father. But me…I'm not good for that little boy now, just as I wasn't six years ago–"

"Yet you do think you would have been a good mom to Grace?" There, the question that he had been dying to ask for months was there, out, in the open. Lucas wasn't harsh or anything as he asked the question though. He really just needed to know the answer to that one.

Peyton in any case, stayed quiet for what felt forever before she said the four words she'd never before said aloud even though they never ever stopped being true. "I love you, Lucas." And there, just like Lucas' question, her words were also out, and surprisingly enough, it hadn't been so hard to say it as she'd thought it would. "I think I'd love you ever since we'd known each other and that– that's why Grace meant so much for me. Because she was you and I love you. I would've never done wrong to anything that was you…"

Lucas couldn't then for the life of him say anything. Peyton stayed quiet too for a good few minutes before she stood up and walked all the way to the couch were Mikey was sleeping tightly holding onto his blanky. "I _am_ sorry for everything I'd done to him, and I…of course I don't hate him…you were wrong…I do love him…" She admitted, and by then, not only she had tears in her eyes, so did Lucas.

They looked at each other for an instant before Peyton crouched down on the floor, right next to Mikey, her hands over his forehead and her lips all too close to his chubby cheek. "But I can't keep doing this to him too," Her voice cracked at last, and Lucas felt his heart breaking then and there one more time because of that girl. "I can't break him just as I did to you. He–he deserves so much better than anything I can give to him, so…you are right, Luke. He should be with you; _I_ want him to be with you, just…" Peyton's voice faded then for a moment as she gently, oh so gently picked up Mikey in her arms. She tenderly cradled him close to her chest as she stood up from the floor. "Just please don't take Nathan away from him, okay? Mikey loves him just as much as he loves you, so…please just do that last thing for me," She was not looking at Lucas as she finished talking, but instead she kept her eyes down on Mikey in her arms. Peyton hesitated then, a lot and for a while, but getting over herself, she at last bent down and kissed that little guy's forehead —strongly, and for a long time. Finally, after a couple of minutes she simply walked to Lucas, and handed him over the boy with tears in her eyes.

Deep inside she didn't want to do this; then again, she knew well enough she simply _had _to. Once Mikey was already in Lucas' arms, Peyton gave his curls and soft face one last stroke before looking up at Lucas' eyes. "Thank you for everything you'd done for me, for…for this," She admitted quietly looking down at the boy for a small moment before closing her eyes. She leaned in and lowered her head just enough so that she had Lucas' lips close enough to touch yet not close enough to kiss. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you, Lucas…" She mumbled softly against his lips before making his and hers meet in that simple full of pain kiss.

Lucas didn't want a good bye, yet he knew, more than anything else in that moment, that this was just it. Goodbye was just exactly what that kiss meant. In spite of himself, and of everything he knew, he couldn't not kiss her back. She was crying and Lucas didn't realize so was he, until Peyton drew away from him and her lips weren't brushing against his anymore. "Peyt…" Lucas pleaded when she started walking in the opposite direction of him and Mikey.

"This is not forever, you…I know you just need a little while alone to figure out things, but…Me and Mikey, we'd be here for you the whole time. We'd come often, and most days I promise it'd be as if we hadn't even left. I promise you that," Lucas said firmly and not lying at all. In his mind, all Peyton needed was time alone to figure out just how much she loved and needed Mikey close. That was honestly, why he wanted him with him for a little while.

Lucas hoped sooner rather than later she'd understand that Gracie dying wasn't the end of the world even when it felt like that – not only to her, but also for him.

There had been a small smile on Lucas' lips as he said the words, and even though Peyton felt strongly as if she wanted to cry at that, she smiled sadly instead. "I know you do, Luke," She replied simply before her eyes fell close and that first lone tear fell down freely to her cheek. "Would you tell him that I loved today?" She softly requested; her eyes down on Mikey as he peacefully continued to slumber in Lucas' arms.

Lucas held his stare on Peyton as she spoke and in all honesty, Lucas was feeling his heart breaking at the way she was looking at that small boy of theirs. If Lucas could say so himself, he could be almost sure Peyton had never before look at him that way. He hesitated terribly, but in the end when his and Peyton's eyes met one more time, he offered her a nod with his head. "I will," He said simply, quickly yet carefully glancing over at Mikey before looking back up at Peyton. "But you can tell him that much; maybe you'd be up for lunch or dinner tomorrow?" Lucas offered with a sad smile on his face; for one reason or another, he had known before the words had even come out of his mouth that she would decline that offer.

He couldn't explain why, and wouldn't even care to try to understand, but he simply knew Peyton and how much was too much for her. Have them both leaving that night was as harder as it could get for her; having them coming by to _"visit"_ wouldn't do any good – at least not at first.

After a good moment of silence, and without replying but simply looking into his eyes, Peyton took in a deep breath, and after looking one more time – surprisingly at Mikey and not at Lucas, she turned around, walking her way slowly to her bedroom.

She didn't want to go and Lucas was able to tell that much. He didn't want to go either, not after tonight when he finally was able to _really _talk to Peyton for the first time in what felt a lifetime, but in any case, they both had to do what they had to do; she needed to heal, and Lucas needed to let her do that much.

If for the first time that meant leaving her, then he would have to be okay with it even when doing so, hurt more than anything else he had ever done in his life before.


	31. Chapter Thirtyone : Good to see you aga

**Author's Note : **Thank you so much for reading :) Hope you like this one -quite a few things resolve in the next chapter so I'll try to be as quick as I can to update :)

**Chapter Thirty-one : Good to see you again...**

* * *

Peyton had to drive for six hours and eight minutes exactly to get there. She had been restless all night. _Thinking_. Thinking and thinking some more. Lucas had taken Mikey only a little while past midnight the night before. Peyton had thought about them both all night and to no avail because she still didn't know what to do…

Until something, somehow something at around 7 O'clock that morning clicked within her and she knew where she had to go. She hadn't given herself time to overthink this. As soon as she was set on the idea, she got herself ready and hit the road as fast as she could. Honestly, she didn't want to give herself any time to back off.

And surely, soon enough, she was here. In this little town somewhere in Georgia. It was clean and nice though. Peyton liked its feel even though she wouldn't change Tree Hill for this one any day.

In any case, after a good few minutes of bracing herself for this, Peyton stepped out of her car and started walking the small pathway that directed her to this house. She stood by the door still for one too many minutes then. She was _so_ nervous —more than she had been in forever she was sure. She felt lightheaded, and she thought she might also be sweating already.

With a shake of her head however, Peyton tried like hell to pull herself together. She took a deep breath, and at last, she knocked on this big wooden door. Whatever happens happens, she thought to herself taking in yet another big deep breath.

Even after she knocked however, there was no response or any kind of noise coming from the other side of the door for a couple of minutes. Peyton didn't knock again, she just stood by the door and kept waiting. A side of her was maybe even glad no one was home since it meant she didn't have to face this woman after all, but then…all too fast and before Peyton could process it, this woman she couldn't remember ever seeing before in her life, opened the door to the house, and for an instant, they were both frozen…frozen and just staring into one another's eyes.

"Hello –Hi, I, I'm—"

Peyton's attempts to speak were futile though; before she could say anything more, Ellie cut her off.

"I know who you are,"

The admission made a cold chill ran all the way through Peyton's spine. She shivered and looked away from Ellie for a few seconds.

Silence fell between them then. Ellie was staring strongly at Peyton and she could tell as much. It didn't make Peyton feel so comfortable —there was nothing she wanted more but to start running in the direction opposite to Ellie right about now.

She let out a breath shaking her head. She _had_ to do this, she knew she had to, so after clearing her throat, Peyton tried again to speak.

"I'm sorry I just showed up…" She said as she slowly brought her eyes up to meet Ellie's again.

Ellie chuckled a little bit at Peyton's words though. That didn't exactly make Peyton feel at ease. The polar opposite really. She felt even more awkward now; as if she needed to explain herself. "You –You left an address, not a phone number, I had no way to call and tell you I was coming. I guess I could've sent a letter or a note first, but…it's not like I really planned in coming, I just…I, I don't know, I just came, and well if you mind then I don't know, I guess, I, I…" Ellie chuckling at her for the second time made Peyton trail off. She was rambling, she knew this rather well, and still she did not know what to do about it. "You said in that letter to come and see you when I felt ready…well, I don't think I am, but I came anyway…"

Ellie thought about Peyton's words for a few seconds before she simply nodded her head and smiled softly at that alleged daughter of hers. "Would you like to come in then? I was about to fix myself a cup of coffee."

"I don't drink coffee," The words just slipped out of Peyton's mouth without she even thinking. Ellie gave her a face, and Peyton immediately shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I meant…Thank you, I'd love to come inside…"

Ellie nodded her head one more time, and stepped aside as Peyton slowly came in. Was this the way she imagined she'd meet her daughter? Not at all. But Peyton was here now anyway and that was what should count.

They entered the kitchen, and Ellie motioned Peyton to take a seat by a small kitchen table. Peyton did so and then just watched in silence as Ellie started going through her pantry supplies and found that special little English _tea _she wanted to fix now for herself and Peyton.

She was busy as she prepared the tea that Peyton even zoned out for a bit just thinking . She wasn't sure how this '_reunion'_ was supposed to go. She wasn't a 16 or 17 year old just finding out she was adopted, and meeting for the first time her birth mom. She was an almost 25-year-old woman, with a degree, a job, and a…family —despite how broken and all that one was. She wasn't a kid anymore, and as she'd rationalized, Peyton couldn't —_and wouldn't_— react towards this as a kid in her shoes would. She needed to keep herself together, and be as mature as could be about this.

It was a couple of minutes later though when Ellie suddenly broke the silence. Her voice was soft and sweet though as she spoke. "The last time I saw you you were around 9 or 10 years old…"

Her words made Peyton jump a little and backtrack immediately. "I'm sorry?" She asked Ellie, looking confused.

Ellie turned around from her kitchen counter, and already with the two mugs in her hands, she started making her way to Peyton. She shrugged her shoulders when their eyes met. "Your parents —your mom, she used to send me pictures of you when you were a kid. But, then the last time I actually got to see you, I think you were only ten at the time."

Peyton cleared her throat before she spoke. "I didn't know we've met before," She said the words as Ellie handed her the hot cup. She cupped it tightly with her hands and brought it closer to her mouth instantly. It was only early March, and it had been a long winter, the temperature wasn't raising as fast as it should, and clearly, that hot liquid in her hands had been exactly what Peyton had been needing as of that moment.

Ellie however, simply shook her head at Peyton's words. "_I've_ met you, you hadn't. And it wasn't as if we had a proper introduction…I just got to see you from afar…" Peyton could only nod her head as Ellie kept speaking. "When did your Dad finally tell you about me? When did he give you the letter?"

Peyton made an uneasy face looking at Ellie. She honestly wasn't quite sure how to answer this one. "He sort of didn't tell me…I just…I found the letter a couple of years ago…" Now it was clearly Ellie the one who was confused.

"He never told you about me?" She was surprised, more than that really. Peyton could tell this lady was even slightly upset at the few words Peyton had told her. "He was supposed to, that had been our deal after your mom died—"

"What do you know about my mom?" The question just formed, fast and Peyton couldn't help when it came out somewhat harsh.

Ellie's features softened and she sighed heavily. "I'm sorry I said that like that," She said sincerely, looking at Peyton quite sadly. "I…I don't know anything about your mom. I only know that she was the woman who wanted you more than anything since the moment I met her …"

Peyton looked away and bit on her lower lip strongly. How come this couldn't get easier with time, huh? Was she always going to miss her mom so badly that just the thought of her sometimes made her want to cry?

In any case, after taking a very _very_ deep breath, Peyton looked back to Ellie. "It wasn't as if my Dad didn't tell me, it was more as if he couldn't…"

Ellie's eyes narrowed at that. "What happened?"

Peyton sighed. She didn't like talking about this all, especially not with this woman she hardly even knew, but…what was point in lying? There was none for sure. "He died too…a few years ago…"

Ellie was clearly taken a back again, and ever so slightly, she shook her head letting her eyes fall close. "I'm so sorry, Peyton…"

Peyton just shrugged her shoulders at the apology. "It's all right, it…it was a long time ago…"

"I'm still sorry," Ellie insisted anyway, and just as she had done before, Peyton shrugged her shoulders slightly again. "How do you know about me, then?"

"It's a silly story…" Peyton explained rolling her eyes slightly. "Like 3 years ago when we moved back into my Dad's house, I decided to finally storage a lot of his things, but I…I couldn't just put everything away. I had to go through some of the boxes, and his room, and then I also ended up going through my Mom's old things. In one of her sketchbooks, there were some very old pictures and postcards she'd written but never sent, and then there was also your letter. It didn't have a date so I didn't know how long ago you've written it but it still gave me a lot of information…" Peyton confessed shaking her head. She almost didn't even want to go back to those memories. That one had been for sure one of her darker days even when eventually all she did with that information was push it aside and pretend she didn't know anything about this Elizabeth woman.

"I, I never thought that could be possible. I never even questioned my mom being my mom and my dad being my dad or not, but then that letter happened and all I knew changed…"

"But you still didn't reach out till now, why?" So okay, Ellie was aware she was probably pushing her luck and asking more questions than she probably should, but…well, if Peyton was here was most likely because she needed answers. Not so surprisingly, so did Ellie and she just couldn't keep them in.

"Because I didn't want it to be true…I couldn't accept I've lived a lie my whole life, but then…then I realized I really hadn't. You are my mother, but that still doesn't make you my mom." Peyton stated softly, and not really trying to hurt anyone's feelings. She was just trying to be as honest as she could, and well, this was the truth.

And then, surprising Peyton a little, Ellie nodded her head. She couldn't, not for the life of her, refute anything that Peyton had just said. "Why are you here now?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulder again at the question. "You gave me away. I, I need to understand that…I need to understand how someone can do that."

Ellie was one more time confused, but probably she shouldn't, right? After all Peyton wasn't really asking something so crazy. "I guess I just wanted to give you your best chance. I couldn't raise you. Not in the world I lived…"

Peyton didn't say anything for a moment, but simply shook her head.

"What?" Ellie asked because Peyton seemed clearly upset and even though maybe she was in all her right to be, Ellie wanted to understand exactly just why she was upset.

"I have a son, too, you know?" Peyton blurted out, finally looking back up into Ellie's eyes.

The grown woman was taken aback for sure; but at least she now finally knew where Peyton was coming. Or at least she thought so. "So what are you going to tell me now? That you love him so much you could never imagine giving him away to complete strangers?"

"No," Peyton answered so fast and so strongly, that once again, Ellie was taken aback. By then Peyton already had a few hot tears welling her eyes, but she was fighting them back _oh so_ much. "That's not it at all. I, I got pregnant with him when I wasn't even 18 yet…I, I didn't plan that baby and some days I do wonder how come I couldn't just put him up for adoption too. That, that's why I am really here Ellie. Because I need answers… because most days I think I didn't give that little boy his best chance, but instead I almost ruined him…" She was talking fast now, breathing hard, and those tears she once was fighting so hard, where now slowly running all the way down her face.

Ellie felt lost, uneasy, she didn't know what she was supposed to say, let alone she knew what to do. Should she just hug her or something?

In the end however, Ellie did nothing. She just stayed in silence by Peyton, and waited until that petite blonde girl calmed herself enough. It was then when Ellie's hand went to rest on Peyton's knee. She gave it a light squeeze and Peyton couldn't help but look up.

"How old is he then? 6? 7?" Ellie asked casually.

"Six and a half…" Peyton answered as calm as she could. She wiped some of the tears on her cheeks, and looked brokenly at Ellie. "I don't know how you did it. Even when I've never had a real relationship with that little boy, I, I can't imagine myself giving him away and never see him again. I, I think I would have gone mad if I've done it. Searching for his face in the streets, not knowing how he is, or if he needs something or whatever. If he's better off or the opposite. I wouldn't have stopped thinking how he might be like, what he's doing, if he's sad or happy…I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had given him up…" Peyton breathed, at last as those words were finally out. Maybe that was in truth why she came here in the first place. Just so she could say some of these words finally aloud to a person who maybe will get it.

Ellie however, didn't answer, but just nodded her head ever so slightly. She had gone through that exact same thing Peyton was describing ever since she gave her up all those years ago. She hadn't, not for one day, stopped thinking about that tiny little person she gave life to once, but turned her back on her all too soon. It had been the right decision for sure, not a doubt in that, but that still didn't mean it had been easy —it still wasn't. "I understand—"

"Do you regret it?" Peyton was fast to ask as soon as Ellie barely even moved her lips to speak. "Giving me up? Do you regret it?"

Ellie thought for a moment. "Yes…no," She said sincerely. "I regret it for myself, I missed out on _you_, I missed all your life, but I…I don't think I regret it for you. You…even with everything that happened to your parents, I…I still do believe you had a better life than the one you would have had with me…"

Peyton listened carefully to everything Ellie said, and slowly, she started nodding her head. She was right. Even when none of them were here right now, Peyton would never, never ever, change the parents she got.

"Can I ask you why you think your little boy would be better off without you?"

"Because I'm a mess." Peyton didn't even have to think the answer to that question. "Because he's an awesome little boy and yet all his life all he has gotten from me has been grief…" She sighed heavily, and shook her head. Now even this lady she was just meeting was going to judge her. "I love him —or at least I think I do, or I should, or…you know what I mean, but…if I look back, all I see is me making all the wrong decisions and choices for him. I'm all messed up and without meaning to do so I think I've messed him up too. That…that's why lately —and by lately I mean today, I've been thinking how maybe my first wrong decision with him was not giving him up to someone better than me in the first place…"

Peyton's eyes fell as soon as she was done speaking, and without her meaning to do so, she kept shaking her head ever so slightly. That, until Ellie spoke again.

"What is his name again?" Peyton just looked up at Ellie at the question. Her eyes narrowed. "Your son? Did you tell me his name already?"

Peyton didn't get her. "Did you even listen to a word I just said?"

Ellie also looked clueless at Peyton's questioning. Of course she had heard everything Peyton had said. That was why she wanted to know about the little boy actually. "Yeah…all of it, but I just…I don't know, I guess I just think you are wrong thinking the way you think,"

Peyton puffed sarcastically, and strongly now, she shook her head. "You don't even know me, how can you say that? For all you know I'm the worst mother in the planet." And now Ellie was chuckling. Seriously? "What's so funny?"

"Nothing…" Ellie said simply trying to put on a serious face. "I apologize for that." She sighed and looked away from Peyton for a few moments.

Peyton looked away from her too, and for at least a few minutes, the two of them remained in complete silence.

Ellie's house wasn't really all that big, it wasn't small by any means, but it wasn't big either. Peyton looked out in the direction of the living room, there were music albums pretty much everywhere, but as far as she could tell, there were no picture frames to be seen. That saddened Peyton a little bit for some reason. She then looked back at Ellie, and not really knowing why, she decided to break the silence this time herself. "His name is Michael…" She said softly enough. Ellie however, was taken aback a little as she heard Peyton's words. She even jumped a little bit.

She settled down rather fast though and an instant later, she had already put all her attention in Peyton again. "Michael Thomas Scott…"

Peyton couldn't understand just why, but at her words, a soft, _genuine _smile formed in Ellie's lips. It actually was the first actual smile Peyton had seen in this woman so far.

"Can I ask you something?"

Peyton stared at Ellie's eyes for a moment —thinking, really thinking if she should agree or not. In the end however, Peyton could only nod her head slightly.

"When you got pregnant with him, did you ever considered adoption as an option? Was that something you thought about but backed off for some reason?"

This time Peyton didn't really think about it. She immediately shook her head and smiled sarcastically. "No I didn't, but I did think about aborting him…" Ellie's eyes went awfully wide at that admission, and while Peyton did grow uncomfortable after she said those words, it was still the truth. A harsh truth perhaps, but it was still the truth nonetheless.

She had to ask something now, before Ellie could say whatever though. "Did you ever? You know…did you ever think about…aborting _me_?" Okay so right now Peyton couldn't be sure if she wanted to know the answer to that, but…she came here for answers, right? She might as well ask all the questions then.

Ellie said nothing, instead she gave herself a moment before replying. Whether she knew it or not, that was indeed answer enough for Peyton.

"I, Peyton…"

"It's okay, I get it," Peyton chimed in before Ellie could continue with her thought. "You didn't go through with it, neither did I…let's leave it at that, shall we?"

For the first time that evening, Ellie was positive she was hearing something smart and true from this girl's mouth. She nodded her head and waited a beat before she spoke again. "So why did you keep him? Why didn't you even consider adoption? What changed your mind?" Ellie paused for a moment. Thinking. "Or should I say _who _changed your mind? Was it the Dad?"

Peyton scrunched up her nose, and twisted her lips.

"What?"

"It's not that simple…" Peyton tried to explain but it obviously was not enough. Ellie only had to give her a face —one of those motherly faces Peyton was only used to get from Karen actually. "It was not his Dad, but it was Lucas…" Ellie's expression didn't change. "Lucas is my husband —_was_ I mean, he _was _my husband."

Ellie didn't even want to ask more at this point. It killed her, it honestly did kill her everything she had missed about this girl before her.

"I've never, never ever regretted having Mikey…I, God I can swear that to you,"

And at this, Ellie didn't have an option but to nod. She believed her. "Would you like me to tell you what I think?"

Hell yes she wanted. She needed it. "Please," Peyton said softly as she looked at Ellie right in the eye. She hadn't noticed before but they actually had the same eye color. It was bizarre; Peyton never really questioned why she didn't have blue eyes like her mom, but well, now it all just made sense.

"I think you had that baby for yourself. Not because of this Lucas boy. I think the part in you who thought you could do it —be a _mom_, was stronger than the part in you that doubted it. You are right, I don't know you, but I don't think you are bad mother. I just think you are lost and in need of a wakeup call girl."

Peyton smiled sadly at these words. Ellie looked at her quietly for a few seconds, but then kept going. "You wanna know why you kept him? Because you didn't want to live _every single day_ of your life wondering about this one person that at some point in time was part of you. You didn't give him away because you loved him enough to know that he needed you in his life just as much as you needed him and no one else, no matter how good, would ever be able to completely replace you. You stuck with your son because dreaming and hoping on a person you may or may never see again, is by far one of the hardest things a person can go through. You stayed with him because _you are _his mother, and even when you don't feel it most of the times, you felt it that one second six years ago when you held him for the first time and realized you have made a person. No matter the circumstances. He came from you and it was yours —and I know that deep in your heart you know you will do anything for him…"

Peyton had no idea what to say, she felt her stomach twist within her and she wanted to get out of there. She didn't want to hear all this, but at the same time she also knew this was something she simply had to do, and go through…

She then closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. While her eyes stayed close for a few more moments, Peyton still was listening loud and clear to everything Ellie kept saying.

"Believe me when I tell you you don't want your little boy to come to see you twenty plus years from today to ask you just why you weren't there. Why you didn't want him —trust me when I tell you you don't want that, Peyton. You made the right choice when you stuck by your son. You need him. You told me so; you would've gone crazy if you hadn't known where he was or how he was. You care about him, and perhaps not in the ordinary way, but he's only six years old, right? Kids are _forgiving_. There is a certain grace only children have. You may not know it, but he doesn't care the person you were yesterday, hell, a few hours ago, they forget but most important really _forgive _if only you really want to change and be better…" Peyton looked up at Ellie for a second, just in time to see that lone tear fell from her eye.

Honestly Peyton was also feeling as crying…_oh-so bad._

"I guess from here is your choice kid…if you want things with him to be as they have, or not…and if that's the case, _change it_. If you don't like the kind of mother you are, change it. It's never too late. It's…it's not too late for you at least Peyton, I'm sure."

And then there was silence. Complete and absolute silence…until Peyton spoke again.

"Thank you…" Peyton promised, and she really did mean it. She licked her eyes and looked down for an instant. "Can I tell you something ntoo though?"

Ellie was quiet for a long minute, but then she agreed with a nod of her head.

"I'm not the kind of person who believes in second chances, you know? I think you have _one_ chance and that's all you get. If you screw up, deal with it because you don't get a do-over."

"Do you think differently now?"

Peyton shook her head. "No," She stated simply. "But…now I've known you. And, it wasn't as I thought it would be. I'd thought I would hate you, for leaving me and all of that. But, even though we didn't have either that slow motion _run-into-each-other's-arms_ moment, right now I just feel as if you and I never really got a chance to be. If I can tell you the truth, that's the way I've always felt about Mikey. I never really gave us a chance…"

Ellie wasn't completely sure, but she thought she may be following Peyton's line of thought at last. "So if you change things now you wouldn't be getting a do over, would ya? It would just be as if doing all of it for the first time…getting it right this time…"

Peyton moved her head up and down slowly as Ellie spoke. Mikey was _her _son. It was the first time it'd happened, but…in that precise moment in time, Peyton couldn't think of Mikey as the result of a rape as she had for all his life. Right now, she was just thinking of him as _her _son, the little person she grew within herself for nine whole months and brought into the world safe and sound.

When Grace died, she'd just thought of herself as _unfit _to be a mother. After all the universe kept telling her as much. Her first child hated her and her second couldn't even make it to the world. But now something had changed, and it wasn't because of Ellie's pep talk, or…perhaps it was, but it also had to do with the fact that as of right now, Peyton hadn't been able to stop thinking about Mikey since the moment she hoped into her car that morning.

Peyton kept thinking, time and again about his reaction this morning when he woke up and realized he wasn't anymore at his house with his mom but at a hotel room with his father? She wondered if he'd eaten already. If she'd packed him enough clothes? The ones he liked or not?

Who was to say she was hopeless? Besides herself that is…

No one.

Right now the one thing she was clear about was about having Mikey in her life. She didn't want him gone for good. She wanted to pick him up from school three times a week and give him silly non-sugary pudding for snack. It also was a new, but…for the first time since Mikey was born, Peyton knew she wanted that child because of him, because of who he was and the important role he had in her life, and not for Lucas.

In the past, having Lucas was the most important thing for her. Having him by her. Mikey always got a second place. Mikey came along with Lucas and she loved Lucas, so in some twisted ways, that was why she accepted Mikey —because without Mikey there was no Lucas and she wanted _Lucas…_

Now, well now she still loved Lucas —_even though she kind of hated him too_— but she also loved and wanted Mikey —above Lucas for the first time, and surprising her awfully, she had no doubts about that right now.

"Tree Hill is only a six hour drive from here, you know…?" The question was made by Peyton when she opted just not to answer directly Ellie's question.

Ellie narrowed her eyes, but at the same time also nodded her head —she knew this.

"Technically Mikey has two grandmas if you count Nathan's mom—" Ellie made a face here making Peyton trail off. "Another long story. I'll tell you about that one later," She explained with a silly smile on her face. "My point was that I don't think he'll mind a third one…"

Her words obviously took Ellie aback, but even when it took her a moment, at last, Ellie formed a soft smile on her face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that maybe you and I can start over, too…If you want to…like you said, at the end of the day, it's up to you if you want to change things or not…" And with that Peyton did to stand up from the kitchen table.

She looked down at Ellie one more time once she was already standing. "Thank you," She said one more time today because in all honesty, Ellie had given her a perspective. She'd given her that picture of the self she didn't want to be in twenty years' time and that was just about priceless. "Thank you for giving me away, but…thank you for being here right now too…just…thank you, thank you Ellie…"

Peyton waited for a moment to see if Ellie was going to say something back. At the end, Ellie just nodded her head and looked down. Peyton nodded as well, and without saying anything else, she walked past Ellie and towards the kitchen door. She knew what would happen if she stepped out of that house that day, she knew she wouldn't see Ellie again, she knew this would stayed in her mind as the day she met her birth mom but also said good-bye to her forever. It saddened Peyton somewhat, but then she also realized that at least she had today with Ellie, and for better or for worse, she had learned a lot from this woman.

And then, when Peyton was almost out of the kitchen already, Ellie spoke softly again. "Do you have any room in your house? Because I don't really want to pay for a hotel?"

Peyton couldn't help the smirk that formed in her face as soon as Ellie spoke. She turned around and fixed her eyes on Ellie's. She shrugged her shoulders. "I have room." She said simply and then waited a beat. Then she spoke again. "In my car too if you just wanna hit the road with me…" And so her offer was out, it was up to Ellie to take it or not, and while she wouldn't admit it openly, Peyton was really hoping she did.

"Are you sure?"

Peyton did think about it a second, but then she just smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure…"

"Okay, I, I'll just throw some things into a bag and we can go…"

Peyton didn't answer to that, and she really didn't have to, she just nodded, and fighting the idiotic smile on her face, she walked back into the kitchen as Ellie did the opposite. Ellie went into her room at the other end of the house, while Peyton simply sat back on the kitchen table and proceed to finish her tea. She wasn't sure why she was doing it, but somehow, deep in her heart she just knew this was the right thing to do, and somehow she also knew she would not regret this any time soon.

At least she hoped so anyway.

* * *

By 5 O'clock that same Monday, Peyton was already on her way back to Tree Hill with this Ellie person in tow. They would ask each other questions every so often, apparently Ellie used to work in the music business. She still did somehow, but just not to the same extent as she once did. She produced now, as opposed of being on the road every week for the better part of the year. She sounded passionate about music and Peyton quite enjoyed hearing some of her stories. They stopped for food and potty runs a couple of times, but just as Peyton predicted, around 11 pm that night, they were entering Tree Hill.

Everything around her already looked familiar, and Peyton knew she was home, but…there were still 15minutes to go before they would get to her house, and she sort of wanted to ask just one more question to Ellie. She thought about it, looking back and forth between the road and Ellie at her side, but then, after taking a deep breath, she went for it…

"Did you ever have any more kids?" Peyton asked, her eyes on the road but her attention undeniably on Ellie. "After you gave me up? Did you ever try to have a family again?"

Ellie turned to look at Peyton, she was serious and Peyton could tell that even if she weren't directly looking at her. She was silent longer than she should have for a question like this, and in a way, this was more of an answer to Peyton, than an actual no…

"I had just turned nineteen when you were born. I did get to meet you and I even held you thanks to your mom, but…then twenty-four hours after you were born, you were also gone. Your parents were gone and all the things that had been my life for the last 6 or 7 months were gone in the blink of an eye. That turned into a double edge sword. I didn't have you anymore and that killed me, but it was also a good thing —or so I thought…" Ellie paused for a beat, but Peyton didn't dare to say anything…she just waited.

"Not having you anymore also meant I didn't have to worry about you anymore, so I focused in all the things I hadn't been able to do while I still was pregnant. I wasn't really very smart though —I dropped off from school…I, I really don't know what got into me then, but I guess I was just angry. I had a little bit of an angry, guilt-ridden case going on for me, and that didn't turn out very good. But then, for some reason I did get to go on a music tour of this crappy band and then I just happened to go on another one after that and another one after that one, too. One day I woke up and that had been my life; tour after tour I've met people but I never really got close to anyone. If you ask me though," In that moment Ellie paused and took a deep breath. Peyton for an instant turned to look at her, and she felt sad. Ellie really did live with many many regrets, and that, that just wasn't good. "It was for the best. I carried, I still do, with a lot of guilt for giving you away, I don't think I would've been good at the whole mother thing anyway. I was already too bitter, kid."

"I'm sorry for that…" Peyton couldn't help her words. She smiled sadly at Ellie, but then just focused back on the road fast enough. She could already spot her house and so she let Ellie know that pointing to the house with her finger. "Is that one by the big white one…"

Ellie nodded at first looking at the house, but then the black car parked in front of the garage caught her eyes. "And who's that?" She asked simply out of curiosity. Peyton didn't say anything for a moment, and so Ellie turned to look at her. Her eyes were as wide as could be and it was no secret she was more than just surprised.

"That's Lucas' car…" Peyton explained vaguely as she hurried to park her car. She parked it in front of the house, past the mailbox and as fast as she could, she turned off the engine and got down of her car. She didn't think of Ellie then, but simply walked as fast as she could towards that car in her driveway.

Lucas was fast to spot her car coming too, and almost as the same time as Peyton stepped out of hers, he was stepping out of his car too.

"What are you doing here so late?" She asked him a bit harshly, she wasn't really thinking much about Lucas being here so late, but Mikey. And just as she was about to ask about him, out of the corner of her eye Peyton could see Mikey hurrying out of his father's car and running as fast as he could in her direction.

He was crying, and he was crying hard. Peyton didn't get it; she was confused as she looked at Lucas and with her eyes demanded for an answer.

But even then, when Mikey so tightly wrapped his hands around her waist, Peyton didn't have an option but to do the same. She hugged him, and without her thinking, she was rubbing his back, and cooing little soothing noises every so often as he cried.

Eventually Mikey settled down a little even though he continued to cry as Peyton held him. He was much calmer than before now though, but he still refused to let go of Peyton. He just kept holding her as tightly as he could; burrowing his face on her legs. Peyton looked down at him uneasily for a moment, before she looked up at Lucas again and raised her eyebrows at him. "What the heck?" She asked him softly enough. She actually hadn't wanted Mikey to hear her say that.

Lucas on the other hand grew uneasy at Peyton's question. He scratched the back of his head and just stared at her and Mikey shrugging his shoulder; it was a long story.

It was then in that moment when Lucas realized Peyton hadn't been by herself in her car.

Ellie had been keeping her distance for a few minutes, but when she realized this wasn't going anywhere and everybody —_including the child_— were freezing outside the house, Ellie just saw fitting if she told Peyton how they should continue this inside the house.

Ellie didn't say the words aloud though; she walked closer to Peyton, and whispered her suggestion in her ear. Peyton looked over at her and nodded slightly, before she turned around to see Lucas again with his questioning look.

"And who is she?" He asked out of instinct, it really was none of his business but when he saw this woman saying _who-knew-what_, to Peyton, he couldn't help but feel curious about it.

Peyton shook her head though; first, because it really was a long story to explain whom Ellie was, and second because this really was not the time to explain that. After all Mikey was _still _crying oh-so softly against her legs.

"Not now," Peyton told him back simply anyway. She looked back down at Mikey and stroked his head. "We should go inside…" She said softly as she tried to make Mikey look up at her. "You are going to freeze out here kid…let's go all inside, okay?" Mikey looked up at Peyton with a few too many tears on his face, and even when it took him a moment, he swallowed hard and nodded his head. He waited put for Peyton to start walking in the front door's direction, but then as she started moving so did he —he followed his mother close behind and reached out to hold her hand.

Peyton felt weird about it all, Mikey was not one to do that with her, but still she didn't read much into it and just held his hand as they all entered the house in silence.

Lucas was the last one to come in, and as he closed the door behind him, Peyton stared at him looking for explanations.

She had been so naïve thinking her day was going to be over as soon as she got home with Ellie. Oh no…she didn't even know it yet, but today was just one of those days people tend to remember for the rest of their lives…

And it didn't necessarily had to be a bad thing, but as Peyton thought as she stared at Lucas…only time would tell…_time_…


	32. Chapter Thirtytwo : I've missed you

**Author's Note : **A little bit of a short chapter, but I still kinda liked how it turned out :) Thanks so much for reading!

**Chapter Thirty-two : Where have you been? / I've missed you**

* * *

The weirdest part for Peyton, was feeling the way Mikey so tightly was holding onto her hand. He wasn't crying anymore, but he was still breathing hard, and hiccupping every so often as he stared at the floor in silence.

All four of them, Lucas included, stayed that way, quiet by the foyer for at least five minutes or so after they walked inside the house. Lucas looked so awkward and uncomfortable. Peyton knew he wanted to explain himself, and just why Michael had thrown the kind of fit he'd just done, but…nope, his words just didn't come out. He didn't know what to say and at the same time Peyton didn't know which questions to ask —or more so, _how_ to ask them. She breathed deeply when she saw Lucas shifting his weight from one foot to the other for like the tenth time.

"Michael," Peyton called softly. It took her a while but then it finally hit her again how her main concern right now should be Mikey. The little boy was as serious as could be, tears still all over his face, but even so, he did look up as Peyton called his name. "Are you okay?"

Mikey didn't even think about it, he shook his head as soon as Peyton asked him that question.

"What happened? You wanna tell me?"

It surprised Mikey a little how calm Peyton still was. There was one time a few months back when he cried a little too much when Peyton didn't let him go to Nathan's house one weekend. Mikey had been really mad that night, kind of like tonight, but…the difference had been that that time, Peyton had been also really mad at him for throwing a fit that she didn't even stop to ask if he was okay or not. She had yelled at him that time, asked him to stop already and sent him to his room grounded. That had been the first time Mikey had been grounded in his life. A part of him had thought this time she would probably be as mad as that time at seeing him crying so hard, but…he hadn't been able to help himself, and well, Peyton hadn't been mad at all after all. Mikey wasn't complaining about it, but it still surprised him…

He had to answer her question now though. He was still unsure, but…he knew he just had to let it out. He looked then at Lucas, hurt in his blue eyes as he looked at his Dad, and then back at Peyton. "I thought you were gone. I thought you were gone forever and I wasn't going to see you again."

Peyton couldn't help but narrow her eyes at those words. She'd thought they had had that conversation already about her not leaving him but oh well…

In the end, Peyton just shrugged her shoulders and softened her features looking at Mikey. "Well I'm here, aren't I?" Mikey still looked hesitant, but he nodded his head anyway. "I just had to go some places today. See, I even brought someone who wanted to meet you, but just look at the fit you threw…" There was a teeny smirk on her face as she spoke, and so Mikey smiled sheepishly too.

"Who is that?" Mikey tried asking looking at Ellie, but his words didn't come out right —he sounded harsh and even kind of rude.

"Mikey…"

"I'm sorry."

"She's Ellie…" Peyton said as she turned to look at Ellie. "Ellie this is Mikey…today is certainly not one of his good days, but still…this is him…" She said softly enough shrugging her shoulder. Ellie nodded her head muttering a _"Pleased to meet you" _to which Mikey only nodded his head. He was still rather serious though.

Peyton looked down at him and bit her lip shaking her head. He really was quite her son. She was the same with strangers most of the times —one big stinker. She had had enough of introductions already though. "Mikey would you show Ellie to the kitchen. I gotta talk some things now with your Daddy but maybe she can help you fix some hot cocoa?"

"I, I don't—ma, I—"

"You're shivering kid, it's fine…I'm not going anywhere…" Peyton was fast to cut him off because she just knew he didn't want to go and would come out with whatever reason to stay and not go with Ellie. "We'll just stay here in the living room."

"You promise?"

"I swear."

Mikey nodded and after looking up at Ellie seriously, he started walking in the kitchen direction.

"Now it's your turn, what happened?" Peyton didn't even wait for Mikey and Ellie to be out of her sight before she was already questioning Lucas.

Lucas' heaved a deep sigh at her words. It had been such a long day, and to be honest, he had really pictured the worse after his conversation with Peyton last night. He wasn't going to tell her this right now, but as of one hour ago, there was even an APB on her already.

"He, he just freaked this morning when he woke up with me and not you, he…he was just scared I guess. I calmed him down in the morning, and explained all of it to him. He, he seemed to understand then…"

"So what was it? Why did he get like this?"

"He insisted on calling you and I did, I swear I called you everywhere Peyton, your cell, here, the studio, but no one knew about you. In the afternoon Haley came over to the hotel, I needed her to stay with Mikey for a couple of hours but then…then he overheard when she told me you had been thinking about skipping town for a little while…"

In that moment, it started making more sense to Peyton.

"He went crazy, and started crying that he wanted you and…God, it was just awful. We tried to find you all evening, we came here, went to Brooke's, your studio, your favorite coffee shop. Michael was so sure he wasn't going to see you again...I…I thought so too…I got to think the worse…"

"What is that supposed to mean?" And now she felt a bit lost again.

"After last night," Lucas started explaining with a shrug of his shoulders. "I, I don't know, you seemed so _hopeless _last night, that I thought, I, I thought maybe you've done something to hurt yourself…"

"Lucas…"

"—Can you blame me? You were _so_ final yesterday…when we couldn't find you today I really did think I wouldn't see you again either…"

"I, I don't know what to say," Peyton said feeling at odds. She shook her head and looked at Lucas uneasily. "I, I was just…after last night I needed a little bit of a timeout. That's why I didn't even take my phone this morning," She paused biting on her lip anxiously. "I'm, I'm sorry Luke…I don't know what else to tell you…"

Lucas looked just as restless and uneasy as Peyton looked, but even so, as she said those words he nodded his head. Honestly, he was just so glad she was all right and right there in front of him. Even if openly he wasn't able to voice that quite yet. "I don't know what we should do about Mikey now…"

Peyton sighed because she knew what Lucas was doing; putting Mikey and his feelings always above his own. For once Peyton kind of understood why he always did that though. "I promise I'll talk to him," She said that rather sincerely, and not even a blind person could have ignored the way that promise took Lucas aback.

Perhaps it was stupid, but Lucas knew Peyton and she was just not the kind to make a promise like that so lightly —talking with Mikey? Since when did she do that now? —that of course was absolutely not to say Lucas wasn't pleasantly surprised with that offer. "What will you tell him?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders. "The truth. That I don't plan in disappearing from his life any time soon…"

Lucas wanted so badly to breathe with relief —he fought it back and kept it in though.

"That's what I'll tell Mikey…" Peyton began again breaking Lucas from his thoughts. He looked at her right in her eyes then. "What I'll tell _you _however, is that I would _never_ do something against myself. I would never do something like that. _Never_. I've been through the wringer but I've never gotten to that place…I know I've been selfish a lot, but…I wouldn't do that. I swear. I wouldn't do it to you, I wouldn't do it to Michael, —I know what it is to lose a parent, I, I don't wish that to _anyone _Lucas…especially not my kid…"

"You seem different…" And there he said it, Lucas honestly couldn't keep those three little words inside anymore.

Peyton however, looked away from him as soon as he said that. She looked down at the ground and her hands started fidgeting.

"You still think me taking Mikey is a good idea?" And well yes, Lucas knew he was the first in line claiming how much Mikey simply _had _to be with him and not Peyton full time, but he hadn't been lying, she really did look different. The Peyton he was talking to right now and the Peyton he talked to last night, where honestly two different people —Lucas was kind of positive of that.

Peyton however did nod her head at Lucas' words unlike what he thought she would do. "Yeah…" She said softly to him. Lucas stayed quiet so she decided to elaborate. "I want to do better for him. I honestly do…but it's going to take time and I think we both know that…" She said with a small shrug. "You know him better, he trusts you more, I'm going to be there, I, I swear," She really meant that so much. She didn't want to waste more time with that little boy. "But I don't want to rush things…I have to learn how to be a mom to him, how to…how to be without you for once too…so yeah, I do think you taking him is still the best…_for now,"_ She stressed and Lucas nodded.

He agreed —completely.

"I think I could do without going to court though…" Lucas said smiling softly in her direction. His smile was a little sad though, but he still meant it. "I think we can just figure out something about him without all the drama, what do you say?"

At the question, Peyton could only nod her head. She also tried for a smile. "Absolutely," She said sincerely. She waited a beat before speaking again. "It's weird…all this time I've felt frustrated and bitter about all the things I couldn't control, about all the things that happened and I didn't get a say on…while at the same time I wasn't doing anything about the things I _could _control…like Mikey…and the way I felt about him…" She paused, offering Lucas a small shrug of her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Luke…I'm sorry you had to do all the work all these years…" Lucas laughed a little bit at her, and although she shook her head, Peyton smiled slightly too. Her statement was so true, but at the same time they both knew it was not funny. It was funny they were _finally _now being able to talk about the things that went wrong, where she was mistaken, what she could have done, what she didn't do…but it was indeed not funny it had taken them literally years to finally get there.

They sobered after a couple of minutes and then Lucas spoke. "Can I ask you to do something for me?" Peyton narrowed her eyes as soon as Lucas said that. "_You _asked me to do something for you yesterday, didn't you? It's only fair," Peyton smiled and rolled her eyes at those words. She puffed but at the end, did nod her head.

"Go for it,"

Lucas could barely contain his smile at that face she was making, but he still tried his best. "Don't dwell on it anymore. All of it. Just stop overthinking everything that happened. It's…it's your past, leave it there. You can't change your past, but you can…" He paused, thinking for a moment. "_Let go _and start your future…"

Peyton stared at him seriously for a moment; she then nodded. "I'll tell you something, I'll work on it…"

And while it wouldn't be for some, that answer was more than enough for Lucas. He nodded his head just as she did and for once in forever, he knew they were getting somewhere. They _would _get somewhere, and it didn't matter if it wasn't tomorrow or in a few weeks, it mattered that she was trying —for once, and for once she really meant to do better…

As Peyton did to stand up from her seat, so did Lucas. "Peyton," He called when he realized she was already directing herself towards the kitchen. She turned around looking at him curiously —eyes narrowed and all. "That lady…Ellie, she's your mom, isn't she?"

Peyton stared at him for a good while but didn't answer. In a way her silence told Lucas more than any words she could've said.

"I think it's great you reached out to her,"

Peyton did smile at those last words, and she nodded her head. "I hope so…" She said twisting her lips, before Lucas' hand went to squeeze her shoulder and she chuckled. She really was the most ticklish on her shoulders and knees, and Lucas was for sure one of the few people who knew this. "How did you know anyway?"

"That she was your mom and not just a stranger lady you found in the streets?" Peyton chuckled, but also did mumble a _'Yeah'. _"The resemblance between you two is _uncanny_…It wasn't so hard to put two and two together…" He smiled and so did Peyton. They shared a small moment of silence before Peyton sighed and turned around again. She didn't say more and neither did Lucas. They just walked then out of the living room and towards the kitchen. Peyton stopped by the kitchen's door and watched inside for a few seconds. Mikey didn't have any more a frown on his face as he chatted away with Ellie, but he was still confused about her and Peyton could tell that. She turned around to look at Lucas again before Ellie or Mikey had the time to notice her by the doorway.

"I wanted to thank you actually too…"

Now Lucas was the one who frowned. "Why is that?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders. "For keeping me from doing something stupid once —something I would've regretted my entire life."

Lucas put on then his '_Do I really have to ask you what did you mean with those words?' _face and Peyton could only take in a deep breath. "If it hadn't been for you, chances are I would have aborted that child," She said softly, looking for a split second inside the kitchen. "God knows that would've been my greatest regret…so yeah…I gotta thank you for that Lucas."

Lucas let out a breath at that —he kind of thank God most days still Peyton hadn't gone through with that once upon a time, too. "Don't worry about it —if you ask me, I had very little to do with that, it was _you_ who stopped it and bore with it all afterwards. I am the one that still thanks you every day for having him. He's a pain in the ass, we both know that, but he's a very _very_ awesome pain the ass Peyton, I swear," Lucas said only half-jokingly making Peyton _laugh. _For real she was laughing at his statement, and Lucas' heart warmed quite a lot at that. She even smacked his arm and rolled her eyes playfully at him. Lucas wasn't honestly thinking when he then just pulled her to him and hugged her tightly to his side. Peyton didn't fight him as he momentarily thought she would though, she just looked up at him as her head found his chest, and she tried for a soft smile.

"I missed you…you know…"

Lucas sighed and nodded his head. "Same here. I missed you too…" He admitted sincerely. There was then a minute of silence as Peyton looked down at the grown for a beat. When she looked back up their mouths were awfully close for some reason. Almost touching really; however, both their lips stayed pursed tightly together and their eyes were wide open with surprise. They waited stock-still for a minute or two —the moment held.

But then reality of the last few months set back in and Peyton looked down again. She didn't pull away from Lucas though. Instead she rested her head on his chest and let him hug her tightly again.

"Peyt…"

"Hum?" She didn't look up to see his eyes this time.

"Friends?" Lucas asked simply and softly enough into the air. Before all of this even begun, back then when they were still teenagers and Peyton didn't even know he existed, all Lucas had wanted was be in her life —in any way he could.

Before Mikey was even born, before they got married and even shared a real kiss, they had been _friends_. Really _really_ close and good friends. Not all relationships start out from friendships, but Lucas could say his and Peyton's had. And if anything, as of that precise moment, all Lucas Scott wanted was his best friend back. The girl that would tease him and made him feel silly when he got the punch lines wrong or said a bad joke that really wasn't funny. He wanted to be able to talk to her as they used to sometimes. He wanted to be able to call her when something he thought she might like to hear happened. He wanted her well and he wanted them to be able to rebuild all they have lost. Perhaps it was naïve, but perhaps burying the hatched and going back to their rudiments was the way to go this time.

In the end however, after a little while, Peyton brought her eyes up to meet Lucas'. "Friends." She promised softly.

A small kiss to his cheek and a squeeze to her hand sealed the deal and that was it. Soon after Peyton let go of Lucas and both made their way inside the kitchen at last. Their moment was over now and more pressing things needed to be attended right away, but…deep inside, at the very least they both knew _they _were not over and that was important…as a matter of fact, it was more than that, it was vital…


	33. Chapter ThirtyThree : Well, Hello There

**Author's Note : **There's a timejump in this chapter, but rest assured because next chapter will have some flashbacks to fill you in with the details. Thanks so much for reading and so sorry the wait.

**Chapter Thirty-Three : Well, Hello There Little Girl...**

* * *

_One and a half years later…_

Today was one of those days when waking up was just…_hard. _She shook her head and squeezed her eyes tight fighting the need to fall back sleep. The night before she'd gone to bed just as usual –well, not really, she had stayed up reading a book, but then when she finally gave in to sleep at around two or three am, she was awakened —_awakened_ by that screaming baby who was screaming yet again right now.

At last, Peyton sighed and rose from her bed. She made herself dizzy when she stood up from her bed so fast, but the nasty feeling went away soon enough thank God. Before reaching the baby, Peyton stopped at Michael's room and couldn't help but narrow her eyes. How in the world was he still sleeping? The baby was in the next room literally screaming her tiny head out, but for Mikey it was as if nothing was happening. He was peacefully sleeping as the riot kept on going full force next door.

Peyton shook her head; she used to be able to sleep as soundly once…a few too many years ago but still. At last however, she made it inside the baby's room. It really wasn't her room, but for the time being, it was working out. Or so to speak, because as Peyton could tell as soon as she walked inside the room, baby P. was not a happy baby right now.

"Shush shush shush…Don't cry…" She cooed softly as she walked fast enough inside the bedroom. The almost one-year-old baby girl reached out her hands almost immediately from the crib, and Peyton did not hesitate before she held her in her own.

Peyton shook her head at that screaming baby in her arms —Paige was honestly kind of the definition of a '_high maintenance baby'_ –Lord helped her now that she was getting a baby sibling.

"Shush baby. Why are you even crying Paige? Shush…calm down…" Peyton kept cooing quietly as all Paige did was hold on as tight as she could to her neck. Peyton stroked her back slightly and just bore with it for a few minutes. She sat down on the bed in the middle of the room and rocked slightly Paige in her arms until the little girl started calming down a little bit. Peyton pulled away from her so that she could see her face. She was all flushed; her chubby cheeks were red and all wet from all the tears she'd cried. Peyton shook her head a little bit at her again. "See Paige and I really wanted to tell your mommy you'd been a really good girl…"

Paige was finally done crying, but she was somewhat hiccupping now as she looked up at Peyton with a teeny frown on her face. "Okay fine, I won't tell her you were so naughty either…only because you are kind of cute…" She said puffing and shaking her head. It was kind of true to be honest; she really was cute with her soft overly white skin and soulful deep blue eyes. "Maybe your sister will have your eyes…" Peyton thought aloud looking down at the baby. "Or maybe she'll get Haley's eyes…either way you ought to be a very good big sister baby P…" Peyton told her with a smile before stroking a little Paige's forehead.

When she looked up from the baby however, Peyton couldn't help but smile when she saw a very _very_ confused Mikey standing on the doorway. He was _oh-so_ sleepy and Peyton wanted to laugh _oh-so_ much at him. She instead tried extra hard to keep on a straight face as Mikey looked her way.

"What is _she _doing here?" He asked. His voice hoarse from sleep. He was asking the question only because he really wanted to know. Paige hadn't been here last night when he went night night and now all of a sudden she was here being loud and waking him up.

"Kevin brought her last night," It had actually been early this morning, but oh well…it'd felt like last night.

Mikey still felt confused. "Why?" He asked rubbing on his sleepy eyes. "Where's Aunt Haley?"

"She's at the hospital…"

Mikey made a face and almost pouted. "Why? Is she sick?" He still wasn't there.

This time it was Peyton the one who made a face. "The baby…"

Mikey's lips formed a perfect 'O' as little by little that huge grin made its way to his face. "Her baby was born while I slept?" He asked excitedly even though he already knew the answer to that question.

"Yep…another baby girl," Peyton informed him with a little smile of her own. Her eyes were on Mikey, but all the while as she spoke to her son, she hadn't been oblivious of the way Paige was playing with her hair. It was as if that little baby had completely forgotten about how hard she had been crying only minutes ago, and now she was completely entertained with one of Peyton's curls.

"That's why Kevin dropped Paige off before heading to the hospital with your Aunt Haley. They couldn't take the baby with them so they just left her here…" Mikey barely even nodded his head. His happiness was really so palpable —he could barely contain it. "I thought maybe we could go to the hospital to visit Aunt Haley in a while if you want to. What do you say?"

"Yes I want to!" Mikey almost shouted before bursting into giggles. "Please mama, can we go? _Please!_" He was _oh-so_ dramatic but Peyton loved it. Long gone where the days when this kid was perhaps even afraid to ask Peyton for something besides the things he absolutely needed. Now he trusted Peyton enough to ask her for things she didn't necessarily _had_ to do for him, but just did because sometimes moms just do things to make their kids happy, and since Mikey was her kid, Peyton was glad enough now to do silly things for him and he knew this rather well now.

"We gotta stop at Aunt Haley's for some clean clothes for Paige first, but afterwards we'll go…I promise…"

"Sweet!" Mikey exclaimed wholeheartedly before looking up and offering Peyton that one perfect little sincere smile he liked to give her when he really was just _that_ happy about something. "We gotta call Daddy mama; I bet he'll want to go meet the baby as well…"

Peyton pretended to think hard Mikey's words…considering…then she nodded her head. "You may be right you know? Maybe Kevin forgot to call him so I will…You go get ready, I'll call Lucas so he can meet us at the hospital, okay?"

"Okay…" Mikey agreed softly yet just as excited as before. He stood by the threshold of the door looking at Peyton thoughtfully for a moment or two however.

"What is it?" Peyton asked Mikey because she just knew something important —_at least for him_— was going through his mind.

"You think Paige is going to like her baby sister?"

Mikey sounded even a little concerned as he asked his question and for more reasons than one, Peyton found that quite endearing. She sighed and this time actually did think through his question. "I think it's going to be a little hard for her to share her mommy with the new baby, but…at the end of the day I think Paige is going to thank Haley forever for giving her that perfect mate her baby sister is going to be for her…" Peyton said softly as she looked down at Paige in her arms. "Because even when you won't always agree with her, your lil sister is your family now, Paige…and whether you know it now or not baby P. you always just gotta stick to your family kiddo. Always…" As Peyton uttered these words, slowly Mikey started walking inside the bedroom.

He didn't say anything, but as he reached the bed Peyton was sitting on with the baby, he wrapped his arm around Peyton's shoulder and leaned to her side. Peyton managed to hold him sideways too, and without thinking really, she brushed a small kiss to his forehead. "Go get ready now…I'll fix us some breakfast after I call your Dad…"

Mikey took in a deep breath but then just nodded his head. "Okay," He said simply before shifting his eyes down to Paige. "You don't worry Paige, it'd be okay. You'll learn to love the baby, I promise…Just like my mommy learned to love me. It's going to be okay. Right mommy?" He said _so _innocently looking up again.

Peyton bit on her lip, but still nodded and managed to form a small smile after a beat. "Of course." She said simply winking playfully one eye. "It's all going to be okay…"

* * *

At around eleven that morning, Peyton finally managed to get to the hospital with the two kids in tow. It had been a little bit shocking for her how different —_and hard_— it was to go out and about with no just one kid, but _two. _Paige wasn't really being that hard to handle, even after the riot she formed in the morning, she had been a mostly pleasant baby to be around. But she still was work, and just work Peyton wasn't used to —she needed to be fed more often than Mikey did, and unlike Mikey, this little girl couldn't yet tell her when she was hungry or wet or anything so Peyton had to be all the more careful and alert around her, and well, needlessly to say, this was _hard. _

Installing Paige's car seat had been a pain, finding her clothes had been hard enough since at this point no one could be sure if the nursery was still Paige's bedroom or the new baby's. All in all, by the time they got to the hospital and Peyton had one baby in her arms and her son holding her by the elbow as they walked through the parking lot, she was pretty much _exhausted_. She really wasn't —_and wouldn't_— complain aloud about this, but she still couldn't help but think about it.

She gave herself a minute to breathe deeply before the three of them made their way inside the hospital. "Don't let go of me, okay? You really get to see all kinds of freaky things at hospitals sometimes," Mikey chuckled at her warning, but Peyton still tried to keep her serious face. She smiled at him though, because if she were seven years old again, most likely her words would have sounded funny too. "I mean it though…"

"Got it, mama. I won't let go," Mikey said _somewhat _condescending as he tightened his hold on Peyton's elbow.

She chuckled a little bit at him and then looked ahead again. According to Kevin —_Haley's husband_— she had to go to the maternity ward and then ask for missus Smith or Baby Smith and then one way or the other she'd get information.

The sign said the maternity ward was on the third floor and so that was where Peyton directed herself then with the kids. Paige was already so sleepy that her head hadn't move from Peyton's chest ever since she took the little girl out of the car. "It's okay sweet girl, you'll see your mommy in no time…" She whispered to the baby as the three of them got in the elevator.

Once on the third floor things didn't go so smoothly and Peyton started getting a little frustrated. So they did give her the info she wanted about Baby Smith and her mommy —_Haley's room was 371_— but then the lady at the front desk also dared to tell her all these things Peyton didn't want to hear. Like how she wasn't to go inside the room because the maximum visitors per room had already been filled in Haley's room so if Peyton wanted to come in, then she would have to wait…

Wait. As if that was an option when she had a sleepy eleven-month-old and a soon-to-be hungry seven-year-old. Peyton shook her head disapprovingly at the nurse who gave her all that info, and at last moved from the front desk still with Mikey in tow and baby Paige in her arms.

"That lady was _rude_,"

Peyton couldn't help but laugh because Michael was so right. She had been really _really_ rude. More-so than the average rudeness Peyton sometimes expects from underpaid nurses. "She so was!" She exclaimed playfully at Mikey making the little guy laugh as well.

He was serious soon enough though. "What are we gonna do now?" He said somewhat sadly because he'd heard everything the nurse said —including how they weren't to come in and meet the new baby.

Peyton looked down at him quite uneasily as they walked back to the elevator. "I'm sorry bud—" Peyton started apologizing before she heard that _oh-so _very loud "_Peyton" _calling from behind them.

When she turned around to see who called her, Lucas was still running rather goofily in her direction. Peyton honestly wanted to laugh so much when he was almost panting by the time he reached them. "Should I go call a Doctor for you too?" She attempted joking when Lucas even brought his hands down to his knees as he caught his breath back.

Mikey laughed even though he didn't quite understand the joke. Lucas was sort of smiling too, and his mom was laughing so he knew it was okay to laugh too.

"Why are you leaving?" Lucas chose to ignore her comment even though she really had a reason to make fun of him.

Peyton in any case looked at him disapprovingly shaking a little her head. She was still smiling at him too, though. "The lady wouldn't let us in…apparently Haley has enough visitors as it is…"

Lucas shook his head. "Nonsense," He said looking back at the desk. "Come on, you guys are good to come, I already talked with the nurses…" He said and didn't quite wait for Peyton to respond before he was already taking Mikey's hand into his own and walking in the direction of Haley's room.

Peyton narrowed her eyes and held back a chuckle as she started following Lucas. Surprising her though, as soon as Lucas made a face and waved his hand to the nurse in the front desk, the lady smiled and nodded her head as the four of them now made their way down the long hallway.

"_What_ did you tell her?" Peyton asked him puzzled as soon as they were out of earshot of the nurse. She chuckled and Lucas quite did too slowing his pace so that they were walking side by side.

"Told her earlier my wife from out of town was coming with my kid to meet my _sister's _baby before she had to hit the road again tomorrow. She didn't have the heart to say no to me," Lucas said quite cockily with a smirk. "Besides," He added with a shrug. "I think she thinks I'm cute,"

Peyton laughed wholeheartedly at this and without even having to try, so did Lucas. "What?" He asked her innocently when Peyton smacked his arm and shook her head at him.

"That's not necessarily true," She argued but still the smile on her face stayed.

Lucas squinted his eyes at her though. "Which part? The _sister _part or the _wife _part?" He asked and Peyton actually thought her answer for a moment.

She smacked him again. "Both!" She told him playfully. Truth was, she had only thought about the former option but whatever, both weren't quite right to be honest anyway.

"They are not necessarily untrue either and _you_ know this…" Lucas argued back way too cockily for Peyton's taste. "Neither part,"

Peyton couldn't help but roll her eyes. She remembered then she was holding Paige and at looking down at her, she saw those tiny eyes of her already closed. "Damn…" She muttered making both Mikey and Lucas immediately look up at her with wide eyes. "Well sue me guys, sorry…she, Paige, I let her fall asleep…" She explained them before rolling her eyes quite again. She made another face fast enough though as her eyes stayed down on Paige.

"She probably even needed to be asleep anyway so don't worry, I bet Haley will understand…" Lucas told her, instinctively moving his hand up to rest on the small of her back. Peyton sighed but didn't pull away; instead, they all just kept on walking.

Before Lucas could open the door to Haley's room for them though, he stopped and moved his lips closer to Peyton's ear. "Baby looks good on you," He said only half-jokingly making her smile at him.

Peyton didn't say anything though. She just shrugged her shoulders as Lucas finally let them in inside the hospital room. Haley was resting on the small bed with her newest baby girl in her arms, and immediately as Peyton walked into the room, their eyes met and they shared one of _those _looks. Peyton could hardly contain her smile as she walked closer to the bed with Lucas and Mikey walking close behind her.

"Two babies, _both_ under the age of one at the same time…I just love it," Her comment was made so goofily even Haley had to laugh. She shook her head too, but then, the instant her eyes landed on Paige and then she also remembered her other little girl in her arms; she knew there were _no_ regrets whatsoever. It was going to be hard, of course, but she couldn't wish either girl away to save her life. She loved them both so _so_ much already.

"Sue me," Haley said back at last shrugging her shoulders. "I guess I should have known, but I didn't know the whole _you-are-more-fertile-right-after-you-gave-birth_ deal after it was too late," She said jokingly motioning with her head to the tiny beauty in her arms.

Peyton chuckled, but she then didn't waste more time and immediately peered down at the newborn baby. She smiled at the sight even though, to this day, she still didn't find newborns all that cute to be honest. It was a brand new little person in this world, so that was why she smiled at the baby and Haley as she looked down at her. "Do you wanna see her Mikey?" Peyton asked softy turning only her head to look at Mikey.

The little boy immediately nodded his head and smiled sincerely. He moved closer to the bed as well, and then just as his mom, he watched over the small baby. "She looks a lot like Paige when she was born," Mikey pointed out quite rightly. Peyton had actually thought the same thing as she saw the baby.

"Do you have a name yet?" Peyton asked when Haley just chuckled and smiled at Mikey's comment.

Haley twisted her lips a little bit at Peyton's question however. "We have two names…" She said looking down at the baby girl. "She does not look like any of them though…"

Peyton had to laugh at Haley's indecision and then just shook her head. "Then good luck with that," She said simply with a smile. "Paige is a cute name; I bet you'll figure it out for that one too…"

Haley puffed a little, but also nodded. "Yeah…" She said softly as her eyes one more time landed on Paige. Compared with her sister she looked so big now in Peyton's arms. She was still a baby though, and whether she was admitting it or not, this was going to be hard work having them both by herself once they all get to go home. "At least she's a good sleeper," Haley broke the silence after a small moment. Both Lucas and Peyton, and even Mikey had been looking at the baby with such focus that Haley's words almost startled them. This made her chuckle. "Paige I mean," She said motioning with her free hand towards Peyton and Paige. "At eleven o'clock, every day no miss she'll take her nap…"

Peyton nodded as she brought Paige closer to Haley now. She couldn't hold her, but at least she could stroke her little girl's cheek as she kept slumbering in Peyton's arms. "Congratulations Haley…" Peyton mumbled and Haley smiled. "You really got a beautiful family…" Peyton promised and then they shared a small look. There was silence for a moment or two before Peyton pulled away a little and Haley sighed.

She looked softly at Peyton and shrugged her shoulders with a smile. "So do you…"

* * *

This time when Peyton got down from her car, she was not wearing a worried or tired look, oh no, that was so that morning. Now she was even smiling as she took baby Paige out of her car seat. She loved her niece, she really _really_ did, but God it really was great to give her to someone else right now —if only for a little while.

"Hello!" Brooke couldn't help but yelp, a little bit shocked when all of a sudden this little baby girl was sitting on top of her counter. Brooke looked up to look at Peyton and at that silly grin she was wearing.

"You offered to watch her," Peyton argued before Brooke could say anything more —before she could back out.

Brooke laughed in any case, and still with her silly smirk, so did Peyton. "So Mikey—"

"Lucas has him," Peyton finished the sentence for Brooke, nodding strongly as she spoke. "I was doing okay with Paige, but when you called I just couldn't say no…" Peyton said jokingly, looking down at Paige. She had been just bored to be honest. Paige was way funnier while Mikey was around. They would just play together and Peyton liked this. When she had Paige by herself, the baby was just a _little _more whiny than usual. Paige liked attention, and when Peyton's wasn't enough, she wasn't very shy to ask for more.

That was why Peyton was quite glad to be right here with Brooke. If she ever got another child, God she just knew she'd try her best so he or she took after Mikey and not after Paige. With this prolonged babysitting job with Paige, she was so realizing how hard it would be to raise a little high maintenance princess like Paige…

"Don't even mention it, I knew you'll appreciate the help with this one…" Brooke said squishing her nose up as she cuddled Paige close to her chest and gave her kisses all over her tiny face. Paige didn't seem to mind though —see, Brooke was the kind of lady who would do just fine with a kid like Paige —Peyton thought, and honestly couldn't help but smile to herself at the thought alone of one of Brooke Davis' kids…

"I bet Paige was bored with you too," Brooke called that one on Peyton, and then the two of them laughed.

They talked for some long minutes about Haley and the new baby. What both of them had thought of the new tiny little thing, and just how happy and ecstatic Kevin still seemed to be. As if he really didn't care the amount of work having those two babies at the same time was going to be.

All in all, after a good while, and a few too many conversation topics, Brooke decided to go to the _Peyton_ subject, as opposed to Haley's anymore. "So how is it going?"

Peyton let out a breath and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Of course they were going there now. "Surprisingly enough, kinda good…" Peyton said in spite of her own insecurities. So well yes, saying aloud things were going well wasn't probably the smartest idea in her universe, but, she just couldn't lie to herself, let alone Brooke in this one. "We are getting there…slowly but surely I suppose…"

Brooke smiled at Peyton's words, because she was rather satisfied with that answer. "I'm glad _P_. _S_…" She said still with her wide smile, but trailed off stressing the _S —_Was it P. _Sawyer_? Or was it P. _Scott_?

Peyton just knew what Brooke was thinking so she just shook her head. "I don't know why I never took off the _Scott _all right. But now what does it matter anyway? Lucas doesn't mind, neither should you,"

Brooke rolled her eyes at Peyton's defensive tone, but still didn't miss the chance to give to her friend one of those _"I told you so_" kind of looks. "You never really gave up on your marriage. That's why you kept it —because you never really stopped being a Scott—"

"Legally I did," Peyton chimed in, but at this Brooke did not hesitate to give her now a deadly look. "Okay, fine, deep inside I never actually _wanted _to take it off…so yeah, you are right I guess, I didn't exactly give up but…technically I am _not _a Scott right now…"

"Soon enough you'll be," Brooke chanted back only a little annoyed at Peyton's effing inability to just accept openly how much she really loved Lucas. It was so obvious but she still was _oh-so_ reserved about her feelings. "Again." Brooke added matter of factly before Peyton could object.

She didn't though, but still smiled and shrugged her shoulders at Brooke. "We already got the place, and the minister…and the band…we still gotta do all the drama with the invitations and the cake…"

"And the dress."

"And the dress," Peyton agreed sighing. "It's just so much stuff. Stuff we didn't even envision we had to do when we first got married."

"That was over eight years ago, Peyton…" Brooke reminded her. As if Peyton didn't know exactly how much time it had been. "You were seventeen and…you mind if I say what I really think?" Peyton just shook her head. It really didn't matter her answer; Brooke was going to say her mind either way she was sure. "Back then you were doing it all for the wrong reasons. You thought you were marrying Luke out of necessity really. He was there when you absolutely needed someone to be there for you and that baby of yours. Now…well, now you are _both _doing it for the absolute right reasons –because you love each other…"

Peyton took in a deep breath, and nodded her head. Whether she liked it or not Brooke was kind of really _really_ right about everything she said. "I love him,"

"I know," Brooke replied back as if Peyton statement was just _that _obvious —and it was. And it had been for years, she just had been too stubborn and silly to see it. "Mikey knows already?" Brooke asked after a small moment when Peyton just zoned out looking up at the ceiling…

She looked back down at Brooke a little confused though. "What?"

Brooke couldn't help but roll her eyes. "What?" She asked back a little bit exasperated. "About Lucas proposing again you dork! About the wedding…"

Peyton recoiled, but then did realize her question had been quite silly. Though it really could have been a number of things…not just the wedding, but…oh well, no, he really did not know about the wedding yet either, and Peyton knew Brooke wasn't going to like this answer too much either. "He doesn't know," Peyton said softly, looking at Brooke quite apologetically. She really did look after Mikey as the best godmother in the whole world Peyton was positive. She had always wanted the best for that little dude, and as much or as little as she had been able to do to help, she'd done it. Peyton didn't tell Brooke that so often, but perhaps she should.

"Yet…" Peyton added after a beat as if that could help her cause.

"But you will—"

"Of course," This time Peyton was quite fast to answer. She softened her features after a moment. "He's going to be really happy about it, I know that. That's why I want to make sure we do this right. I know Luke is pretty much living at the house already again, but…still, the wedding will seal the deal, will make it _real_ and not just Luke sleeping over a lot as Mikey thinks he does…"

"He says that?"

Brooke's smile was so sincere as she asked that question. Peyton matched her smile and nodded. "He's going to get a family —for once. A real one. I want to make sure he knows this isn't going to change things again, but that it is a good thing. That's why we are taking our time before telling him…"

"As long as you tell him before the wedding…I'm cool…"

Peyton chuckled at Brooke's warning, but still obliged. "Copy that," She smiled. Her eyes traveling to Paige then. "Really Paige?" She asked when the baby smiled _oh-so_ sleepily as she started crawling her way back to Peyton over Brooke's kitchen counter. Brooke laughed and Peyton shot her a look. "She honestly just looks for me when she's sleepy, dirty, or hungry…I swear!" They were both laughing as Peyton held the baby girl back in her arms.

Brooke looked at them softly for a beat. "But aren't babies just wired that way? When they need someone, they always look for the one who's been there for them…these days you've been that for Paige, so it's no wonder she wants you. She knows she's safe with you…" Brooke's words had more than one meaning, and Peyton would be stupid if she pretended not to know this.

They were in silent for a while. Peyton took a bottle out of Paige's diaper bag and after Brooke warmed it up a bit, the two women stayed silent as the baby drank her dinner.

"I know it still hurts you…but, have you talk with Lucas about more babies?"

Peyton didn't even blink; she was like in her own little world feeding Paige —she didn't want to go this way now, but oh well….apparently Brooke already had. The answer was yes though. "Of course we have…" She assured Brooke even though she was still not meeting her eyes. "The, um the…"

"What?" Brooke chimed in asking at Peyton's hesitation.

She took a deep breath at that. "The psychiatrist actually…he was the one who sent me back to my OB-GYN a few months ago. I was _so_ mad, ask Lucas, I have no problem going to therapy, I don't enjoy it per se, but I know it's something I need to do, but then…then this guy says I need _closure_. I tell him I already had closure about what happened with Gracie. He insists…"

"Why?" Brooke asked because, first, she didn't know this story, second, she had never heard of such an insisting psychiatrist.

Peyton's eyes went wide and she shook her head. "Because six months ago I was still adamant about not having more children."

"You are not anymore?"

"No," Peyton replied simply with a shrug of her shoulders. "Lucas talked me into going for a checkup with my OB. He even went with me," Peyton said with a small chuckle. To this day, she could still hardly believe that one. "It ended it not being just a checkup though. The doctor did all and every exam, and blood work and whatnot just so at the end she could assure me I was perfectly healthy. That what happened with Gracie was maybe just bad luck, but that the odds are always higher in the favor of a healthy pregnancy in the future…"

It took Brooke a little while to process all this. "So what do you guys think now?"

"Luke is…" Peyton chuckled without meaning to do so. She sobered soon enough though. "Luke is Luke, you know him. He will always, always _always_ put Mikey and me and whomever he loves above himself. He was happy with those news, and well, so was I. The, my doctor was right. It did give me closure. Closure I didn't even know I needed. Luke too. It assured us how we really didn't do anything wrong to Gracie. It just…it happened…" Peyton took a moment before she kept going. "I never planned to get pregnant with Gracie —nor Mikey, and yet both of them happened. I guess…I guess I'm still not ready to run to Lucas and tell him I'm ready to have another kid, but whatever happens happens. I'm not going to try, but…if it happens, then we'll just have to take it one day at the time…I'll be _petrified _for sure…" Peyton admitted painfully. She looked down from Brooke's eyes and tried her best to keep her tears at bay.

At this Brooke finally stood up from her stool, and walked quietly around her kitchen counter, and sat instead right next to Peyton. She managed to give her a half hug, and Peyton turned to look at her with a half-smile too.

Brooke then smirked though. "But are you? Or aren't you taking the pill?"

Peyton puffed rolling her eyes. "I am," She said as convincing as she could, but Brooke was no dumb person. "What?"

"I know that face Peyton! You are taking it or not?"

"I am," Peyton insisted trying to stay serious —and quiet; Paige was slowly falling asleep in her arms as they spoke. "But let's just say I won't panic if I forget to take it today and won't demand from Lucas to use protection if I did…"

Brooke chuckled sincerely at Peyton's logic as she pulled away from her. "You really have changed you know?"

"What do you mean?"

Brooke shrugged. "This you, this Peyton. You are honestly completely different from the Peyton you were two, even one year ago. You're doing it, you are getting there, slowly but surely, and I'm quite proud of you…"

Peyton didn't say anything for a few moments. She just smiled. "Well, then maybe I have. I —I just want to be done with the crap…I wanna be happy, I wanna enjoy my kid, enjoy Lucas, my mom…my family. I'm not asking for not drama, I'm…I just ask for no crap…"

"Whatever that means –yes." Brooke said jokingly before giving Peyton a small hug again. "Just promise me you won't keep the news from me if you ever get pregnant again? No matter what, I wanna be there for you…"

Peyton offered Brooke a sincere smile and nodded. "I promise," She said honestly before she squished up her nose and made a face looking at Brooke. "Promise the same back? I'd love to be there for you, too. I swear. I won't get jealous and criticize on your very big pregnant belly I promise," They both laugh, but deep inside they both knew this wasn't a joke or just words best friends tell to each other sometimes. It was a promise. One they actually did mean to keep…eventually…when the time comes…

"I promise too then…"

Peyton nodded strongly at that answer. "Good."


	34. Chapter ThirtyFour : Marry Me a Little?

**Author's Note : **Flashbacks are in _italics_! Thank you for reading!** :)**

**Chapter Thirty-Four : Marry Me a Little?**

* * *

It had been over one year ago when Lucas kissed her for the first time after they had already finalized their divorce. They had played the silly '_are-we or aren't-we'_ together game for some long seven months before Lucas just took the chance, and at some level, made the decision for the two of them: they _were _together.

At first when Lucas took Mikey one and a half years ago after the divorce, both he and Peyton had talked things through one afternoon and agreed Mikey should be with the two of them, the same amount of time, regardless if they were living in different houses. And so that was how they did things. At first, Peyton had Mikey every other weekend and two or three days a week depending on the week. If she had Mikey during the weekend, then she would only have him two days during the week, but if he wasn't with her during the weekend, then he'll be with her three weekdays and then the following weekend too.

The routine stuck for a few months —at first they were very good about keeping their so-called '_agreement'_, but after a few months, and realizing they could —_and wanted_— to spend more time, weekends and weeknights together, the whole agreement was put on a second place. They still tried to honor it, but if there was something they wanted to do _together —all three of them— _then it was even better than the split time each one had with the kid.

Ellie stayed with Peyton for around four months before she found for herself a little house close to midtown in Tree Hill. She sold her house down in Georgia, and honestly, after only a few weeks sharing with Mikey and Peyton, it hadn't even been her decision to move completely to Tree Hill. She just knew that was what she _had_ to do —she had to be where her family was, and one way or another, Mikey and Peyton in very short time became just that: her family.

Peyton's relationship with Ellie didn't happen overnight, but it was still never awkward or weird to have her in her house as Peyton once kind of feared would happen. Ellie was actually kind of awesome and always had all these stories to tell her. It was good to have her close, learn from her, and so that was a relationship that just happened in a way Peyton never imagined it would, but it still did. Not even two years after she met her had gone by, but still Peyton knew she had yet another mom in Ellie. She was now lucky enough to have someone else who cared for her, and was always as willing as could be to help her and be there for her.

In the big scheme of things, Peyton thought her relationship with Ellie was fairly simple. She was the mom, Peyton was the daughter who was also a mom, and so they bonded and grew as friends with time. Her relationship with Lucas was a whole different story though.

If her relationship with Ellie was simple, then hers with Lucas was the polar opposite —far, far too complicated, she thought. But then again, that wasn't entirely a bad thing to be honest.

Lucas never actually got to buy a place of his own after he moved from Peyton's. He actually _lived _in a hotel for almost three months after they divorced. The expenses where crazy and so after his mom talked some sense into him, he _rented _a small apartment for himself —and for Mikey too, the days that he was with him. Deep inside —whether he admitted at the time or not— he had been just not able to move on from his family and his life _with _Peyton so easily.

In the back of their minds they always knew they would get back together, but then the tricky part had been knowing _when. _And sure enough, this was another thing that didn't happen overnight. They respected their agreement towards Mikey as best as they could for as long as they could, but in any case, there was always still_ this other _thing, this chemistry and these feelings between them that they just couldn't ignore for so long. They were always finding excuses to spend time together and eventually this transformed in they actually making a point of spending even more time together –cooking together, hiking with Mikey, going to a movie, getting books and movies from the library, buying a new favorite record at the music shop. Eventually doing things together as a family —_for once, even if they were not husband and wife anymore_— was what they decided to be okay with after a while of idiotically avoiding it in the name of keeping their agreement.

_Lucas was almost out from Peyton's studio when it hit him, and he cursed inwardly before turning around, and heading back inside the building again. He didn't turn to look at anyone this time but just went straight into Peyton's office. Her eyes were far too wide when she saw him again barging into her office that way._

_"We are stupid"_

_"Pardon me?"_

_"I mean it," Lucas at this point was even mad. "So fine we are not married anymore, we are not together right now, but damn it, I don't want to be with someone else either. Do **you** want to be with someone else Peyton?"_

_She didn't have to think through this question. "I don't."_

_"So what in the hell are we doing?"_

_She waited a beat, swallowed hard and then went for it. "I don't know where you are going, but being together can't be the solution. That wasn't working out –we both agreed in that one. We decided together being together wasn't the way to go —you couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't do it anymore. Being apart was both our decision—"_

_"—Back then," Lucas filled in for Peyton. She looked a little clueless. "Back then was our decision. Back then we couldn't be together, and I agree if you say it hasn't been that much time since we signed the divorce papers anyway, but Peyton, I know, I just know you are better now. You've changed and I don't ever want to look back at my life and wonder why in the world I never gave myself the chance to try again with the one girl I've ever loved in my life."_

_His words and his passion, and the fact that he was almost screaming those words at her, made Peyton smile softly at him. _

_"So what are you saying?" She actually kind of knew already what he was saying, but she also kind of needed him to say the words._

_Lucas was quiet for a moment. He looked at her softly and shrugged his shoulders slightly. "It means we shouldn't avoid each other as we have lately. We should maybe…you know, date. You and I. We never did that. Back then we went from barely even friends, to engaged to then married in less than six months. So yeah, we should date Peyton." He stated now a little more confident. "We should go together with Mikey on Monday to meet his teachers at school as opposed to you going in the morning and me going at noon. We are going together and then at night we will both go to the parents' dinner party thing they are making at his school. He's both our kid so we gotta do this together. We'll go from there." Lucas then paused for a bit. Looking serious as he took a breath. He had honestly built all those feelings inside for weeks, even months; it really was quite refreshing to finally say it all aloud. "What do you say?" He asked after a beat, waiting for just as an elaborated answer from Peyton. Quite honest Lucas was expecting her to argue him in this one. _

_Instead, Peyton just shrugged her shoulders. "Okay,"_

_"Okay." Lucas agreed sharply before realization hit him and he squinted his eyes and shook his head. "What? Okay? Just like that? No argue just…Okay?"_

_"I guess so," Peyton replied firmly from her desk. "I don't want to date anyone else. I can't even imagine dating someone other than you. And it's not because I think dating you is safer, or I'm sure it'll work out —we already screwed it up once, who's to say we won't again,"_

_"I am," Lucas said, sounding playfully at last._

_She smiled and chuckled but then kept on going. "All I'm saying is that I can't imagine dating a new guy right now, but I can actually imagine dating you…" She looked down sheepishly when Lucas made a face. "I didn't even want to go to that stupid parent's dinner, but…if you wanna go with me, then I guess it's all right…" When Peyton looked back up to see Lucas, she caught Lucas' silly smirk with her eyes and she chuckled._

_He did too, but once he was serious again, he made sure to meet her eyes strongly. "I don't want us to jump into a relationship right away, but I want to spend more time with you. Even doing silly stuff, I, I'm completely done giving you space," He announced making Peyton's eyes go a little bit wide._

_She was still smiling though._

_"What?" Lucas asked cautiously when she didn't say anything at first. "Did I push it too much?"_

_Peyton scrunched up her nose and shook her head. "Not quite." She told him playfully. "I don't think I need all that much space from you anyway,"_

_Lucas chuckled, but also nodded his head strongly. They stared into each other's eyes for a good while, now it was probably a good time to leave Lucas thought. After all Peyton did tell him before how this week was one of her busiest weeks. He should really go now, but for some reason he kind of couldn't stop looking at those eyes of hers. He got an idea then. Peyton was still staring at him curiously —watching his every step as he started walking in her direction._

_Peyton stood up from her chair as Lucas moved toward her —silly her, thought he wanted to hug her goodbye or something, but…nope, of course not. Before she completely sunk it in, Lucas was already cupping softly her cheeks with his hands and his face was moving all too close to hers._

_Lucas pulled her in for a kiss and while he felt her go rigid for an instant, it was only a few seconds before she allowed herself to kiss him back. It was innocent enough at first, but then both of them deepened into the kiss. Peyton's eyes fell close and so did Lucas'. His hand was resting on the small of her back pulling her closer and closer to him. They were kissing._

_This was the first time in forever they kissed for real. They honestly hadn't really kissed in years —even before they signed the divorce papers; probably even since Gracie passed. They were kissing and it was almost…perfect —this kiss was much better than what they ever imagined it would be. It was as perfect as could be and that was it…_

After that, it was just a series of _"You kissed me, now it's my turn to get back at you, so I'll kiss you now." _They went to the parents meeting that Tuesday, and then to Mikey's first soccer practice that same week on Friday.

Little things lead to the next thing, and little by little, it was as if they learned to fall in love again. And it was great, even when they said they were dating, it was not precisely dating when they already knew everything about the other person. Instead, it was in a way better. They somehow rediscovered each other, and realized once again why they had wanted to be together back in the day even with all the drama they've gone through.

Peyton went back to therapy a few months after the divorce. She had stopped by the time she lost Gracie. Surprisingly enough it hadn't been Lucas who had convinced her into going back, it had been Ellie, and not exactly because she thought Peyton was a little too crazy and needed help, but mostly because in her time with Peyton she realized how much regret and unsolved issues that girl had. She wasn't a very easy person to talk to and make open up all that often, so that was why Ellie put in Peyton's mind the idea of therapy again. Peyton hadn't said anything at first, she hadn't agreed, but she hadn't disagreed either. And then, when she told Lucas about it, asked him what he thought she should do, he said maybe going back was the smart thing to do —if only so she had someone, unbiased, she could talk to every now and then.

And so she agreed, and it honestly had been the smart thing to do. Even when her psychiatrist pushed her buttons every so often about all sort of silly things.

Lucas had even gone to some of her sessions with her —he actually did, and while at first Peyton didn't think of that as a good idea, having Lucas sometimes with her at therapy was nice. She liked it when he said things she had no idea he thought. Like one day when Lucas said he had felt guilty for insisting so much they knew the gender of the baby at the 20-week appointment with Gracie. He had said how it shouldn't have mattered to him, how he honestly should have only cared about the baby being healthy and well, and not about it being another boy or a girl. In that session, he even apologized to Peyton about it.

She'd cried a few tears when she saw him crying a few of his own, but then honestly told him he had nothing to be sorry about. She told him what they already knew, that whether they had gone to that appointment to check on the gender or not, she would have lost the baby anyway.

Little by little they figured out things, talked things through and just managed to stuck by each other even when they disagreed in things —and boy did they. But that was a good thing, there was a time when Lucas would agree to virtually everything Peyton would say if only to spare them yet another fight. Now he wasn't afraid anymore to tell her when he thought she might be overreacting something, or when he got jealous about some of the artists she worked with sometimes, or even some days when he didn't like the food she'd cooked. He wasn't afraid to hurt her feelings because he knew now they could actually talk about things, and she would let him explain how he loved her just the same even when her cooking wasn't all that good. There was always a make-up kiss at the end, and that was the important thing at the end of the day actually.

Peyton trusted him now to never hurt her again, and Lucas sort of did too —they were happy now even when things were not perfect all the time —if at all some days.

Lucas proposed exactly two weeks and three days ago, and now it was finally time to tell Mikey about it. They had set the wedding day pretty soon considering how much time Brooke and Haley had both agreed one needed to organize a wedding, but…Peyton didn't want to wait more time being apart, and honestly neither did Lucas —that was why when he proposed he specifically told her he didn't want to waste more time.

He told her he wanted her and loved her, and how he wanted with all he had to make things work with her. He said he wished with the day he would wake up next to her _every _day; be the first person she'd see each morning, and be the last person she'd see each night. He wanted that, he wanted the life _they _hadn't let themselves have when they first got married due to the circumstances. Lucas had said how he wanted to be a real family again —he wanted his son to know his father was always going to be there for him just as his mom would.

The part Peyton remembered the most, was when he said loving her was what he was made for. He said marriage was just not a name for him, he didn't just want to make her missus Scott once again —_even though she never really stopped being one_— but he needed her to be _his _wife again —and this time _forever. _

_Even when Lucas had known Peyton for almost ten years by the time he proposed to her for the second time, he never really envisioned that her reaction to his second proposal would be the one it had been. After he had poured his heart out for her, told her how much he loved her and all, Peyton just stared down at him —yup, he was down on one knee still— and quite uneasily held her breath for a while._

_"Shit," She uttered quietly closing her eyes. "Shit, shit, shit…"_

_Lucas honestly wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry at this reaction of hers. "Peyton," He called, still on the floor, as he tried to keep his emotions at check. He wasn't mad whatsoever though —he was just a bit too shocked at the effect his words had done on Peyton. "Are you really that surprised?"_

_"No," She cried back immediately because she really was not. She bit nervously on her bottom lip and let out a long breath. It was then when she at last let a small smile form on her lips. Lucas was a little relieved at this, but he still needed to hear what she was going to say. "I wanna marry you," She told him in one breath, and this time, Lucas smiled too. She wasn't finished though. "I wanna marry you so bad, and I know it's not too soon, and I know I love you, and you love me, and I want to be together too—"_

_"I'm sensing a 'but' there, Peyton, what is it?" Lucas chimed in, talking softly and still slightly smiling up at her._

_She shook her head. "But nothing," She said with a shrug. "I just, I knew it was coming, but you saying all those things got me all shaky anyway," She said laughing nervously as she showed Lucas her hands and how bad those were actually shaking._

_Lucas finally gave in and laughed at her, and as her hands were stretched out to him, he grabbed the left one and as gently as he could, he slipped the diamond ring in her finger. Peyton smiled when she noticed it was the very same ring he'd slipped in her finger over 8 years ago when he first proposed. She had no idea how he got it —she thought she was keeping it with her in a small chest in her room, but at the time figuring that out still didn't matter. She was smiling so widely as Lucas kissed her hand after the ring was in, that how and when he got it didn't really matter._

_When Lucas at last got up from the floor, Peyton didn't hesitate when she hugged him tightly and laughed away. Of course she wanted —so badly— to be his wife again. His and no one else's._

_"I'll marry you, I, I wanna do it, I'll marry you again," Peyton promised once and again as Lucas held her back just as tightly as she was holding him. "But oh shit…" She mumbled again, she was panicking a little one more time, but she was at the same time chuckling in such a cute way that Lucas actually didn't mind she was so nervous about this. He knew she was happier than she was nervous, and that kind of was good enough for him as of now. "How are we gonna tell everyone now?" Her eyes went extra wide before Lucas could answer her question. "How are we gonna tell Mikey?" She stressed Mikey's name and Lucas chuckled._

_She chuckled some more as Lucas held her shoulders still and all of a sudden gave her lips a soft kiss. Peyton chuckled into the kiss, and Lucas shook his head ever so slightly as he pulled away. She really was happy, and the fact that she was rambling and so nervous was only her way to show it. "Don't overthink this, we'll just tell them and I promise you they are all going to be happy for us —especially Mikey…"_

_Peyton nodded her head at his words, and then just let him pulled her into his arms. They stayed in silence for a little while then, Peyton rested her head on his chest, and Lucas kissed her hair before he took a breath and pulled her away a little from his chest. "I don't really wanna wait…" Lucas confessed once their eyes met again. Peyton looked at him curiously but didn't say anything quite yet. Lucas shrugged his shoulders. "I don't want to wait to be with you, and I understand that we don't exactly need a marriage to be in each other's lives and love each other and be together, but…I still can't wait to be able to call you my wife for real again. I don't want to waste more time being apart when we can just be together instead. You are the one for me, the one I love and the one girl in the world I ever want to be married to —that's why I don't want to wait. I want you to be my wife; I want to spend the rest of my life with you,"_

_Peyton smiled sincerely at him because she knew in her heart there couldn't be anyone else for her either. Lucas was just the one for her, too, and quite honest, she couldn't wait until she could call Lucas her husband again as well. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too."_

_Lucas barely wait until she was done speaking before he was already leaning down his head to kiss her again. He mumbled an "I love you" as their lips clashed together making Peyton smile into the kiss._

_A lot of people spend their lives not saying what they feel, hiding their emotions and pretending to feel and be what they are not. Well, having seen and live through everything she had, Peyton kind of felt now as though there really was no use in wasting time. You never know what can happen tomorrow. There are one too many things we cannot control and so, if only sometimes, we should just take control over those things we can in fact control, and live them fully. Say what we feel, smile when we want to smile, laugh aloud if we want, cry if we need to, simply stop bottling up emotions and instead just learn to be okay with them and understand why we feel the way we do. Perhaps not the road to happiness for everybody, but at least it was the way Peyton found to be the best to cope with her life and everything she had to go through in the last few years. Things happen and we just have to go with it. Not freeze in the face of adversity as she had in the past, but fight past it and move forward. Keep living, and make others believe that as long as you fight chances are you'll survive…_

"Earth to Peyton, you there?"

Peyton snapped her eyes open, and her head spun around to find Lucas at her doorway. She shook her head still in bed, the memories still fresh in her mind, but then looked at Lucas properly and tried for a smile.

"You okay?" Lucas asked her again as he walked inside the room. She still looked a little lost in thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine," She said as Lucas sat by her on the bed. She sat up and after looking around as if for unwanted watchers, Lucas smiled soulfully at Peyton and kissed her lips '_Hello'_. Peyton kept their foreheads touching for a little while after their lips parted ways, but then after a beat, pulled back. "I was just thinking stuff…"

Lucas couldn't help but make a funny face at those words. "Stuff?" He asked raising a brow. Peyton chuckled at him and for a small moment buried her face on his chest. Lucas smiled to himself kissing her head softly before she pulled away. She had taken a shower not so long ago, he was sure; her hair was still a little damp and smelling like that lavender, vanilla shampoo she used now. "What kind of stuff?" He asked her again when their eyes met one more time.

Peyton thought for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. "Just things…like I was wondering, do you really think Mikey would notice if I put on my engagement ring right now…like, do you really think he'll tell the difference…?"

Lucas squinted his eyes and also gave himself a moment to think. Then he nodded his head. "Probably yeah, I think…"

"Why?"

Lucas was quiet for another small moment. He looked at Peyton in the eyes before gently grabbing the thin necklace she had hanging from her neck; her engagement ring hanging from it, too. "Because you took your rings off way before the divorce…I remember you kept them on the dresser mirror for weeks. You would go off on trips and the rings would just sit there…"

Peyton felt uneasy, but she also knew it hadn't been Lucas intention to make her feel that way. "It just didn't feel right to wear them back then—"

"It does now though?" Lucas chimed in playfully before Peyton could say anything else.

She chuckled at him, but then also nodded her head. She never really thought of herself as the churchy kind of wife, or the ring kind of bride, but…looking at that perfect little ring hanging from her neck, Peyton couldn't honestly say she didn't wish she could just wear it again already. She had to inform Mikey about the whole situation first though, but still, if everything went on schedule, then that would be all done by the end of the day and that was just perfect.

"Yes it does," Peyton promised right before Lucas kissed her lips one more time. They pulled away shortly after and it was then when they shared a look.

It was time.

"I'll go get Mikey…" Peyton informed. "I know already where I want to take him, but then we'll meet you at the house, okay?"

"Kay," Lucas chanted back meekly making Peyton smile. He grew a little too pensive after that though.

"What is it?"

"Nothing really," He replied offering Peyton a shrug. "I guess I'll just miss this house a bit…"

Peyton stared at him for a beat before nodding her head. "Yeah… me too…I've lived here almost all my life, you know?"

Lucas agreed with a nod of his own. "Yeah..."

"It has lots of memories…my mom, my dad…even Mikey, this was the first home he ever knew…"

Lucas nodded strongly at this with a smile —he loved how it was she who pointed that out. "I know, but…he'll like the new one, too, right?"

"Yeah," Peyton assured him confidently. "He's going to love it there, specially the pool," She said nodding goofily, before kissing all too fast Lucas' lips, and getting up from the bed before Lucas could process any of it. "I'm loving this, but I really gotta go now…" She really didn't have a choice, if she didn't get out of the house soon, she'll be late picking Mikey up from school, and that just couldn't happen —especially not today.

"All right, all right…" Lucas said rolling his eyes playfully. "You can go, but…just be safe," He told her softly as Peyton started gathering her keys and purse from her nightstand. "I'll see you soon," Lucas said one last time when Peyton nodded her head and winked at him as she stepped out of the bedroom already.

She smiled at him from the doorway and mumbled a soft _"See ya,"_ right before she disappeared from Lucas' eyes. He sighed and looked around this room one more time; soon enough they'll be saying goodbye to this house, and though it did in fact sadden him somewhat, he also knew this was for the best. After all everything that involved the next few weeks was the very beginning of his life with Peyton and Mikey…again.

This time Lucas felt _oh so_ different as how he felt 8 years ago when he was first marrying Peyton. Back then he had no idea how in the world their marriage was going to work. As of this afternoon, Lucas was completely positive; it would work out this time. He loved her _so_ much, even with her flaws and mistakes, and thanks the lord, so did Peyton. They were a _family_; a family giving themselves the chance to start over and a family that would always stick together…come hell or high water.


	35. Chapter ThirtyFive : Clean Slate?

**Author's Note : **A little bit of a short chapter but still :) Sorry for the wait _again_. I was out on a short vacation so I didn't have time to write all that much. Just so you know, I finally finished writing this story today, so it'll be just a couple more chapters before we know how this story is going to end. Thank you soo much again for reading, and well, hopefully you'll like this chapter**. :)**

**Chapter Thirty-Five : Clean Slate**

* * *

Sometimes waiting for Mikey after practice at school wasn't the most pleasant of experiences. When there was no practice it was okay, Peyton just had to go through the normal carpool line at his school, and that would be it; he would climb up into the car and one of the teachers would make sure he buckled up correctly. Days like today however, when he was staying after school for soccer practice, Peyton had to wait for him among all the other moms.

It wasn't as if she didn't like them, granted, she didn't like _most _of them, but some of them were all right, she thought. Peyton's problem was in all honesty, the fact that all those ladies knew her story —or at least part of it, or sometimes even _thought _they knew it. Some knew she'd lost a baby once —_plenty of times she picked up Mikey already showing her baby bump— _those mommies who knew this were not the worse, they mostly would just pity her, and smile a lot at her but not really try to engage in any form of a real conversation.

The worse however, were those mommies who knew Peyton had done drugs in the past. Peyton wasn't sure, but she was almost positive, a few of the moms thought she had lost her baby due to still be under the influence.

Thinking all these made Peyton's blood boil and so she made herself stop. It made no sense she obsessed over those things right now. All that mattered was getting to Mikey, make sure he grab all his backpacks, his shoes, his notebooks, and then just take him out of here. She wanted to take him to the lake; Peyton had never taken him to the lake, she didn't even know why, but today was special so that was why she was doing it.

"Today is Daddy's day, isn't it?" Mikey asked as soon as he saw Peyton.

She raised her eyebrows and had to do a lot not to give in and properly smile at Mikey's confused face. "It is, but I wanted to come instead."

"Okay," Mikey was agreeing simply before Peyton could even explain what she wanted to explain.

She laughed to herself when Michael was already walking in the parking lot's direction. "Hey, hey, hold on," She called half-playfully. Mikey stopped and turned to look at her with his eyes narrowed. "Aren't you going to ask me why?"

"Why what?"

"Michael," Peyton was almost pouting at this point; there were days he would ask _everything, everything _nonstop, but some others, apparently days like today, he was just settling with the answers she was giving him —perhaps he was just exhausted. After all he had just had soccer practice, no?

"Why you came and not Daddy?"

"Yeah," Peyton replied as if it were the most obvious thing.

Mikey smiled at her and chuckled looking down at the ground for a bit. He wasn't looking then when Peyton pulled him gently to her side and hugged him messing a little his hair with her hand. "Hey," He called playfully, looking up at her. She squished her nose and shrugged her shoulders with a small smile. Mikey sighed then. What the heck, he'll please her, after all, she was his mommy and just like Lucas, he'll do anything for her. "Why did you come today and not Daddy, mommy?"

"Thank you for asking," Peyton chanted without missing a beat making them both laugh. She sobered soon enough though. "I have a surprise for you; I wanted to take you somewhere…"

"I'm listening…" Mikey chimed in goofily.

Peyton shook her head at him, but still kept going. "It's not a big deal, just a big lake your Dad and I know. I got some bread just in case you wanted to feed the ducks or…are you already too old for that?"

"Ughh…" Mikey groaned rolling his eyes playfully. He looked up at Peyton and shook his head. "No I'm not. You feeding the ducks?" Peyton simply nodded her head. "Then I'm feeding the ducks too…"

Peyton stared down at his deep blue eyes for a moment or two, before kissing his forehead. "I love you, Mikey…"

It never was going to get old —never, ever. Hearing her say that '_L'_ word was by far one of Mikey's most favorite things in the world. He still played it cool and offered her a half smile and a nod. "I know," He answered snuggling just a little bit closer to Peyton as they walked towards the car. He waited a beat more in silence and then looked up at Peyton. "I love you, too…"

* * *

As Peyton parked the car, she could see immediately the way Michael's eyes started going wide as he saw the immensity of the place they were at. They were literally in the middle of nowhere. All he could see from his window in the car where tress and more tress, and way further into the woods, they could barely see a little bit of the lake.

Peyton didn't waste all that more time before the two of them stepped off the car and started walking slowly in the direction of the lake. They walked for a while, and when Mikey saw there was a little bridge above them, he couldn't help but wonder how beautiful the view from up there must be.

He then made a point to tell Peyton to go up there with him later. Peyton looked down to see him and Mikey looked up to see her as well with a bright smile on his face. Thank the lord he still was one of those boys that was easily impressed.

"I've never been here before," Mikey pointed out, looking goofily up at Peyton.

She chuckled and shook her head ever so slightly. Of course he hadn't, they'd talked about that aspect already in the car. That was exactly why Peyton brought him, so he _was _here now. "I know," She settled saying simply. A soft smile on her lips as she spoke made things all the more awesome for Michael. He liked it when they did that now, when they spent time together and it wasn't just because they _had _to spend time together but because Peyton wanted to spend time alone with him.

"So this is where you and Daddy met then?" Mikey went on with his question. Something like that Peyton had said in the car, and now that they were actually here in the place, Mikey wanted to know more about it.

Peyton met his eyes, and nodded her head. She waited a beat before saying anything else though. They even walked a little bit more before she was finally ready enough to do this. "Yep, it was years ago…My car broke down and your Daddy had to tow me back to the city,"

"That's right, because my Daddy used to work with Grandpa Keith in the auto shop," Peyton just offered him a nod. "Awesome!" Mikey exclained just because, and Peyton chuckled at him. "So he saved you?"

So okay, she didn't see that conclusion coming up so fast —and from Mikey, but okay yeah, she'll roll with it. "He kind of did, didn't he?" Mikey nodded strongly at this question. "Yeah, I think so, too. I wasn't very nice to him at the time, but looking back down, I think everything happened for a reason, and I honestly cannot imagine my life without your Dad. Without everything I've lived with him…"

Her words came out all right, she wasn't exactly happy and excited as she spoke, but she wasn't coming out sad as she spoke either. She was speaking softly, and trying to explain things to Mikey as best as she could. He stared at her for a little while after she was done speaking, but then he looked back down to the ground as they kept walking further into the woods.

"What is it buddy?" Peyton asked, because she knew Mikey hadn't just grown quiet, he was growing sad and she kind of could read this in his eyes before he looked away.

Peyton stopped walking then, and even when Mikey did walk by himself a little while more, he stopped too, and turned around to look at Peyton after a small moment. They looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds before Mikey just shrugged his shoulders. "Remember when I saw you and Daddy kissing that one time?"

Peyton nodded. It had been a while back, like two or three months ago. So yes, Michael knew Lucas was spending a lot of time with Peyton and him again, and even how Lucas would sleep over in their house a lot now too. He even knew Lucas and his mom were dating, but honestly he didn't understand or knew much about what that meant. Even when Mikey knew they went out by themselves for outings and dinners and whatnot, Lucas and Peyton still tried not to kiss in front of him, or being all that affectionate with one another. They would laugh together, and tickle, and even cuddle and hug, but no kisses —perhaps it was because not Peyton not Lucas knew really how to handle the situation around Mikey.

In the past, back when they were still married, a kiss in front of the kid was never a big deal. So what, they were married, of course they kissed —even sometimes when things were super rocky between them all.

But still, now that they weren't married anymore, it was weird to be a couple but at the same time not in front of Mikey. That was why sometimes it was awkward when they acted and lived again like a family but at the end of the day Mikey still knew they were not one. After all Lucas still had his place, and Peyton had her own.

"What happened after you saw that kiss, Mikey?"

"I don't know, I just…ugh…" He groaned because he just didn't know how to put all that out.

"Help me here, Mikey…" Peyton said softly, as she moved closer to Mikey, and with her forefinger tenderly lifted up his face making him meet her eyes. "Help me understand, go on…"

Mikey bit on his lip and looked at her hesitantly for another minute or two, before he let out a breath and nodded his head. "When you were kissing, I just thought, I —I thought like since you were done being mad at each other, then you were going to be done being divorced, too. I thought Daddy was going to move back into the house, but—"

"–It didn't happen?" Quite sadly, Mikey shook his head looking at Peyton. She softened her features, and let out a breath of her own now. She stared at Mikey for a small moment before she pulled him in and hugged him. She knew —_they _knew he was confused about their relationship, but it had also been confusing for her and Lucas. They didn't know what was in for them all. They decided on taking it one day at the time, and tried to communicate all this to Mikey as well —too bad they really didn't do a very good job with that.

"Nope, it didn't happen. Daddy is still living in his apartment, you're living in the house, and I'm still living in three houses…"

"That's not okay, is it?"

Mikey hesitated before answering, but then he just shook his head. It wasn't. "It's not, but…it's not bad mommy, I just…I wonder sometimes and I just think it'll be better if we could all just stay together…" He said sadly, before shifting his eyes from Peyton's again. "But I know that's not gonna happen…" He added before he started kicking with his foot a little branch on the ground, and at least for two minutes, that was the one sound between them.

Until Peyton spoke softly again, that was. "How about if I told you your Daddy and I are thinking about stopping being divorced?"

Immediately as the words were out, Mikey's eyes snapped up and he stared at Peyton seriously. "What do you mean?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulder. "It means I've wondered the same things you have. I also miss your Daddy a lot when he's not around the house. I miss it how he used to make pancakes every Saturday in the mornings. I miss how excited we would all get when it was basketball season and your Daddy would talk about it 24 hours a day," Peyton paused smiling when Mikey smiled first. "I miss your Daddy too, and I love him just like you do, that…that's why we were thinking maybe we'll be okay if we try to be married one more time…"

"That'll mean we'll all live together again…"

"That will mean we will all live together again, yes." Peyton assured him before Mikey had time to overthink this —in that way he was like Peyton, sometimes he would just think things through a little too much. Peyton was working on that as of recently, so why not help Mikey do the same now that he was still a child?

In the end however, after hesitating for a few too many minutes, he looked at Peyton steadily for once that day, and smiled contentedly. "I'd like that," He promised.

That tinkle of happiness in his eyes, finally letting Peyton sigh with relief. "I know buddy," She said, running her hand gently through his spiky black hair. "Things don't always work out the way we hope, but…sometimes they _do_ work, and I, I really believe I'm the happiest when I'm with you and your Daddy so why being apart, right?"

"Yeah," Mikey simply agreed sheepishly. He kept his smile set like stone on his face as he nodded looking into Peyton's eyes. "Thank you…"

"No need," She assured him, shaking her head slowly, and squishing up her nose playfully. "You are a good kid, Michael…You should have whatever makes you happy, and I think this does, doesn't it?"

Mikey didn't even think about it; he nodded strongly. "Yes"

"Well, that's what matters…"

They stayed by the lake for at least another hour. They walked around and talked about all sort of matters. She let him know they were thinking to do the wedding on that very same lake and Mikey had agreed with the idea quite eagerly. He had said how beautiful that place was, and how great it was going to be to have a real family again. They talked about how Mikey had never actually been to a wedding —_not counting the fact that Peyton was pregnant with him when she first got married with Lucas_—

They talked and walked and even did feed the ducks in the end.

When it was time to go home, Mikey was already tired, he was mostly quiet and leaning against his window with his eyes growing heavier and heavier with every passing moment. However, when he didn't recognize the route Peyton was taking, he had to ask her where they were going.

Peyton had smiled to herself as she told him she had yet another surprise for him. Mikey's eyes grew wide at this one and for the rest of the way, he kept asking and guessing what this other surprise could be.

He was confused when they parked in front of this house who wasn't theirs. "So what is it?" He asked confused for like the tenth time scratching goofily his head as he thought some more about this so-called surprise. "Who lives here?"

"Come on," Peyton told him instead of answering his question. "Your Daddy is waiting for us inside," She added as she took Mikey's hand with her own and walked with him the pathway to the house. The house was big —not to an extreme, but of course bigger than her dad's house. She had liked it since the first time they went inside, and while they hadn't looked to all that many other houses with Lucas, Peyton had been pretty positive this house was going to be the one.

And oh well, it had turned out to be. Two days from now they would have to sign the last of the paperwork, and that would be it. The house would be theirs.

Walking inside the house had been funny, Mikey had been scowling. He didn't get it, they should have gone to a restaurant or something to celebrate —not come here to someone else's house. It just didn't make sense. He was still letting his mom pull him in because, well, what else was he supposed to do?

"Where's Daddy?" Mikey asked when at walking in he didn't see his Dad immediately. He was kind of hoping that, after all Peyton had said so.

At the question, Peyton thought for an instant and then looked around the foyer looking for Lucas. Then she remembered. "We gotta go upstairs," She said barely able not to sound –_too_– excitedly.

Michael chuckled, but not because he thought the idea of being here was funny, but because Peyton was acting quite frantic now, and that was quite humorous he thought.

She pretty much made him run up the stairs, and all the way up there Mikey could not laugh at her. When they reached the second floor, Peyton walked them both into one of the rooms. The door to that one was open, and even from the distance Mikey got to see Lucas was inside that room. He had a hammer in his hand as he looked around the room.

"Daddy!" Mikey called as he entered the room as well. He was even pouting as Peyton let go of his hand, and he walked closer to Lucas. "What are we doing here?" He whined, still with a pout on his lips.

"Well, I don't know you but I'm looking for the right place to put a nail—"

"Daddy!" this was so not the time for joking. Peyton chuckled at the other end of the room, and at this Mikey snapped his head to look at her.

"We are here because we wanted to show you this," Peyton tried to explain. It hadn't been a good explanation though.

"Why?" Mikey asked simply. "This room is empty,"

"We'll work on that," Lucas added as he put his hands over Mikey's shoulders. Mikey sighed and looked up into his father's eyes. "We bought the house Mikey, this is your room,"

"What?" Mikey chanted, now finally cracking a smile. He chuckled a little looking back at Peyton. "What?" He asked again, his voice high-pitched.

Peyton chuckled at him as she moved to be in front of the two boys. "Well yes we did," She answered playfully with a smile of her own. "We thought of all this as a new beginning, you know? The wedding, the house…clean slate, you know?"

Mikey held Peyton's words in his mind for a moment or two, before he nodded his head in assent. "So you're not going to move back into the house, _we _are all going to move here?" Mikey asked, addressing Lucas, even though out of the corner of his eye, he looked at Peyton every so often too.

"Yep, that's the plan." Lucas answered him seriously for once that day. "We'll move here after the wedding—"

"And when will _that_ be?" Mikey interrupted, asking curiously.

Lucas narrowed his eyes at this one, though. "You didn't tell him?" He asked wide-eyed looking at Peyton.

She chuckled at him, but shook her head, looking apologetic. "I forgot, sorry."

Lucas just looked at her for a couple more seconds before looking back down at Mikey. "It'll be in about three weeks…"

"That's soon," Mikey noted looking back and forth between Lucas and Peyton. In all honesty, everything was still quite hard to believe. Were his parents really going to get married again? Where they going to live together as a family now again? Was all this really happening or Lord helped him if it all was a silly little boy's dream.

"I wanna live here though," Mikey added then as an afterthought. "I'm sorry I complained a lot all the way here mommy," He said coyly looking at Peyton. He wanted to make sure they were still okay and it never harm to say _'I'm sorry' _when he really thought he'd been wrong.

Peyton however only laughed at him shaking ever so slightly her head. "Don't worry, kiddo. If I've had a day like yours I probably would have been cranky, too." She told him playfully, watching as Mikey's apologetic face changed fast enough for a smile.

However, once his eyes moved up and found Peyton's, he froze for a moment —an idea happening in his mind. He didn't say a word more, but then just lunged forward, gripping tightly Peyton's legs.

Peyton was frozen then for a moment, too. Her hands stuck just above Mikey's head before she just breathed in deeply and softened her features. She relaxed and then her hands finally came to hold Mikey back. They stayed like that for a good moment, Mikey burrowing his face on her legs while Peyton gently stroked his back.

She looked up and shared a look with Lucas as he slowly moved to where she was with Mikey. They looked at each other steadily before Peyton shrugged her shoulder helplessly. There was no denying, they were _finally _a family…

Right then, when Lucas went to hug them sideways too and Peyton found his face so close to hers, she leaned up a little bit, and gently kissed his lips. Lucas was a little surprised at this, but he still did not question it. Instead he kissed her back, and when she pulled back, he brushed their noses together and whispered a quiet "_I love you_," right before Peyton did too.

"I love you, too…" She promised looking into his eyes for a few seconds before shifting her eyes down to Mikey. He looked up from her legs, and Peyton offered him a soft smile. "_Both_ of you…"


	36. Chapter ThirtySix : Here We Go Again

**Chapter Thirty-Six : ****Here We Go Again**

* * *

Three weeks went by fast —faster than Peyton thought they would. Not that she was complaining about this, but she couldn't ignore it either. Today was Friday and tomorrow was already Saturday —Labor's day weekend.

Most importantly, tomorrow was the day she would marry Lucas Scott —_again_. She breathed deeply and shook her head looking out the window in her office. They said the quickest way to make God laugh is making plans. Peyton did not want that to be true, but somehow she was finding it hard not to believe it right now.

They had planned for a wedding on the lake. Outdoors with the nature and a beautiful day. Thing was, it hadn't stopped raining in like the last three days. She sighed again because she didn't want this to ruin their day. Everything, pretty much everything was done already. The decoration, the flowers, the food, the kind of chairs, the minister, the ring bearer, the flower girl, the dress, Lucas' tux, the band –like she'd thought, everything was ready for tomorrow. Except however, for the effing weather. Up until one week ago, the weather had been perfect. The southern summer heat slowly cooling but the days still bright and sunny like in the prior months.

That was certainly over now though. It was pouring, literally pouring down rain. Why, why in the world did she want an outdoors wedding again?

She rolled her eyes slightly and puffed loudly leaning back on her chair.

"Quit thinking about the rain, chances are tomorrow is going to be bright and shiny for all you care,"

Peyton couldn't help but growl as soon as he spoke. She hadn't even known he was there, but it honestly had been as if he'd known her internal ramblings. She shook her head looking serious however. "Weather cast says there is a 55% chance it'll rain, Nathan."

Now it was Nathan's turn to roll his eyes at her. "Like I said, _quit thinking_ about the rain. If it's going to rain, it's going to rain; you really can't do much about it."

Peyton stared intently at him as he walked closer to her desk. As he sat down before her, she softened her features. "We do have a plan B location if it does rain," She told him —_only a tad sadly_— making Nathan smile slightly at her.

She let out a breath and looked down for an instant to the papers on her desk.

"So how much do you hate me?"

"Hate you?" Immediately Peyton looked up with wide eyes at Nathan.

He nodded his head at her though. "Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about…"

Peyton froze a little for a small moment; she did not know what to say at first, but then she just shrugged her shoulders. "I don't hate you, I can't, I just…I guess there is still inside me a bit of that egotistical bitch you used to know. I didn't know what to say so I just walked away, but I had no right to be mad or react like that. I apologize…" She told him sincerely as the two of them let her words set in for a little while.

"Tell her she could've come herself today, and for what is worth, make sure to tell her I all _but_ hate her, and that she'd better show up her butt early tomorrow because like always I'm not going to have an idea as to where to start getting ready tomorrow,"

Nathan smiled a little at her words only because Peyton was kind of smiling at him too. "Copy that. I'll let her know."

Peyton showed her assent with a small nod. However, only a moment later, she looked down trying hard not to smile. The thought of those two together really amusing her quite a bit. In all honesty, she had no idea how she didn't think about that possibility before.

"Just –Peyton just say it,"

Peyton looked up into Nathan's eyes coyly before she started biting on her lip. "I can't help it, I'm sorry," She apologized playfully. "But can you blame me? You and Brooke? Really? I never would have seen that one coming, is all."

Nathan shook his head at her words but still could not deny her words to save his life. She definitely had a point —he would have never seen it coming either. It just happened. "Can you breathe now? Now that you let that out?"

Peyton bit playfully on her lower lip, but still —_sheepishly_— nodded her head looking at Nathan apologetically. "Yes, thank you," She told him before a chuckle escaped her mouth. Nathan chuckled too, but soon enough both of them went serious again.

"So you were kissing," Peyton began again, trying one more time to make sense of all this. "Does that mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend or what?"

Nathan had to think about it for a moment —Peyton narrowed her eyes because that just couldn't be good. "No," He answered fast making Peyton wide her eyes. He shook his head. "I mean, I don't know," Now they were both confused with his explanation. "I mean, we've been going out, like —God, like only five times, but still. We get along, but…we are also taking it slow…one day at the time…"

Now that was a concept Peyton was familiar with —she nodded her head at him. "How did it happen?" Now she was just letting her curiosity win. As far as she knew both Nathan and Brooke had been single for at least the last year or so, sure, Nathan would talk about a different girl every time that he was back from tour now, but Peyton had known all along those weren't serious '_relationships'_. Brooke on the other hand, well, she had had a hard time trusting men again after one she really loved left her behind for a job in London or something.

Things had been rocky for her for a while, and she never really told Peyton about a new man in her life —certainly _not_ Nathan.

In the end however, Nathan could barely shrug his shoulders at Peyton's question. "I don't know," He explained uneasily. "She, she's kind of great, you know? But, she's also crazy," Peyton laughed at that one because it was _so_ true. "I was heartbroken for a long time, doing all the wrong things, but then one day I was _a little_ drunk and I kissed her. She was _furious_," He told Peyton wide-eyed and completely serious. He could so vividly remember the kind of slap Brooke had given him after that —_attempt of a_— kiss.

"But then she still let me stay over that night at her house, and while nothing else happened in forever, after I apologized one too many times, we did start talking, and —"

"And yeah yeah yeah, one thing led to the other and now you are kissing," Peyton finished Nathan's statement goofily making him roll his eyes. "For whatever is worth, as long as you are not just messing around with her," She paused meeting his eyes steadily —she knew with just looking at him that he wasn't. "I'm okay with whatever you are doing, and…why not, I'm happy for you…" She paused, smiling softly. "And Brooke. She deserves to be happy…"

For a few seconds they didn't say any more words, but the two of them just bobbed their heads in synch.

"Can we talk about you now?" Nathan said suddenly when he realized talking about himself and Brooke hadn't been the reason why he came all the way to Peyton's office today.

Peyton chuckled at him shrugging her shoulders. "What do you wanna know?"

Nathan thought about it for a minute before matching her motion, and shrugging as well. "It's not what I want to know, is that, I don't know, I know we talked about it already, but, I, I…"

"Nathan," Peyton stopped him from rambling some more. He looked at her only a tad startled but Peyton's soft smile was enough to put him at ease —if only for now. "Mikey, that's what you want to talk about? You want to talk about Mikey?"

Nathan was quiet for a small moment, but then uttered a simple "Yes." He said seriously, and Peyton nodded.

"I —like I said, we did talk about it, but I just, I don't think I told you all I wanted to tell you a while ago," Peyton stayed quiet, letting him now with a small nod that she was listening. Only two months ago they've finally gone through with the paternity test, and while it had been a while, neither of them had closed that chapter quite yet. "I'm disappointed, but…it's not just because of what it means that I'm not his biological dad. I, I'm disappointed Peyton because for years I did think that little boy was my son, and I love him like my son, and he even calls me dad and I don't know, I guess I always just thought I would be in that kid's life…not just now that he was a kid, but…"

"Forever," Again Peyton finished the sentence for Nathan. He just offered her a sharp nod. "I know I played it cool, but I won't tell you it wasn't hard to find out Mikey wasn't really yours. I, I believe for years we just grew comfortable with the idea that, even though tiny, the chance of you being the father was that, an actual chance. It hurt, and it was hard to accept you weren't, but then Mikey and Ellie, they made me realize something new too…"

"What is it?"

"That for as long as he can remember, he's had you and Lucas. Both of you have been there when that kiddo has needed someone —_even _when I wasn't there, you were still there. You are a decent guy Nathan, you stuck by a kid you were never sure was yours, but you still did it. Even when blood doesn't make you his father, the fact that you were there and helped him and loved him, and protected him as best as you could, does make you his dad. He _loves you _and just because a test says so, he's not going to stop loving you like a dad. It's up to you if you want the test to decide what you are going to do with your relationship with him now, but if you ask me, I'd say Mikey already decided, and he decided against listening to that test. Guess what?"

Nathan chuckled at her tone and serious face. "What?"

"I do too. I _do not _care who his biological father is, I don't know who this person is, I don't want to know. All I care and know is that for like almost eight years you two have been that kid's dad. You and Luke are completely different, and to this day I still don't understand what in the world made you too stand by Mikey and me the way you did, but what I care now is that years later we are still here, and we are doing well, and Mikey is loved, and…we are a family…you'll always be part of that." She promised earnestly, smiling all too softly in Nathan's direction. He matched her smile but before he could say anything, Peyton narrowed her eyes and smiled goofily. "_Even_," She called then with a small chuckle. "When you and Lucas to this day can't stand each other,"

Nathan laughed but it really was not that funny.

"When will you two bury the hatched for once and for all, huh?"

Nathan didn't answer, he just rolled his eyes as he did to stand up. He had to go pick up his suit for tomorrow, and quite honestly, he was already late. Peyton didn't like one bit he was not answering her question. It was getting old, the two of them were civil and quite decent before each other, but they were actually brothers for heaven's sake! How much longer would they keep doing that dance?

Peyton sighed though when Nathan voiced his apology and after rounding her desk and giving her a half hug and a kiss, exited her office with not that much of an answer. Peyton pouted to herself for a few minutes before her eyes wandered to the window again…even if Nathan didn't, perhaps God would indeed listen to her prayers and make the rain stop…

She could at least hope so…

* * *

"I can see you, you know?" He wasn't silly, Brooke had been pacing the corridor for quite a while already, and while Mikey hadn't said anything before, he had seen her and he knew she wanted to come in but somehow she just hadn't.

And surely enough, after Mikey's words, it took Brooke only a moment before she made herself present inside the small room. She looked at him and had to smile to herself; Mikey actually looked kind of cute sitting there in his perfectly put tuxedo. "You look nice," She noted with a coy smile making Mikey smile, but also shake his head at this aunt of his.

"You look pretty nice too Aunt Brooke," Michael said back, not able to ignore her compliment anyway. Brooke raised her eyebrows at him and mumbled a _"Thank you very much little man"_ as she moved closer to Mikey.

She grabbed his face with both her hands and kissed his cheeks before Mikey could say anything else. "Aunt Brooke!" He whined making Brooke laugh at him.

Mikey growled and rolled his eyes at her, but then he couldn't not laugh either. She was a pretty crazy gal, but he loved her —whether he was keen to admit it now or not. "What?" She asked back innocently, sitting down beside him. "I wanted to say hello," She said in her defense.

Mikey didn't say anything for a moment, but just puffed as he looked at her. They were in silence, both staring into each other's eyes for a minute or two before Brooke dropped the question. "Are you okay?"

And to be honest, Mikey didn't know how to respond. He took a couple of minutes before saying anything. "I am…I'm fine…" He drawled out, but they both knew there was more to it, than just an _"I'm fine."_

"You know what?" Brooke said, suddenly deciding to do the talking instead of forcing the kid to speak.

Mikey looked at her with a funny face, and a raised eyebrow, but still nodded his head. "What is that?"

"I think it's okay if you are a _little _apprehensive about the wedding…" Mikey went serious and narrowed his eyes at her words. Brooke couldn't help but narrow her own as well. "You do know what apprehensive means, right?"

Mikey stared at her incredulously for a moment before rolling his eyes annoyed. "Of course I do," He said right before he started chuckling.

Now _that_ was something Brooke liked seen rather than him sulking. "Okay, then you _do_ get what I mean, right? It's okay to be a little nervous about this whole wedding deal…"

Mikey was silent for a bit, but then he just uttered a very quiet "Yeah…"

Brooke however puffed a little at that. "Yeah, what? Yeah you get what I mean? Yeah you are a little nervous? Yes what Michael?"

"Yeah I am a little nervous, but…can I ask you something now?"

Brooke pretended to think, but then of course she nodded her head at him. "Go for it…"

"Why is it okay to be nervous?" Mikey asked uneasily without missing a beat. "I'm more happy than nervous but I still don't know _why_ I'm nervous…"

Brooke wanted to laugh a little at his play of words, but she still managed to keep a straight face. She understood where Mikey was coming though. She had been there too to see his and Peyton's relationship from the moment he was born. Granted, she missed on a couple of years, but from the moment that little boy turned three, Brooke had been there to see his every step. She'd seen Peyton at her worst with that little boy, she had seen her being nasty to Mikey, but then again, she had also been there when Peyton just stopped the stupidity and decided to change. And while it had been wonderful lately, she couldn't blame Mikey for being a little uneasy.

"You remember how your mommy was a few years ago, don't you?" Mikey didn't want to answer, his eyes even moved down to the ground immediately as Brooke said that.

He didn't like to remember that, but…sadly enough he still kind of did. "I do." He told Brooke because even when he was still little, he knew she was one of the few people he could talk about his mother. Just like him, Brooke had been there lots of times when Peyton was just…out of it. It was weird now to think about a time when his mom wasn't really at all the mom she was these days. "Mommy was different,"

"I know," Brooke agreed with him simply. She didn't say anything else because somehow she just felt how he was going to say more.

And sure enough, after a moment, Mikey looked up at her and began again. "She was like…a–angry," He let on uneasily. "And sad a lot," He said looking at Brooke right in the eye —he looked hopeful as he said the words, as if maybe Brooke that was the grown-up perhaps had the answer to those things he still did not know. "Even before the baby." He added after a moment peeking Brooke's curiosity a bit.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Mikey sighed. "She used to cry sometimes —in her room, I couldn't see her, but I did hear her. She was then fine though, when Daddy got home in the evening, she was suddenly okay again." He had always been confused about that. The days when Peyton picked him from school, she was most of the times very serious and cold with him. She would do as she had to, drive him home, give him a snack, explained his homework some days, but then…she would just go to her bedroom. And that was when she would cry sometimes. She used to try to be quiet Michael could remember, but she never got to be quiet enough that Mikey couldn't hear her.

Brooke took in a deep breath, and squeezed lightly Mikey's knee. "I didn't know that,"

Mikey smiled sadly at those words. "I never told you," He pointed out matter-of-factly. He hadn't told anyone that to be honest, not even Lucas or Nathan. He just kept it to himself, because back then he just hadn't known how wrong that was.

"You know what I think?" Mikey just nodded his head. "I think your mommy was a little sick,"

"What do you mean?" She never looked sick to him. Well of course she had colds some times and headaches sometimes too, but she never even had to go to the hospital for any of that. It was weird his aunt Brooke was coming out with that conclusion.

"I mean that sometimes is not normal when a person is as sad as your mommy was," Mikey's eyes narrowed, and so Brooke took a breath; really was she intending to explain depression to a little boy _today_ —today from all days? She had been the one to bring this up, so she better stepped up to it, she thought to herself. "You know how sometimes you told me about trying to cheer up mommy but it never worked?"

Mikey sighed again because he did remember that, too. Peyton was always tough to get through and even his best attempts to make her happy had failed time and time again in the past. "Yeah,"

"When something bad happens to a person, she can become so so sad that coping with that sadness becomes very hard. That's when it becomes an illness. When a person can't stop being sad on her own, and instead needs help from others –from doctors. Your mom had this—"

"—You said it happens when something bad happens to a person. What something bad happened to Mommy?"

Now suddenly Brooke felt out of line talking about this with Mikey —sure, he was her godson, but…wasn't this something Peyton should tell him and not her? In any case, she knew she had to answer. "It wasn't just one thing for Peyton I think," Surely Brooke was _so not_ going to tell Mikey about Peyton being abused all those years ago –of course not. "I think the fact that so many people were taken from your mommy's life —your grandma Anna, your grandpa, your little sister, all those loses were just too much for Peyton. She wanted to get better, but I bet she just didn't know how, and back then she wouldn't let us in to help her either…"

Mikey nodded his head pensively, taking in Brooke's words. It kind of made sense to him. Mikey surely knew he would be very very very sad if one day his mom and dad couldn't be here with him anymore. "Do you know how mommy got better?" Now this was a question he had actually talked with Peyton —kind of, at least. One day she had sat down with him and kissed his forehead apologizing for how wrong she had been about him for one too many years. She'd cried that day a little, too, but Mikey had known those hadn't been sad tears but just silly tears his mom couldn't keep inside. He had known that afternoon that his mommy had changed. He had seen how she was trying now to keep conversations with him, and didn't look as annoyed anymore when he asked silly questions about why things were the way things were.

And most important, she actually told him she loved him a couple of times that day, too.

Even when he knew this, Mikey still wanted Brooke to tell him what she thought about it.

Maybe she'd talked with the doctors and knew if his mommy would get sick again, then. Mikey was inwardly crossing fingers she never, never ever got so sad again. But then again, even if she did, at least now Mikey knew his mom actually _did _love him. For a long time he wondered this, but now that he knew it for sure, he was all the more willing to help his mom be happy again _if _she was to get sick again. Heaven forbid she did though.

"You are asking me how your mommy got better?"

"Yeah," He said simply.

"Well, I guess it had to do a lot to do with you buddy…"

"How come?" Mikey asked, looking at her unconvinced.

"I think one day it just hit your mommy how much she loved you and how much she really didn't want to lose you. She realized how painful it had been for her to lose her parents at a young age, and she realized she didn't want this for her child. I think one way or the other, you saved your mommy. You and your Daddy. You never stopped trying, and eventually I think your attempts to cheer her up actually did work…"

Mikey couldn't help but chuckle at Brooke's words —he wasn't going to say it right now, but he kind of really liked hearing her say that. He _saved _his mommy —that was rather cool, wasn't it?

"So I saved her?" Mikey asked playfully after beat. Brooke just chuckled and nodded her head.

Mikey grew serious soon enough though.

"What is it?"

"How do I keep her from getting sick again?"

Brooke couldn't help when the question broke her heart a little. Mikey was a child —a child for God's sakes. He shouldn't be worrying about that. "You don't," Mikey didn't like this answer, and he narrowed his eyes. "It's not your job Mikey. All you can do is love your mommy and be there for her—be her son and let _her _take care of you. That's the way it should be –not the other way around." Brooke told him seriously, even when she was trying hard not to sound patronizing. "I can't promise you you'll mom will be happy all the time from now on, but…I can actually promise you she'll love you forever and will do her best not to get so sad anymore. She has things in her life to live for now —you being the most important. Understood?" Brooke asked strongly, when Mikey still didn't look convinced.

He looked at her hesitantly for a little while before sighing and nodding his head. "Got it, Aunt Brooke."

Brooke sighed too then. "Don't worry about it Mikey —Peyton loves you more than anything else in the world. She _is _your mommy now…ask her, but I promise you she's never going back to how it was when you were younger."

Silence settled between them for a few minutes until finally, a soft smile formed in Mikey's lips. "I think I'm good now."

"You are?"

A sharp nod in response. "Yeah…" Even when he thought talking about this all was going to be too sad, it actually hadn't been and now he actually understood Peyton more than he did before.

That was actually a pretty good feeling.

"Okay that's awesome, because we still have a wedding to attend, so chop chop kiddo…the rest of this evening is waiting for us…"

Mikey chuckled but knew there was no power strong enough to argue Brooke in this one. He obliged when she made him exit the room and side by side with her, they reached everybody else outside by the lake. It was a beautiful day —not even a small trace of rain.

It was almost show time now Mikey was sure —everybody was set and ready, now only two people were missing —the most important ones at that…his _mom_ and _dad_…

* * *

As she was staring at herself in the mirror for like the hundredth time that day, Peyton heard Lucas come inside her dressing room quietly. She didn't even have to turn around to see him; she knew it was him just by the sound of his steps.

She chuckled when she saw him checking outside the hall to see if someone had seen him enter the room. Luckily for Lucas, there was no one –not even Brooke, and God knew she'd been guarding that room all morning. In the end, Lucas closed the door behind him at last, and as soon as he turned around, his eyes met Peyton's.

She wide her eyes at him, and looked at him cautiously. "Ahem, excuse me; can I help you with something?"

Lucas smirked looking at her —whatever, he'll play the game, it wasn't as if they had things more pressing to do…like getting married perhaps…

"They told me I could find a _willing _girl in this room,"

Peyton's jaw dropped at that –and by the way, what the heck was that? She chuckled shaking her head at Lucas. "Willing, really?" She asked him playfully to what Lucas only shrugged his shoulders still with that silly smirk on his face. "And seriously, as if you honestly could have a shot with _this" _She told him teasingly; gesturing to herself.

Lucas chuckled at her immediately, but didn't retort. Honestly, he didn't want to think about that. For a long time he actually thought it was impossible for him to be with that girl before him. Who would have said ten years later he would be having a _second _wedding with her, huh?

"Hi Peyt…" Lucas said then softly after they have both laughed for a little while.

Peyton looked at him steadily for a moment before she let herself smile softly at him, too. "Hi yourself, dork…" She said as Lucas started moving closer to her. Peyton took a step back. "You know you are not supposed to see me before the wedding…" She pointed out only a tad serious.

"I am not supposed to see you _in the dress_ before the wedding," Lucas couldn't help but correct her. Peyton growled, but still didn't step back this time when Lucas reached her and even took her hand into his. "You look beautiful," Lucas whispered and Peyton smiled looking at the ground. She leaned in a little into him and Lucas hugged her. He held her for a few minutes, soothing her somehow, calming her, just as she actually needed.

She sighed loudly after a beat. "What are you doing here now for real?"

Lucas was smiling sheepishly when Peyton looked up at him. "The truth?"

Peyton just nodded.

"I just wanted to take a moment with you. You know? Before all the chaos of the wedding began?" He told her sincerely. Peyton stared at him for a moment before she nodded her head one more time —She quite understood perfectly what Lucas meant.

"I'm fine with that," She said quietly then, burrowing her head then back in Lucas' chest.

For a small moment they were quiet until at last, Lucas pulled Peyton gently away from him. "What is it?" She asked immediately, because she simply saw it in his face how much he was dying to say something to her.

Lucas didn't respond for a while though; he just stared at her until Peyton looked at him pointedly widening her eyes. He chuckled. "It's nothing, it's just…I was thinking about our vows…"

"What about them?"

"I don't know, I kind of was thinking about them and even when I'm happy about our friends and families being here for the wedding, I think our vows should be ours —just ours, something personal…"

Peyton couldn't help but smile softly at him. "I'm listening."

"You're the love of my life," Lucas promised so simply yet with so much heart Peyton was already sold by this conversation because of those seven words alone. She kept on smiling, but she also stayed quiet. "And I wanted you to know that you will always be. I love you and I will love you forever. No matter what. I will never run from you again. Ever. And that is a promise. No running, I swear. I promise that I will _always_ stand by you from now on. Even when things get tough. And I also promise that _I_ will let you in." As he said this, Lucas had to pause to take a deep breath. "I know for a long time I blamed you for shutting me out, but what I never realized was that I shut you out too." The admission did take Peyton a little aback. She didn't say anything however. She just softly kept her eyes on his. "All those times when I hid from you how I felt just so I could shield you from my problems –that was a mistake, I know that now. I thought I was protecting you but I know now that that was not what I was doing. I was damaging our marriage too, but I promise, I swear to you that I will never do that again. I will let you in. I promise…"

Peyton took a breath at his words and nodded her head a couple of times. And people sometimes still asked her why she couldn't stay away from this so-called husband of hers —she just couldn't. He was wonderful, and just as he'd said, Lucas was —_too_— the love of her life.

She smirked at Lucas when their eyes met again. She then leaned up and kissed him lovingly one more time. "I love you too. And I swear to love you forever too." She said intently, making Lucas look into her eyes. She grabbed his face with both her palms, and gently kept their faces close together —their noses almost brushing with each other's. "I promise you that I won't let my insecurities and my drama and darkness get in the way of how I feel for you and of the family we have. I promise to stick by you _forever_. I can't be without you Luke, and I never ever want to lose you again. I swear I won't run from you again too, I do. I want us to be together. Forever. And I mean it, I swear. I don't even care how cheesy all I said sounded." She added thoughtfully then, and they both gave in and laughed. Peyton had so ruined the moment with that last admission, but it was still rather amazing for once the two of them were so so extremely sure of the way they felt for one another.

Lucas leaned in his forehead and made it met with Peyton's. "I love you," He promised one last time as he started pulling away from her. She had to finish getting ready and he knew this. That still didn't mean he wasn't a _little_ bit glad when Peyton let out an audible whine when Lucas was no longer so close to her. "But we gotta get this over with–"

"—Lovely Luke," Peyton told him with a chuckle.

Lucas chuckled too, but went serious soon enough, too. "But I'm glad we were able to talk about all this," He said and Peyton simply nodded her assent. However, when Lucas did to move forward to kiss her again, Peyton stepped back from him.

"What?" Lucas couldn't help but ask confused.

Peyton made a silly face, shaking her head. "You gotta wait until the wedding!" She told him trying really hard to keep on a straight face.

Lucas however, still wasn't there. "What?" He asked again.

"Well, we gotta get married before you get to kiss me again," She said this seriously and rather matter-of-factly.

Lucas laughed at her but also caved in and nodded his head slightly. He feigned to feel hurt when he spoke again though. "Fine, I'll just go. But you better make this one up for me when everybody is gone and is you and me again…"

Peyton puffed but couldn't keep laugher at bay at this one. "Easy tiger," She said teasingly, smacking his arm lightly.

Lucas kept laughing too, but then, after she winked at him, he breathed in deeply, and turned around directing himself to the exit.

Half way in the direction of the door however, reality hit him. No, she was not right. He was being stupid. She already was his wife, he shouldn't have to wait to kiss her. That was why all too suddenly he turned around again and walked fast to Peyton and grabbed her by her waist. He stared into her eyes for a second before he grabbed gently the back of her head and kissed her strongly. Peyton kissed him back but then put on a confused face once Lucas pulled away from the kiss

"Say whatever you want Peyt…We are already married—"

"But technically we are not." She interrupted.

Lucas made a face. "You _are_my wife. You'd been for over eight years. We don't need a minister to tell us when we can kiss now do we?"

"I guess no," She said leaning a little into him

"We don't." Lucas assured her one more time. They were quiet for a bit. Staring into each other's eyes until Lucas just nodded and Peyton did too

It was time

"I'll see you in a bit," Lucas said as he did to exit the room —_again—_

Peyton stayed put but smiled in his direction offering him a nod of her head. "I'll see you in a bit." She agreed simply.

"Love you,"

And with that he was gone.

Peyton let out a breath when she couldn't see him anymore. "I love you too, Luke…"


	37. Chapter ThirtySeven  : Closure I

**Author's Note :** Final Chapter went a little too long so I made it two chapters...hope you are okay with that. This is the first one! Thank you so much for reading! :)

**Chapter Thirty-Seven : Closure I**

* * *

If you asked Peyton now why she was in this crappy studio with this crappy band on a Friday evening, she probably would need to stop herself from scoffing first but then she would tell you it is because back in the day, she had underestimated greatly what music could do to herself, to her life, her heart, her everything…

It was impressive how much she loved and appreciated the chance to be there right now. It was soothing, and something she hadn't known she had been missing for years. Besides going home and her little art studio, this honestly had to be her favorite place in the world. She loved it. Not the building or how it was decorated or whatnot, she loved deeply what happened in there. Granted, not always the music was brilliant and mind blowing —_as today_— but most of the times it was still enough to take her mind off everything. Being inside that tiny _—itsy bitsy_— studio, right now, at seven o'clock in the evening, was the best thing she could have been doing. So whatever yes, not the idea of fun for the regular twenty-six-year-old on a Friday, but for Peyton it certainly was.

Much more when she knew that by the time she was finished with this session, she would be going home and then her day would be complete —once she got to see the two men of her life. Quite honestly, despite knowing how amazing this time at the studio was, deep in her heart, she still couldn't help but envision at the same time for the session to be finished fast enough just so she could go home to her family.

Today was Friday, which in her house kind of meant boys' night nowadays, but still, unlike a couple of years ago, going home was actually a good thing now for Peyton.

She sat back on her chair then, and with her hand made a motion to the front-man of this band, to start from the top again. She chuckled as she looked down at the control table beneath her; it honestly didn't matter how many times she told them to start again or do an specific part of the song, it would always, _always_ for some reason be the same silly tune —they just couldn't do differently. It was unbelievable.

See, the way this whole thing had begun was kind of funny —in a nice way. So Ellie —_her now pretty awesome second mom— _turned out to be very good in this music business deal. Once she moved to Tree Hill, she just couldn't stay put, and within a few months —_and with only a little bit of help from Peyton_— she had opened a small —_yet quiet respectable_— record label. It wasn't the big thing, but still, in less than one year from its launch, it already had one complete produced album already in the market, one in post-production and a couple now in production. It wasn't the big thing, but it was still something Peyton was quite proud she had helped —at least a little bit— once upon a time when Ellie came to her with her so-called 'crazy idea' —which in the end hadn't been so crazy whatsoever.

But still, that wasn't the reason why Peyton ended up spending all her Friday evenings in this music studio by herself. The thing had been, that one day around 4months after the company opened doors, Peyton had been up there helping Ellie and she had gotten to see the great amount of demos Ellie was getting. Some were good some were really good, some were bad, and some of course were just awful. The bottom line however, had been how many of the bands' demos were really poorly produced. Peyton at the time didn't know all that much about professional production or anything —just what Ellie had taught her— but still she had just _known_, how if all those kids' demos were better produced, and the sound was just a little bit better, then their chances to get picked up by a record company would improve a lot…

And so that was how and why she was here. Ellie at the time didn't have a studio of her own, she was buying studio time for her bands and artist, so then four months later when Peyton came up to her and told her her very own 'crazy idea' Ellie had gone for it immediately —their own recording studio was built a couple of months later. They indeed saved a bunch of money and in the end, Peyton found a new hobby, that honestly, had ended up being more therapeutic than she ever thought it could be.

She didn't really work with Ellie, or in the studio at all —she couldn't really, as much as she wanted, she just didn't have the time between being a mom to Mikey, a wife to Lucas, and a boss in her own art studio…it was just impossible. But in any case, yet another bright idea popped to her head once the studio was fully built and the pile of demos kept on pilling on Ellie's front desk. One evening, Peyton just decided to buy with her own money the same time slot on the studio every week. Every Friday from 5pm until 9 —even though sometimes the sessions went on longer, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing every time. The thing was, the idea of buying that time slot for herself, was to give it to whichever band that wanted it and needed it.

At first she didn't think a whole lot of bands would listen to an ad in the local newspaper, but after just a couple of weeks, the amount of kids outside of Ellie's and hers studio was enormous. In the ad Peyton had written the slot would be given to whichever band or solo artist who was outside the music studio doors at 4:30pm sharp every Friday. No reservations could be done, and just whoever was there the earliest, was the one who could get the slot for free and get one or sometimes even two demos done.

The offer didn't seem so big for Peyton at first, but then somehow it had gone viral and lots and lots of artists just lined up outside of the studio ever since and to be honest, Peyton had been having a kick out of it ever since the first Friday. She was volunteering her time and the studio, and one too many —_well done_— demos had been produced ever since. She had even suggested some of the artists to Ellie —some of the good ones— and some she had liked, and some she had even sent the demos out to her buddy producers. It was a great deal to be honest —or at least that was what Peyton thought.

She was broken out of her thoughts then however, when the kid inside the booth in front of her started making her a gesture with his hand. She didn't get it so she narrowed her eyes. Maybe it meant he was finished —could that be it? She never really heard them get to the 'good part' the kid kept telling her about since she met him— or perhaps it meant he wanted to re-do it and start again?

In any case, shaking her head after tiring herself with silly guesses, Peyton pressed the button so she could just listen to what the little guy in front of her wanted to say —honestly, the kid couldn't be more than 14-years-old, but oh well…she had made the rules herself, first who got there, got the slot, fair and square this kid had won his spot here tonight.

"I'm sorry you were trying to say?" She asked as apologetically as she could sound.

"I thought the sessions were supposed to be private?" He asked back, and Peyton couldn't help when she narrowed her eyes and looked back at him questionably. Nick —_the band's leader_— opened his eyes wide at her, and motioned Peyton with his hand to the back of her booth.

She spun around on her chair, and almost fell backwards when she saw that someone standing there. "I didn't know you were there!," She pointed out goofily obviously taken aback by Mikey just standing there. "How long have you been here?" She asked him, but all Mikey did for a while was laugh as he leaned in to hug his mom '_Hello'_

Peyton hugged him back quickly as she turned around on her chair again. She had never let go of the _talk back _tab. "He's just my son, don't worry…" She tried telling him with a silly smile. Nick didn't respond but instead looked a bit uneasy in his skin. "Five minute break? My treat?" Once again Peyton tried saying as lightly as she could.

All the kids on the studio nodded at her as the lead boy sighed —Peyton couldn't help but chuckle a little bit as little by little all of them exited the studio into the little lounge outside. Once there was no one on sight and Peyton had finally let go of the _talk back _she could hear Mickey chuckling behind her again. She held in her own laughter as she turned around to catch Mikey again with her eyes. "You scared the crap out of me kiddo! I thought you were with your Daddy! Where the heck is Lucas anyway?" She asked him urgently, yet only half seriously as Mikey moved closer again, and Peyton this time gave him an actual hug as he giggled.

"Daddy told me to come in and scare you. You got scared. I did what Daddy told me. I earned my five bucks,"

Peyton tried, oh yes, she did try to keep on a straight face at this one, but she just honestly couldn't. She shook her head at Mikey as she pulled her now almost eight-year-old son to her lap. She hugged him to her chest and the two of them just waited put. "You can come in now Luke…band's dismissed,"

It didn't take Lucas more than ten seconds to show himself inside Peyton's booth. He was smirking, and Peyton kind of loved it when he did that. "You can thank me now," Lucas said, trying oh-so hard to keep his cool. He stayed by the door, leaning against the wall.

Peyton however, narrowed her eyes at his words. "Thank you _why_ again?"

"Duh," Lucas scoffed shaking his head at her. "For saving you from those guys. Seriously Peyton, that sounded awful," He told her the last part softly as if not to let the kids hear him.

Peyton disapprovingly shook her head, but still couldn't deny he had a point —these kids really should find for themselves a plan B if this music business didn't work out, as it certainly would not. It was a little harsh to say that, but it kind of was the truth. They needed way too much practice if they ever wanted to be as good as they thought they were.

"I know, but you don't have to be mean," Peyton answered Lucas at last as he moved closer to the control panel, and gently kissed her lips '_Hello'_. "What are you guys doing here now for real?"

Lucas and Mikey both shared a look, and then wordlessly it was decided Mikey was the spokesman of the evening. "We were bored," He confessed goofily looking up at Peyton.

Her jaw dropped a little bit, and she rolled her eyes playfully. "Really? That's the only reason you are here?"

Mikey thought about it for a minute. He looked at Lucas quickly and then back at Peyton. "We missed you, too?" He asked tentatively. "Is that a better answer?"

Peyton shook her head but also chuckled covering her face with her palm. Eventually the three of them were laughing and both Lucas and Mikey knew there were no hard feelings on Peyton's part.

"It was, yes Mikey, it was a better answer,"

He beamed at her words, and Peyton just smiled softly at him. Before she could say anything else though, Mikey looked up at her again, and spoke. "We want to go bowling, what do you say? Are you almost finished?"

Peyton looked at Lucas before answering; he looked just as hopeful as Mikey. "We are almost done, yeah, but…bowling, really, tonight?" In unison both boys just nodded their heads. "Why?"

"Because you are so bad at bowling mama!" Oh Gosh Peyton wondered if one day Mikey would get a filter. She couldn't help but laugh at his words though —it was so the truth.

"So let me get this straight, you guys are here because you were bored at home and now you want to go bowling so you can get a kick out of how much I suck at it?"

Mikey didn't even think about it, immediately as the question was done he started nodding his head strongly as he laughed away at how smart he and his Daddy were.

"Very nice, very nice," Peyton pointed out trying extremely hard to keep her own chuckles at bay. She looked up then and shared a look with Lucas as he also was noticing how much Mikey was enjoying himself right now. And thank God it wasn't just a today thing, even when it ashamed her to say it, Peyton knew her kid was _finally _a happy child —the kind of happy child he didn't get to be for the first six years of his life…

He was obviously happy now, so perhaps that was what should matter, though.

In the end, she agreed to go bowling with them as soon as she was finished with the band. Lucas and Mikey stepped outside into the office as soon as the band walked back inside the studio. A few more bars of this song, and then she'll be able to dismiss them. Hopefully next Friday she'll have more luck finding a good band to produce a nice demo with, and who knew, and maybe these kids would get somewhere with the two songs they got to record today. After all she did try her very best trying to make them sound as best as she could.

With a silly content smile on her face, Peyton made the kids one last time the sign to '_go on' _as the instruments started to play. Perhaps this was not the best band, perhaps her family was not perfect —_far from perfect to be honest_— but even then, Peyton knew no one could take from her the warm on her heart as she did the things she loved, being here at this studio, and surprisingly enough, loving her son was now also one of those things that made her the happiest too…

If only she'd known this eight years ago…if only…

* * *

"Are you there?"

At her words, Peyton twirled for like the twentieth time on her desk chair, and then making a face met Ellie's eyes at her doorway. "I used to believe in karma…you know?"

"Oh," Ellie let out almost goofily as she realized the kind of day Peyton was having —you know, the kind when you are trying _oh-so_ hard to make sense of the universe to no avail most of the times. Ellie understood this though, so she just nodded her head as she started walking inside the office. "So you've been here all morning thinking about _karma_?"

Peyton didn't answered for a moment, but just narrowed her eyes looking steadily in Ellie's direction. After a while, she spoke looking away. "Not _all _morning," She corrected shrugging her shoulders casually. Silence fell between them for a few minutes; it wasn't awkward but it wasn't all that comfortable either. Peyton took in a breath and at last looked up at Ellie again. "Don't look at me that way Ellie—"

"What way?!" Ellie was totally defensive now; she was kind of joking too though.

Peyton rolled her eyes. "You know, giving me the _oh_ Peyton '_here we go again'_ face," She said only half-jokingly. "I'm not crazy, you know? I'm just…there was a time I believe in good things and bad things. If you did something good, then good things happened to you, and well, vice versa too. If you do bad things, then bad things happen to you."

"But it's not so black and white, is it?"

Peyton just chuckled as Ellie threw in her comment; it was _so_ accurate. "Nope," She admitted, meeting quickly Ellie's eyes. "But then again, I was never that good of a person to begin with," Her comment was done lightly and as such Ellie took it. The two of them shared a look, and laughed slightly for a moment.

Ellie put on a serious face soon enough though. "May I ask you why we are talking about all this today?"

Peyton shrugged simply. "Today's Brooke's birthday, you know?"

"Okay," Ellie didn't get how this had to do with anything, but all right, she'll roll with it.

"Well, Nathan is throwing her a surprise party…" Ellie's eyes stayed narrowed, she still didn't get it. "We are going, you know…With Luke and Michael. You should come too, by the way. Haley's going to be there and she loves you, and Brooke too, so—"

"—Peyton,"

At Ellie's interruption, Peyton smiled sheepishly. "That was not what you wanted to hear, did ya?" Ellie only had to shake her head one time for her point to come across. "Sorry. The thing is that Nathan's now living in his parent's old house. I wouldn't know this, but Mikey told me this morning when we were talking about this afternoon."

Ellie still was oh so confused. "You are going to have to help me here, kiddo. I don't get it. Why are you so worked up about this party thing?"

"It's not the party per se," Peyton struggled to explain. "It's mostly that house. You know that was the place Luke and I first kissed?" By the smile on her face Peyton knew she finally had Ellie's complete attention to herself. "Well yeah we did, but…" She brought her eyes down to her desk and took a breath before biting on her lip. "But you know the story, it was after that night and that party, that Brooke and I ended up in the party where I got pregnant…"

And now Ellie understood things clearly at last. She felt quite awful now for Peyton, but she still knew a stupid house was no reason for her night out to be ruined. "You are still going to the party aren't you?" Peyton didn't answer quick enough for Ellie's taste, so she decided to elaborate. "Peyton, I'm almost sure you are the only one who's put the puzzle together. Tell me what are you worried about…it's just a house,"

Peyton scoffed at that one, and shook her head. Of course she knew it was just a house. "I know," She replied only slightly annoyed. "And of course I'm going. It's Brooke, and I know Nathan has no clue he's messed up my morning with his birthday party location but that's not the point."

"Then what is it?"

"You know, it just makes me think things. Like…if I had stayed that night with Lucas. If I hadn't run from him, but instead stayed that night with him, maybe then we would've saved all the heartache…"

Ellie was quiet for a minute just like Peyton. "Or maybe not…" Ellie said softly then. "Maybe you would have still gone to that party at that school, and maybe things had just happened the way they did. There's nothing you can do about now anyway, you know?"

And Peyton did know. And it felt weird, but for the first time the hurt she used to always feel when she thought or talked about all this was sort of gone. Yeah, she couldn't help but wonder about _'what ifs'_ some days —days like today, but that still didn't mean at all she wasn't pleased with the life she had right now. "I know," Peyton replied slowly, carefully looking at Ellie; she wanted to see her expression after the next thing she was about to say. "It would've been nice if Mikey had been Lucas' from the very start though, don't you think? Because I really was totally in for doing it with Luke that night at Nathan's dad's party… " Peyton was not surprised when Ellie's eyes went oh so wide and she just started at her. After all Ellie was still the mother, even when hers and Peyton's relationship was fairly casual and friendly, Ellie was the mom and couldn't help but being startled when Peyton was so blunt about some topics.

It wasn't something that wasn't true though.

"Peyton," Ellie reprimanded at last.

She still had a teeny tiny smile on her face, so Peyton chuckled. "What? It's the truth. I'm pretty sure Lucas didn't have protection that day with him, and at the time I still wasn't very good about taking the pill, so if we had done it, chances are Mikey would've been his…" Peyton said her words casually and lightly, yet the weight that statement carried settled slowly then.

The two of them grew silent.

"He _is_ Lucas' son though…"

Peyton smiled when Ellie broke the silence. She nodded her head. "I know…" She agreed softly. "I try not to think about that night, but some nights I just can't not think about it…"

Ellie felt uneasy, but she still knew that if Peyton was opening up to her, than it was because she really really needed it. "Do you remember anything at all about what happened?" It took Peyton seconds to reply and the answer certainly took Ellie by surprise.

Peyton nodded her head.

"You do?" Ellie asked confused not missing a beat. This was new information for her.

"Of course I do…It's been years but those are just things you can't forget…"

Ellie was quiet for a moment —she was trying really hard to sink in the new info. "Have you told this to anyone?"

Peyton thought a minute. "Luke knows…he was there with me night after night when I woke up freaked out after a nightmare. My psychiatrist knows too…" She explained. "For years I blocked it, I think…but then one night I could just remember it clearly. The door room I got in. The music that was playing. The records I recognized…"

Ellie didn't want to ask this, but somehow she knew she had to. "What about him? Do you remember _him_?" This was probably the first time she was talking to Peyton so openly about the night she was raped, but…in all seriousness, though it wasn't easy to talk about it, it wasn't all that bad either. Ellie knew her fair share on the topic of healing —every person heals at its own pace. Some do it fast, some take more time to heal. Sometimes it takes days or weeks, sometimes it even takes _years_. As it did for her —when she finally came to terms with the adoption of her child.

So maybe, just maybe, Peyton was finally there too. Perhaps not completely healed yet, but maybe yes ready to get out of the hospital —so to speak. One thing was for sure though; this kid was certainly coming out of the recovery room much better than the way she came in in the first place.

"Yup…" Peyton replied finally. Now _that_ was a piece of information she had kept for herself for the last few years successfully. But maybe it really wasn't so bad to let Ellie in in this one. "His name was…Gabe…" The name felt _so_ heavy on her mouth. "I remember we talked about silly ass music, and then I also remember when he offered me a drink. I'm not really _the_ drinker —I wasn't then, I'm not now, but…that day I was just _so_ done with everything. I was still upset about what had happened with Lucas and Nathan, and I just wanted to have fun without worrying about the stupid boy drama I had going on back home. I– I guess, I just never thought something like that could happen to me…"

"I know," Ellie replied soothingly without missing a beat. "Bad things happen and we just deal with them. See, you got through it and now you can even talk about it." Peyton smiled lightly and nodded her head. "And then again, good things still happen too, kid. Don't forget that…"

"I know," Peyton agreed. "Mikey is a good thing. I believe that now — _God_, my life would be so empty without that kid,"

Ellie chuckled because she knew Peyton meant her words. She kind of really agreed too actually. Her life without Mikey and Peyton would also be so empty. "Maybe I'll go then tonight to Brooke's so-called birthday party,"

Peyton just smiled in Ellie's direction. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Ellie assured her simply.

They took a moment to just drift off and take their minds off the heavy topics they've touched today. Peyton was the one who broke the comfortable silence. "The way I am seeing tonight, is I guess me finally closing this chapter of our lives. I'm going to go to that house, and it won't matter —you said it, it's just a stupid house. Lucas and I somehow didn't start off with the right foot that day at that party, but it doesn't matter, we'll make it right—"

"So what are you saying? Are you gonna have sex with your husband on his little brother's house just so you can make things right?"

Peyton's jaw dropped and she couldn't believe Ellie had just said what she had said. "Ellie!"

"Peyton!" She retorted playfully. "You are the one who started it, now deal with it!"

"Ugh," Peyton groaned looking away. "That's not what I meant,"

"Then what _did_ you mean?"

"I don't know, but it wasn't _that_," Peyton told her matter-of-factly. "I was just feeling as though things were falling into place at last. We have a family now and we are going to that party as that —a family. Luke and I started whatever we got now that day —one way or another, so I was trying to see this like a good thing. We started there, now years later we are coming back —stronger. Sure of what we have, I, I think I kinda like that."

Peyton looked down shyly as she said those words, and Ellie couldn't help but smile at her as she composed herself. When Peyton looked back up at Ellie, she saw the smirk she was wearing.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, you just made me think anyway, would it be so bad if you did it with Lucas in that house tonight? And I mean…maybe then you two could finally go serious about the whole Mikey's little brother or sister deal and actually make it in that house, don't you think?"

Peyton couldn't even answer to that. Her jaw dropped again and she just stared at Ellie in utter silence for at least a couple of minutes. "Ellie!" She pleaded, her voice slightly pitched.

Ellie laughed but at least tried to acknowledge Peyton had a point. "Fine, I'll stop…but, just know I can babysit Mikey anyway—"

"Ellie!"

"Fine, fine, I'm going to go then, but…" Ellie said as she stood up from Peyton's desk. She grabbed her purse but still kept her eyes on Peyton. "If you want me to go just text me the address of the place later, okay?"

Peyton finally cracked a smile again, and nodded her head. "Okay."

"Okay, I'll see you later then kiddo," Ellie waved her hand lightly in the air and started off walking in the direction of the door.

Peyton stopped her just as Ellie was about to step out. "Ellie!"

"Yeah?"

"Just…thank you,"

Ellie held Peyton's eyes with her own for a moment too long before she finally smiled. "Any time." And with that she walked out at last.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Seven : Closure II

**Author's Note : **Last Chapter! Thank you so much to all of you who read this story. I know it got to be quite confusing at times, I apologize for that, but oh well, I hope you'd like this anyway! Thanks thanks thanks again for reading! I do have a couple stories in the works, so who knows, and soon enough I'll start posting again.** :)**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven : Closure II**

* * *

"Peyt! Hey Peyton…."

She turned around narrowing her eyes. "What's up with you? Why are you whispering?"

Nathan widened his eyes and tried to look as innocent at the accusation as possible. He let out a long breath. "I wasn't whispering," He said innocently.

Peyton rolled her eyes at him, but still let out a chuckle as well. "You are still doing it,"

Nathan took a minute to match her chuckles before he nodded his head. Whatever, he was guilty. "Where's your Lucas?"

"_My _Lucas?" Peyton asked back teasingly without missing a beat.

Nathan scoffed. "You know what I mean. Where is he, I haven't seen him. Did he come?"

One more time Peyton couldn't help herself when she rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe those two still acted around each other the way they did. "Come on!" She ordered Nathan instead of answering his question. She grabbed him by his wrist and quickly directed him in the direction of the back porch.

"Where are you taking me? Brooke is going to be here any minute!" Nathan whined as Peyton pulled him without him having as much as a say in it.

She wasn't listening. She just wanted to get this over with for once and for all. "Lucas!" She called when her eyes finally found that other Scott boy she was looking for.

Lucas' eyes snapped in her direction as soon as she called his name; his jaw ajar as the realization of who she was with washed over him. He was about to turn around and walk in the opposite direction, but before he could, Peyton had already reached him and was smacking his arm. "Don't even think about it," She warned all too seriously as she knew Lucas —_and Nathan too to be honest_— wanted to walk away more than anything else.

"What is he doing here?" Lucas asked at last, reluctantly looking over at Nathan for an instant. They didn't see each other often —and it really wasn't because they didn't happen to be in the same place often, they kind of did, but they still were pretty good by now at avoiding each other at all cost.

Peyton was so done with that though. "I brought him—"

"Why?" Both Scott boys cried in unison and Peyton rolled her eyes dramatically this time.

"Because this has to be finished," She stated, both Lucas and Nathan looked down for a small moment as silence set in.

Nathan broke the awkward silence. "What exactly?"

Peyton looked back and forth between the two of them. She softened her features at last. "This," She answered finally, gesturing to the two of them with her hands. "You avoiding him like the plague," She said looking seriously at Lucas. "And you asking me about Lucas as if he were the devil in person or something of the like," She said now to Nathan. "You guys are brothers for Heaven's sake—"

"—Don't call him that!" Again both Nathan and Lucas interrupted in unison and Peyton cursed inwardly. This was what she was talking about —it really had to stop.

"And I thought the only eight year old I had was Mikey," She told them both back before letting out a deep breath again. They both knew she was all worked up and that wasn't good, but why was she doing this? What was so bad about avoiding each other when they clearly weren't fond of each other —not even a little bit?

"Look, I'm not asking you two to be best friends, or really act like brothers, but I need more than this." Once more time she gestured to the two boys, standing as far from each other as they could. "I need you to do this for Michael. You both love him, and you both are going to be in his life forever, so…_grow up_, and learn to be okay in each other's presence." Peyton stated completely serious, looking back and forth between Lucas' eyes and Nathan's. "You have more things in common that neither of you know, but you've just been so freaking stubborn for the last few years to see it, so it needs to stop. The stupidity needs to stop. Got it?"

They were both staring firmly at her, but none was saying a word. Peyton growled. "_Got it_?" She asked again, this time more serious, and just a teeny bit louder.

At the change of her tone of voice, both looked at her with surprise. A few seconds passed by before the two of them nodded their heads.

"Got it,"

"Got it, Peyt…"

They mumbled and Peyton just strongly nodded her head as well. "Okay." She stated simply before turning on her heels and walking away.

Nathan and Lucas stood awkwardly before the other for a few moments looking at the ground, before both mumbled things about where they needed to be right now and walked away. It wasn't going to be easy but perhaps they did have to start working on their relationship. If not for themselves then it had to be done for Mikey, they were sure of that.

* * *

At around five o'clock Brooke Davis finally made her appearance in Nathan's house. Peyton had to hide behind the big couch on the living room next to Mikey and her mom, while Lucas was hiding in the kitchen and a bunch of other people hid around the house as well. Brooke entered the house through the garage instead of the front door though, but luckily for Nathan, everybody still got to scream '_surprise'_ as she got in the house as he wanted.

She was surprised and smiled and squealed and hugged virtually everybody in that party afterwards. Roughly speaking, she had been dating Nathan for something more than 6months now. They still weren't more than girlfriend and boyfriend, but if things went well —_as they surely would_— then soon enough they would take the next step on their relationship.

Peyton saw Mikey chatting away with Brooke from the kitchen. She was delighting herself with some of the appetizers but the sight of her son and best friend smiling at each other surely caught her attention. They were good friends and Peyton liked this. Brooke probably knew Mikey almost as much as she did now, and most importantly, she loved the kid almost as much as Peyton did too. She was his godmother and one of the few people who had always cared about him sincerely. It really was a good thing they had such a nice relationship.

After a few moments of just staring, Peyton finally walked closer to the two of them by the living room. "How are you liking the party birthday-girl?" Peyton asked playfully, moving to stand in front of Brooke and behind Mikey. She grabbed his shoulders gently from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder nuzzling him playfully.

Mikey smiled looking sideways at her, but then soon after turned to look at Brooke again. He wanted to know the answer to that question too.

And sure enough, after chuckling slightly, Brooke nodded her head happily. "It's great." She said simply with a shrug of her shoulders. "Thank you a lot for coming." She said, now a little bit more serious, looking in Peyton's direction.

Peyton didn't get it, why the special thank you's, but she still nodded her head and smiled. "We couldn't miss it. Nathan promised us both goodie bags at the end of this and all." She joked goofily making the three of them laugh.

"Are you and my Dad ever going to get married?"

And of course at the question, Brooke almost choke. "What?" She asked surprised, her voice high-pitched.

Mikey looked at her confused. It was just a simple question. "Yeah, like mom and Daddy. Do you think you are going to marry Nathan one day?"

Brooke's eyes moved to Peyton's, and in silence she pleaded her for help in this one, but sadly enough, Peyton didn't know a way —or perhaps she did, she could just tell Mikey to cut it out, but…well, she kind of wanted to know how Brooke was going to answer that too.

"You should answer Brooke…Mikey's just curious, that's all. Right Michael?"

Mikey looked up at his mom with a silly smile on his face, before nodding strongly in Brooke's direction. "Yes. Of course." He answered, trying to stay serious.

"Well, I don't know," Brooke tried answering simply even though she did glare slightly in Peyton's direction. The blonde could just smile at that though.

But still even though Brooke answered, Mikey wasn't buying it. "But you want to? You know, be his wife?"

"Mikey!" Brooke couldn't help but call.

Michael narrowed his eyes; he really didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He just wanted to know. As his mommy put it, he was just curious. "I just wanna know. Technically Nathan is my uncle, just like you are my auntie, but he is also kind of like my dad, just like Uncle Keith is to my Daddy. But uncle Keith is also my Daddy's godfather, just like you Aunt Brooke are my godmother, so I kind of was wondering, what would you be if you end up marrying Nathan…" The explanation of his question sort of caught Peyton off guard same as Brooke, but in all seriousness, his reasoning kind of made sense. He really was just confused and wanted some answers.

"Well," Brooke started answering. She looked to Peyton for help again, and this time the blonde actually addressed Mikey.

"See Mikey, your Aunt Brooke is always going to be your Aunt Brooke okay. Don't worry so much about those terms—especially not with Brooke or Nate, or your family…" She said gesturing around. "You love Brooke don't you?" Peyton asked her little boy, only to have him nodding his head strongly at her words. "Well, she loves you too—"

"A lot," Brooke chimed in, and Peyton smiled.

"So that's all that matters little guy. She loves you…just as Nathan does, and me, and Luke and everybody." Peyton promised, cupping gently Mikey's cheeks, before she gave his nose a kiss. "_I_ love you," She added playfully making Mikey smile.

"I know," He said back before Peyton pulled him in and hugged him quickly. "And I love you, too, Aunt Brooke." He promised as he turned around and looked at Brooke. "It'll be cool if you married Nathan, though. That way I will see you more often —and he wouldn't have to live here by himself either. That'd be nice," He stated, mostly to himself really before his attention dispersed to a different place. "There's Daddy!" He pointed with his finger in the direction of Lucas. Peyton looked at him when Lucas turned around, and the two of them smiled to each other for a small instant.

Peyton brought her eyes down to Mikey soon after though. "Go get your Daddy now. Tell him it's almost cake time, and _this lady_," She said, goofily pointing to herself. "Hasn't been with her guy all night, okay?"

Mikey laughed wholeheartedly at her, but still did as Peyton told him. He hugged lightly his mom and aunt one last time before heading in the direction of the boys…

Both Brooke and Peyton followed Mikey with their eyes for a while, and then they looked at each other and shared a look and smiled. They both knew fairly well how Mikey didn't exactly understand quite what he was saying when throwing in the idea of a marriage between Brooke and Nathan, but his reasons behind weren't all that mistaken. Of course he didn't want his Aunt and Nathan to be alone. They were together now, and of course in his kiddy mind, this was the way they were going to stay. And well, why not, perhaps he was right, and perhaps one day they would indeed get married and be happy ...

"Kids, you know?" Brooke broke the silence and Peyton nodded.

She knew well enough Brooke didn't mean this completely, and she didn't really think of Mikey's words as just kiddie words, but okay, for now Peyton would just pretend to agree. "Yeah…"

"Yeah," Brooke echoed, drifting away in thoughts.

"You are happy now, aren't ya?"

Brooke wasn't sure where the question came from, but she still welcomed it. She nodded. "Yeah…Very…"

Peyton smiled and nodded, too. "I'm glad."

"Are you?" Brooke asked back.

Peyton didn't even think about it. "I am."

"And we are good?"

"Of course we are."

"Good."

"Good."

* * *

Mikey was confused when he saw Lucas walking out into the back yard. And it wasn't because his Dad didn't like to go outside to the yard or anything, it was because this time Lucas was walking out into the back yard, not by himself, but _with_ Nathan —_Nathan_ from all people.

"What'cha doing?" Mikey asked casually as he finally caught up with Nathan and Lucas.

The two of them were obviously startled at his voice, but more so when they realized it was Mikey from all people the one who had seen them —not that they had anything to hide, but this was already as awkward as could be, the less they needed was having Mikey now there too.

Or…well, maybe perhaps they were wrong, since after all Mikey was indeed one of the few things those two had in common.

"Umm…" Lucas tried to speak first. He trailed off looking down at his hands, and then the simplest answer was right there on the tip of his tongue. "Ball" He blurted out simply gesturing Michael to the ball in his hands —as if Mikey was blind and hadn't seen the ball before. "Ball, we are gonna play ball…"

Mikey didn't say anything for a bit, but just stared at the two of them confused.

Nathan hadn't even said anything to him, he had just mumbled an '_uh-huh'_ at Lucas' words —he hadn't known what to say.

"What's with the face, Mikey?" Lucas couldn't help but ask.

Mikey in response, twisted his lips and shrugged his shoulders. "You two are playing _together_?" He stressed because it really was hard to believe. For as long as he could remember Lucas and Nathan simply didn't get along. Mikey really didn't know why, but he just knew they didn't. Mikey knew Lucas didn't like it too much when he was too excited about going to Nathan's. Or when he was back from a weekend with Nathan and couldn't stop talking about all the things they did together. Michael knew Lucas always grew a little bit serious when he spoke too much about Nathan, so with time Mikey had just learned to show less enthusiastic about certain things. It wasn't a big deal, it was just the way things were, and now all of a sudden, the two of them were just hanging out together? It wasn't too shocking Mikey wanted to know what had changed, right?

In any case, as Mikey's question was asked, both Lucas and Nathan turned to look at each other puzzled for a beat —then they both nodded their heads.

"Um, yeah," Lucas answered. "We, um—"

"It's nothing Mikey," Nathan chimed in when Lucas just couldn't form the right words to say. Lucas however did make a face when Nathan interrupted him, but Nathan just smirked in his direction as he carried on. "I just thought I'd show your old man how it is to play ball with a _pro_," He stressed pointing to himself.

Mikey couldn't help but laugh when Lucas almost choked with indignation. "Excuse me?" He asked back even though it was just half-seriously.

Nathan chuckled looking at Lucas, but didn't really give him an answer, instead he turned to look back down at Mikey. "We are just going to play for a little bit Mikey, it's okay. You should come with us if you want to. Even if Lucas loses I bet it'd still be entertaining."

Mikey looked at the two of them with a silly smile on his face, and chuckled as at last —after Lucas smacked Nathan's arm playfully— the _three _of them carried on, and finally walked out of the house and went to the small court on the back of the house.

Mikey had actually played basketball with Nathan plenty of times in that court, but he had never played with Lucas there —even more strange was the fact that for the first time he got to play basketball with the _two _of them at the same time. He was having so much fun playing with them —even when it was obvious Lucas hated every time Nathan scored, he was still laughing and making jokes a lot, and that was always good.

Nathan was being good too, he was just playing _—as fairly as he could—_ and was even letting Lucas score every now and then —Mikey could tell this so well; even if he was only eight. They played for about half an hour —Mikey in Lucas' team, and yet Nathan managed to beat them both. It still had been amazing how even when they were done playing Nathan and Lucas kept trying to make small talk —about college basketball games, about Mikey's school play, about the weather, about the women inside the house, about all sort of things that Mikey even had to take a sit back and just listen as they talked. And in all seriousness, it was way —_way_ better than having those two arguing or just sulking in each other's presences as it had been most of the times in the past.

Once the game was finished, all three of them were called to go inside the house for cake time. Nathan however, called on Mikey before he could go inside after Lucas.

"Yes?" He said expectantly. Mikey actually was quite excited about finally eating that cake, so whatever Nathan had to say better be good, he thought.

"I just…I wanted to, you know, I, I love you kid…" Mikey smiled as Nathan struggled to just put that out. He actually was a bit like Peyton in this side, they had big big hearts but sometimes it was just hard for them to put their feelings into words.

In the end however, Mikey nodded his head strongly at Nathan's words. He knew this. "I love you, too." He promised sincerely. "And you know what I think?"

Now Nathan was genuinely puzzled. "What is that?"

"I think I'm lucky," He told Nathan cockily with a little bit of a smirk on his face —DNA tests could say all they wanted, but Nathan just _knew_ Mikey had gotten _that _smirk after him.

"Why do you say that?" Nathan asked seriously, even when he was fighting already that urge to smile at this little boy's mind and ideas.

"Because most kids at school I know only got a Dad and mom, and sometimes a brother or a sister. I, well…I got you, and mom, and dad. And Aunt Brooke, and Grandma Karen and Keith. I got Aunt Haley and Uncle Kevin. I got Paige and baby Allie, and they are almost as good as having sisters. You and Daddy are even friends now," He said and couldn't hide the excitement this caused on him. "So yeah, I, I think I'm just lucky."

Nathan smiled softly at him, and nodded in assent. "Then I guess I'm lucky too."

"Yeah?" Mikey asked back. "Why?"

Nathan shrugged. "Because I know _you_, because you are in my life."

Mikey thought Nathan's answer was good enough but he still needed to ask him something. "You are still family, right?" He asked, but knew he had to elaborate a bit more given Nathan's confused look. "I mean even when you're sort of more like an uncle now more than a daddy to me, right?"

Now Nathan understood where this kid was going. His answer was simple though. "Of course." He promised Mikey simply. It didn't matter what blood said, this kid was his family and would be forever. "You'll always have me. If you need me kiddo, then just know you can reach out to me —always, all right. Don't ever doubt that. You _are_ my family."

Michael held Nathan's eyes for a few seconds before he finally smiled. "Okay," He said simply with a nod. Nathan draped his arm around his shoulders and together they started walking inside the house again.

Cake time took its time. Everybody sang Happy Birthday to Brooke, and some even said some words about the newly 27th year old. Mikey had been by Lucas' and Nathan's side when the Happy Birthday was sung, while Peyton had been by Brooke's side.

Peyton looked over at Lucas at the other end of the room, as she helped give away some plates with cake for the guests. They locked eyes and they both knew they were thinking the same thing; one way or another, they had barely been ten feet from each other tonight at all. It was unbelievable.

After a few minutes, and after everyone in the party had a piece of the cake, Peyton decided she needed a little bit of air and she stepped out into the back yard. She wasn't much surprised when she felt steps coming behind her. She didn't even have to turn around to figure out who it was.

Peyton smiled then when she felt Lucas wrapping his arm gently around her waist. "Hi…" She whispered as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

Lucas chuckled a little bit for no reason really other than _finally _having her next to him. Peyton could feel the hot air of his breath on her neck, and that was enough to send a chill through her spine. "I haven't seen you much today."

Now it was Peyton's turn to chuckle softly —she knew this. "Ditto." She said simply, shifting slightly her head so that she could meet Lucas's eyes. "You think there's something about this house keeping us within some distance of the other?" She asked him jokingly making him smile again.

Lucas was quiet for a moment then though. He sighed. "We had our first kiss here…"

Peyton's nose wrinkled up slightly and she smiled at him softly. "I know," She answered thoughtfully. "It feels like so long ago," She added, biting momentarily on her bottom lip, before she let out a chuckle, and burrowed her face on Lucas' chest.

He laughed too but sobered up soon after. "I love you just the same, you know?" Peyton didn't answer but just stared into his eyes a little confused. "I love you just as much as I did back then. I want you now just as much as I wanted you that night. We were just kids, but I knew, I just _knew _it was real…"

Peyton's eyes fell down to the floor for an instant —thinking, reliving in seconds everything she and Lucas had gone through in the last few years. "I've always felt bad about that night. Have I ever told you how sorry I am for running out on you the way I did?" She asked him innocently, because that was one of those things she did feel guilty every once and again. She hadn't think about it in a long time, but now that they were here in this house again, all the memories of that night had come back to her mind, and it just urged her Lucas knew she really was sorry about it.

In any case, as she said the words, Lucas couldn't help but softly smile at her. He leisurely nuzzled against her cheek; she had nothing to worry to about. "You actually have."

Peyton looked questionably at him at that. "Have I?" She remembered telling Lucas _'I am sorry'_ a few too many times about a few too many things over the years, but she couldn't pinpoint the day she'd told him '_I'm sorry' _about that particular night.

"Yeah…" Lucas replied simply with a shrug of his shoulder. "Do you remember that morning we went to the pier…? It was back then, the morning after I got you at Duke. Do you even remember that day?"

Peyton had to give herself a moment to think about it, but of course she remember. "I do…" She said thoughtfully, not meeting Lucas' eyes. "You saved me…" Lucas chuckled playfully at her comment. She smiled too, but she was serious about this. If it hadn't been for Lucas she wouldn't be here right now. Sure, maybe one way or another she would've made it but whatever scenario she tried to picture, Peyton was sure it would never compare to what she had today with Lucas. "You did. You saved _me _and you saved Mikey. He wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for you. I wouldn't be alive and here like this, happy, and…looking forward to the future if you hadn't happen to my life, Luke…" She paused, offering him a sweet smile. "I kinda love you, you know that?"

Lucas chuckled again, but instead of answering right away, he shifted so that he could kiss her lips slightly. "You don't know it, but you saved me, too."

Peyton could not believe this —she simply couldn't. She still smiled at him. "Yeah right. How?"

"Peyton," Lucas said back shaking his head. How in the world could she still question how terribly incredible she was. "You let me in. You accepted to have a life with _me_ —a scrawny goof like me, and now…now we got each other, and that's a lot…it's everything."

Peyton stared at him for a moment, before she finally let herself smile softly. She ran then the back of her fingers along his jaw before she stood on her tiptoes, and oh-so gently, kissed his lips. "It is," She agreed, looking firmly into his eyes.

"Glad you agree," Lucas teased as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in to his side. "And I love you, too." He added, once their eyes were locked.

Peyton stared for a little while longer into his eyes before nestling on his chest. Lucas rested his chin on the top of her head and like this, they stayed for a while. They looked out inside the house, at the party, their friends, their family, their _son_…

Getting to this place they were now hadn't been easy. Lots of tears had been shed and lots of pain had been felt. It hadn't been easy and being here now —_together_— made everything they went through almost worth every tear and every fear. For a very long time she'd forgotten what it was like to feel good about herself, to feel worth of someone else's love. She'd felt dirty and most days sort of…_empty _inside —as if nothing really mattered at all.

Now…well, now most days she felt as though her heart was too full —full of things she was grateful for, full of people who loved her and she loved back…_full of grace_…that same kind of grace that sweet little baby boy she'd given life to eight years ago was born with.

Mikey was her grace. One way or another he was. Grace is _unmerited mercy_; a blessing. And that certainly fitted Peyton's life to a T. For a long time she did wrong to that little boy, she was never worth of his loyalty and unconditional love, but he still was _always_ there. Forgetting and forgiving once and again everything she once did to him. Only remembering the good things, and never giving up on her. That was just who Mikey was. A good thing. A good thing that happened to her life.

He changed her, just as Lucas did. Little by little, day by day, those two boys made her a better person, and now…now her job was to give back —make _them_ happy…just as they made her happy every day…every single day of her life.

—_Fin—_

* * *

**_AN : _**Thank You so much for reading!


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